


Wrecked

by asroarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - Deserted Island, Angst, Bellarke Endgame, Captain!Bellamy, Dark!Bellamy, Dark!Roan, F/M, POV Clarke, Shipwreck, Smut, canon and noncanon character deaths, deserted island, doctor!clarke, mostly plot with some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:38:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 91,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asroarke/pseuds/asroarke
Summary: She looked out into the water, wondering where Wells’ lifeboat was, and if everyone else had gotten to safety in time. She wondered if the crew radioed for help before they jumped onto the lifeboat.And she wondered if she was going to die on this lifeboat.Deserted Island AU where deadly storms and dangerous wildlife were the least of their problems.





	1. Brace Yourselves

“You’re doing great,” Wells reassured, linking his arm with Clarke’s. She let out a sigh, before taking another sip of her drink. It was a mistake coming here. She knew it when she agreed to attend. She knew it when she asked Wells to be her moral support. And she knew it as the ship took off, immediately counting down the minutes until she could get off this damn thing.

“Then, why do I feel like shit?” she muttered, still keeping her forced half-smile on her face.

“Because, you decided to attend the engagement party of your ex and the woman he was seeing at the same time as you?” Wells said, eyebrows raised. He had asked her over and over again if she was sure she wanted to come to this. But, she reassured him that this was the right decision. She needed to see Finn one last time, as if to remind herself that she was better off without him. Otherwise, she’d spend the rest of her life wondering.

“Clarke!” Jasper shouted, before jogging past a few guests over to her. He pulled her into a bear hug, which she reluctantly gave into. “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked with a huge smile on his face.

“Finn invited me,” she said, without offering any other explanation. Jasper narrowed his eyes slightly, but luckily, did not press the subject. “Oh, Jasper, this is my best friend Wells. Wells, this is Jasper, a good friend of Finn’s.”

Wells reached out his hand, and Jasper pulled him in for a hug. She looked over at a few of the guests, who were whispering and looking at Jasper. _Ah,_ Clarke realized, _Jasper was drunk again._

“I’m so glad you two are here,” Jasper said, blinking a little too much to be sober. “Literally all of Raven’s friends are so stand-offish and none of me and Finn’s friends could make it. I’m so bored.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, genuinely smiling for the first time since she got on this boat half an hour ago. Then, she spotted Finn and Raven out of the corner of her eye. Finn spotted her immediately, widening his eyes as he recognized her, causing Clarke to feel her stomach drop. He probably didn’t think she would actually show up. Or worse, he hoped that she would.

This was Clarke’s first time seeing Raven in person, and she hated to admit that she was just as beautiful as she seemed when Clarke stalked her repeatedly on social media. She was wearing this beautiful flowing green dress, that just looked amazing on her, and Clarke tried her best not to seethe with jealousy.

She took a deep breath, before downing the rest of her drink. Wells waved one of the waitresses over.

A dark-haired girl dressed in black pants and a white button down handed her another glass.

“Thank you,” Clarke said, with a pleading expression on her face. The girl furrowed her eyebrows, glancing around the party and seeing Finn staring at Clarke. She turned back to Clarke, rolling her eyes.

“You can do better,” she said, and Wells started chuckling.

“Oh, I like you,” he said, raising his eyebrows at her.

“I’m Octavia,” she answered, since he was clearly fishing for her name. Clarke patted Wells on the back, reminding him that he was there as her date, and didn’t need to be picking anyone else up tonight. “And that guy over there is a royal douchebag,” she muttered, gesturing over to where Finn was standing with his arm slung around Raven’s waist. The girl turned around again, and another waitress, this one blonder and paler than Octavia, gave her a warning look. Clarke liked her. A bit unprofessional, yes. But, she told it like it was, and she could appreciate that.

 

Clarke avoided the people that she knew as much as she possibly could. She knew that Raven had no idea who Clarke actually was, only that she and Finn briefly knew each other while working on a fundraiser for the hospital. She didn’t want to start any conversations with Finn’s friends that would reveal too much about the nature of their relationship.

That’s how Clarke found herself listening to this couple’s vicious fight.

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t been drinking so much, you would have remembered check in for our flight when you were supposed to,” the man muttered, trying to keep his voice down. Clarke was standing with a man who went by Wick, watching these two go at it awkwardly.

“Maybe I didn’t want to. It forced us to sit in different places, so I don’t see why you’re complaining,” she snapped, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one could hear them arguing. He pressed his lips together, before forcing a huge smile and looking over at Clarke.

“Did you have a nice flight here?” he asked, with semi-threatening undertones.

“Roan, leave her out of this,” the woman muttered, and he put his hand up to remind her to shut up.

“I actually drove. I don’t live too far from the docks,” Clarke said shyly, shooting a glance at that Wick guy, begging for any kind of help here.

“Must have been peaceful, driving all by yourself to this damn thing,” he muttered into his drink, and the woman slapped his arm.

“You can go home alone, and then maybe pack a bag for when you leave,” she said before storming off.

“Echo,” he groaned, before quickly following after her. Wick shot Clarke a look, before grabbing two shot glasses a waitress’s tray.

“They sign the divorce papers next week,” he explained, handing Clarke a shot. She took it without hesitating, wondering why the hell those two would still come to this party together when they were getting a divorce.

“Probably for the best,” Clarke muttered, the back of her throat starting to feel on fire from the shot. She went to grab a glass of water, to soothe her throat.

“It should have happened months ago. Literally every event they go to is just like this,” he groaned, and Wells walked up then. He reached out his hand to introduce himself to Wick, and Clarke turned her attention to the rest of the party. Raven was busy talking to a bunch of what looked like her friends, but she didn’t see Finn anywhere. She let out a sigh. That was probably for the best. She didn’t even know what she would say to him if she had to.

The alcohol started to catch up with her, so she left Wick and Wells talking so that she could go find the restroom. She stepped downstairs, walking past the dining room and bedroom. She stepped into what looked like a living room, assuming there would be at least one restroom down there.

All of the engagement presents people brought onboard were in this room, and Clarke had to refrain from rolling her eyes. She imagined they all had cards that talked about how hard and rewarding marriage is, about how it’s a commitment to another person. God, she hoped Finn and Raven could be happy together. But, it’s hard not to be cynical when Finn is in the equation.

Then, as if thinking about him too much summoned him, Finn marched in, apparently for the expressed purpose of seeing Clarke.

“What do you want, Finn?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“You never answered my calls,” was all he said in response, furrowing his eyebrows at her.

“I had nothing to say to you,” she replied curtly, turning her head away from him, looking back over at the stack of presents.

“I need to explain, Clarke,” he said, stepping toward her and grabbing her hand.

“There was nothing to explain. You had a girlfriend, and now you have a fiancée, and I’m very happy for you,” Clarke said with a forced smile, yanking her hand away from him quickly.

Then, thanks to some higher power, the door swung open, causing Finn to jump away from her.

“Uh, Mr. Collins, I believe you are needed upstairs,” a man said, narrowing his eyes at Clarke. Her face turned red, wondering what this stranger was probably thinking about what he walked in on. Nothing had happened, but it probably didn’t look good to have the groom all alone with a woman who was not the bride-to-be.

Finn let out a sigh, shooting Clarke an apologetic look, as if him leaving was somehow hard on her. She struggled not to roll her eyes at how stupid he was, not realizing that him leaving would be the greatest relief she had all night.

“Thank you, Captain Blake,” Finn said, nodding to the man before walking out the door. The man, which Clarke now knew was the captain, stood there, not leaving the room, and shutting the door behind Finn.

“Are you alright?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at Clarke. She let out a breath, staring at the floor, away from his intense gaze. She nodded. They stood there in silence for a few moments, before she finally looked up at him. He was clenching his jaw, looking toward the door Finn just walked out of. He had dark curly hair, that was probably a little long for a man who was apparently a captain. He was much taller than she, which didn’t say much since she was pretty short.

“Well, Miss…?” he said finally, catching Clarke off guard as he looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Griffin,” she answered, swallowing slightly out of nervousness.

“Miss Griffin, if you need to get away from… anything, tonight, ask any of the staff on board to see me. I have a few places where you can be left alone,” he said, before nodding and walking out the door. Clarke let out a breath, before following him out the door.

Captain Blake had already started powerwalking down the hallway, looking tense even from behind. Clarke let out a sigh and headed toward the stairs.

“Ontari, what the hell are you doing?” she heard him yell as he walked into a room, and Clarke flinched. He had been so calm just moments ago, and was suddenly so angry. It was a bit unnerving.

She finished climbing the stairs and rejoined the party, even though it had a weird atmosphere. Finn and Raven seemed annoyed, as they continued greeting their guests. Clarke scanned the area, looking for Wells, but couldn’t find him anywhere.

She saw Roan, chugging a glass of champagne and slamming it down on the table, before flagging over Octavia to get another. Octavia looked, well, tense, and Clarke had no idea why. The girl probably did a million parties like these every year, she thought to herself.

Clarke couldn’t figure out what it was, but something was very off about this party.

A couple members of the staff powerwalked past her, and she started following them.

“Murphy, slow down,” one of them ordered, grabbing Murphy by the arm. Murphy snapped around and slapped the other guy on the arm.

“Fuck off, Miller,” he muttered, before storming down the stairs. The one that was still there, quickly turned around and brushed past Clarke. She let out a breath, reminding herself that this was none of her business, and forced herself to go back to the party. She was just reading into things so that she didn’t have to think about how horrible she felt being stuck on this boat with Finn, she reminded herself.

 

She found herself in the back of the boat, alone, which was how she preferred it. The sun was starting to set, and she only had another hour of this damn party to put up with. She took another sip of her champagne, when suddenly she heard the music from the party stop. She put her drink down, confused as to why there was no longer any noise.

 Then, there was too much noise. Clarke jumped up as she heard people running, and screaming. She forced herself to take a deep breath before powerwalking over there. Then, she was sprinting.

Finn came rushing to her, dragging her by the hand toward the stairs.

“Wait, where is Wells?” she yelled, refusing to take another step. Finn let out an exasperated breath.

“He’s fine. Come on!” he yelled, pulling Clarke further down the stairs.

“What is going on?”

“There’s a fire,” he explained, as he dragged her toward the lifeboats in the back of the boat, and Clarke looked around frantically. Suddenly, she could smell the smoke.

“Faster!” a man who Clarke had never seen before yelled, gesturing for her and Finn to get on the boat.

“Where is Raven?” Clarke asked Finn, as he pushed her onto the boat.

“She’s on another boat, probably with Wells,” he explained as he climbed in. The other man jumped in behind them.

Then, they heard the sound of glass shattering upstairs and someone screaming. Jasper gripped Clarke’s hand, and she could feel the tears start to flow down her face.

Miller started sprinting down the walkway to the lifeboat, before climbing in.

“Can we not start lowering ourselves?” Finn asked frantically, and Miller started shaking his head.

“We’re still missing three,” he said sternly, and Finn threw his hands up in the air. Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath, and Jasper seemed to be doing the same thing. Everything was going to be okay, she reminded herself. Wells was safely on another other lifeboat, along with everyone else at the party. They were all going to survive. It’s just a little fire, she kept telling herself, hoping that she would eventually start believing it.

The heard the other lifeboats hit the water, which made Clarke’s chest ache with anticipation. They needed to get going, but Miller wasn’t going to let them budge.

Then, three people started coming toward them. One was a man Clarke didn’t recognize, but he was one of the staff. The other two were Captain Blake and that Octavia girl. He was carrying her and she looked badly cut up. It suddenly clicked in Clarke’s head that it was her screams that they heard.

“Monty, is this the rest of them?” Captain Blake asked, as he placed Octavia onto the lifeboat. She immediately slid over to Miller, who started checking her wounds.

“Yes, I just finished the final sweep. Everyone else made it safely off the boat,” the man, apparently named Monty, explained, as he stepped on. Captain Blake turned around to look back at the boat, and let out a sigh, before getting onto the lifeboat and lowering them down.

Jasper was hyperventilating, and Finn had his head tucked between his knees.

“Hands above your head, Jasper,” Clarke whispered, and he reluctantly listened. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. In,” she said, gesturing for him to breathe. “Out.” Finn snapped his head up, following Clarke’s breathing instructions.

Miller and Captain Blake starting steering the lifeboat away from the ship, which Clarke could now see was now almost completely in flames. Her eyes widened, until she remembered that she was the only thing keeping Jasper and Finn from losing it. She focused back on them. “In,” she continued, as it sounded like Jasper was calming down. “Out.”

She turned her head around, looking at Octavia who had several cuts all over her body. “Can I?” she asked, and Octavia started nodding intensely, eyes wide as she watched the ship.

Behind her, Captain Blake was arguing with Monty and Miller, mostly saying things that Clarke couldn’t make sense of. She chose to ignore it, and to focus on the only things she actually knew how to do.

“Octavia, all of these cuts are pretty surface-level,” she reassured, tearing the bottom of her own dress to make a makeshift bandage for the larger cut on her upper arm. “I don’t think the glass did any permanent damage.”

“You sure you know what you’re talking about?” the man Clarke didn’t know snapped.

“Lincoln, Clarke’s a fucking doctor. Chill,” Finn snapped, and Lincoln’s eyes widened.

“You’re Clarke?” he asked, with a slight growl in his tone. Clarke looked back at Finn with a confused expression, and he started shaking his head.

“Enough!” Captain Blake yelled, causing everyone’s head to snap in his direction. “Miss Griffin, is my sister going to be okay?” he asked, slightly gentler, and Clarke let out a breath and nodded, turning her attention back to wrapping the fabric around Octavia’s arm. “Then, let’s get back to the task at hand,” he muttered, before spewing off a few orders to Monty and Miller.

“Thank you,” Octavia whispered, and Clarke tried to force a smile.

“I can’t see the other lifeboats,” Jasper said quietly, and Clarke looked up. There was too much smoke to really see anything clearly, which wasn’t exactly ideal if they were going to be rescued. Octavia turned her head as well, but in the opposite direction, furrowing her eyebrows. Clarke followed her eyes to the sky behind her, looking at the dark clouds that were moving toward them.

“Bell,” Octavia said with a warning tone.

“What?” he snapped, turning around. Then, they all looked over at the clouds in silence for one moment.

“Captain, what do we do?” Miller asked, and everyone held their breath as they waited for a response.

“Brace yourselves,” he practically whispered, before launching out orders to Miller and Monty. “Miss Griffin, keep him calm,” he ordered, pointing to Jasper.

Jasper started hyperventilating again, and Clarke rushed back over toward him, reminding him to take deep breaths. Lincoln and Finn jumped up to help the others. Octavia joined Clarke in holding Jasper’s hand, and Clarke could see a few tears stream out of the girl’s face. She looked out into the water, wondering where Wells’ lifeboat was, and if everyone else had gotten to safety in time. She wondered if the crew radioed for help before they jumped onto the lifeboat.

And she wondered if she was going to die on this lifeboat.


	2. Safe and Sound

As Clarke began to regain consciousness, the first thing she noticed was that something was repeatedly hitting her face.

“Clarke!” someone yelled, and she slowly started to open her eyes. Whoever was calling her name was smacking her face lightly, as she blinked repeatedly, stuck by how bright everything was. All she could see was white, and she wondered if she died somehow. “Clarke, please,” the person begged, and she swallowed, narrowing her eyes to focus on the shadow looming over her.

As her eyes blinked into focus, she started to recognize the person hovering over her. It was the man who was so aggressive toward her on the lifeboat, the one that Finn called Lincoln. She started to open her mouth to speak, but started coughing instead. She was struck by how dry her throat was, how much it tasted like saltwater. Lincoln started patting her back as she leaned over to cough into the sand.

She started blinking again. Why was she near sand? She tilted her head back up to look around. She was on a beach. How the hell did she get on a beach?

“Take a deep breath,” Lincoln said, and Clarke tried her best to listen.

“Where are we?” she said, shocked by how gravelly her voice sounded. Lincoln sat down next to her, letting out a sigh and putting his face into his hands.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, and Clarke remembered that there were other people with her. She was with Finn and Jasper. Where were they? She looked around the beach, seeing debris from the ship washing up onto the shore. There was no sign of the lifeboat anywhere.

Then, she remembered: there was no lifeboat anymore. It had been torn apart as soon as the storm reached its peak, tearing all eight of the people on the lifeboat away from each other. She remembered hearing Finn scream after her. She remembered grabbing onto part of the broken lifeboat. She remembered coughing sea water out of her mouth, as she struggled to stay calm.

“Are we the only ones who…?” she started to ask, scared to answer the question. She can’t remember what happened to Finn, if he found a way to float or not. She vaguely remembers hearing Captain Blake yell out to everyone, but she isn’t quite sure what he said.

Lincoln looked down at the ground, his entire face tense. She noticed that he had a large scrape on his forearm, and made a mental note to take a better look at it later. “I don’t know,” he whispered, eyes full of sadness. Clarke felt her own eyes start to well up with tears. She grabbed Lincoln’s hand, as if to reassure him, and he nodded with a sad look in his eyes. She took a deep breath.

They sat there for what felt like an hour, as Clarke beat herself up for not insisting on finding Wells before getting on the lifeboat. She needed him. He would know what to do.

But, he could very well be dead. They don’t even know what happened to the other lifeboats, but they do know that those lifeboats would have encountered the same storm they did. She let a few more tears fall, as she made a list of everyone that could have died last night.

Now wasn’t the time to get emotional, she reminded herself. She would have plenty of time to grieve later. Now was the time to find a way to get back home.

She dusted herself off as she stood up, then held out a hand to help Lincoln up. He raised an eyebrow at her, before reluctantly taking her hand. “Are we going somewhere?” he asked, as Clarke surveyed the rest of the beach. She pressed her lips together.

“I think we should check the debris and see if there’s anything useful that survived,” she suggested, already making a mental checklist of what they should be looking for. Hopefully, there was already someone out there looking for them, which means they wouldn’t be here long. But, in the meantime, they needed to gather whatever supplies they could.

Lincoln nodded in agreement, looking down the beach. They split up, as Clarke took one side and he took the other. They stayed within each other’s eyeline, not wanting to lose the only companion they might have here. When Lincoln found some soaking wet blankets that were only slightly torn, Clarke thought she was going to cry from joy. Her side didn’t have as much luck, for her at least. If she was more than just a doctor, she probably could think of a use for all of these broken parts of a ship. But, she didn’t have the slightest clue what to do with them.

Once they pilfered through the wreckage, she and Lincoln began tugging the remaining debris up the beach toward the trees, not wanting the ship parts to be washed away when the tide came in. She wanted to just leave them, not really having an immediate use. Then, Lincoln reminded her that they may be there for a while and that Clarke needed to start planning ahead, which made her chest start to ache.

They kept working until they cleared the beach, both exhausted and probably dehydrated.

“We need to get out of the sun,” Clarke said with a stern look on her face.

“We need to find water and shelter,” Lincoln agreed, standing up and reaching his hand out for Clarke. She let out a breath as she took his hand and pulled herself up. Then, they both turned to look at the jungle behind them. If they were going to find a safe place for the night and a clean water source, they were going to have to go in there. Clarke sucked in a breath.

 

As they powerwalked through the jungle, careful of each step they took, Clarke saw not one, not two, but four different snakes. She was proud of herself for not screaming, although she did spaz out enough for Lincoln to shoot her some judgmental glares.

“If you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you,” he muttered, stepping right over the fourth snake they had come across. Clarke rolled her eyes, before going back to scanning the area. So far, they had seen no sign of water, which was discouraging. Then, Clarke heard a twig snap behind her and gripped onto Lincoln’s arm. His eyes widened, clearly hearing what Clarke just heard. They hadn’t run into any larger wildlife yet, other than those damn snakes, and they were both terrified that they were about to have their first encounter with something that might actually kill them.

“We already went this way!” she heard a woman yell, and Clarke immediately let out a breath.

“I have an excellent sense of direction, O!” a man yelled back, and Clarke and Lincoln exchanged a look.

“Hello?” Lincoln yelled in their direction, and Clarke heard them halt in their tracks.

“Who are you?” the man yelled.

“Lincoln and Clarke,” she said, starting to step toward where the other people were. Lincoln grabbed her wrist and shot her a warning look.

“Be careful,” he whispered, widening his eyes. She heard whispering from where the other people were, and she furrowed her eyebrows. What were they possibly debating?

Then, she heard them storming toward them, and she took a step back, bumping into Lincoln. Then, Octavia appeared, followed by Captain Blake who looked irritated.

“See? I told you Clarke was the doctor,” Octavia said, gesturing toward Clarke. Captain Blake let out a sigh, before nodding his head in their direction.

“I guess we aren’t the only ones who lived,” he said with a grim expression on his face. Clarke took a closer look at them, noting that Octavia was still pretty cut up from the glass, but now had a few new bruises, mostly on her arms. The captain looked pretty roughed up too, with a huge cut on his cheek, and several tears in his uniform.

“Guess not,” Lincoln said with a severe expression on his face. Clarke shot him a confused look, before noticing that Captain Blake was shooting him a similar look.

“So, we found a couple of useful things from the wreckage on the beach,” Clarke said, trying to get Octavia and her brother up to speed. She gestured to the makeshift bag they threw together, that Lincoln had been carrying for the last hour. Octavia grinned softly, looking up at her brother. The captain swallowed, nodding slightly.

“Good, that will be useful,” he said quietly, looking down at the ground.

“Bell and I were just looking for some shelter,” Octavia said, a little too optimistically for someone who just survived a shipwreck. Clarke nodded, remembering that was what she and Lincoln were doing before they got sidetracked.

“We were also looking for a water source,” Lincoln added, and Clarke took a deep breath. Octavia and her brother survived. That meant that the rest of the people on her lifeboat could have also survived.

“Have you found anyone else?” Clarke asked the captain, and he swallowed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“No, not yet,” he said, voice low, almost in a growl. Clarke exchanged a look with Lincoln, caught off guard by that response.

“Not just from our lifeboat, but people from the other lifeboats could have ended up here,” Clarke explained, and Octavia started nodding along slowly.

“Our lifeboat, maybe. But, I doubt the other ones survived,” the captain interrupted, and Clarke could feel tears start to form in her eyes again. Octavia smacked his chest, and Lincoln pulled on Clarke’s arm to gesture to start walking again.

As they walked, she and Lincoln walked ahead, while Octavia and the captain lagged behind, arguing about something. Clarke tuned them out, instead focusing on all the ways that Captain Blake could have been wrong about the other lifeboats.

“I don’t trust him,” Lincoln whispered to Clarke, and she shot him a confused look, before looking over her shoulder. Octavia was talking his ear off, but he just looked exhausted.

“Why not?” she asked. She hardly knew the guy, but he was a captain after all. From what she remembered of last night, he did his best to keep them all safe for as long as possible. And, Clarke remembered, he stepped in when Finn cornered her, and he didn’t even know her. As far as she was concerned, he was a good enough guy to trust in this life or death situation.

“I can just tell. He’s hiding something,” Lincoln muttered. Clarke slowed her steps a bit, trying to hear what their two new companions were talking about.

“I just don’t understand why you have to be so negative about this,” Octavia groaned.

“I’m trying to be realistic. You want to spend your day looking for your friends. But, as far as we know, they are all dead. That would be a day wasted,” he explained slowly, keeping his voice down.

“As far as we know? As far as we know, they’re all still alive. The other lifeboats, too!”

“Our lifeboat had me, my first mate, and our top engineer. We had the best chance of survival with how much staff ended up on board. The other lifeboats would not have stood a chance in that storm,” he continued, and Octavia started groaning.

“Bellamy Blake, why are you being like this?” she yelled, causing Lincoln to stop in his tracks and turn around. Clarke turned too, to see Octavia wagging her finger at her brother, whose face was now beet red as he saw the attention her outburst had caused.

“We’ll talk about this later,” he muttered, before continuing on the walk, brushing past Clarke and Lincoln.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked Octavia, and she rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine. Just tired of him being a dick,” she muttered. Lincoln fell in step with her, shooting Clarke a look. She sped up to catch up to Captain Blake, who was practically sprinting with how fast his long legs were taking him. She heard Octavia start to rant to Lincoln, but tried to tune it out.

She didn’t say anything to Captain Blake once she was in step with him, and he didn’t say anything to her. But, he did slow down once he noticed that she was breathing heavily as she struggled to keep up. They continued walking in the same direction, but then he started to veer off to the right.

“Lincoln and I already covered this area,” Clarke said, snapping him out of whatever state of mind he was just in. He narrowed his eyebrows as he stopped to look at Clarke.

“Well, I haven’t. I’d like to see what’s over here,” he said sternly, as Octavia and Lincoln finally caught up with them.

“There’s nothing of use to us. Lincoln and I searched it well,” she said, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“Let’s just go that way, then,” Octavia suggested, but he kept his eyes fixed on Clarke, jaw clenching.

“Listen, princess,” he practically growled, and Clarke suddenly felt all sorts of pent up anger and aggression coming out of him, directed entirely at her. “I know what I’m doing,” he snapped, and Octavia went to grab his arm and pull him away from Clarke. Clarke exchanged a look with Lincoln, whose eyes were narrowed at Captain Blake.

“Clarke!” she heard someone scream, and she snapped her head around to see Finn running toward her. He was breathing heavily, like something just spooked him. She grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to calm him down.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, searching his face and arms for any signs of injury or sickness.

“It’s Jasper,” he panted, eyes widened in fear.

 

Finn quickly led them to an area of the island none of them had explored yet. When they brushed past the last of the trees, she saw what looked like ruins. She let her jaw drop, in awe of the of the old building in front of them. It was about two stories high, covered in cracks where moss and other plants grew through. It had to be at least a thousand years old, she guessed.

She blinked a few times, before remembering that this was supposed to be a deserted island. But, clearly, someone once lived here. She suddenly felt chills when she realized that meant something had to have happened to those people if they weren’t here anymore.

The others were staring at the ruins too, and she could hear Lincoln start to murmur about if this would work for shelter. But, Finn waved them all over inside the building. As they stepped inside, Clarke started to feel uneasy about how dark it was in there. Some light shone through from outside, seeping through the cracks and the doorway. Then, he pointed to a massive hole in the ground. Clarke leaned over, peering down the hole, and sure enough, there was Jasper Jordan.

“Oh, hey Clarke!” he shouted, waving furiously at her.

“Are you hurt?” she asked, not able to see him well enough to discern for herself.

Jasper tried to lift up his other arm, before giving up. “Probably,” he shouted back, gesturing to his arm. Clarke let out a groan.

“Well, thank God we have a doctor,” Octavia muttered, and Lincoln started walking away, probably trying to find a way to pull Jasper out of there.

“Sit tight. We’re going to find a way to get you out of there,” Clarke reassured, hoping he couldn’t see her face from way down there. She shot Finn a skeptical look and he let out a sigh.

“The ground just started collapsing around him,” he explained, shaking his head. Clarke looked over at Captain Blake, who was surveying the building, probably looking for signs that this would be a decent shelter for the night. Clarke would like to point to the massive hole in the ground as evidence, that no, this would be a terrible place for them to make camp. But, she wasn’t ready to be snapped at by him again.

Clarke took a step forward, trying to get a better look at the hole itself. From what she could tell, the flooring was absolutely not secure, and just a target for further injuries. As she turned back around, she could feel the ground start to shake under her.

Next thing she knew, she was falling, as the hole that swallowed Jasper widened to drag her in. Her wrist was caught by someone, as she looked down at the ground, staring into Jasper’s terrified eyes. She took a shallow breath, before turning her head upwards.

Captain Blake had a hold of her arm, narrowing his eyes at her and clenching his jaw. They made eye contact for a few seconds, and Clarke started having flashbacks to her earlier conversation with Lincoln. He didn’t trust the captain, and Clarke had to wonder if he was right not to. She wasn’t sure she could trust this guy either, she thought, as he literally held her life in his hands.

Others started sprinting over, helping Bellamy to pull her back up. Once she was safely out of the hole, Finn took her outside the ruins, trying to calm down her hyperventilation. She pressed her cheek into his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Clarke, I was so scared,” he whispered, as he ran his fingers through her hair. She opened her eyes, to see Octavia whispering with Lincoln, probably catching him up on what just happened. Lincoln looked over and made eye contact with Clarke, before clenching his jaw. She jerked away from Finn suddenly, remembering that they were no longer together and she was not about to start seeking him out for comfort. She quickly stood up, trembling slightly as she did.

“Clarke, be careful,” Finn warned, trying to help her up before she smacked his hands away. His eyes widened, and Clarke knew she wasn’t being fair. But, she didn’t want this man touching her. Not after what he did to her.

 

Jasper’s arm was definitely broken, which she should have anticipating considering how many times he screamed, “My arm is broken!” while stuck inside the hole. She made a makeshift sling out of one of the blankets she and Lincoln recovered, and Jasper went on and on about how earth tones were not his color.

“Well, our pastel collection is currently out of season,” Clarke teased, as she tied the sling around his shoulder.

“I guess I’ll make do. But, let the record show, that I look terrible,” he joked, and Clarke let out a small chuckle, thankful at least someone was keeping their spirits high. While Clarke was tending to Jasper, Lincoln and Captain Blake started a fire.

“Do we have anything to eat?” Octavia asked, and Clarke suddenly realized how starving she was. It was mid-afternoon and she hadn’t eaten since she stuffed a granola bar into her mouth before getting onto the ship.

Captain Blake stood up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’ve gotten a little side tracked, so no one planned dinner, O,” he muttered, and Octavia jumped up.

“Well, then how about I go look for dinner?” she snapped, and her brother’s face darkened.

“No one is going off by themselves,” he ordered to her, but probably meant that to go for everyone. Which was smart, Clarke thought. They stood a better chance surviving in larger numbers.

“Okay, I’ll take Lincoln to go find food,” Octavia said defiantly, crossing her arms.

“No, you’re staying here and watching Jasper,” he ordered, before turning around to Lincoln and Finn. He pulled a pocketknife out of his pocket before tossing it over to Lincoln, who made a confused expression on his face when he caught it. “You two search the area behind the ruins,” he ordered again, and Finn looked pissed about being told what to do.

“I’m on babysitting duty?” Octavia snapped, and her brother started groaning.

“Someone needs to stay with Jasper,” he muttered before turning around to look at Clarke. Octavia slumped down across from the fire, shooting daggers at Captain Blake with her eyes. “Princess, you’re with me,” he said, gesturing to the jungle behind them.

“Princess?” Clarke snapped, crossing her arms, trying to ignore the smirk that was creeping on his face.

“It suits you,” he muttered, before brushing past her, bumping her shoulder with his as he moved toward the trees. She let out a groan before following him.

 

“You’re welcome, by the way,” he said with a smirk, as they kept walking. They had been going in this direction for about twenty minutes, not saying a word to each other. Something about him was rubbing Clarke the wrong way.

“Excuse me?”

“For saving your life.”

Clarke let out a sigh. He was right. He did just save her life. “Thank you,” she muttered, not wanting to be reminded of how she could have shattered every bone in her body by falling down that hole. Jasper was lucky he landed on his arm like that. She might not have been that lucky.

They heard a twig snap, and he grabbed her arm, pulling her backwards toward him. “Shh,” he whispered into her ear, before looking around and surveying the area. When the coast was clear, they resumed walking.

“You could have brought your sister along on this little expedition,” Clarke pointed out, wondering why he didn’t just make Clarke stay behind with Jasper.

“I need a break from Octavia,” he muttered. “Plus, if I left you behind with Jasper, then Collins would have stayed behind, too.” Clarke felt a blush take over her face, feeling her stomach drop.

“That’s not---“

“I’m not blind,” he interrupted, rolling his eyes.

“Captain Blake, I---“

“Bellamy,” he interrupted again, raising an eyebrow at her. “And I’m not asking any questions. I don’t really care about your backstory.” He continued walking, not saying another word after that, leaving Clarke slightly stunned.

They returned to their silent walk, only speaking when they were warning each other about things they could trip over. Then, it started to get dark.

“We should head back,” Clarke suggested, and Bellamy started groaning.

“We haven’t found anything,” he snapped, and Clarke crossed her arms.

“Finn and Lincoln may have had better luck. And we won’t be able to find our way back once the sun goes all the way down,” she argued, and he clenched his jaw. She was right, and he knew it. Without saying anything, he turned around on his heel and started walking back toward the ruins. She followed silently, suppressing her grin as much as possible.

“I don’t like going back empty handed,” he muttered, and Clarke let out a sigh.

“We can survive days without food,” she reminded. “What we really need to find is water, which can wait until tomorrow.” He grunted in response, clearly not happy with Clarke’s answer.

 

She was right. Finn and Lincoln found a bunch of bananas, which would easily get them all through the night. They all sat around the fire, no one really speaking. Clarke didn’t know what to say. She was trapped on an island with a lot of people she didn’t know, and one person who she knew all too well. She didn’t know if they were going to survive, or if they would be rescued.

She couldn’t help but notice that no matter where she went, Finn always seemed to be at her side, which made her feel sick to her stomach.

She knew that things were different now, that they needed to work together if they were going to get off this island.

But, she couldn’t let go of how he left her. Of how he lied to her for months. Of how he chose Raven, after telling Clarke over and over that he was going to end things with Raven and finally just be with Clarke.

She got up when everyone was distracted by Jasper’s thousandth retelling of his adventure in the hole, trying to get just one moment of peace. She crept behind the ruins, finding a smaller tree to rest her back up against. She leaned her head backwards and closed her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry, she told herself. She was already dehydrated and didn’t need to waste what was left of her fluids on tears. And tears would do nothing to fix this, she reminded herself.

“I told you, no one goes off by themselves,” she heard a voice bellow, causing her to jump. It was Bellamy, walking swiftly over to her.

“I just needed a minute,” she whispered, trying not to alert the others that she had stepped away.

“No one,” he repeated again, voice low and commanding, as he stepped toward Clarke. “Goes off. By themselves.” Clarke swallowed, suddenly angry at the nerve of this man trying to tell her what to do.

“You’re not my captain,” she spat, and he clenched his jaw, leaning toward Clarke.

“I’m your best chance of survival,” he snapped back, and Clarke started smirking.

“Lincoln and I were doing just fine without you.”

“Sure, you were, princess,” he said, now smirking at her, causing Clarke to press her lips together in frustration. “Just like you were doing fine when you almost fell in that hole.”

Clarke pushed herself off the tree, having enough of this conversation. She started to move back toward the camp, when Bellamy grabbed her by the wrist, and pushed her back against the tree. She let out a small yelp, before he covered her mouth with his hand.

“Let me be perfectly clear,” he growled, gripping a little too tightly on her wrist. “You will not be going off on your own ever again.” Clarke’s eyes widened at his intense glare, before she felt her entire body tense up with anger. “Or else,” he added in, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” she snapped, once he took his hand off her mouth. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but then started smirking instead. “Now, let me be perfectly clear. I’m the only doctor you’ve got on this island. You need me. So, I wouldn’t be threatening me, if I were you,” she muttered, stepping closer to him as she spoke, poking his chest with her free hand.

“Brave princess,” he teased, and she ripped her wrist out of his tight hold.

“Watch it,” she threatened, and he started chuckling.

“Oh, I’m terrified,” he joked with a smirk, and Clarke immediately started storming off toward the camp. There were a couple of confused looks as she rejoined the others, followed by some even more confused looks when Bellamy returned just seconds later.

 

That night, they all took a spot around the campfire to lie down. Octavia and Bellamy were closest to the jungle, while Jasper and Clarke were closest to the ruins. Lincoln agreed to take the first watch, which calmed Clarke down a great deal.

Finn had somehow managed to be right next to Clarke, so she made sure to turn away from him, not wanting to have a discussion about what transpired with Bellamy earlier. He had been shooting Clarke confused and pleading looks ever since she came back from behind the ruins, which she had been dodging.

She let out a sigh, as the fire started to die down. Things were going to be okay, she reminded herself, noting that if she was going to die, it probably would have happened by now. Soon, someone would come to rescue them, and she would go home and find Wells safe and sound. Everything was going to be okay, she kept telling herself, until she drifted off to sleep.


	3. Go Back to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo chapter three!
> 
> Thanks for all the support you guys have thrown me since I started this fic. I probably won't update tomorrow (since it's my birthdayyyy) but I'll be back on Saturday. 
> 
> Heads up, this chapter has some smutty moments. So, you've been warned. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you guys think!!

Clarke woke up, panting. She had a dream that she was resting by the pool on a beautiful ship, that suddenly went under. And she woke up in a pitch-dark jungle, surrounded by strangers and her ex-boyfriend, who had snuggled closer to her during the night.

“Not the cuddling type, princess?” she heard someone say, and her head snapped up to see Bellamy sitting up against a tree, smirking at her.

“Shh, you’re going to wake the others,” she whispered, and he started chuckling.

“Please, Finn and Jasper had a straight up argument while all of you were sleeping, and no one budged. I’m fine.”

Clarke started rubbing her eyes, scooting away from Finn. Bellamy was staring at her, which made her face flush. There was something about him that rattled her, that made her snap and feel rash. She decided to walk over to him, since it was clear she wasn’t going to fall asleep again… at least not while he was on watch.

“Trouble in paradise?” he teased, gesturing his head over to Finn.

“Stop. He’s engaged to Raven,” she snapped, keeping her voice low, as she sat against the tree next to him.

“And Raven is probably dead,” he deadpanned, and Clarke felt her stomach drop.

“That’s a horrible thing to say,” she muttered, wanting to punch him right in the face. She didn’t want Raven to be dead. She didn’t want anyone to be dead, except sometimes Bellamy, but even then, she rationalizes that they’re all better with him than without him.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” he whispered.

“How can you be so cavalier about this?”

“I’m just bracing myself. I had a lot of people I knew and some that I cared about on that boat. So far, I only know of one who made it out alive,” he said seriously, gesturing with his head to where Octavia was sleeping. Clarke swallowed, letting her thoughts drift back to Wells. He should never have been on that boat. She should have never been on that boat. She didn’t have to come.

But, she was stupid and reckless and wanted to see Finn one last time. And now, here she was, trapped on an island with no escape, and with no idea what happened to Wells.

“I’ll take over the watch,” Clarke suggested, fairly certain that she wasn’t going to sleep at all for the rest of the night. Bellamy studied her for a moment, as if he was skeptical about trusting her with this task.

“Good night, princess,” he said, before going back to his spot by Octavia.

“Stop calling me that,” she snapped, and he started chuckling. She threw her head back into the tree, trying to hold in a groan.

She watched her fellow castaways sleep soundly, apparently forgetting the fresh hell that awaited them when they woke up.

 

“So, what is the story?” Octavia asked Clarke, who immediately furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She agreed to accompany Octavia, Bellamy, and Lincoln on a search for nearby water, while Jasper and Finn continued their search for food.

“My story?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy groaned.

“She wants to know about you and Finn,” he muttered, and Clarke’s face turned red. She couldn’t help but notice how Lincoln’s jaw clenched at the mention of Finn’s name, which made Clarke nervous. She recalled that he seemed unnaturally angry at her when he heard her name for the first time, despite not knowing anything about her. He knew something about them, and clearly had an opinion already formed.

“Uh, well, it’s a long story. But, Finn and I were dating for a few months. And then I found out he was also dating Raven. And now they’re engaged,” she said, hoping to leave it at that.

“Okay, I guessed that much. But, details,” Octavia prodded, and Clarke let out a breath.

“I don’t really like talking about it,” she muttered, shooting Bellamy a pleading look, which he promptly ignored. Asshole.

“There’s way more to the story than you’ve told,” Lincoln said finally, and Clarke shot him a confused glance.

“See?” Octavia said, and Clarke let out a sigh.

“I really don’t have much to tell, okay? Finn told me that he wanted to be with me and was going to end things with Raven, but then they got engaged. That’s all I got for you,” Clarke muttered, and Octavia’s eyes went wide, stopping in her tracks. Bellamy groaned as he begrudgingly also came to a halt, glaring at his sister.

“But, why would he say he was leaving her and then propose to her?” Octavia asked, jaw slightly agape. Clarke shrugged in response, not really having an answer. It hasn’t been that long since all of this happened, and she was still trying to process it herself.

“Because he got her pregnant,” Lincoln muttered, before brushing past Clarke. She swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. Her face felt too hot, and it couldn’t just be from the sun. She forced herself to take a deep breath, watching Octavia chase after Lincoln for more details.

Raven was pregnant, and Finn was going to leave her for Clarke. She took another breath, this one shallower than the last. And all that time she had at least justified that he wasn’t really spending time with Raven while he was with Clarke. But, he had been screwing her too.

She knew deep down what an ass he was, but it hadn’t been properly illustrated until this moment. His fiancée, Raven, who is probably at least two months into her pregnancy, was on another lifeboat, potentially dead. And Finn hadn’t mentioned her once. Hadn’t expressed concerns about the people who might have died.

And Clarke was fairly certain that Finn was going to make some confession of his feelings for Clarke that night on the ship, with his pregnant fiancée just a few yards away.

Clarke wanted to strangle him. She turned around, heading back toward the ruins. She wasn’t sure where he would be, since he and Jasper were out looking for food, but she was going to find him.

“Clarke!” she heard someone behind her yell, but she ignored it. She stormed the jungle, not even focusing enough to watch where she was stepping. Then, something grabbed her by the arm and slammed her into a tree. “Stop!” Bellamy yelled, and Clarke immediately started squirming away. He grabbed her face with one hand, jerking her to look at him. His brows were furrowed, face slightly sweaty from the hike they were all on.

“Let me go,” she growled.

“Not until you calm down,” he said calmly, with a sharpness to his voice that she should have anticipated.

“I said let me go,” she repeated, pushing his chest, but he didn’t move backwards.

“You are trapped on this island with him, whether you like it or not,” he growled, gripping her face a little bit tighter. She sucked in a breath. “You cannot just go yell at him or attack him just because you’re pissed. We all need each other if we’re going to survive this.”

She wanted to roll her eyes at this little speech about teamwork. “Let me go,” she repeated. He shook his head, his other hand now on her waist, pushing her back into the tree.

“Calm down,” he ordered, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“I hate him,” she muttered.

“Good. I’d worry about you if you didn’t,” he said with a smirk. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“I’m not going to go attack him, so you can let me go,” she snapped, and he immediately stepped away. He stayed close enough so that he could restrain her at any moment, she noticed with annoyance. She walked in silence with Bellamy, trying to catch up to Lincoln and Octavia, who were still discussing Finn and Raven’s relationship, much to Clarke’s discomfort.

 

They never found fresh water, much to everyone’s disappointment. The hike back to the ruins was more arduous than they remembered, probably because they kept making wrong turns. Jasper and Finn were sitting by the fire, waiting for them. Clarke had to suck in a breath just to not go off on Finn in front of everyone.

But, Finn jumped up to greet Clarke, and as much as her brain told her no, her body said yes. So, she slapped him right across the face. He blinked a few times, before Clarke struck his face again, this time with Bellamy jumping in to pull her back.

“Remember what we talked about,” he whispered in her ear, and she elbowed him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. She grabbed Finn by the wrist and dragged him away from the fire, so that she could have it out with him once and for all. No one dared follow her, which she almost wanted to smirk at.

“Clarke, what is going on?” Finn asked, rubbing his face.

“Raven was pregnant?” she yelled, and Finn’s face turned completely white.

“I wanted to be the one to tell you…” he started, and Clarke suddenly had the urge to slap him again, but restrained herself.

“Your pregnant fiancée is missing and all you seem to be doing is following me around. What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled, and she could hear the others start to creep toward them. If Bellamy grabbed her one more time, she was going to punch him right in that smug face of his.

“I’m obviously worried about Raven!” he said defensively, using his hands a little too much to explain himself. “But, talking about her isn’t going to do any good, and I don’t want to talk about her around you out of respect for you.”

“Out of respect for me? Are you fucking kidding me?” she yelled, and Lincoln rushed over, standing behind Clarke. She found feel the tears start to fall, and Lincoln placed his hand onto her shoulder.

“Clarke,” Finn started stepping toward her. Clarke turned around into Lincoln, letting the tears completely fall.

“Finn, I would stay away from Clarke if I were you,” Lincoln warned, snaking an arm around Clarke as she rested her head onto his chest, sobbing.

She loved Finn. She thought he was the sweetest man in the world, always bringing her flowers and always saying the right thing. But, for some reason, Clarke wasn’t enough for him and neither was Raven. He had to string them both along, probably telling Raven the same things he told Clarke, making her feel just as wonderful.

God, Clarke really hoped Raven was alive and okay, she realized as she continued to sob into Lincoln’s shirt. She needed Raven to turn out okay. She needed to know that Clarke didn’t ruin Raven’s life.

Maybe if Clarke had reached out to Raven and told her the truth about Finn, they wouldn’t have had this engagement party, and then no one would be shipwrecked or dead. Everyone could have been okay, if Clarke had just manned up and said something.

Lincoln held her there for what felt like hours, or at least long enough for the sun to go completely down.

 

“Well, we haven’t explored the north-west part of the island yet,” Bellamy explained, and Jasper nodded along as if he understood the map Bellamy was drawing in the dirt.

“We can head up there tomorrow,” Octavia suggested, and Bellamy nodded, narrowing his eyes at the map he had drawn. Clarke let out a sigh, looking over to where Lincoln and Finn were engaging in a pretty serious discussion over by the ruins. She felt like she should apologize for how she behaved around Finn, but she also would probably do it all over again if given the choice.

“Alright. We’ll send Finn, Lincoln, and Jasper out to find food again, and the rest of us will go look for clean water,” he declared, before standing up and walking away from the fire. Clarke really didn’t want to go on another little mission with the Blakes, especially with Bellamy’s aggression and Octavia’s tendency to prod. But, she didn’t want to be with Finn all day either. She sighed, leaning back against a tree.

“You okay?” Octavia asked, and Clarke shrugged her shoulders.

“I mean, I’m trapped on this island. So, the Finn stuff is really nothing in comparison,” Clarke joked with a forced smile, and Octavia threw a forced laugh back at her. At least she was humoring Clarke.

“Where the hell have you been?” she heard Bellamy yell, and she whipped her head around. He was hugging onto someone, and Clarke did a quick count of her fellow castaways. No one had been missing. So, who the hell was this guy?

“Miller!” Octavia squealed, before rushing over to join in their bear hug. Clarke felt herself almost genuinely smile, since this was the first moment that any of them seemed happy since they landed on this island. They all broke apart and exchanged a few words, and then Clarke noticed that Miller had a lot of dried blood on him. She rushed over to him.

“Are you hurt?” She leapt into action, checking his arm for any sign of a major injury.

“No,” he reassured, but his friends seemed to share Clarke’s concern.

“Then why are you covered in blood?” Octavia asked, and she could practically hear Bellamy’s jaw clench from behind her.

“It’s not mine,” he muttered, causing Clarke’s head to snap up and look back at Bellamy, whose brows were furrowed.

“Then, whose is it?” Clarke asked, sucking in a breath.

“It’s from yesterday. I got attacked by someone,” Miller said vaguely, and Bellamy cleared his throat.

“I think we need to get you some rest,” Bellamy said, putting an arm around Miller and dragging him away from Octavia and Clarke. The girls exchanged a confused look.

 

In the middle of the night, Clarke woke up again. This time, her nightmare had Raven in it. When she sat up, everyone was asleep, including Jasper who was supposed to be taking first watch.

She quietly stood up and crept away from the group, wanting to have just a moment or two in private. She walked for a little bit, behind the ruins, taking extra care to remember her surroundings so that she could find her way back.

She found a nice, soft-looking tree, and leaned against it and started sobbing.

She let out all the tears she kept sucking back in because she was trying to be brave, or was trying to prioritize. Clarke could die on this island. She might never see her family again. Wells might already be dead. Raven might be dead, too. She may never know what happened to them.

And who was she stuck with? Finn. The asshole who ripped her heart out and now pretends like it wasn’t his fault, like he was somehow the victim here. The real victim was Raven, and Clarke may never get to apologize to this girl for what she did.

“I thought I told you no more going off my yourself,” Bellamy growled, causing Clarke to jump up from where she was sitting. She couldn’t see him, since the moon was blocked out by the trees.

“Go back to sleep,” she replied coolly, wiping away her tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Clarke swallowed.

“Do you know who attacked Miller?”

“No. Don’t change the subject.”

“Would you tell me if you did?” she snapped, and they stood there in silence for a few moments. He did know who attacked Miller, and for some reason was keeping this from everyone else. Lincoln was right about Bellamy. He wasn’t to be trusted.

“I will ask you again, what is wrong?” he growled, and she could feel him brush up against her. She could barely make out his face, despite how close he was now standing to her. She started to move away from him, but he grabbed her by the waist and pushed her back up against the tree. He had a bad habit of doing that lately.

“I’m not talking about this with you,” she spat, pushing him on the chest. He grabbed her wrist, more gently than last time.

“Is this about Finn?” he asked, and Clarke let out a groan.

“Stop,” she warned, but he ignored her.

“He’s just a boy, Clarke. Don’t waste any of your time on him,” he growled, and Clarke could feel him tense up.

“I loved him,” she blurted out. Bellamy didn’t have a response to this, but Clarke let the tears continue to flow. Then, she felt his hand start to push the tears off her cheeks, which was a much softer gesture than she had expected from someone like him. Then, his hand dropped back to her waist, and she could feel him pressing closer into her side.

“What’ll it take?” he whispered into her ear, sending chills down Clarke’s spine. What was he doing?

“What?” she asked, sucking in a breath as she did.

“What’ll it take to forget what he did to you?” he whispered, and she could feel his fingers start to stroke her thighs. “Tell me how to help you, and I’ll do it,” he leaned in again, his lips ghosting over her ear as he whispered it.

“This isn’t a good idea,” Clarke weakly protested, a bit distracted by how his fingers slipped under her dress, slowly making their way up.

“Tell me to stop, and I will,” he whispered, and Clarke could feel the arousal coming on.

She didn’t stop him, letting his hands wander up to her stomach, tracing the elastic of her panties with his thumb. He pulled her up off the tree, letting himself lean back on it, as he pulled her back to press up against his chest. She could feel him breathing on the side of her neck, occasionally whispering dirty things into her ear.

“How often would he do this to you?” he whispered, letting his lips barely touch her earlobe as he did. He slowly inched his hand into her panties, gently tracing her slit with his index finger.

“Maybe once a week,” she whispered, arching her back as his pinky ghosted over her clit.

“It should have been every day,” he growled into her ear, and Clarke let out a slight whimper. “Spread your legs a little for me,” he ordered, and she easily complied, no longer feeling as defiant as she normally was around him.

He started rubbing her clit slowly, and Clarke immediately moaned. This was wrong, she reminded herself over and over. She didn’t know this guy well enough to be fingered by him in the middle of a jungle. She was fairly certain that Bellamy was keeping something from everyone. Plus, he was a royal ass.

Yet, Clarke couldn’t deny how good it felt for him to touch her like this. He slid one finger inside of her, slow pressing it deeper and deeper, as she adjusted to it.

“He was wrong for you, princess,” he whispered into her ear, as his other hand groped her breast over her dress. “He’s all talk and no walk.”

“You don’t have to---“ Clarke tried to whisper back, until Bellamy put a second finger inside of her.

“He would never be the guy who could give you what you need,” he muttered into her ear, picking up the pace as he slid his two fingers in and out of her. Clarke wanted to ask what he thought she needed, but decided not to antagonize the man who was fingering her. His other hand crept into her dress, now tweaking her nipple, as she nearly yelped out in a rush of painful pleasure.

“I bet he was too gentle on you. Never fucked you like you needed,” he continued whispering in her ear as he pressed a third finger inside of her. She threw her head back, and he took the opportunity to lightly bite her neck, just below her ear.

“Bellamy, please,” she begged, and he immediately picked up the pace, plunging his fingers in and out of her as quickly as his hand could manage.

“You better not scream, princess,” he ordered, and Clarke suddenly wanted to scream just to piss him off.

His thumb started rubbing her clit, and she knew she was almost there. She let out an involuntary moan that was a little too loud, and Bellamy clamped his other hand over her mouth.

“I need you to come for me,” he whispered into her ear, letting his wet lips touch her ear as he said it. She whimpered against his hand, as he continued plunging his fingers in and out of her.

“Come,” he ordered, and she threw her head back, letting the wave of pleasure take over, as his fingers fucked her though the orgasm. She panted against his hand, tempted to bite his fingers.

As she recovered, he finally let his hand down, freeing her mouth. He held her pressed against him for a few moments as she caught her breath.

“Was that what you needed?” he asked finally, and Clarke started nodding. He pushed himself off the tree, thrusting Clarke forward as well. “Good, now go to bed,” he ordered. Clarke pulled down her dress, which had been hiked all the way up to her stomach. He grabbed her wrist and started pulling her back to camp.

They walked in silence, until they could finally make out the other castaways. Clarke took her spot on the ground, and Bellamy went over to kick Jasper.

“You’re on watch,” he muttered, and Jasper started apologizing profusely.

“It won’t happen again,” Jasper said, rubbing his eyes. Clarke laid herself down, careful not to look up at Bellamy who was smirking at her from the other side of the firepit.

She took a deep breath as she stared up at the sky. What the hell was that? How could Clarke let this stranger just touch her like that?


	4. Still a Lie

Finding Miller turned out to be exactly what the group needed, since he knew exactly where to find fresh water. The group had packed up what little they had salvaged, before hiking up to where Miller found a small lake.

“So, is no one gonna talk about how he came to our camp covered in someone else’s blood?” Jasper whispered, and Octavia slapped his arm.

“Shh, don’t say shit like that too loud,” she whispered, before looking up at where Bellamy and Miller were walking. Jasper shot Clarke a confused look, but she just rolled her eyes.

“They were being weird about it for a reason. Let’s not bring it up around them,” Clarke warned, and Jasper let out an exasperated sigh.

“But, that means there is someone else on this island. What if it was one of our friends? What if it was Wells?” Jasper asked, and Clarke swallowed. She had already thought of that possibility. Well, sort of. She didn’t think Wells would be capable of attacking Miller. But, she also wasn’t sure that Miller was being completely honest about what happened… especially since he refused to give any details. And the other person could have been anyone that was on board the ship.

“What if it wasn’t?” Clarke asked, eyebrows raised. Bellamy looked over his shoulder then, giving Clarke a once over before turning back around and resuming his conversation with Miller and Finn.

She continued to march forward, trying to ignore the weird feeling in her stomach from how Bellamy looked at her. They hadn’t spoken all morning about what happened last night, which Clarke was grateful for. It was a mistake and she never should have let things get out of control like that. She didn’t even know this guy, and she had a feeling that he wasn’t to be trusted.

She must have been making a face, because Lincoln shot her a knowing look, before flashing his eyes back toward Bellamy. She really needed to get Lincoln alone so they could talk about this. She started walking a little bit faster, and Lincoln did the same, probably also trying to hear pieces of Bellamy and Miller’s conversation.

“At least another hour. Maybe two,” Miller said, and Finn started groaning. Bellamy shot Finn a stern look, and he started slinking back behind them, falling in step with Clarke and Lincoln.

“Then, we’re making good time,” Bellamy replied coolly, pursing his lips. “Although, it might be smart to take a rest soon,” he suggested, gesturing his head backwards, and Miller glanced back at the group. Clarke turned her head toward Lincoln, trying to make it look like she wasn’t just eavesdropping. Miller turned back, nodding his head, and Bellamy immediately started slowing down, throwing the makeshift bag onto the ground.

“Let’s rest for a few minutes,” he declared, before seating himself up against a fallen log.

“I could keep going,” Octavia said in protest, and Bellamy immediately rolled his eyes. Lincoln took a spot over by a few rocks, and gestured for Clarke to come over.

“O, we are all dehydrated. We need rest if we’re going to make it there and stay healthy,” Bellamy explained, and Octavia stomped over to sit with Jasper.

“We need to figure out who attacked Miller,” Lincoln whispered into Clarke’s ear, and she started nodding in response.

“I asked Bellamy if he knew about it last night, and he never answered me,” she whispered back, keeping her eyes on the ground.

“He’s acting like he doesn’t know anything?”

“No, I think he knows exactly who attacked him, and probably why, and isn’t telling us,” she explained, leaning back against the rock. Lincoln narrowed his eyes over to where Bellamy was sitting, watching him argue with his sister about why they needed to take a break.

“Did you two have this conversation by the fire?” he asked, pressing his lips together.

“Uh, no,” Clarke answered, not entirely sure what to tell Lincoln about when Clarke got one-on-one time with the captain. Lincoln raised an eyebrow, and Clarke let out a sigh. “I just, uh, wandered away from camp for a little bit, and he followed me to drag me back.”

“No one goes off on their own,” Lincoln practically growled, narrowing his eyes at Clarke.

She glanced over at Finn, who was having an awkward looking conversation with Miller. “I just needed a moment of peace,” she whispered with a pleading tone, and Lincoln nodded in response.

“Just be careful around Bellamy,” Lincoln warned, linking his hands together above his head and stretching. “Based on how he has avoided any question I’ve asked him, I’d say he has a lot to hide,” he muttered.

They sat in silence for a while after that, and Clarke listened in on what everyone else was talking about. Jasper was asking Octavia a thousand questions about her life back home, which she seemed more than happy to enthusiastically answer. They covered her teenage years, to her year at college before dropping out, to how she ended up working on her brother’s boat. Clarke listened with interest, as this girl cheerily told some of her most horrifying stories about working as a waitress, some of which made Clarke laugh, but others made her cringe.

“Clarke? Did you hear me?” she heard Finn shout, snapping her out of listening in on Octavia. She snapped her head back to where he was sitting, watching him raise an eyebrow at her.

“What? Sorry, I zoned out,” she said, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

“Don’t worry. You didn’t miss much,” Bellamy mumbled with disinterest, looking up toward the trees that hung over them.

“We were talking about the fire on the ship,” Finn growled, looking directly at Bellamy, who couldn’t care less. “I was asking these two if they noticed anything weird…”

“And we didn’t,” Miller snapped, and Finn threw his head back.

“And then I asked you if you noticed anything while you were downstairs,” Finn continued, trying to ignore Miller’s interruption. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, trying to think back to that night. She wasn’t downstairs long, just long enough to have Finn make her feel awkward and then, Bellamy intervened.

Wait, wasn’t Bellamy yelling at someone as she left? She couldn’t really remember for sure, but she glanced up to see Bellamy narrowing his eyes at her. Yeah, he did yell at someone, but that could have been anything. He was the captain, after all. But, the way Miller interrupted Finn and the threatening glare she was getting from Bellamy makes her think that it wasn’t nothing.

“I highly doubt Clarke would remember something like that. It was a stressful night for her,” Lincoln interrupted, and Clarke noticed a scowl on his face directed at Finn, who was clenching his jaw. She raised an eyebrow at Lincoln, who just narrowed his eyes back at her. What the hell was that for?

“I was just wondering if, looking back, anything seemed out of the ordinary,” Finn snapped, and Lincoln leaned in toward Clarke.

“If you know something, it’s best to not let them know that you know something,” he whispered into her ear, and Clarke nodded as if to signal that she was going to keep her mouth shut.

“Hard to notice a lot when you’re busy being harassed by your engaged ex,” Bellamy muttered, and Finn’s eyes snapped wide open.

“Stop,” Finn warned, practically snarling, and Clarke sunk back into the rock, shooting Lincoln a desperate glance.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jasper joined in, and Octavia leaned forward.

“Nothing,” Clarke said, not that anyone listened.

“I think they’re talking about when Finn cornered Clarke at the party,” Miller joined in, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at Bellamy, who was literally smirking. God, she wanted to punch that smile right off his face.

How did they go from talking about the fire to talking about her personal drama? She groaned, throwing her head back in frustration. She didn’t give a fuck about this. They are literally stranded on an island. All Clarke cares about now is finding a way to get home safely and surviving.

Lincoln was remarkably quiet now, which threw Clarke off. She looked up at him, and he was pressing his lips together.

“That’s not what happened. I just wanted to have a heart-to-heart with Clarke---“ Finn tried to explain.

“She doesn’t strike me as a heart-to-heart kind of girl,” Bellamy interrupted.

“You don’t even know her,” Finn muttered.

“No, I feel like I got a pretty good feel for her,” he deadpanned, raising an eyebrow as he looked directly at Clarke. She tried to ignore the emphasis he put on “feel” and to keep her face from getting too red. “We had a really, uh, deep conversation last night. I feel like I got to know her pretty well,” he continued, smirking a little bit at the end. No one else seemed phased by this, but Clarke’s heart started pounding. She narrowed her eyes at him, as if to warn him not to continue.

Finn started rambling about something, but Clarke wasn’t paying attention. It was hard to hear anything when Bellamy was eyeing her the way he was. It was almost predatory, while still being smug. He wasn’t going to let her forget what she let him to do her last night. Not that she would ever be able to forget his rough hands on her like that. Or the horrible things he whispered to her while he fucked her with his fingers.

Heat was rising to her cheeks, which she was blaming on how hot it was out there. Miller and Finn were arguing about something else now, Bellamy was still staring at her, and Lincoln was completely silent.

After a bit more rest, they all resumed the hike, with Miller and Bellamy leading the way. Clarke and Lincoln drifted to the back.

“We’re asking the right questions,” Lincoln murmured so quietly that only Clarke could hear him.

“What are you talking about? They haven’t told us anything,” Clarke replied, glancing up at Miller and Bellamy who were walking in silence.

“If they knew nothing, they wouldn’t mind talking about what happened. But, they do know something, which is why they derailed that conversation,” Lincoln explained, and Clarke furrowed her brows in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“It was Bellamy that brought up your relationship with Finn. And Miller helped keep you guys on the subject. They’re distracting you so that you don’t ask questions about the fire,” he answered, looking at the ground as he spoke.

“So, they are hiding something,” Clarke muttered, as the realization dawned on her. She thought back to last night when she asked Bellamy about who attacked Miller. Bellamy kept changing the subject to focus back on Clarke, asking her what was going on or if Finn was bothering her. He was distracting her so that she would stop asking about who attacked Miller.

“You remember something from that night, don’t you?” Lincoln whispered, and Clarke nodded.

“Bellamy was yelling at someone, and he sounded really angry. I don’t remember what he said or what it was about.” Lincoln nodded.

“I remember something, too,” he whispered, looking up to see if anyone was close enough to hear. “Do you know Roan?”

“I met him briefly, I think,” Clarke replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Some guy on the staff told him he was needed downstairs, and Roan looked really concerned. He left, and the fire happened just minutes later,” Lincoln explained, pulling Clarke back even farther from the group. She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to piece the night together. But, there were too many holes, too many things going on that night for her to even begin to guess how the fire got started.

“We need more information,” Clarke declared, and Lincoln nodded in response.

“Stop slowing us down!” Bellamy bellowed, and Lincoln and Clarke immediately started powerwalking to catch up.

 

The lake was the most beautiful thing Clarke had ever seen. The water was calm and clear, and almost as blue as the ocean. Octavia started sprinting toward the lake as soon as we saw it, unbuttoning her shirt as she ran.

“O, what are you doing?” Bellamy screamed.

“I’m disgusting, Bell. I’m taking a bath,” she screamed back as she undid her pants. Bellamy turned around and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It’s not a bad idea,” Miller added in, and Bellamy slapped him on the arm. Octavia dove into the water, and Clarke had to admit that it looked so refreshing. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she had a shower. She probably smelled at this point, and her hair was likely oily and gross. So, Clarke started unzipping her dress.

“Clarke, stop,” Bellamy ordered, and she couldn’t help but smirk at him, as she slid her dress off her shoulders. Miller started following suit, pulling his torn-up shirt up over his head. Clarke tossed her dress over by where Octavia’s shirt landed, and took off for the water.

She ran into the water, in love with how the cold water felt against her overheated body. She immediately ducked her head underwater, and started swimming deeper.

“I knew you were fun,” she heard Octavia shout as Clarke’s head resurfaced. She turned around to look back at her fellow castaways. Miller and Finn were rushing toward the water, and Jasper looked like he wanted to join in, but kept giving concerned looks back at Bellamy.

“Jasper! I think the cold water will be good for your arm!” Clarke shouted, and that was the final push he needed to start undressing. Bellamy threw his hands up in the air, as Lincoln also pulled off his shirt. Jasper struggled with the sling, which Bellamy reluctantly helped him get out of.

“Oh, God, I’ve never known love until this very moment,” Miller groaned before ducking his head back underwater.

Jasper finally jogged up to the water, nursing his broken arm a bit as he stepped in. Clarke looked back to see Bellamy begrudgingly unbuttoning his shirt as he moved toward the water. His jaw was tense as he fiddled with the bottom button.

“Captain’s pissed,” Jasper joked, and Miller burst out laughing, which Clarke was surprised by. The two of them seemed very close. She didn’t expect him to laugh at that so easily.

“He’s always pissed. It’s his default setting,” Miller teased, and Bellamy definitely heard him as he stepped into the water.

Clarke tried not to look too closely at Bellamy’s muscled torso, but there were moments where she couldn’t help herself. He had a scowl on his face, even as he got deeper in the water.

She shot him a glare, because there was no way he didn’t feel as relieved as they all did once he stepped into the water. They were all disgusting. It was day three on this island, and they all felt horrible from being out in the heat for days. The water felt like heaven, and she wasn’t going to put up with Bellamy being too stubborn to just enjoy it.

 

Clarke was lying out on the sand, letting herself dry a bit before she put her dress back on. She didn’t want to walk around with her underwear and bra soaking wet. Lincoln and Miller were fast at work on their filter the water using some fabric they found. Miller had apparently salvaged a few more things from the wreckage than they had, which was coming in handy right about now, since he found a dented bowl. Jasper had started shoveling water into his mouth straight from the lake, until Clarke warned him about some harmful bacteria that could be in it. Now, he was resting under the trees with Finn, no doubt reciting all his fears regarding dying because of the water he drank.

“Done being helpful for the day?” she heard Bellamy asked, and she snapped her head around to see him lying down next to her.

“So are you, apparently,” she snapped, before lying her head down and putting her arm over her eyes.

“I got us to the water, princess. What have you done?”

“Miller got us to the water,” she pointed out, and he let out a sigh. She lifted her arm to look at him. He was staring right at her, eyes raking up and down her body. She felt her cheeks start to flush as she remembered how little clothing she was wearing. She might as well have been lying there naked in front of him. “Stop it,” she snapped, sitting up and wagging her finger at him.

“Stop what?” he asked with a smirk, resting his hand in the sand a little too close to Clarke’s arm. He leaned back on that arm, looking down at Clarke.

“Don’t think I didn’t see what you were doing earlier,” she said, now crossing her arms. He looked down at her chest, and Clarke realized that all that did was push her breasts upwards. She put her arms back at her sides.

“And what was I doing, princess?” he teased.

“Teasing me about last night,” she snapped, and he let out a chuckle, before lying himself all the way down on the sand.

“Oh, I haven’t begun to tease you.” He closed his eyes, smirk still intact.

“Why are you doing this?”  His eyes snapped back open, looking deviously up at Clarke. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but then snapped it shut. “I don’t think this needs to be said, but just in case: last night was a mistake and it’s never happening again.”

“What a shame,” he whispered smugly, closing his eyes again. “I had fun.”

Clarke could feel her heart start to pound. It’s like he knew exactly what to say to get a rise out of her, and it was infuriating. She simultaneously wanted to punch him, and have him touch her again.

“Guys, it’s working!” Miller yelled, and Bellamy immediately got up to go get dressed. Clarke let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

 

They had gathered some more bananas, which Clarke struggled not to groan at. She should be more grateful that they could actually find food, but she was fucking sick of bananas. They had all been slowly sipping on the water, and it seemed like everyone was in a better mood.

They made camp for the night just a short walk the water, since Lincoln feared that some of the more dangerous animals may go to the water at night to drink.

They sat around the fire in comfortable silence, as they all seemed too tired to really say anything at all. And what would they say, anyways? There really wasn’t much to plan at this point, since the plan was primarily to find water and find food and to try not to die. No one wanted to talk about life back home, since it was clear they weren’t going back there anytime soon. For the most part, they were all strangers.

Finally, Finn broke the silence.

“Are we not going to talk about a plan to get off this island?” he asked, waving his hands too much as he talked. She heard Lincoln let out a sigh and Octavia whisper something to him.

“We barely found water. How the fuck do you think we’re going to find a way off this island?” Bellamy snapped, clenching his jaw.

“I don’t know. Maybe build another boat,” Finn suggested, and Jasper nodded in agreement.

“That would take months, and we don’t even have anyone who knows how to build a boat,” Bellamy pointed out, and Clarke had to agree with him. There was no sense in building a boat if it was just going to fall apart.

“Monty does,” Miller said. Octavia’s eyes lit up. Clarke recognized that name, but couldn’t remember who exactly he was.

“Monty isn’t here,” Bellamy reminded him sternly.

“He might be. We just have to find him,” Miller said, and Clarke could see the wheels turning in his head. Bellamy started shaking his head.

“For all we know, he died when the lifeboat was ripped apart.” Oh, Monty was the other person on the lifeboat with them. He was the one Bellamy was giving orders to.

“Everyone else from our lifeboat is here safely. He probably is, too.”

“We already know someone else is here, since someone attacked Miller,” Finn blurted out, and the entire group went quiet. Miller pressed his lips together as he glanced back at Bellamy, who was shooting him a warning look.

“We can put together a search party to find Monty,” Octavia suggested, and Lincoln raised his eyebrow at Clarke. She liked that they were like teammates here. She still wasn’t sure if Lincoln liked Clarke, since he seemed pretty hostile to her early on. But, they agreed on almost everything regarding surviving on this island.

“You know, that might not be the best idea,” Miller said, causing Clarke a lot of confusion. He was the one who just said they should go find Monty, and now he was backing out of it.

“Yeah, let’s go find this Monty guy,” Jasper joined in, and Bellamy’s eyes widened. Clarke nodded at Lincoln, who started smirking.

“We can leave half of the group here with our camp, and the rest can go out in search of Monty,” Lincoln declared, and everyone but Miller and Bellamy enthusiastically agreed.

“Miller has explored a lot more of the island than most of us, so I think he and I should go search for Monty,” Bellamy finally suggested, and Finn nodded along in response, listing off things for everyone else to do while they were gone.

Clarke raised an eyebrow, especially since it was clear Bellamy didn’t want people going out to search for Monty. Now, he was taking over the mission to find him.

“Someone needs to go with them,” Lincoln whispered to Clarke, and she knew he was right. There had to be a reason Bellamy didn’t want someone else to go out in search of Monty. And they needed to figure out what it was.

“So, Bellamy and I will pack up tonight and head out as soon as the sun rises,” Miller said, looking to Bellamy for a nod of approval.

“I think Clarke should go with you two,” Lincoln suggested, and Clarke shot him a look. She had been hoping that Lincoln would volunteer to go with them, since he was the one that pointed out they needed to be watched.

“That’s not necessary,” Bellamy said sternly.

“It’s going to be quite the hike and you don’t know what all is out there. Plus, Miller got attacked by someone. You’ll probably need a doctor close by,” he argued calmly, and Octavia started nodding in agreement.

“I’d feel a lot better if I knew there was someone who could take care of you if something happened,” Octavia said, putting a hand on Lincoln’s shoulder. Bellamy exchanged a look with Miller, who looked apologetic.

“Well, maybe Clarke should stay here. If something happens, we don’t want our only doctor in danger,” Finn argued, and Bellamy started nodding in agreement.

“He has a point. It’d be safer if Clarke stayed here,” Bellamy declared, and Clarke couldn’t help but notice the condescending tone in his voice as he said it.

“Miller and Bellamy are both armed. Nothing is going to happen to Clarke,” Lincoln said coolly, leaning back in his seat. Clarke’s eyes widened, looking over to Bellamy. Sure enough, there was a gun in a holster on his waist. How did she not see that before? She glanced over to Miller, who was similarly armed.

“Still, it’s not smart to---“ Bellamy tried to argue, before Octavia jumped up.

“Clarke is going with you. End of discussion,” she snapped, wagging her finger at him. He let out a defeated sigh, shooting Miller a warning look.

They definitely did not want Clarke going on this trip with them, which only made it more important that she went. They were up to something, and she needed to know what.

 

Miller and Bellamy stepped away from the camp, probably having a talk about whatever just went down around the fire. Clarke thought about following them, but thought better of it.

“Don’t let them ditch you,” Lincoln warned, and Clarke nodded.

“I doubt they’d leave their only doctor lost in the jungle.”

“Still, be careful.” She let out a sigh, looking over at the rest of the castaways. Octavia, Jasper, and Finn were already fast asleep. Lincoln agreed to take first watch, but Clarke was staying up with him for a bit so that they could talk.

“I think Miller is a good guy,” Clarke whispered, and Lincoln nodded.

“Yeah, I like him. But, he’s easily influenced by Bellamy.”

“He and his sister have such a close relationship, though. He can’t be that bad of a guy,” Clarke said, thinking back to all the times she saw them interact, starting with how he carried her onto the lifeboat. He was always checking on her, protecting her. Even if he wasn’t a great guy, he couldn’t be all bad.

“I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. All I’m saying is that he’s lying to us. He might have a good reason, but it’s still a lie.”

Clarke nodded, and Miller and Bellamy walked back to camp. She tried not to notice the once-over Bellamy shot in her direction, before taking his spot around the fire. She said her goodnight to Lincoln before lying down and closing her eyes.

She took a deep breath. She was going to explore the jungle with two strangers with guns tomorrow. She was going to be okay… she hoped.


	5. Better Circumstances

“Put this in your bag,” Lincoln ordered, putting a pocket knife into Clarke’s hand. She raised her eyebrow, but did as he said. Behind her, Bellamy was saying his goodbyes to Octavia, and simultaneously barking orders at Finn and Jasper. Clarke wanted to roll her eyes. As if Bellamy could get those two to do anything while he was gone.

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured, and Lincoln nodded.

“I know,” he replied, patting her on the back, before walking away. Clarke let out a breath. She could do this. She’s already survived a few days in this jungle. This will be no different.

“I’ll look for all of them, O,” she heard Bellamy say to his sister. She turned around, seeing more emotion on his face than she had seen the entire time they had been on this island. Octavia’s back was to her, so she couldn’t see how emotional she was, but Bellamy looked so unbelievably sad. Clarke turned and walked away, feeling like she was intruding. Then, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up to see Finn motioning for her to walk with him. She suppressed the urge to groan.

“Don’t go,” he pleaded, once they were safely out of earshot.

“You guys will be fine here without me. And we’re not just going to send Bellamy and Miller out by themselves,” she argued, and Finn put both of his hands on her shoulders.

“Please be careful. If anything happened to you…” he trailed off, looking down at the ground.

“Stop,” Clarke put her hand up, not wanting to hear whatever else he was about to say. “You don’t have to worry about me and you don’t get to. The only person you should be worried about is Raven, not me,” she snapped, before moving to walk past him back to the group.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “Clarke, I will never stop worrying about you. I care about you. I need you to be okay,” he pleaded, and Clarke felt her face start to feel red hot. She knew she needed to let go of whatever problems they have in the real world, because here, those didn’t matter. But, every time he gave her a look like this or said that he cared about her, she was overwhelmed with guilt that the girl who really should be on the receiving end of his affections wasn’t here.

“I’ll be fine,” she snapped.

“I don’t trust Bellamy with you,” he whispered, and Clarke snatched her wrist out of his clasp. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.” Clarke rolled her eyes. Bellamy didn’t look at her as anything but an object for his amusement, that much was clear. She could handle that.

“Bellamy doesn’t have another girlfriend, so he can look at me however he wants,” she muttered, before storming back over to the group.

Bellamy was leaning against a tree, pretending he was looking at his watch and then smirking at Clarke. She groaned, before turning around to look for Miller, who was whispering with Jasper.

“Let’s go,” Clarke said, and she could hear Finn’s shuffling behind her. Bellamy glanced over at Finn, furrowing his eyebrows.

Clarke started walking, and Bellamy followed quickly behind her, yelling back at Miller to catch up.

“So, I can look at you however I want, huh?” Bellamy whispered into her ear right before Miller jogged up to them, and her face turned bright red. She glanced up and he was grinning ear to ear. She immediately focused her attention on the ground, and she could hear him chuckling.

He fucking heard that whole conversation.

 

“We’re not playing another fucking round of I spy,” Bellamy groaned, and Miller did a mock pout. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Then, I’m back to Never Have I Ever,” Miller replied, shrugging. They had been walking for a few hours now, only taking breaks when absolutely necessary.

“I know all your dirty laundry and you know mine. Where is the fun in that?”

“Yeah, but we know nothing about our doctor friend,” Miller said, throwing an arm around Clarke’s shoulder, which really caught her off guard.

“I’m game,” she said, and Miller started cheering.

“Five fingers or ten?” he asked.

“Hmmm. Clarke, how many fingers do you want?” Bellamy asked with a wink, and Clarke had to suck in a breath.

“More is always better,” she deadpanned, and Bellamy looked genuinely surprised.

“Never have I ever been a captain,” Miller started, and Bellamy immediately smacked him on the back of the head.

“Dick,” he muttered, putting a finger down. “Never have I ever ruined a perfectly good Thanksgiving.”

“I didn’t fucking ruin it!” Miller snapped, and Bellamy shook his head. “Okay, Clarke, you settle this for us. So, Bellamy got dumped by this girl named Gina, and was super depressed about it…”

“I was not. It was mutual.”

“Bullshit,” Miller continued, and Clarke chuckled lightly at this argument. “Anyways, O was out of town and he didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving alone. So, he invited me over to have a chill dinner with him.”

“Now, keep in mind, I really like Thanksgiving dinner, so I made all the traditional foods. All I wanted was a normal Thanksgiving,” Bellamy interrupted again, with a bit more bite in his tone.

“But, I thought he could use more cheering up. So, I hired a stripper.” Clarke burst out laughing, imagining a grumpy Bellamy somehow not being happy about getting a stripper.

“Sounds like a thing a good friend would do,” Clarke replied, and Bellamy started groaning.

“You left out the fact that the stripper was a dude,” Bellamy pointed out, shooting a pointed glare at Miller.

“Just trying to help you explore your options,” Miller teased.

“And that’s how he ruined my Thanksgiving,” Bellamy muttered, shaking his head.

“Jackson was a gem and you should have cherished him,” Miller joked, and Clarke was practically wheezing from laughing so hard.

“That sounds like an amazing Thanksgiving,” Clarke joined in, and Miller threw an arm around her again.

“I like her. Oh, and I’m not putting down a finger for that one,” Miller said with a huge grin on his face. Bellamy started groaning.

“Hmmm. Never have I ever hired a male stripper,” Clarke said, and Miller immediately groaned, putting a finger down. Bellamy started chuckling.

“Never have I ever gone to med school,” Bellamy said, and Clarke rolled her eyes, putting a finger down. That was a cheap shot.

“Never have I ever worn lipstick,” Miller said smugly, and Clarke and Bellamy put fingers down. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Octavia,” was all he muttered, as he rolled his eyes. Miller nearly tripped over a log, and Clarke quickly caught him. They needed to be more careful about watching where they were going.

“Never have I ever owned a gun,” Clarke said smugly, and both of them begrudgingly put a finger down.

“Never have I ever fallen down a hole,” Bellamy teased. Another finger down.

“Never have I ever had my life saved by Bellamy,” Miller said, smirking at Clarke. Ugh, they were ganging up on her.

“Never have I ever worked on a boat.” They both put a finger down, giving each other a side glance.

Then, Clarke swears she saw something dart behind the trees. She stopped walking, grabbing onto Miller to get his attention. He looked around, and Bellamy reached for his gun. Then, Clarke heard a twig snap behind her. She tried to turn around, only to be pulled backward by Bellamy, who was stepping front of her.

“Did you see what it was?” Miller whispered so quietly that Clarke barely heard him. Bellamy shook his head slowly, still scanning the trees.

They stood there for a few moments, frozen in fear. They had been lucky so far, since no one had been attacked in this jungle by some animal.

“It might have been nothing,” Miller whispered and Bellamy swallowed, nodding slightly.

 

They found a stream, which they were so thankful for. Despite only travelling for one day, they were all pretty dehydrated and feeling gross. They all got cleaned up, and Miller and Clarke were starting a fire, while Bellamy attempted to fish, with no actual success.

“He literally looks so stupid,” Miller muttered, and Clarke couldn’t help but giggle. She really liked Miller, which she wasn’t expecting to. But, he was really fun to talk to, and she frequently forgot she was even stranded on an island when he was around.

“Although, we should probably be rooting for him so that we don’t have to go look for dinner,” Clarke pointed out, and Miller nodded. He glanced over at Bellamy, looking a little bit sad.

“Was he okay those first two days?” he asked, with concern on his face. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, trying to understand what he was really asking her.

“Uh, a little defensive, but okay considering the circumstances,” Clarke said, a little uncertain about if she was answering the question or not.

“You have to understand what this shipwreck is like for him. He was the captain. It was his responsibility to keep us all afloat. There’s a lot of guilt in there,” Miller said very seriously, and Clarke swallowed. She hadn’t considered that at all. She forgot he was the captain in all of the chaos, and what that probably meant for him.

“I could imagine,” Clarke replied, glancing up toward Bellamy. “I don’t know what it’s like to be a captain, but I know what it’s like to be responsible for someone and to let them down.” Miller nodded solemnly, and Clarke realized this might be the only chance she got to talk to him without Bellamy interrupting. “I have to ask, how did you get attacked?”

Miller blinked a few times, glancing over to Bellamy. “Look, Bellamy and I agreed not to talk about this because we don’t want Octavia to get freaked out.”

“I won’t tell her, I swear.”

Miller leaned back, looking up into the treetops, pressing his lips together. He was debating whether or not he could trust Clarke, which was fair. She was a stranger after all. “Bellamy and I didn’t get along with everyone on board. There was someone in particular who caused Bellamy a lot of problems, and that’s who attacked me. But, don’t worry about him. He’s on the far side of the island and won’t dare come anywhere near Bellamy,” Miller explained reluctantly.

“Was there anyone else on the other side of the island?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I think so. I didn’t stay long enough to find out. Probably whoever was on his lifeboat made it, too.”

“Don’t you think we should try to find them? We’d probably have a better chance of getting off this island if we all worked together,” Clarke said, and Miller threw his head back.

“The problem, Clarke, is that we don’t know who specifically was on his lifeboat. They could have been friends of yours or mine. But, there were some people on board that are more like the guy who attacked me. And if it’s them, we don’t want them to find us,” Miller warned, leaning forward as he whispered to her. Clarke swallowed, wondering what kind of people were working on this ship that would concern Miller this much.

“I had a friend on board. His name is Wells. If he is here, I need to find him,” Clarke said, feeling tears start to form in her eyes. Miller nodded.

“I have a friend, too,” he said sadly. “And we’ll do what we can to find them. But, we won’t go to the far side of the island, no matter what.”

Clarke nodded, feeling the tears start to pour out. She was suddenly terrified to be out looking for another person, wondering what kind of people had Bellamy and Miller this scared. She wondered if Wells ended up on a lifeboat with those people. She felt her stomach sink, and her chest felt so heavy.

“I’m gonna give you a moment, okay?” Miller said, as he got up and walked over to the stream by Bellamy. Clarke rubbed her eyes, suddenly unable to distract herself from where she was.

She was on a deserted island with no way home. She had no real friends here, unless Wells was somehow here and still alive. And, on top of struggling to be alive, this island had at least one person on it that two grown men with guns were scared of.

She forced herself to take a breath, but it was too shallow. She tried again, but still couldn’t get a deep enough breath. Oh God, she was hyperventilating.

She laid herself down on the ground, remembering that lying on one’s back helps force people to breathe properly. She closed her eyes, focused only on breathing.

She took a deep breath in. Wells was going to be fine. He was smart and resourceful. She let out her breath slowly.

She inhaled again. If he was on this island, he would be smart enough to stay away from dangerous people. She exhaled.

She inhaled. They were going to find Monty and Wells and Raven. And then, they were going to get off this island. She exhaled.

She lied on her back for a while longer, focused on her breathing. She was starting to calm down, as she finally opened her eyes.

Bellamy was sitting just a foot away from her, and she was surprised she didn’t hear him sneak up on her. She sat herself up, looking for Miller.

“He went for a walk,” Bellamy explained, sensing the question she was about to ask.

“I thought no one went off by themselves,” Clarke said, narrowing her eyes at him.

“He needed a minute. Plus, he has a gun, so he’ll be fine.” Clarke rolled her eyes, knowing that if she had a gun, he still wouldn’t let her go off by herself. Such a double standard. “Now, are you okay?”

Clarke blinked a few times, amazed that Bellamy actually cared. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little overwhelmed there for a second.”

Bellamy nodded, looking down at the ground. “Did Miller say something to upset you?” Clarke wanted to scream yes, and that he should have told her about Miller’s attacker a while ago, but refrained.

“No. It’s just all hitting me. You know, being here and all,” she said vaguely, hoping he wouldn’t push her for more information, which he didn’t.

They sat there in comfortable silence, waiting for Miller to get back.

 

Miller was gone longer than they expected, and Bellamy started pacing around the fire. It wasn’t quite dark yet, so Clarke wasn’t freaking out. Miller seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. Plus, he spent a good deal of time navigating this jungle all by himself. He was probably fine.

“He’s going to be okay,” Clarke reassured, leaning back against the log.

“I’m not worried,” Bellamy said in a tone that totally said he was worried.

“Uh huh,” Clarke said, crossing her arms. He shot her a glare, before sitting down next to her again. Then, they heard a twig snapped, followed by a lot of rustling. Bellamy pulled Clarke over toward him, pulling his gun out of its holster.

“Stay quiet,” he ordered, and Clarke sucked in a breath.

Then, Miller came out from behind the trees, and Bellamy let out a groan. He had his arm around another man, who was putting most of his weight onto Miller. Clarke jumped up, realizing that this guy was clearly hurt.

“Let’s get you to sit down,” Clarke said, helping Miller guide him over by the fire.

“Monty, what happened?” Bellamy asked, hovering around as Clarke propped Monty’s hurt leg on top of one of their bags.

“Yesterday, I fell while running in the woods. And I’ve had a hard time walking since.” Clarke examined his ankle, that was swollen all over, and she let out a sigh.

“Can you move your foot like this?” she demonstrated, using her own foot. He tried, only to yelp out in pain as he did. “Definitely a sprain, maybe worse,” Clarke declared, before rifling through her bag to see if she had anything she could wrap it in.

“What were you running from?” Bellamy asked, exchanging a look with Miller. Clarke swallowed, now having a pretty good idea of what they were so worried about.

“A huge animal. I swear it was hunting me,” Monty said, eyes wide. Clarke looked up to scan the rest of him, noting a few massive scratch marks on his arms. She started ripping small pieces of the blanket she packed off, making a few bandages.

“Monty, meet Clarke, our island’s finest doctor,” Bellamy said with a smirk. “Clarke, meet Monty, the best damn engineer you’ll ever meet.”

“Nice to meet you,” Monty said with his teeth gritted, as Clarke wrapped a makeshift bandage around his arm.

“Wish it were under better circumstances,” she tried to joke, and he just nodded in response.

 

Clarke agreed to take first watch, if only because she was having a harder and harder time falling asleep each night. And with what Miller shared with her and how beat up Monty looked, she wasn’t sure she could ever sleep again.

She tried to distract herself, making a plan for how to get back to camp as quickly as possible. It took them just one day to get this far. But, with Monty hurt like this, it would probably take them three times as long. She let out an involuntary groan.

“You’re thinking too loud, princess,” she heard Bellamy whisper, which made her jump. He sat up and started smirking, before getting up and walking over to her.

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered, and he slung an arm around her shoulder.

“And deprive you of my company? Never,” he teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” she groaned, and he started shushing her.

“You’re stressed about getting back to camp, aren’t you?” She didn’t like how easy it was for him to read her mind, but he was probably thinking the same thing.

“It’s just going to take much longer getting back,” she explained.

“Eh, that’s probably a blessing in disguise for you, though,” he muttered, and Clarke’s head snapped up.

“What does that mean?”

“Can’t imagine you being too excited to get back to Finn.” Clarke’s face turned red at the mention of his name, remembering how he pulled her aside that morning.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think I do. I saw the way he looked at you the second you stepped on my boat,” he whispered with a small smirk. “I knew just how damned you were at that exact moment.”

“You’re just making stuff up, now,” she groaned, and he turned to give her a very serious stare.

“You think it’s a coincidence that I interrupted your conversation with him that night? I knew by the way he looked at you that he was going to cause you trouble,” he deadpanned, and Clarke suddenly had chills. She was grateful for how he intervened, but she just thought that was him being in the right place at the right time.

This was different. He had been keeping an eye on her, before he even spoke to her.

And she had a feeling he was still doing that, even here.

“Can we stop talking about Finn?” she said, trying to switch the subject. Bellamy started smirking. His arm was still draped over her, his thumb resting on her collarbone, stroking it slightly. If she had better impulse control, she would have smacked his hand away by now. But, it was oddly comforting.

“And what does the princess want to talk about?” he teased, and Clarke instinctively threw her head back. His other hand started stroking the top of her knee, and she got goosebumps.

“What are you doing?” she whispered, gesturing her head to the two sleeping men not five yards away from them.

“They can sleep through anything,” he smirked, moving his hand up her thigh. He used his other arm to scoot Clarke forward, as he moved behind her, and pulled her back so that she was leaning up against his chest. She tried to pull away in protest, but he kept his hand on her waist.

“I told you we weren’t doing this again,” she whispered, ignoring the part of her that wanted him to keep touching her.

“Weren’t doing what, Clarke? I’m not doing anything,” he whispered into her ear, letting his wet lips touch her lobe with every individual word. She sucked in a breath, which pushed her breasts upwards. Bellamy started sliding one of his hands up, resting just below one of her breasts. He kept his hands over her dress, but stroked her breasts lightly with his thumbs.

“Bellamy,” she warned, as she let her head roll back onto his shoulder. He lightly kissed her exposed neck, as he kept moving his hands higher.

“You can tell me to stop, princess,” he whispered with a smirk. She swallowed, remembering not to breathe too loudly. She didn’t want to wake up Miller or Monty and have them see her like this.

“Don’t stop,” she ordered, and Bellamy practically moaned into her ear. He dropped all pretenses of being gentle, and grabbed both of her breasts tightly with his hands. He gave them both a tight squeeze, and Clarke couldn’t remember the last time someone just felt her up.

He started kissing up and down her neck, as he tried to pinch her nipples through her clothes.

“They feel so good, Clarke,” he murmured into her neck, which made Clarke feel like her skin was on fire.

She reached her hands up to start pulling the straps of her dress down. His hands over her dress were suddenly not good enough. She needed more.

She guided one of his hands inside her dress, forcing him to squeeze her breast. His other hand didn’t need the guidance, as it quickly slipped the top part of her dress down, exposing both of her breasts. She let out a whimper, suddenly feeling cold.

He started tracing his finger around her nipple, forcing it to get very hard. She let out another whimper. “Shh, princess,” he whispered. “Wouldn’t want Miller to wake up and see me groping you like this, now would you?”

Clarke shook her head, remembering that they could easily be caught at any moment. He pushed Clarke to the side a little bit, moving out from behind her, and pushing her back against the tree.

His hands were back on her breasts, as he licked his lips. Clarke caught a breath, as he gently started massaging them.

“I’m going to need you to be very quiet,” he whispered, and Clarke suddenly felt very nervous. He leaned in, and start licking around her nipple. One of his hands was caressing the other breast, while his other was covering her mouth, as if he knew she was about to start whimpering.

He finally started just pressing little chaste kisses around her breast, before opening his mouth and sucking right onto her nipple. She arched her back, gripping onto his hair as she held back a moan. She could feel him smirk against her breast.

“Is it time for me to take watch?” Miller asked sleepily, and Bellamy immediately jumped up, as Clarke pulled her dress back up. She glanced over, and Miller hadn’t even opened his eyes yet.

She let out a sigh, realizing that he didn’t see any of that.

“Yeah it is,” Clarke replied, as Bellamy pulled himself away from her and moved back to his spot on the ground.

“Okay,” Miller said sleepily. “I’ll get up in just a sec.”

Clarke nodded to no one in particular, as she took a deep breath. He didn’t catch them. Everything was fine. She got up to go to her spot on the ground, which unfortunately was right next to Bellamy’s spot.

Miller finally started to stand up to take his spot over by the tree. When he was turned around looking for his bag, Bellamy rolled over toward Clarke.

“I’m not done with you,” he whispered into her ear, and her face turned bright red. She was so lucky that it was dark and no one could see her.

“Go to sleep,” she whispered back, looking up to see Miller still groggily trying to find the bag.

Bellamy leaned in even closer, kissing her just below her jaw. “My name is going to be the only name you remember when I’m done with you,” he whispered, before rolling back over to his spot. Clarke held her breath, as Miller finally found the bag and took a seat.

How the fuck was she supposed to sleep after that?


	6. A Coward, As Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, got another update up!
> 
> Thanks so much for all of your comments so far. I'm really excited about this fic and your comments keep me going. If you want, you can find me on tumblr as asroarke. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm gonna try to get another update up before I go to bed tonight! Hope you guys like this update and let me know what you think!

Monty’s ankle only got worse as they tried to move through the jungle. They stopped at least once an hour, so he could rest and Clarke could check him. Miller, Clarke, and Bellamy all took turns being Monty’s human crutch as they slowly went through the forest.

“I’m sorry,” Monty whispered to Clarke as she took another look at his ankle. The swelling was getting worse on the top of his ankle, which was not a good sign.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t your fault,” she reassured, before looking over her shoulder. Bellamy and Miller were having a pretty serious conversation, about which Clarke couldn’t even begin to guess. They were both in a really weird mood today. Just yesterday, they had been joking around as they walked through the jungle. Now, they had their friend back but hardly said a word to him. She must have been making a face because Monty seemed to be reading her thoughts.

“They’re discussing me,” he whispered, with a solemn look on his face. Clarke started wrapping his ankle back up, tilting her head in confusion. “They’re debating whether or not they should have come and got me.”

“Because of your foot? It’s really okay. We planned on being away for a few days anyways,” Clarke started, wondering why this Monty guy really thought these two would want to leave him behind just because he was slowing them down. Miller was a pretty nice guy, from what Clarke could gather. And Bellamy was many things, but he wasn’t a monster. He wouldn’t leave someone behind like that.

“No, not because of my foot,” he muttered, looking down at the ground.

“Monty, what is going on?” she asked, brows furrowed in concern.

“I know how the fire started,” he said with a grim expression, glancing over Clarke’s shoulder to where Bellamy and Miller were still deep in conversation.

“What are you talking about? It was just faulty wiring. Apparently, that kind of thing happens a lot,” Clarke whispered, leaning forward toward Monty, who was clenching his jaw.

“If it were faulty wiring, the fire wouldn’t have started where it did,” Monty deadpanned, and Clarke remembered that someone told her Monty designed the ship. He would know the most likely places for a fire to start. She thought back on how Bellamy and Miller didn’t want to go out and find Monty, and how weird it was. She remembered wondering how two people wouldn’t want to go save their friend, thinking about how she would do anything to find Wells. Then, after her talk with Miller yesterday, she just assumed they were scared of being attacked. Now, she was wondering if this was the real reason they didn’t want to go find Monty.

“What are you saying?” Clarke whispered, glancing over her shoulder again. This time, Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her, before whispering something to Miller.

“Someone started that fire, Clarke.” She swallowed, scanning Monty’s grim face.

“Have you run into anyone else on this island?” she asked, worried that Monty had a similar experience as Miller.

“You could say that,” he answered vaguely, and Clarke wanted to shake him for an actual answer. That’s when Bellamy cleared his throat, standing right behind Clarke. She turned to raise an eyebrow at him.

“We ready to get moving again?” he asked in a stern tone, and Clarke gave Monty a glare that said this conversation was far from over.

 

It was Miller’s turn to help Monty, which forced Clarke to walk alongside Bellamy.

“You are keeping an eye out for potential food, right?” he muttered, and she nodded, a bit annoyed since they just had this conversation twenty minutes ago. They continued to walk in silence, the only noise being Monty’s groans and snapped twigs.

She was hesitant to even speak to Bellamy, especially now she knew the extent to which he was hiding things from the rest of them. Either he had a personal grudge against Monty and that’s why he didn’t want to retrieve him, or he was trying to hide the fact that the fire was started by someone on board. Which led Clarke to believe that either he did it, or someone he cared about did.

She needed to get back to camp as soon as possible so that she could tell Lincoln what she discovered.

Clarke glanced back at Monty and Miller, noting that Miller looked like he was about to pass out.

“Here, I’ll take a turn,” she suggested, stepping back over toward them. Miller narrowed his eyes at her, before looking over her shoulder at Bellamy.

“No, let me,” Bellamy jumped in, and Clarke let out a groan.

“You just did this for like an hour. I’m more rested than you,” Clarke snapped, as Bellamy threw Monty’s arm around his shoulder. Monty shot Clarke a warning glance, which she promptly ignored.

“I’ve got this, princess,” he snapped, clenching his jaw. She stepped toward him, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Or maybe we should just sit and rest for a bit,” Miller suggested, and Clarke whipped her head around to look at him. His eyes were now fixed on the ground.

“Next shift, I’m helping Monty,” she practically growled, before resuming their march toward camp.

“You’re being ridiculous,” she heard Miller whisper.

“Shut the fuck up,” Bellamy growled. Then, Miller jogged up to catch up with Clarke, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“He just gets like this sometimes,” Miller tried to explain, almost out of breath.

“Oh, so this has nothing to do with you and Bellamy trying to keep me and Monty from talking?” Clarke snapped with a forced smile on her face. Miller’s face screamed that she was right, and she knew it. Just like how they kept trying to divert conversation away from what happened on the boat, they knew that Clarke and Monty were putting pieces together. And they weren’t going to give them any more alone time to figure out even more.

“That’s not what we’re doing,” Miller muttered, glancing over his shoulder.

“Sure,” Clarke muttered, beyond pissed that Miller was actively lying to her.

“Clarke,” Miller whispered, grabbing her wrist. She snatched it out of his clasp, before resuming her walk.

“Is everything okay up there?” Bellamy yelled.

“Just fine, Captain Blake,” Clarke snapped, not even turning her head around.

 

“You’ve been a little moody today,” Bellamy muttered, and Clarke suddenly had the urge to strangle him. But, she forced herself to take a breath, facing forward, not even looking at him. He had plopped down next to her, as Miller started the fire. Monty was already asleep, curled up next to a few rocks across from them.

“Okay,” Clarke mumbled, keeping her eyes fixed on Miller starting the fire.

“Want to tell me why?” he asked, as his jaw clenched. She gave him a side glance, before fixing her eyes forward again.

“Just not a huge fan of when an arsonist causes me to wash up on a deserted island, I guess,” she muttered, before trying to get up. Bellamy gripped onto her wrist, pulling her back down next to him. He had such a tight grip on her, Clarke wondered if she would bruise.

“It was probably faulty wiring,” Bellamy whispered in a threatening tone. Clarke snapped her head around to glare at him, while still trying to break her wrist free. He kept a steady grip on her, clearly not letting her leave until this was settled.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” she growled, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“Clarke, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, not breaking eye contact.

“No, but Monty does. And he says someone had to have started that fire,” she replied, raising an eyebrow.

“He wasn’t there.”

“Were you?”

Bellamy blinked a few times, opening his mouth slightly. He didn’t know how to answer her, that much was clear, which told her that he was there when the fire started. She swallowed, still glaring at him, even though his eyes were now fixed on the fire.

“I’m gonna need more kindling!” Miler shouted, and Clarke pulled her wrist from Bellamy’s clasp.

“I’ll get it!” she shouted before Bellamy could object, grabbing the pocket knife and putting it in her pocket, heading into the trees behind them.

“Clarke!” Bellamy yelled, and then she heard Miller and Bellamy start arguing about something, but she really didn’t care. She learned everything she needed to know, for now. Bellamy was there when the fire started, and he is clearly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them from figuring out who started it and why.

She stormed past the trees, thankful for an excuse to finally be alone. She understood why they didn’t need to be running off on their own, especially now that she knows there was someone on this island that attacked Miller. But, God, she missed having moments to herself.

She took a few deep breaths as she leaned down to look at some of the smaller twigs around her. Then, she heard a twig snap.

“Bellamy, go away,” she muttered.

“I’m not Bellamy,” she heard a woman’s voice say, and her head snapped around to get a better look at the girl. She had scars on her face with long, dark hair. She was wearing a similar uniform to Monty, even if it was a bit more torn up than his. “But, I’m glad to hear that Bellamy is nearby. I’ve been looking for him,” she continued with a smirk, and Clarke felt her stomach drop. She stood up slowly, trying to recall if she had ever seen this woman before. Maybe at the party, but Clarke was too distracted that night to place where exactly she would have encountered her.

“What do you want?” Clarke asked as calmly as she could, reminding herself that Miller warned her about some of the other people on the island. Although, given what she learned about what Bellamy and Miller had been hiding, she wouldn’t be surprised if Miller was lying to her about dangerous people being here.

“I’m gonna need you to take me to Bellamy,” she ordered, and Clarke had a feeling that Miller might have been telling the truth after all, feeling suddenly like she was in danger. The woman strode toward her, and Clarke backed up instinctively.

“Clarke!” she heard Bellamy yell, and she turned her head in the direction she heard it. He was close. The woman took this opportunity to grab Clarke from behind, keeping an arm around her neck.

“Call him over,” she ordered, and Clarke struggled to catch her breath.

“Why would I do that?” she whispered, not sure what kind of danger would await Bellamy if he came over there. Then, Clarke heard the scariest sound in the world: a gun clicking right by her ear. She side-glanced over her shoulder to see the woman holding a small handgun to Clarke’s head. She let out a whimper, before nodding. The woman loosened her grip around her neck, as Clarke shouted his name.

 They stood there in silence for a few moments, only hearing the sound of Bellamy storming closer. He came out from behind a tree, hand on his holster. Then, he saw them, and his eyes widened. He went to grab his gun.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you,” the woman warned, and Bellamy swallowed.

“Let her go,” Bellamy said with a threatening tone, and Clarke could feel the woman sigh against her.

“Tell me where to find Roan and maybe I will,” she commanded, and Clarke sucked in a breath. Bellamy clenched his jaw, eyes still wide. Clarke scanned the area, wondering if there was any way for her to get out of this. Bellamy couldn’t get to his gun without this woman shooting Clarke and probably him. And Clarke had a feeling this woman wasn’t just going to let Clarke go free if Bellamy helped her.

“I don’t know where he is. Ontari, please,” he begged, and Clarke was amazed by how desperate his eyes looked. This was the first time Clarke had ever seen Bellamy scared.

“You can’t honestly expect me to believe you haven’t kept tabs on him,” Ontari growled, and then Clarke remembered that she grabbed the pocket knife before she left.

“I don’t want to be anywhere near him, trust me,” Bellamy said, putting his hands up defensively. Clarke moved her left arm slowly, trying not to alert Ontari to her movements. She reached into her dress pocket, feeling the cold pocket knife in between her shaking fingers.

“A coward, as always,” Ontari muttered, and Clarke heard more rustling in the trees. Ontari whipped her head around, but Clarke looked at Bellamy who had a relieved expression on his face. _Miller._

Ontari whipped Clarke around to face in the direction of the noise, and Clarke used this opportunity to flip the knife open. “I am armed,” Ontari yelled toward the jungle, before turning her head again to glance at Bellamy. Clarke glanced down, seeing the knife in her hand that Ontari hadn’t noticed yet.

“As am I,” she heard Miller announce from behind the trees. Then, Ontari moved the gun to face the direction Miller’s voice was coming from, and Clarke stabbed Ontari’s thigh with the pocket knife. She let out a yelp of pain, as Clarke felt herself being shoved forward.

“Miller, now!” she heard Bellamy shout, as Clarke crashed forward, slamming her head into a large rock. She heard some kind of altercation going on behind her, as she tried to turn herself over. She ran her hand over her forehead, before glancing at her fingers that were covered in blood. She blinked a few times, suddenly feeling incredibly dizzy.

She needed to stay awake, she kept telling herself as she blinked. She could make out Bellamy and Miller, but she didn’t see where Ontari went.

“Clarke?” she heard someone say, as she closed her eyes.

“Stay awake,” someone ordered, but her eyelids suddenly felt so heavy. She was so tired. She felt someone touch her head, and it ached so badly. She let out a yelp, opening her eyes again. Bellamy and Miller were hovering over her, Miller tending to the wound on her head, and Bellamy was gripping her shoulders, staring at her intensely.

“This is too much blood,” Miller said, and Bellamy swallowed.

Clarke started to close her eyes again, the pain in her head being too much to keep them open. “Wounds on the head cause more bleeding than other places,” she whispered.

“Clarke, keep talking to me,” Bellamy begged, and she winced as Miller wiped away more blood from her forehead.

“Fuck off, Bellamy. I’m still pissed at you,” she mumbled, and she heard someone let out a sigh.

“Keep her talking,” Miller whispered, and she heard Bellamy groan.

“And why are you so pissed at me, Clarke?” he asked in a condescending tone, and she wanted to punch him. Her eyes flipped open, as she tried to glare at him, even though it hurt to do so.

“You lied to me,” she muttered, and then closed her eyes again. There were a few moments of silence, and Clarke really wanted to let herself drift off to sleep. Then, she heard some whispering.

“Maybe a concussion. But, feel her forehead. This is definitely one of those, uh, fuck. What’s the word?” she heard Miller whisper, as she felt Bellamy’s fingers gently touch the wound on her forehead.

“Contusion, you dick,” Clarke mumbled, barely staying awake.

“She’s pissed at me too?” Miller asked Bellamy, who started groaning.

“You also lied to me,” she groaned, and suddenly she felt someone’s hand on the side of her face. Their thumb was stroking her cheek, and it felt so nice. She blinked a few times, reminding herself that she needed to stay awake.

“Explain, Clarke,” Miller ordered, and she knew he was trying to keep her awake. He didn’t care if she was pissed. Neither of them did. She closed her eyes again.

“The fire,” was all she could get out, before drifting off to sleep, everything turning to black.


	7. I'll Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you have been asking about when Roan is showing up in this fic, and I promise you it's coming. It probably won't be for a few more updates, but he will show up and be a major part of this fic. So hang in there. He's one of my fave characters, and I also can't wait to work him into this. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for all the comments and support. Love you guys!
> 
> Let me know what you think of this update!

When Clarke opened her eyes again, it was dark outside. Where was she?

She blinked a few times, as the surrounding trees slowly became clearer. God, she was dizzy. Why was she this dizzy? Did she drink too much?

The next thing she noticed was the smell. It smelled like a bonfire, like someone was about to start roasting s’mores. She tried to turn her head, but it hurt too much.

“Careful, princess,” she heard someone whisper. The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place it. It wasn’t Finn and it wasn’t Wells. Whoever it was helped Clarke sit up, as she adjusted to her surroundings.

Then it all hit her at once: she was still on the island. She was held at gunpoint by that woman. She almost died.

She let her fingers gently touch her forehead, and the pain was too much, the tears started pouring down her face.

“Shh, let’s get you to lie back down,” the voice reassured her, and she let him help her lie back down. Once her head hit something soft, she looked up to see Bellamy looking down at her, pressing his lips together. Clarke reached her hand to see what she was lying on, only realizing that he had her resting on his lap. This was an oddly intimate gesture for someone like him. If her head wasn’t killing her, she might have moved away from him. But, it felt so nice, so she just closed her eyes again.

“She okay?” she heard Monty ask, sounding far away from them.

“She will be. She seems out of it, though,” Bellamy explained, running his fingers through Clarke’s hair. God, that felt so good.

“We’ll see how she’s feeling in the morning, but I really think we should delay heading back. We now have two injured people to consider,” Miller said, sounding equally far away. Clarke opened her eyes to look for them, only to see vague outlines of them on the other side of the fire.

“Agreed. But, if she’s up for it, I think we should still try to make some small progress. After what happened today, I don’t exactly want to stay in the same spot for too long,” Bellamy replied, with a sharpness in his voice. Clarke wanted to chime in, to tell them that she would be fine by morning. But, she was so tired.

“I doubt Ontari would come back here again. She’s many things, but she’s not stupid,” Miller said very seriously. Bellamy was still playing with Clarke’s hair, but began running his thumb up and down her shoulder. She closed her eyes again, feeling more relaxed than she has the entire time she’s been on this island.

“Let’s just hope she doesn’t find Murphy. We don’t need both of them causing problems for us,” Monty joined in, sounding exhausted. Who the hell was Murphy?

“Oh, you know if Murphy was on this island, that he and Sterling would already be getting into trouble,” Bellamy said, and Clarke could practically hear him rolling his eyes. Then, there was silence for a few moments. Clarke opened her eyes, to see Miller and Monty shooting each other a look.

“Sterling is dead, Bellamy,” Monty finally said, and Clarke could feel Bellamy’s body tense up. She looked up at him, noticing how clenched his jaw was. She reached out to grab his hand that was resting on her shoulder, giving him a tight squeeze. He looked down at her for a brief second, before returning his attention back to Monty.

“How?” he practically growled, squeezing Clarke’s hand back.

“I didn’t see it happen. I just saw the body,” Monty murmured, before Clarke heard some rustling. She turned her head slightly, trying to ignore the pain in her head. It now looked like Miller and Monty were getting ready to get some sleep. She glanced back up at Bellamy, who was now staring intensely back at her.

“Don’t worry. I’m keeping first watch,” he whispered to her, running his thumb along her cheek. She let out a sigh, as if those words were all it took to make her feel safer.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” Clarke whispered back, not entirely sure if this Sterling guy was his friend or not. But, by how it affected him, it seemed like they were somehow close. He nodded, tucking Clarke’s hair behind her ear.

“I am too,” he said, looking back up at the fire. “I’m sorry Ontari hurt you. I promise, I’m not going to let anything like that happen to you again.”

Clarke blinked a few times after hearing that promise. She was used to hearing Bellamy act aggressive and serious… she just wasn’t used to the tenderness he was showing her. This was… strange. Sure, they had been a bit flirty a few times since they were shipwrecked, but she just attributed that to them having tension they needed to let loose. But, this… this was different.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Clarke reassured, closing her eyes again.

“Yes, it was,” Bellamy deadpanned.

 

Bellamy insisted she stayed lying down while they packed up the stuff.

“Monty, how is your ankle?” she remembered to ask, wondering how she had forgotten about his injury.

“Don’t worry about my ankle. You’ve got your own injury to deal with,” he replied, as he wrapped up his own ankle. Clarke let out a small groan, throwing her arm over her eyes. It was so bright outside, and it was killing her head.

“Alright, so Miller, you’ll take Monty, and I’ve got Clarke. In a bit, we’ll switch,” Bellamy said, as he reached a hand out to help Clarke up. She probably could have gotten up by herself, but reluctantly reached up to grab his hand. He pulled her up, and she suddenly felt dizzy again. Bellamy held both of her shoulders, as she tried to get her vision under control.

After blinking a few times, she saw Bellamy studying her face intensely.

“I’m okay,” she reassured, trying to step away from his intense glare.

“Clarke, you better tell us the second you start feeling dizzy,” Miller ordered, as he and Monty got ready to start walking. She nodded, slowly turning around to begin walking.

It was easy enough at first. Bellamy was hovering so much, pointing out every possible thing Clarke could step on before she was even close to it. She stayed quiet, using all of her energy on not falling over every five seconds. Monty seemed to be moving better today, which Clarke was grateful for. He and Miller were ahead of Bellamy and Clarke today, which was probably due to the fact that Clarke was having difficulty keeping up. Bellamy had offered to carry her, several times. But, her pride wouldn’t let him do that.

“Aren’t you a little young to be a doctor?” Bellamy asked after walking in silence for more than twenty minutes. Clarke blinked a few times, glancing up at him.

“I mean, I just finished med school last year. Doing my residency now,” she explained, not entirely sure how this came up.

“So, how did you decide you wanted to be a doctor?” he asked, holding a branch out of Clarke’s way as she walked past him.

She furrowed her eyebrows at that question, suddenly not sure what her answer was. She knew she had an answer deep down, but her mind was completely blank.

“Clarke?” he asked, and she shook her head a little bit, trying to get her brain to start working again.

“Uh, I guess it was just always in my plan. My mom is a doctor. And I always wanted to be a doctor,” she said, not entirely sure that was right. It was true, of course, but it didn’t really answer how she decided to be a doctor.

Bellamy just nodded along, pressing his lips together.

“Why do you ask?” Clarke asked, curious as to what sparked this line of inquiry.

“Just curious. I realized I really don’t know all that much about you,” he said coolly, eyes focused forward.

Suddenly, Clarke felt dizzy again, as she stopped walking. “Clarke?” she heard Bellamy say, as she kept her eyes focused on the ground, trying to get her vision back under control.

“Miller! We’re stopping!”

Then, she felt Bellamy grab her waist. She was too tired to even look up at him. She just rested her head onto his chest, throwing her whole weight onto him. “You’re okay,” he reassured, as he helped her sit down.

Once she was seated, with her head resting against a tree, she heard Miller and Monty walk toward them.

“We made it farther than we thought,” Miller reassured, and Monty nodded. She closed her eyes again.

 

She woke a few hours later, and with some begging on her part, they resumed walking back to camp. She didn’t recognize where they were, but all the trees were starting to look the same to her.

“You think our friends have actually done anything while we were gone?” Miller asked, and she scrunched up her nose in response. She could see Lincoln trying to get the rest of them to actually do something, but she could hardly imagine that Jasper or Finn would be great at coming up with ways to make shelter or store food. Maybe Octavia was more resourceful.

“We’ll be lucky if they kept themselves hydrated,” she groaned. Miller let out a chuckle.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, and Clarke looked forward to see Bellamy and Monty way out ahead of them.

“Like I was held at gunpoint and then thrown into a boulder,” she muttered, and Miller chuckled again. She shot him a glare.

“Gotta laugh to keep from crying, Clarke,” he said with a forced smile, and Clarke nodded. Yesterday was terrifying. Growing up, she never knew anyone who owned a gun. Her parents were very against owning guns. She wasn’t used to them. And even if she were, nothing could have prepared her for the sheer terror that was having a gun held at her head.

“Who is Roan?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow. She briefly remembered meeting him on the boat, but couldn’t even remember what he looked like. He was a guest on board the ship, so Ontari and Bellamy shouldn’t even really know him enough to be looking for him. It didn’t make sense.

“I’ve never met him. And Bellamy hasn’t told me anything about him,” Miller answered, a little hesitantly.

“Do you know why Ontari was looking for him?” she whispered, hoping Bellamy couldn’t hear her press Miller for questions. She wanted to get to the bottom of why she was attacked before she got back to camp, so that she would have actual information to give to Lincoln.

“I wish I could tell you, but I really don’t know Ontari either. This was her first time on board with us. All I know is that she’s a magnet for trouble,” Miller said with a bored expression on his face. That struck Clarke as weird. Bellamy looked as if he knew Ontari pretty well, so why wouldn’t Miller? And it couldn’t be a coincidence that there was a fire on her first trip on the boat.

Maybe that’s who Bellamy was trying to protect by keeping the truth about the fire a secret.

Then, Clarke remembered that Miller had lied to her before. He might know her well, and is just lying to Clarke about it, just like he lied about the fire.

“Don’t worry, though. I can tell that Bellamy is going to be watching you like a hawk. Ontari won’t be coming anywhere near you,” Miller tried to reassure, but Clarke narrowed her eyes at him in response.

“Watching me like a hawk?”

Miller blinked a few times, before letting a smirk take over his face. “You could say he’s got a bit of a soft spot for you,” he said with a teasing glint in his eye. Clarke let out a groan.

 

That night, she fell asleep listening to the guys tell stories about their drunken adventures in between voyages. She learned about how Miller met his current boyfriend, which was by Bellamy drunkenly hitting on the poor guy for Miller. She drifted in and out as Bellamy went off on how they secretly followed Octavia’s ex, Atom, around for an entire evening, hoping to find something scandalous so that Bellamy could say that he was right about the guy, only to find that the poor guy was just lost and was paranoid someone was following him… which he wasn’t wrong about.

Then, Bellamy gave Monty the downlow on who all was with them at camp.

“I don’t know. Lincoln seems cool to me,” Miller said with a shrug, and Bellamy just shook his head.

“He rubs me the wrong way,” Bellamy muttered.

“I like him a lot. He’s been a good friend to me,” Clarke jumped in, and Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her.

“You just met him when we shipwrecked,” Bellamy pointed out, and Clarke shrugged.

“He was the first person I found. We just kind of bonded. Especially when we thought we were the only ones who survived,” she explained, and Monty raised his eyebrows.

“Alright, so Lincoln and Octavia. You said seven people. Who are the other two?” Monty asked, changing the subject.

“Jasper and Finn,” Bellamy muttered, and Monty raised an eyebrow.

“Clarke knows them better than we do,” Miller explained, gesturing toward Clarke for her to describe them.

“Not sure I can give an unbiased opinion on Finn. But, Jasper is harmless. Sweet guy who is very funny.”

“Sweet and funny aren’t exactly survival assets, princess,” Bellamy teased, and she rolled her eyes.

“Neither is being a grumpy old man, but we find a way to make it work,” she snapped, and Miller started clapping his hands. “It’s also noteworthy that Jasper has already broken his arm,” she said to Monty, who started groaning.

“This is not a great start to our survival,” he muttered, shaking his head. “What’s Finn’s deal?” Clarke glanced at Bellamy who had a scowl on his face.

Miller jumped in. “That’s kind of awkward because it was Finn’s engagement party that we were all at, but he used to screw Clarke while he was dating his current fiancée,” he explained, wincing a little bit as he glanced at Clarke. She threw up her hands, not sure why she thought she could have just one person on this island not know her dirty laundry.

“Holy fuck,” Monty shouted.

“Oh, and his fiancée is pregnant, and we have no idea where she is or if she’s alive. But, he’s still obsessed with Clarke,” Miller added in, and Clarke started glaring at him.

“We don’t like Finn,” Bellamy said, raising an eyebrow at Clarke.

“Cool. So, we’ve got a little soap opera waiting for us back at camp,” Monty summarized, eyes still wide from all that gossip.

“I’m going to sleep,” Clarke groaned, getting up to find a good spot.

“Miller, you’ve got first watch,” she heard Bellamy say, before following her. There was whispering going on behind them, but Clarke was too tired and her head hurt too much to deal with it.

“You going to keep hovering around me?” Clarke asked, curling up on her side.

“I am not hovering,” Bellamy said sternly, sitting down a few feet away from her. She raised an eyebrow, and he sighed, lying down on his back. “Just thought you’d feel better if you weren’t alone,” he whispered, looking up at the sky.

Clarke blinked a few times, processing that. What did he mean by that?

“If you can get a good night’s sleep, we might make it back to camp by tomorrow night,” Bellamy whispered, inching a bit closer to Clarke. She glanced over at him, noticing how his head was now turned to look at her.

“I’ll try my best,” she whispered, hearing Monty and Miller say their goodnights in the distance. Bellamy leaned his head up, probably locating where Monty and Miller were, before moving even closer to Clarke. She sucked in a breath. He reached his arm out, brushing her hair out of her face. “Bellamy, what are you doing?” she asked, blinking a few times.

“Nothing, princess. Go to sleep,” he whispered, turning his head back to face the sky. She let out a sigh, closing her eyes. Bellamy made no sense to her. He could be a total ass to her one minute, lying and manipulating. And now, he was acting like he was somehow Clarke’s protector.

 

The next day was long and miserable. Monty needed more breaks than Clarke did, which made sense since his injury actually prevented him from effectively walking. At least Clarke’s head was slowly starting to unfog itself. Monty was getting worse with every day they walked.

Clarke was starting to recognize where she was, noticing one of the spots where the bigger group had stopped on their way to the lake.

Bellamy was in a horrible mood, getting impatient with how many stops they were taking. Clarke was careful not to imply she wasn’t feeling well, trying not to add onto his frustration.

“He just wants to get back to his sister,” Miller explained as soon as Monty and Bellamy were out of earshot. Clarke nodded, understanding his frustration. If she and Monty hadn’t have gotten hurt, they would have been back by now.

“We’re still making good time,” Clarke reassured, and Miller nodded.

“I know that. But, he wants to be back now. And if you haven’t noticed, he doesn’t exactly have the gift of patience.”

Clarke let out a snort, thinking that was the understatement of the year.

 

As the sun set, Miller suggested that they make camp for the night, and Clarke really thought Bellamy was going to bite his head off. Monty and Clarke kept repeating that they were fine with continuing on, especially since Clarke knew that once she got to camp, she would be able to rest for a long time. It was worth it to be in pain for a while longer if it meant they could get comfortable sooner.

“It’s not much farther,” Bellamy muttered, throwing Monty’s arm around his shoulder to signal that it was time to get moving again. Clarke took a deep breath before following, and Miller followed suit.

“If you were ever planning on fake fainting, now would be the time, Clarke,” Miller joked, sounding slightly out of breath.

“That wouldn’t do us any good,” Clarke muttered.

“Oh, he would stop everything if he thought you weren’t well,” Miller said while rolling his eyes.

“There’s nothing going on with me and him,” Clarke whispered, glancing forward to make sure Bellamy wasn’t listening.

Miller started smirking. “Sure, sure,” he whispered, chuckling a little to himself.

 

When they smelled smoke, Clarke felt tears start to pool in her eyes. They were so close.

Clarke picked up the pace, knowing that clean water and food were just moments away. Miller followed suit, as Bellamy urged Monty to power through.

As they reached the clearing, the first thing Clarke heard was Octavia screaming, before running up and throwing her arms around Bellamy. Clarke let out a relieved sigh. She and Miller helped Monty sit down, before she looked around. She first noticed a man she didn’t really recognize all that well sitting next to Jasper. Then, she remembered that she had seen him on the boat, but still couldn’t place him.

She blinked a few times, before she realized what this meant. Someone found them.

“Clarke!” she heard a familiar voice behind her scream. She whipped her head around to see Wells standing behind her, jaw dropped.

“Wells!” she screamed back, as he dropped the wood in his hands and started sprinting toward her, hugging her as tightly as he possibly could. She buried her face into his neck, letting the tears just fall.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he said, gripping her face with his hand, as he kept his other hand on her back. She nodded, knowing that she had been terrified of the same thing.

“I was so worried about you,” she said, still sobbing. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

As she pulled back from the hug, she wiped away her tears, glancing around the clearing. Octavia was back to sitting with Lincoln, who just nodded in Clarke’s direction. Not exactly the warm welcome she had hoped for, but to be fair, she really didn’t know Lincoln all that well.

“Clarke, what happened to your head?” she heard Finn ask, and she turned her head to look at him, noticing a look of concern. Oh right, she probably still had a huge gash on her head.

“It’s a long story,” she muttered, glancing down to see Finn’s hand laced with someone else’s. Her head snapped up, to see Raven next to him.

“Oh, hi. I’m Raven. You must be Clarke. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Raven said, reaching her hand out to shake Clarke’s hand.

Clarke had managed not to faint all day. But, God, she felt like she was going to at this moment.

 

“Anyways, Wick, Raven, and I woke up on the same beach together. There was another girl there too, but she took off,” Wells explained, as Clarke struggled to keep her eyes open.

“Do you know her name?” Clarke asked, wondering if it was their lifeboat that Ontari ended up on.

“There wasn’t a lot of time for introductions when we were fleeing a boat that was on fire, Clarke,” Wells groaned, and she nodded. She had her head on his shoulder, and arm linked with his.

“Who else was on your boat?” she asked, knowing he probably didn’t know.

“No one that lived,” he said solemnly, and Clarke took a deep breath. Her boat really was lucky, considering everyone on it had made it to this island. “There were a lot of bodies that washed up on that shore, Clarke,” he whispered, shaking his head. Clarke grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“We’re going to be okay,” she reassured, not entirely sure if that was true. All she knew is that she was grateful to be reunited with Wells and was looking forward to a long night’s sleep. Well, that, and she was going to avoid Raven as much as humanly possible. “Has everyone been nice to you?” she asked, glancing over at her fellow castaways. She figured that Finn and Jasper would be kind enough to Wells, but wasn’t sure about everyone else.

“Oh, yeah. Lincoln and Octavia have been great, and I think they’re cute together,” he said, and Clarke’s head snapped up.

“They’re not a couple, Wells. They don’t even know each other,” Clarke clarified, before glancing over at them. They were sitting a little closer than she would expect, so maybe she could see how Wells thought they were an item.

“Well, they seemed to be getting to know each other pretty well earlier today,” Wells said, and Clarke couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Oh, Bellamy isn’t going to like this,” she muttered, glancing over at him. He was having a conversation with Finn and Raven, with a stern look on his face.

“I get the feeling that Bellamy doesn’t like a lot of things,” Wells joked, and Clarke let out a snort.

“I’m gonna go check on Monty,” she said, before struggling to stand up on her own. She used the tree for support as she started to lose her balance, but she still managed to do it all on her own. She walked over to where Monty was sitting.

“How’s it feeling?” she asked. Monty let out a sigh, shooting her an exhausted look.

“You don’t have to keep checking on me. I know you’re a doctor, but you’re also a concussed doctor who needs rest,” Monty said sternly, and Clarke ignored him, undoing the wrap around his ankle.

“Well, it’s swelling a lot. We need to keep this elevated tonight while you sleep,” Clarke ordered.

“Are you okay?” Monty asked, with a very serious look on his face.

“I’m concussed. I’ll live,” she muttered, and then Monty grabbed her wrist.

“That’s not what I was referring to.”

Clarke felt her chest start to ache, suddenly remembering why he would be so worried. She looked around to see Raven sink into Finn’s arms, and she suddenly felt out of breath. It was one thing to have to see them together on that boat, and know that they were going to spend their lives together. But now, on this damn island, Clarke was going to have to watch that happen. And Raven didn’t even know. The guilt was killing Clarke.

“I’m fine,” she muttered, as she rewrapped his ankle.

 

That night she picked a spot next to Wells, not wanting to let him out of her sight after everything they had been through. Everyone seemed to fall asleep quickly, and Clarke was no exception.

The only problem was that she couldn’t stay asleep. There was too much going through her head. She had so much to catch Wells up on. She had so much that she needed to tell Lincoln. And ask Lincoln, since he is apparently very close to Octavia now.

She started to stand up, careful not to make any noise so that no one woke up. She tiptoed away from her fellow castaways before slipping behind the trees toward the small lake. She didn’t hear Bellamy’s footsteps storming up behind her, which she took as a good sign.

As she weaved through the branches, she finally saw the lake, glistening a bit from the moonlight. As she stepped closer toward it, she saw someone sitting by the water’s edge.

“No one goes off on their own,” she muttered to Bellamy as she sat down next to him. He started groaning.

“I have a gun. I’m fine,” he muttered back, eyes fixed on the water. “You should be asleep.”

“So, should you.”

“I don’t have a head injury to recover from.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you really?” he asked, turning his head around to raise an eyebrow at Clarke. She nodded, swallowing slightly as she did. “So, seeing your ex’s fiancée didn’t totally fuck you up with guilt?” he blurted out, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows in response.

“I don’t want to talk about Raven.”

“She doesn’t know about you, does she?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her. She shook her head, feeling tears start to form in her eyes again. “You can’t tell her. Not now that we’re all stuck here,” he said sternly, and Clarke nodded, already making the same realization herself. She didn’t know Raven well enough to know how she would react. And they already had enough chaos on this island to deal with. They didn’t need everyone blowing apart because of pre-island drama.

She let the tears start pouring out, not even bothering to wipe them away anymore. He reached his arm out to pull her closer to him, and Clarke let herself sob into his chest.

“Let it out,” he whispered, resting his head on top of Clarke’s hair.

“He broke my heart,” she whispered into his chest, and she could feel him nod.

“I know.”

They sat there in silence for a while, as Bellamy ran his fingers through her hair. She let her head rest in the crook of his neck, sighing into his skin every time he rubbed her back.

“What can I do?” he finally asked, pulling Clarke’s head back to look at him.

She stared at him blankly, sniffling a little bit. His eyes were studying hers intensely, and his jaw was tensing as he waited for her to respond.

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” she finally replied, sighing a little.

“If there is, tell me and I’ll do it. Whatever you need, I’ll do it,” he whispered, his voice sounding almost desperate. She felt her chest start to ache, wanting to tell him that he could fix it, since he clearly wanted to. But, he couldn’t. No one could. Finn shattered her heart and she had to find a way to live with it.


	8. You're Jealous

“I’m not even sure I’m doing this right,” Clarke muttered, throwing the piece of rope back onto the ground. Lincoln let out a groan, before picking it back up and tying the knot easily.

“You’ll get the hang of it,” he reassured, looking over his shoulder. Clarke followed his eyes to see Octavia pulling Bellamy back toward camp. “Thank God,” he muttered, letting the rope fall to the ground.

Clarke let out a breath, thankful for a few hovering Bellamy-free moments, since they were exceptionally rare these days. It had been three days since they brought Monty back to camp, and Clarke’s head was starting to work properly again. “So, anyways, Monty told Bellamy that this guy named Sterling was dead, but no one knew how it happened,” she explained, as Lincoln furrowed his eyebrows.

“Did he act weird when he found out?”

“No, just sad,” Clarke said, thinking back on that weird night. Her memories of it were a little fuzzy, but she remembers that part pretty clearly.

Clarke had been slowly updating Lincoln on everything she learned on her little trip with Bellamy and Miller over the course of the day. Lincoln had found some rope while they were gone and requested Clarke’s help fashioning them into nets. And as everyone in the group nodded along, saying it was a good idea, Clarke knew this was just Lincoln’s way of comparing notes with Clarke without arousing suspicion.

The only problem was that Bellamy was always keeping an eye on Clarke. He had hardly spoken to her since that night she cried on him by the lake, but he was always there, keeping a watchful eye on her. Lincoln suggested it was because he didn’t want Clarke saying anything to the rest of the castaways, but Clarke knew that she didn’t know enough for Bellamy to actually worry about that.

“Do you think that Sterling guy could have been the one to start the fire?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Clarke shook her head.

“Has Octavia let anything slip?” Clarke asked, and Lincoln immediately looked at the ground.

“We haven’t exactly talked a lot about that night, no,” Lincoln murmured, and Clarke crossed her arms.

“You know Bellamy will find out about you two eventually,” she reminded him, and his jaw twitched, looking over Clarke’s shoulder. He let out a sigh. Clarke glanced back, seeing Miller wave at them from by the trees. Clarke waved back, forcing a smile. Lincoln picked up the rope and placed it in Clarke’s hands, and she immediately started groaning.

“It’s okay if you can’t. Just pretend,” he whispered, slowly demonstrating to Clarke how to tie the knot again. She tried to follow his movements, but she was just not getting it.

“I blame the concussion,” she muttered, and Lincoln genuinely started laughing. Clarke joined in, amazed at how happy he looked at this moment. There hadn’t been a lot of laughter amongst the castaways, since there wasn’t a lot to laugh about.

They worked in silence, as Clarke finally managed to do one of the knots and cheered to herself. Lincoln rolled his eyes, slowly building up the net.

“Clarke, I need to ask you a favor, and I don’t think you’re going to like it,” he said seriously, and Clarke cocked her head.

“Lincoln, I would literally do anything you asked me to. I owe you so much after you kept me sane those first few days,” Clarke said with a soft smile, probably over-doing it a bit. She felt weird around Lincoln, since he had become colder around her since she got back. She wasn’t sure what had changed while she was gone, but she sensed that something was up with him. She had been going out of her way to interact with him, or show appreciation for their little friendship.

“It’s Raven,” he deadpanned, and Clarke sucked in a breath.

“I can’t be the one to tell her,” Clarke whispered, feeling her stomach tighten.

“No, and you shouldn’t,” Lincoln replied, before putting the rope back down on the ground. “It’s just that you have the most medical experience on the island, and as you know she is pregnant…” he said, trailing off in hopes that Clarke would connect the dots.

Her chest started to ache, at the realization that she wasn’t going to be able to avoid Raven like she had hoped.

“It’s not exactly my area,” Clarke started, shaking her head. To be fair, that was true. She had never delivered a baby before, and hadn’t studied up on how to take care of pregnant women specifically. She had the general knowledge that any doctor would have, but she really wasn’t the best person for the job.

And then, Clarke remembered she was the only doctor on the island. She was the only person for the job.

“Clarke, she’s my best friend,” Lincoln pleaded, grabbing Clarke’s wrist. Clarke sucked in a breath, nodding slowly.

“Okay,” she whispered, trying not to think about what all of this was going to entail. “You two are close, huh?” Clarke asked, almost feeling like she was prodding.

Lincoln leaned back on his hands, facing the lake. “We were in the same foster home for a few years,” he explained, with a strange look on his face. “My parents died when I was pretty young, and her mom wasn’t exactly able to keep Raven.” Clarke nodded slowly, trying to tell him that he could keep talking. “I had to leave when I was eighteen, but I stayed nearby for Raven. She’s like family to me,” he whispered, and Clarke understood. She thought about her relationship with Wells in a similar way. He was like her brother. She would do anything for him. And it was clear that Lincoln would do anything for Raven.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of her,” Clarke reassured, and Lincoln smiled softly.

“You’re a good person, Clarke. I know this is hard for you,” he said.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, as Clarke wondered if his relationship with Raven was why he was so cold to her initially. She swallowed, needing to say something to him. “I didn’t know about her. If I had known, I wouldn’t have…” she started before trailing off, already starting to tear up.

“I know that, now,” Lincoln reassured, putting an arm around her shoulders. Clarke let herself lean in to rest her head on his shoulder. “You’re not that kind of person.”

 

Clarke and Raven sat across from each other in silence, in a quiet spot by the lake, far from prying eyes or ears.

“So, your doctor’s office is kind of a mess,” Raven joked, and Clarke immediately snorted, not expecting that out of her.

“Not the aesthetic I would normally go for, no,” Clarke teased, feeling slightly less awkward about this whole thing. “So, how far along are you?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. The girl wasn’t showing yet, which meant it had to be pretty early.

“About ten weeks,” she answered, and Clarke started nodding, trying not to think back to what she was doing ten weeks ago. Definitely not making a mental note that that week was when Finn had a “business trip” that came up last minute.

“Okay, how is the morning sickness?” Clarke tried to keep herself on track.

“Not that bad, all things considered. Trying to survive on this island makes the whole morning sickness thing seem like a piece of cake,” she joked, and Clarke forced a laugh, even though she was suddenly worried about the toll all of this would take on that baby.

“Have you been eating a lot?”

“As much as I can find, but still probably not enough,” Raven said, leaning back against the rock. Clarke pressed her lips together. They were going to have to be better about finding more food, if Raven was going to get through this.

“I’m going to talk to the others about diversifying what food we have. I’m worried you’re not getting enough protein,” Clarke said, looking up at the trees. “If I’m not mistaken, you’re supposed to start showing in the next few weeks, which means you need to start putting on weight and keeping it on.”

“Understood, doc,” she said with a smirk.

“And we’re going to need to make sure you’re properly rested. We’re not going to have you going on long walks in the jungle or lifting wood,” Clarke ordered, and Raven pressed her lips together.

“I still want to be helpful. I’m smart as hell and it would be a waste to just have me rest under the trees all day,” she said, with a confidence Clarke couldn’t help but be inspired by.

Clarke smiled, flexing her arms over her head as she stretched. “We’ll figure something out.”

“I like you,” Raven smirked, as she went to stand up. Clarke smirked back, realizing that she had been thinking the same thing. She really liked Raven.

 

As they all sat around the fire that night, eating the slightly overcooked fish that Lincoln and Octavia had caught, Clarke found herself sitting next to Wick. She glanced over at Raven, who looked positively green as she tried to force herself to eat the fish. Clarke let out a sigh, wondering how they were supposed to get protein in her if she couldn’t keep anything down.

“How’s that head injury?” Wick asked, tapping his feet on the ground.

“Still hurts like a bitch, but my brain is working just fine,” Clarke said with a forced smile, as she glanced around at everyone. Jasper had a few more scrapes than he did this morning, so Clarke made a mental note to chew him out about that later. The last thing anyone needed was to get one of their cuts infected. Bellamy and Miller were deep in conversation, as always. Raven was sitting with Octavia and Lincoln, who were sitting just a little too close. There was no way that Bellamy still didn’t know about them.

Wait, where was Wells? Clarke did a quick count of everyone, and came up one short.

“Did you see where Wells went?” she asked Wick, and he shook his head. She stood up quickly and slipped behind the trees, hoping to not alert anyone to the fact that she was going off on her own. She started walking toward the lake, hoping that was where he went. He didn’t know this area as well as Clarke did, and she feared he would get lost if he veered off this path too much.

“Clarke!” she heard someone behind her shout, and she was going to scream if it was Bellamy. She was getting exhausted with his weird hovering, especially since he was hardly speaking to her now, even though she had no idea why.

She turned around to see Finn jogging up to her. She swallowed, crossing her arms. “I’m just trying to find Wells. Go back to camp,” she ordered, before turning around to resume walking. He grabbed her wrist, turning her back around.

“You really shouldn’t be out here by yourself,” he said with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Trust me, I’m fine,” she said with a too-forced smile.

“Clarke, please,” he pleaded, and Clarke gestured with her head for him to walk with her. They walked in silence for a while, as they slowly approached the lake.

“Wells!” she called out, not seeing anyone nearby.

“We should head back,” Finn said, and Clarke groaned.

“Can you stop? I’m finding Wells,” she snapped.

“People are going to get worried about us,” he muttered, grabbing Clarke’s wrist again. She wiggled her way out of his clasp.

“Then, you can head back. I’m going to look for Wells.”

“Wells just got back to camp,” someone said from behind the trees. Clarke snapped her head around to see Bellamy step forward and lean his shoulder against a tree. “He just went on a walk and forgot to tell you,” he explained, expression blank. She glanced over at Finn, who was looking at the ground.

“Well, good. He’s okay,” Clarke said, a little embarrassed that she went all this way to look for someone who wasn’t lost.

“Collins, your fiancée is looking for you,” Bellamy said with a stern look on his face.

“Alright, let’s head back,” Finn said to Clarke, and Clarke couldn’t help but notice the intense glare she was getting from Bellamy.

“You go ahead. I need to talk to Clarke,” Bellamy ordered, and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Clarke, let’s go,” Finn pleaded.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Clarke said, keeping her glare fixed on Bellamy, who was now smirking. Finn brushed past Bellamy, shooting Clarke a few pleading looks as he disappeared back into the jungle. As soon as Finn was out of earshot, Bellamy started marching up toward Clarke.

“We’re going on a walk,” he ordered, gesturing with his hand for Clarke to follow him.

“Where are we going?” she groaned.

“Don’t know yet,” he said, tone still sharp. He marched toward the other side of the lake, leading Clarke toward a different set of trees.

“What do you want, Bellamy?” she snapped, as he held a branch out of her way.

“What the hell do you think you were doing with Collins?” he yelled, as Clarke crossed her arms. Where the hell did he get this kind of nerve? He couldn’t just ignore Clarke for days and then suddenly yell at her for no reason.

“I was looking for Wells. He followed me,” she growled, and Bellamy stepped toward her.

“You know what that looked like, right?” he said, just inches away from her face now. She let out a breath.

“How the hell was I supposed to know that he would come after me like that?” she yelled, and Bellamy turned around, gripping onto a skinny branch and snapping it immediately.

“Because he’s fucking in love with you, Clarke!” he yelled, and suddenly Clarke knew why they walked this far away from camp. He didn’t want anyone to hear this conversation.

She could feel the heat rise to her face and she clenched her fists at her sides. “I don’t know why you’re yelling at me about this. It’s not my fucking fault!”

Bellamy leaned his head into the tree, still facing away from Clarke. “God, you can’t be this fucking dumb,” he muttered, and Clarke slapped his shoulder.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” she snapped, and he whipped his head around, grabbing the wrist of the hand she just slapped him with.

“Did you want him to follow you out here?” he asked, voice low, and Clarke couldn’t make out his facial expression, which kind of terrified her. It was just too dark to tell what he was really thinking. He stepped forward, backing Clarke into a tree, as he kept his grip just as tight on her wrist.

Clarke wanted to scream at him, to remind him that she had no interest in Finn. He was with Raven and she loved him and Clarke wanted nothing to do with that cheating bastard. But, Bellamy knew all of that already. She had told him enough as she cursed Finn’s name over and over.

Bellamy pressed the weight of his body against Clarke, and she could finally make out the scowl on his face. He was angry… which confused Clarke. Why would Bellamy be angry at her over this?

Then, it finally clicked. “You’re jealous,” Clarke whispered, and she could see his jaw twitch.

“Shut up, princess,” he growled, and Clarke put her hand on his chest.

“What? Did you think that if Finn said the right thing to me that I’d let him fuck me right there by that lake?” she said, almost mocking him. Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her, letting go of her wrist.

“I don’t give a shit about what you do with Collins,” he growled, and Clarke smirked, knowing that was the biggest lie he had ever told her.

“Then, why’d you drag me out here to yell at me about it?” she said, smirk still intact. He had no response to this, as he kept his dark eyes focused on hers, studying her face. “So, are you going to let me go or is there something else you want?” she said, teasing him slightly. He opened his mouth slightly, clearly trying to figure out what his next move was. Clarke smirked to herself, amazed that she could get him so flustered after all the times he did this to her.

She pushed him away and started walking back toward the lake.

“I’m not done with you, Clarke,” he said, his voice sounding dark and commanding. She turned her head back around to see him storming after her, before grabbing her by the waist and pushing her back against a tree. She arched her back, pressing her chest out, as Bellamy hiked up her dress and slid his hand into her panties. He ran a finger up her slit, and Clarke let out a small moan.

“I don’t want you anywhere near him,” he whispered into her ear, his voice almost a growl, before he bit her neck just below her ear.

“Is that an order?” she asked, gripping his hair with her fingers, pulling it slightly. He pumped a finger deep inside of her and started thrusting it in and out of her.

“Yes,” he growled against her throat, as he pressed wet, biting kisses down it. She snapped her eyes shut, focusing on how his thumb kept grazing her throbbing clit.

“God, you like it when I’m rough with you,” he murmured against her skin, as his fingers started rubbing her clit. “So wet for me already.”

Clarke tilted her head back, exposing more of her neck to him, but Bellamy ignored her, as he kissed down to her chest. She let out a small whimper as two of his fingers started pumping in and out of her.

“That’s a good princess,” he whispered into her ear, as his other hand started pulling down the top of her dress.

“Is this what you wanted?” she asked, eyebrow raised, slightly out of breath. “To get me alone like this?”

Bellamy raised his head up, looking her right in the eye. She let her hand slide down his chest, to bellow his waist, so she could trace the outline of his growing erection with her fingers.

“Yes,” he muttered, his fingers no longer moving as he closed his eyes, focusing on how Clarke was touching him.

“Bet you’ve thought about this a lot,” she whispered, as his lips were back on her neck. “Probably wanted to take me for a while now,” she teased, as his fingers resumed their ministrations.

“Mhmm,” he murmured, as he bit below her jaw.

She gripped his hair with her fingers, pulling his head away from her neck so that she could look him right in the eye.

“Then, take me,” she ordered, and his jaw twitched again, which she was starting to find so sexy.

He pulled back, removing his fingers from her panties as he began tugging her panties down her legs. She helped him pull them off, before undoing his belt. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her from doing anything.

“Turn around,” he ordered, and Clarke complied, bracing her arms up against the tree and arching her back. Her dress was still pulled up, exposing her ass to him. She heard him unzip his pants, and she let out an involuntary whimper. She looked over her shoulder back at him, seeing him stare at her newly exposed ass with appreciation. He bit his lip as he ran his palm over her curves. He then made eye contact with her, with a dark smirk on his face. He slapped her ass with one quick strike, and she let out an involuntary yelp.

One of his hands found her waist, and Clarke leaned her head against the tree. She could feel him start to press the head of his cock into her, as she spread her legs even wider. He slowly worked his way inside of her, a bit too cautious for Clarke’s taste.

He pressed himself all the way inside of her, and Clarke had to take in a deep breath. She wasn’t used to someone his size, and realized just how sore this was going to make her. After waiting a few moments, he started to pull back out. His other hand started to reach up and grab her breast, squeezing very tightly.

“You look so sexy like this,” he whispered into her ear, as he sped up his thrusting. Clarke let one of her hands reach behind her to grab onto his hair, as he pressed kisses down her neck.

“I know you’ve thought of this, too. Probably fantasized about me taking you like this,” he murmured into her neck, as Clarke let out a little whimper. She could hardly focus on what he was saying to her with how much his cock was stretching her out. His hand travelled to her other breast, tweaking her nipples slightly, and Clarke thought back to the night where he felt her up by the fire. She thought back to how she stayed up late that night, wondering what it would feel like to have him touch her like this.

“God, I knew you’d feel so good around my cock,” he whispered, along with other filthy things, and Clarke could barely get herself to put a few words together. She couldn’t think straight, too focused on how he smelled, how he felt inside of her, what his hands were doing. He was everywhere all at once.

“Bellamy, I’m close,” she said, throat dry as she did. He pulled out of her, and she immediately started whimpering. Then, he pulled her off the tree and turned her around, pressing her back against the tree. He let his hands grab the underside of her thighs, as he lifted her up, before pressing back into her. She let out a whimper, as she arched her back, letting him take her breasts into his mouth. His hips started snapping into her, thrusting faster and harder than he was before. He kissed his way up her chest and to her neck, as she started tugging on his curls again.

Clarke could feel herself start clenching around her cock, not knowing how much longer she could keep from coming. Bellamy tilted his head up, looking Clarke right in the eyes, his eyes dark with lust and hunger. Clarke swallowed, her breath so shallow.

“Come for me,” he ordered, as his forehead was pressed against hers, still looking right into her eyes. She closed her eyes, finally releasing.

Then, she felt his lips crash onto hers, as she moaned into his mouth. He was thrusting harder and harder, and Clarke could tell he was almost there. His tongue dove into her mouth, searching for hers. She could still feel her own orgasm erupting, making it hard for her to concentrate on anything he was doing to her. She tried catching her breath, while still keeping her lips on his. Then, she felt him begin to come undone inside of her, grunting into her mouth as he did. He gripped her face tightly, as he continued to thrust in and out of her. She could feel him shudder against her, as he made more filthy sounds as he came.

Once he finished, he pulled his lips off her, and Clarke started to catch her breath. He was still inside of her, holding her up for just a minute longer. Clarke’s lips felt so bruised and chapped. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes slightly.

Then, she realized something. That was their first kiss. As Bellamy pulled out of her and started to let her down, she wondered how they went that long without actually kissing. She had let him finger her behind the ruins and feel her up by the fire, but how had they not kissed until this moment?

She swallowed, covering up her breasts again with her dress, then pulling her panties back on. Bellamy was tucking himself back into his pants, putting his belt back on.

They started walking back to camp in silence, and Clarke had no idea what to say to him. She knew she probably should not have slept with him, especially considering how little she knew about him still. She didn’t trust him, not really. But, she couldn’t deny how amazing that felt, and how badly she had been wanting it.

They started to hear the sound of their fellow castaways talking, and she let out a sigh, not really sure what she would tell them if they asked where she had been. Then, Bellamy grabbed her hand and pulled her into him. He tilted up her chin and kissed her softly, way more gentle than he had ever been with her before. She let her mouth open slightly, as he softly bit her bottom lip. Then, he pulled his face away, still keeping his hand on her chin.

“You go back first. I’ll follow in a few minutes,” he whispered, before nudging Clarke forward. She shot him a confused glance as she stumbled forward. He smirked at her, and she instinctively rolled her eyes, before walking past the last of the trees before she hit their clearing.

“Clarke! I was worried about you!” Wells said, jumping up to pull her into a hug. Clarke glanced around, noticing a scowl on Finn’s face.

“Let me guess. Another fight with my idiot brother?” Octavia teased, and Jasper burst out laughing.

“He’s probably off brooding about it now,” Miller joked, slinging an arm around Jasper, who was still laughing. Clarke rolled her eyes and took a seat by the fire. Lincoln raised an eyebrow at Clarke once she was seated, and Clarke shook her head, hoping he wasn’t reading too much into her being gone that long.

A few minutes later, Bellamy strolled back into the clearing, just like he said he would. No one pestered him with questions, since almost everyone knew better. They resumed their conversation about how they were going to find better shelter, since Monty pointed out that it looked like a storm was coming.

Clarke tried to pay attention, but it was hard to with how Bellamy kept glancing over at her. Every time they would make eye contact, Clarke would immediately glance down, hoping it was too dark for anyone to notice the blush that danced across her face.

As the fire died down, everyone agreed to resume the conversation in the morning, slowly moving to their spots to go to sleep. Clarke did the same, taking her spot next to Wells. She lied down on her back, looking up at the stars.


	9. I Needed Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo. Another update up. Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!
> 
> I feel like I should warn you guys that this is an emotional chapter. I don't want to spoil anything, but I will tell you that I had to take a lot of breaks to cry while I wrote the second half. Just warning you. The next update will also be pretty dark.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for all the support. Let me know what you guys think!

Monty was monitoring the sky pretty regularly, as each day the storm grew closer and closer. The castaways were doing their best to put together some kind of shelter, but it was clear that what they were doing wasn’t going to cut it. They had too many injuries to have enough people working on building and still having someone go out and find food every day. Things were just moving too slow.

“I thought we were trying to stay in large numbers,” Jasper said, groaning slightly. Monty pressed his lips together, raising an eyebrow at Bellamy.

“We need to cover more ground if we’re going to find decent shelter,” Bellamy declared, and a few people started nodding in agreement. Clarke let out a sigh, not liking the idea of splitting everyone up. Things had been going smoothly in the past few days, and she was convinced this was just asking for disaster.

“Well, there’s ten of us. We can split up into groups of three and four,” Miller suggested, and Bellamy kept his eyes fixed on the fire, swallowing. Clarke stared at him, hoping to get his attention without having to say anything.

“Actually,” Bellamy said, in almost a whisper, not looking up. “We need to leave the people with injuries here,” he said, and Clarke glanced up to see Jasper and Monty let out a relieved sigh.

“Okay, so Monty and Jasper will stay here, and the rest of us will leave at sunrise,” Miller declared, getting up to leave the fire.

“Monty, Jasper, Raven, and Clarke will stay here,” Bellamy said in a commanding voice, and Clarke gripped the log she was sitting on.

“Why the fuck am I staying?” Raven snapped, before Octavia shushed her. Bellamy glanced over at Clarke with a pleading look, and she felt her stomach drop. He wanted her to tell Raven that she couldn’t go because she was pregnant. Clarke crossed her arms, still pissed that for some reason he put her with the injured group.

“It’s because you’re pregnant,” Finn said, and Clarke noticed for the first time that they weren’t sitting anywhere near each other. Raven had a scowl on her face, directed at Bellamy.

“I’m not even that far along. I can keep up with you, assholes,” she growled, and Clarke couldn’t help but smirk at that. Although, she had to admit that it wouldn’t be good for the baby if Raven kept pushing herself like this. But, it was nice having someone else tell her no for once.

“The four of them are staying back at camp, getting us ready to move. Octavia will be with Wells and Wick. Lincoln, you’re with Miller. Collins, you’re with me,” Bellamy ordered, before standing up and leaving. Octavia immediately chased after him, and Clarke could hear the fight start already.

“Woo, injured squad!” Jasper joked with a forced smile, and Raven just grunted as she got up to leave.

“Clarke, will you make sure that everything gets done tomorrow?” Miller said, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“Why the fuck am I being left behind?” she snapped, a little too harshly. But, Bellamy left before she could yell at him. So, Miller was going to have to do.

“You have a concussion,” he said sternly, crossing his arms.

“I’m fine. You two have had no problem with me pulling my weight all week. Why are you sidelining me now?” Clarke had been getting better pretty quickly, all things considered. The bump on her forehead had gotten smaller, and her head stopped hurting every time she turned her head too quickly.

Miller pressed his lips together, glancing over Clarke’s shoulder. “That’s a Bellamy question.”

Clarke let out a groan, as she turned around to follow where Octavia and Bellamy ran off to.

The ducked under a few tree branches, careful not to make too much noise. “There’s no reason you couldn’t have let me pair up with Lincoln!” she heard Octavia yell, and Clarke let out a sigh. Of course, this was what they were arguing about.

“You know why,” she heard Bellamy say in a hushed voice, before Octavia started stomping off. Clarke stepped around one of the larger trees to see Bellamy pacing.

“My turn,” Clarke muttered, as she stepped forward, keeping her arms crossed.

“Not you, too,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“First, when exactly did you and Miller come up with this plan?” she started, and Bellamy started groaning.

“Clarke.”

“So, you two made this dumb plan at some point today and neither of you thought to consult me on it? Or suggest it to anyone else? You just decided what we were going to do and we’re all supposed to just listen to you, captain?” she continued, narrowing her eyes at him. Bellamy clenched his jaw, not saying anything.

“Oh, and not only did you just decide what we’re going to do, again, but you also decided to completely leave me out of it,” she muttered, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“Clarke, you have a head injury,” he snapped, stepping toward her. She stepped back, turning her head away.

“I’m fine,” she muttered.

“And, I couldn’t exactly bring up this plan as a suggestion without everyone coming up with their own plan and then we would spend all night trying to make a damn decision,” he almost yelled, running his hand through his hair, almost pulling on his own hair as he did it.

“They listen to reason,” she snapped, and Bellamy put his hands on her shoulders. She studied his face, noticing how tired he looked.

“Not when Finn doesn’t shut up with his idiotic plans and Jasper argues over and over that we could just make shelter here,” he whispered, looking Clarke square in the eye. “They don’t get just how urgent this is. Someone needed to make a quick decision so that we could get moving.”

“I’m not staying behind,” Clarke said, keeping her chin high.

“Yes, you are. You’re hurt,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

“I’m fine.”

“Do you really think I don’t notice how many headaches you are still getting? Or that you’re having a hard time focusing still?” he said, eyes full of concern. Clarke let out a sigh, as he slipped his arm around her waist.

“I would be fine to go tomorrow,” Clarke whispered, letting her eyes drop to his chest, shaking her head. He pulled her in, pushing her head against his chest. She felt his head rest on top of hers, and heard him let out a sigh.

“I need you to stay here, please,” he pleaded, and Clarke pressed her lips together. She really didn’t want to stay behind when she could be useful tomorrow. But, it was clear that Bellamy was going to fight her on this until she gave in.

Clarke let out a sigh. “Fine, but I’m still pissed at you,” she muttered, pushing away, and he grabbed chin with his hand, pulling her back to face him.

He leaned in, pressing his lips hard against hers. Instinctively, she closed her eyes, as he pulled her closer, gripping her face tightly with his hand.

He pulled back slightly, his lips still close to hers, smirking. “Still pissed at me?” he teased, and she hit his chest playfully.

“Yes,” she deadpanned, before breaking out of his grip and storming off.

 

“What am I in for?” Wells asked, as they were lying down, trying to fall asleep. Clarke glanced around, noticing almost everyone had already fallen asleep.

“Well, she’s a bit of a wild card. I know she really hates being told what to do,” Clarke explained, and Wells let out a sigh.

“At least tomorrow will be interesting,” he muttered, rolling onto his back and looking up at the sky.

“No, let’s hope tomorrow is boring,” Clarke said with a stern look in her eye. Wells let out a little chuckle.

“That’s right. We’re hoping life becomes boring. That’s our best-case scenario,” he said, still laughing a little.

“Our best-case scenario is that a helicopter happens to fly over the island, sees us, and takes us home,” Clarke said, and Wells snorted, before covering up his face out of embarrassment. Clarke started cackling.

“We’re going to be okay, Clarke,” Wells whispered once she stopped laughing, and Clarke nodded.

“I really hope so.”

“I’m really glad it’s you that’s here with me,” he whispered, and Clarke glanced over at him. “I mean, ideally you would be safely home and not stranded here, obviously. I wasn’t saying I was glad you were stuck here,” he started rambling, shaking his head as he talked.

Clarke started chuckling again. “You’re just happy that it’s me you’re in this with and not some stranger. I get it. Not sure I could make it without you either,” she said, closing her eyes.

 

“It’s not even a handshake,” Raven snapped, as she threw a few more twigs into the fire.

“Jealous,” Jasper teased, raising an eyebrow at Monty. Clarke let out a sigh, letting her attention fall back to peeling this damn orange.

“You’re both just high fiving yourselves. That’s not a handshake,” Raven muttered, before covering her face with her hands.

“Spoken like someone who doesn’t have a friendship handshake,” Monty teased, and him and Jasper made eye contact before doing it again. Raven let out a groan, before getting up to leave.

“At least Clarke gets it,” Jasper muttered, before lying back down on his back.

They had finished all the work they needed to get done way too quickly. So, they had just been sitting around camp, bored, as they waited for their fellow castaways to come back with, hopefully, good news. Clarke decided to go follow Raven, since she seemed to be in a weird mood all day.

She found Raven lying back against a rock, throwing pebbles at a tree.

“I know. I’m pissed about being left behind too,” Clarke said, sitting down next to her.

“I’m pregnant. I get it,” she muttered, throwing a pebble even harder at the tree.

“They’ll be back soon. The sun’s about to set,” Clarke reassured, and Raven just nodded her head. “How have you been feeling today?”

“Physically? Fine. Not too sick or anything,” Raven muttered, glancing over Clarke’s shoulder before going back to throwing pebbles.

“Is everything okay?” Clarke felt like she had to ask, since something was clearly bothering Raven. She hadn’t spent much time with her since she joined their group, but that was more of Clarke not wanting to get too close to this girl for her own sake. Whenever she talked to Raven, she felt overwhelming guilt.

Raven looked up, staring at the tree blankly. “Clarke, I know.”

Clarke blinked a few times at her seriousness. Know what? Her voice was so stern and serious, and Clarke couldn’t figure out what she meant. What did she know?

She stared at her for a few minutes, and then it finally hit her. _Oh._

She studied Raven’s face, which was unmoving and blank. Clarke took a deep breath.

“You didn’t know about me,” Raven whispered, and Clarke nodded, sucking in another breath. “I had a feeling a while back. He and I fought about it a lot. He admitted he had been seeing someone else,” she explained, before pressing her lips together.

“You knew about me?” Clarke asked, leaning forward.

“Not really. He let me think that it was just a fling that didn’t mean anything. And I didn’t even know it was you until a few days ago when he stormed after you,” Raven continued, shaking her head slightly. “I thought I could forgive him. But, that was back when I thought it was just one little mistake.”

“Raven, I---“

“He loves you,” she whispered, and Clarke could see the tears start to pool in her eyes. “I can’t just ignore that.”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered, and Raven rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“I know. I know you didn’t know,” she started rambling, turning her face into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke put an arm around her, pulling her in. “You’re too good for someone like him,” she muttered, before letting out a soft sob.

“So are you,” Clarke whispered, resting her head on top of Raven’s, who let out a sigh.

“I know. That’s why when we get off this island, I’m calling the wedding off,” she muttered, and Clarke nodded.

“I’m sorry, Raven,” Clarke repeated. Raven sat up abruptly, wiping her face immediately.

“Sorry I broke down on you like that. I’m gonna blame the hormones,” she said, with a forced laugh. Clarke forced a smile in response.

“You get to be upset about this,” Clarke reminded her, but Raven just stood up to leave.

“Come on. They should all be back any second,” Raven said, straightening herself up as if nothing just happened. Clarke blinked a few times up at her, as Raven reached out her arm to help Clarke up. She sighed, taking her hand.

When they got back to camp, Lincoln and Miller had gotten back already, and were talking with Monty and Jasper.

“Any luck?” Clarke asked, and Miller let out a groan. She glanced over at Lincoln, who was pressing his lips together.

“Well, we had two other groups out today. They probably had better luck,” Monty reassured, and Raven started muttering to herself about how she would have found something.

Luckily, Monty was right. Bellamy and Finn found a cave large enough that all of them could ride out the storm in. Bellamy was drawing out a map in the dirt, explaining how they got there, as Jasper and Monty nodded along.

Clarke looked up at the sky, noticing that the sun was already set. Wick, Octavia, and Wells should have gotten back by now. She knew she needed to focus on what Bellamy was telling them, but she couldn’t think straight. She had a feeling in her stomach that something was wrong. She started pacing behind Miller as he started listing off a schedule to get everyone to the cave before the storm hit. Bellamy glanced up at her, pressing his lips together. He was worried, too.

Clarke let out a sigh, slumping next to him.

“They will come back,” he reassured, putting his hand on the small of her back. Clarke nodded, reminding herself that this could be nothing. She could see Wells not paying attention to the time of day and coming back late.

 

Night fell and they still weren’t back. Finn and Bellamy kept arguing throughout the night about going to look for them. Finn claimed they needed to stay behind and wait, since it was dangerous for all of them to go out into the night.

“We need to go back out and look for them,” Bellamy ordered, and Miller and Lincoln grabbed their stuff.

“I say we give them a bit longer,” Finn suggested, and Clarke swears Bellamy wanted to snap his neck right there and then. But, Bellamy took a deep breath, before glaring at him.

“Come on, Bellamy. I’ll go look with you,” Clarke said, handing him his bag.

“No, you stay here. Collins, come on,” Bellamy growled, snatching the bag out of Clarke’s hand.

“No, I’m coming with you!” she shouted, and Finn let out a groan.

“No,” he snapped, before taking off. Clarke glanced back to see Finn standing perfectly still. She turned back around and started walking after him.

“I wouldn’t do that, Clarke,” Finn warned.

“Wells is out there!” Clarke shouted, and Finn flinched. She almost felt bad for half a second, but didn’t have time to deal with his hurt feelings. She took off after Bellamy.

“I told you to stay put,” Bellamy growled, as he continued walking.

“I need to help you look.”

“I’m not going to be slowed down by your head injury, Clarke,” he snapped, gripping Clarke’s wrist.

“I won’t slow you down.”

“Clarke, please. Octavia is my family,” he pleaded, voice catching as he said family. Clarke swallowed, struck by how desperate his dark eyes looked at this moment.

“Wells is my family. I’m coming, too,” Clarke said, before storming ahead of him, forcing Bellamy to jog up to catch up with her. They stayed silent as they combed the area of the jungle that the three of them were supposed to explore.

She searched for any sign that they had been there, footsteps or broken twigs.

“Wick is smart. He probably had them stay along the stream,” Bellamy suggested, and Clarke nodded, before following him back toward the stream.

They reached the stream, and sure enough they saw a few footprints. Clarke let out a sigh of relief, as she and Bellamy walked downstream.

Then, they heard a gunshot.

Bellamy and Clarke started sprinting, following the faint sound of someone screaming. There was no time to think about what happened, to say anything to each other. They just sprinted like their lives depended on it.

 

When they found Octavia, she was curled up next to Wick, sobbing uncontrollably. She glanced up as she saw Bellamy and Clarke approach, and immediately ran up and threw her arms around Bellamy. He gripped her tightly, and she could hear him cry a little bit.

Clarke glanced back at Wick, whose hands were shaking. Where was Wells?

Clarke’s stomach dropped, as she scanned the area. Then, she saw him.

“No!” she screamed, as she ran over to him. He was lying on the ground, not moving. She searched his body, locating a gunshot wound right above his heart. She knew he was dead. But, she still checked his pulse. She couldn’t help it.

There was no pulse. There was no life left in her best friend. She threw her head onto his chest, hoping just to hear a faint heartbeat.

“Clarke,” she heard someone say, but she ignored them, as she wrapped her arms around Wells’ neck.

“No, no,” she repeated over and over, as she sobbed into his chest.

She heard some faint whispering behind her, but she couldn’t make any sense of it. She just kept her face pressed against his chest, letting her sobs take over her.

“Murphy was the one to take the shot,” she heard Octavia say. “I didn’t recognize the girl with him, though.”

“It wasn’t Ontari?” she heard Miller ask. When did Miller get there? Clarke closed her eyes again, as she wiped her tears from her cheek.

“I knew her. Her name is Echo,” Wick said, and Clarke blinked a few times. That name sounded really familiar, for some reason.

“Clarke,” someone whispered, and she felt someone touch her back. She glanced up to see Bellamy, who immediately brushed her hair out of her face. “We need to go,” he said, gripping her shaking hand. Clarke looked back down at Wells and swallowed.

“What about Wells?” she asked, voice coming out hoarse.

“She’s in shock, Bellamy,” Lincoln said, and Clarke let out a breath. Bellamy ran his hand up and down Clarke’s arm.

“We will come back for him tomorrow,” he whispered, and Clarke shook her head. She couldn’t just leave Wells like this, bleeding out in the jungle where animals could get to him. “Clarke, we’re all in danger out here,” he said sternly, and Clarke let out another sob, burying her face into his chest.

“She can’t walk all the way back there like this,” Lincoln whispered, as if Clarke couldn’t hear him. She forced herself to take another breath.

“Clarke, you need to breathe for us,” she heard Octavia say, but she couldn’t bring herself to bring her face up to look at her.

“Lincoln, take O back to camp. We’ll be right behind you,” Bellamy ordered, and Clarke glanced up to see his jaw clenched. She looked around. At some point, everyone else had left. How did she miss that?

They sat there for a few minutes, as Bellamy ran his fingers through her hair. He didn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t try to say anything to him.

Eventually, he pulled away to stand up, reaching a hand out for Clarke to pull herself up. Her hand was still shaking as she grabbed it, letting him pull her up.

They tried walking for a bit, but Clarke couldn’t stop shuddering. Her sobbing had calmed down to the point where she was only letting a few tears fall every now and then. Bellamy kept his hand at her back as they slowly made their way back to camp.

Then, Clarke started shaking all over as she started sobbing again. She was about to let herself fall to the ground, when Bellamy grabbed her by the waist, keeping her up. She let her face fall back into his chest, as he let out a sigh.

He picked her up bridal style and started carrying her, as Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into his chest.

“I know, princess, I know,” he whispered, and Clarke just closed her eyes.

 

No one said a word back at camp, and Clarke figured that everyone already found out before she and Bellamy got back. She didn’t bother sitting down with the others. She just went to her spot to lie down… her spot right next to where Wells’ would sleep. She turned onto her side, facing where Wells was just one night ago. She imagined he would be telling her about what a handful Octavia was all day, before gossiping about everything he learned about Wick. They would probably speculate about Wick’s personal life, despite not actually knowing anything. Then, he would tell Clarke how glad he was to be on this island with her. And Clarke would tell him that he was the best friend she could ever ask for.

She didn’t have any tears left in her, not anymore. Her head was killing her. She was probably dehydrated now.

Then, she felt someone lie down next to her. She glanced over her shoulder to see Bellamy slide up next to her, wrapping himself around her.

She sighed, resting her head back down on the ground. His chest was now pressed against her back, as he reached over and grabbed her hand.

“He is my best friend,” Clarke whispered, keeping her eyes fixed on his spot. Bellamy pressed a kiss to the top of her hair.

“I know, I know,” he whispered, pulling himself even closer.

Clarke closed her eyes. “I needed him.”

She could feel Bellamy nodding, as he buried his face into her neck. She took a deep breath, before slowly drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. That was really emotional. I'm gonna take a little break to go cry for a while.


	10. Let's Not Speculate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, forgive me for the last chapter. I just reread it again and now I'm sobbing. I'm so sorry for all the feels and angst. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but that would be a lie.
> 
> Anyways, here's the next update! To make up for breaking your hearts last update, I'm throwing a good amount of smut in there, so enjoy. Let me know what you guys think! Love you guys! Thanks for all the support and feedback!

Getting everyone to the cave was an all-day adventure, complete with too many stops and bad attitudes from everyone. Once everyone made it, they set out to start stocking up on food and firewood. The storm wasn’t going to hit for a while, according to Monty. Clarke was checking up on Jasper’s arm outside, trying to enjoy the sunshine before they were trapped in the cave for who knew how long.

“If you whistle one more fucking time, I will stab you,” Raven snapped at Wick, who had a smirk on his face.

“You say that every day at work. Get a new threat,” he teased, before following Finn out to get more firewood.

“He is the worst,” Raven muttered, plopping down next to Clarke. She helped Jasper get back into his sling, shooting Raven a slide glance.

“If he’s so bad, why’d you invite him to your engagement party?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

Raven groaned. “We had a bet. I lost. So, I had to invite him.”

“What a prize he won,” Clarke muttered, shaking her head. Raven burst out laughing. Clarke chuckled a bit, which made her feel less tense.

“Well, I was going to invite him anyways. I already invited Roan and Echo, so it would have been a dick move to leave him out,” Raven said, rolling her eyes. Clarke popped her head up at the mention of those names.

“How do you know them?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebow.

“Echo and I work together. Roan’s her husband. Well, ex-husband,” Raven explained, shaking her head. “Echo is kind of a bitch, but Roan seems cool.” Clarke nodded along, trying not to raise any suspicion with her questions.

“Isn’t Roan that really shady dude?” Jasper joined in, and Clarke glanced around to see if anyone else was around to hear this conversation. Bellamy was out of earshot, and was clearly too focused on whatever Octavia was saying to be listening in.

“He’s not shady. He just, uh, doesn’t exactly give a lot of details about his job or family or anything,” Raven answered.

“So, shady as fuck,” Jasper said, and Raven rolled her eyes again.

Clarke sat there for a moment, trying to piece together what all she knew about Roan and Echo. She vaguely remembers them fighting on the boat, but it seemed like normal divorced people fighting to her. She knows Ontari was looking for Roan. She knows that Roan disappeared right before the fire. She knows that for some reason Bellamy doesn’t want to find him.

She knows even less about Echo. She knew she was in an unhappy marriage with Roan and that she was there when Wells was shot… with that Murphy guy.

Clarke let out a sigh, trying to remind herself to breathe. Wells was gone… but she was going to have to find a way to quickly make peace with that if she was going to make it on this island.

Then, she saw Lincoln storm over toward Octavia, who gave Bellamy a concerned glance. Bellamy stepped in front of Octavia, crossing his arms as Lincoln approached them.

“What the fuck is going on there?” Clarke muttered.

“I think the Lincoln versus Bellamy showdown we all feared has finally become a reality,” Jasper joked, before Raven slapped his non-broken arm.

“For fuck’s sake,” Clarke muttered, getting up to walk over to them. The three of them stopped talking the second Clarke got close enough to hear anything. “What’s up, guys?” she asked as casually as she possibly could.

“Just discussing how we will keep watch during the storm,” Bellamy said, keeping his eyes fixed on Lincoln.

“Of course, you are,” she muttered, walking away. There was no use challenging Bellamy in front of the others. He wouldn’t listen to her if she did that. She shook her head, giving Lincoln a glance as she walked past.

“Clarke,” Bellamy called after her, but she kept walking. Something was going on and he was very clearly trying to keep her out of it.

 

It took hours for Clarke to get Lincoln alone. She waited until Bellamy and Miller went out hunting to slip past Octavia and find Lincoln by the stream.

“Talk,” she ordered, surprising Lincoln.

“Clarke,” he said hesitantly, glancing down at the ground.

“You were clearly pissed about something earlier. What was it?” she snapped, crossing her arms.

“Wells just died two days ago, Clarke. You really don’t want to get into this right now,” he warned, turning away from her. She grabbed his arm to turn him back around.

“What did you find out?” she demanded, dropping any pretense she might have had of being nice. It was bad enough that everyone else was keeping her in the dark. She wasn’t going to let Lincoln start doing it, too.

“Wells wasn’t the intended target,” he muttered, not even looking at Clarke. “Wick didn’t give me specifics, but some kind of altercation took place between Wells and Murphy. That guy was there to get Octavia,” he said, eyes full of sadness. Clarke’s stomach dropped, thinking about how that must scare the shit out of Lincoln, since it was clear that he was falling for her.

“What did Octavia say?”

“Nothing. She won’t say anything. At first, I thought it was shock, but…” he trailed off, sitting himself down by the stream.

“You think she’s keeping something from you.”

“I know she is. And seeing how Bellamy jumped to keep us from talking only confirmed that,” he muttered, shaking his head. Clarke sat down next to him, letting out a sigh.

“I know that Murphy and Bellamy have some kind of problem. And, if I had to guess, I’d say that Murphy was who attacked Miller,” she said, looking down at the water.

“I don’t know how much longer we can stay in the dark on this,” Lincoln whispered, looking over his shoulder. “The others don’t even realize how much danger we are in.”

“I think they got a pretty good idea when one of us got shot,” Clarke snapped, before getting up to walk back.

“This is different than that,” he said, following her as he stood up. “They know there’s a few dangerous people on this island. They don’t know that some of those dangerous people may be with us in our camp,” he said, with a stern expression on his face.

“You can’t honestly be telling me that you think the Blakes are dangerous. You’re too close to Octavia to genuinely believe that.”

“I’m telling you that it’s alarming they know two different people who are threatening to kill people. That’s not normal,” he snapped, and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“They’re lying to us. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re dangerous.”

Clarke walked away, hoping that she was right. She needed to believe that they were all safe with the crew members of that boat. She knew that Bellamy and Miller were keeping something from everyone else, with all the shadiness around the fire and who attacked Miller. But, she also believed they were good people, who wouldn’t act like this if they didn’t think it was for a good reason.

 

They finally all rushed into the cave once the rain started. Miller and Bellamy made quick work of getting the fire started, while the rest of them dried off as quickly as possible.

“Did we even check for bats?” Jasper asked, and Monty jabbed him in the side.

“We’re not leaving this cave until the storm passes, so even bats will have to become our best friends,” he said sternly, and Jasper did a mock pout.

Everyone settled in, talking about nothing in particular. Clarke somehow found herself sitting between Octavia and Raven, not that she really minded. Lincoln was pissed off, and Finn was annoying her.

Miller and Bellamy were seated closely together, which Clarke had to roll her eyes at. If she had thought they were secretive before Wells died…

“Alright, now that we’re all here, why don’t you two tell us how the fuck we ended up on this island?” Lincoln finally snapped, clenching his jaw. Clarke shot him a warning glance, but Lincoln ignored her.

“There was a fire on board the ship. Faulty wiring, most likely,” Miller said, a little too rehearsed.

“Monty,” Lincoln said, raising an eyebrow.

Monty let out a sigh. “It wasn’t faulty wiring,” he said, looking down at the ground.

“What the fuck is going on?” Finn snapped, furrowing his brows at Bellamy. Bellamy swallowed, glancing around the circle. Clarke looked over at the entrance of the cave, seeing the rain just pour down. Bellamy couldn’t run away from this conversation.

Which is exactly why Lincoln chose this exact moment, Clarke realized as she saw Lincoln’s smug glance at her. She immediately looked down at the ground, suddenly worried about how all of this would end up.

“Someone started that fire,” Monty said, crossing his arms.

“Let’s not speculate,” Bellamy said dismissively, and Clarke was shocked by how easily he deflected that. He had to have been preparing for this.

“Alright, let’s not speculate. Miller, who attacked you when you first got on this island?” Lincoln asked, leaning back.

Miller blinked a few times, glancing over at Bellamy who still looked completely composed.

“Didn’t see his face,” he said, and now Clarke wanted to scream at him.

“Really?” Clarke snapped, face starting to get red. Bellamy’s eyes widened as she started speaking, but she didn’t care. “It wasn’t someone on board the ship that you and Bellamy weren’t getting along with? Because that’s what you told me,” she growled, and Raven gripped her hand. Clarke squeezed it.

“Did Murphy attack you?” Octavia yelled, jumping up from her seat. Raven and Clarke exchanged a look.

“O,” Bellamy warned, standing up slowly. Octavia snapped her head around to look at Bellamy.

“You two knew he was fucking alive and you didn’t tell me before he came after me and tried to shoot me?” she screamed, and Bellamy rushed over to her, despite her shoving him away. Lincoln stood up, pulling Octavia back and stepping in between the two of them.

“Lincoln, move,” Bellamy ordered, and Lincoln smiled smugly at him.

“Tell us all the fucking truth,” Lincoln growled, and Clarke stood up to pull Bellamy back.

“Let’s stay calm,” she said, directed completely at Bellamy, who looked like he was about to pounce on Lincoln.

“I will not stay calm!” Octavia shouted, pushing herself in front of Lincoln. “Murphy said he would kill me if you didn’t follow Pike’s orders, and you didn’t tell me he was still alive! I could have died!”

“But, you didn’t!” Bellamy shouted back.

“No, but Wells did,” Clarke whispered, and suddenly the room went quiet. Bellamy turned his head back at Clarke, his eyes wide.

“Clarke,” he whispered, and Clarke shook her head, stepping away from all of them. She walked over back to Raven, who looked like she was about to cry. She gestured for Clarke to lean on her, and Clarke buried her face into her shoulder.

“I think we should stop this before this gets more out of control,” Miller said calmly, as Bellamy kneeled down by Raven and Clarke, grabbing Clarke’s hand. She let another sob out, as Raven patted her back.

“Just tell us who started the fucking fire and we can stop,” Finn said, with a bit of a growl to his voice. Bellamy’s head whipped back around to exchange a look with Octavia and Miller.

“Bellamy, why did you still have an order from Pike?” Monty asked, after a few moments of dead silence.

“Who is Pike?” Clarke asked as she sat up, wiping the tears from her cheek. Bellamy looked back at her, mouth slightly open as the wheels in his head turned.

“We were all supposed to be out. That’s what you told us,” Monty continued, standing up to walk over to Bellamy. Clarke glanced over at Octavia, who had a pale expression on her face. Miller had a matching one.

“Bellamy, fucking say something,” Finn shouted, before Wick smacked his arm.

“We were out,” Bellamy said carefully to Monty, who pressed his lips together. “I just had to do one more thing and we could all be out for good,” he said quietly, and Clarke sucked in a breath.

Who the fuck was Pike and why was Bellamy, and apparently all of them, taking orders from him? She glanced around, noticing confused looks by the other castaways.

“Start explaining how our ship went down, Captain Blake,” Lincoln ordered, crossing his arms.

“I don’t have to explain myself to any of you,” Bellamy yelled as he stood up.

“Bell,” Octavia warned, getting up to grab his arm. He pulled his arm out of her grasp, before storming toward the entrance.

“Have you lost your fucking mind? That storm will kill you!” Monty yelled, rushing over to pull him back. Bellamy easily pushed him off, before walking out into the pouring rain.

“Oh, fuck no, he’s not,” Clarke muttered, as she got up to chase after him. Then, someone grabbed her wrist.

“Clarke, don’t be stupid,” Finn warned, as Clarke pulled her wrist from his hands.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped, as she continued to move forward.

“Let him go. It’s his choice,” Finn said, putting his hand on her shoulder to turn her around. She whipped around, raising her arm to punch him right in the face, knocking him back.

“I said don’t touch me,” she growled, as Jasper and Lincoln rushed to help him keep his balance.

“Clarke, don’t you dare go out there,” Lincoln warned, furrowing his eyebrows at her. Clarke wanted to scream at him, to remind him that she warned him about this. He shouldn’t have ambushed Bellamy like this. And now he was going out into the storm like a dumbass.

She stormed out, and no one followed her.

 

“Bellamy!” she tried to yell over the sound of the rain pouring down. It was too hard for her to see anything, and she couldn’t track him by his damn footprints because it was raining. “Bellamy!”

She had only been looking for him for a few minutes, and was already soaking wet. She glanced around, trying to think like Bellamy. He would obviously look for some kind of shelter, once he came to his senses about this being a dumb plan.

He wouldn’t go near the trees, since lightning could strike at any moment, she reasoned, before deciding to move along the rocky outside of the cave.

She kept walking until she hit the stream. She looked up again, trying to use her best Bellamy brain. She had no idea which way he would go, though. She let out a sigh, trying not to start crying again.

“Bellamy!” she shouted as loud as she could.

“Clarke?” she heard him yell back, and finally the pounding in her chest gave her a break. She started moving toward his yell, and she could slowly hear him doing the same.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” he yelled when he finally came into view, and he was just as soaked as she was.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” she yelled. He let out a groan, before grabbing her by the wrist, pulling her back where he came from. “You’re the dumbass who ran out here with no supplies and no plan,” she muttered, as he pulled her into an area of the island she hadn’t seen before.

“Like you had a great plan,” he muttered, as he gestured toward a small opening on a rock. She had to crouch down to crawl through it. He followed right behind her.

It was pitch dark in there, but she could hear quite the echo.

“I found this right before we found the big cave,” he whispered, and Clarke let out a sigh. “You can’t see it, but we could have all fit in here, just not comfortably,” he continued. Clarke stood up once inside, feeling the wall with her hand so she could have some sense of direction.

“You’re a dumbass,” she snapped, wagging her finger at him, even though she knew he couldn’t see it.

“Not now, Clarke,” he warned.

“Not only do we not have supplies or a fire, we now run the risk of getting hypothermia with how wet our clothes are,” she continued, wagging her finger at him until her hand hit his chest. He grabbed her wrist, and didn’t let go.

“Once the rain calms down, we will head back to the cave,” he said sternly, and Clarke could tell he was giving her an intense glare.

“How can you be so calm about this? You just decided to risk your life because you lost your temper!” she yelled, before flinching at how loud the echo was.

“You didn’t have to follow me!”

“Yes, I did!”

They stood there in silence for a few moments, and all Clarke could hear was the sound of the rain and him breathing.

“Bellamy, who is Pike?” she had to ask, and he immediately let out a sigh. She heard him shuffle a bit, as she realized he was trying to sit down. She followed suit.

“You don’t want to know,” he whispered, and Clarke reached forward to try and touch him, and her hand found his.

“Please, you can’t keep lying to me about what’s really going on.”

“Look, I really can’t give you a lot of details. Let’s just say he’s someone that helped my mom stay afloat, and I owe a lot of favors to him.”

“Bellamy, you have got to tell me more than that.”

“He’s not a good guy,” he said, and Clarke leaned closer to him. He pulled his arms around Clarke, tugging her into his lap. Clarke rested her head on his shoulder. “All of us used to work for him. And then, we all decided we wanted out. That’s all,” he continued, leaning his head against Clarke’s. She shook her head, trying to process what she was hearing.

“Bell,” she whispered, pushing her forehead against his.

“He wanted me to do one more thing for him, and threatened Octavia if I didn’t do it,” he whispered, and she could hear the desperation in his voice. “But, it was horrible. And I couldn’t do it. And then the ship sank, and it didn’t matter anymore. Except, Murphy is on this island, ready to follow Pike’s orders still.”

“If you had told us this, we could have been keeping an eye out for Murphy,” Clarke said, and she could feel Bellamy tense up underneath her.

“Everyone has a lot of questions. And nothing I did for Pike was legal, Clarke,” he explained, and Clarke pressed a kiss into his cheek.

“You don’t think they would trust you,” Clarke said, putting the pieces together.

“Do you?”

“Now that you’re telling me the truth, yes. Before, not so much.”

“I’m not a good guy, Clarke,” he whispered, and Clarke felt her chest tighten.

“Yes, you are,” she whispered into his ear, and she felt his grip around her tighten. He grabbed her face, and pulled her toward his lips. She opened her mouth immediately, running her tongue along his bottom lip. He moaned, as he pulled her toward him so that she was now straddling his lap. His hands cupped her ass, as she pulled him in closer by the neck.

“What’ll it take?” she asked, lips still grazing his.

“What?” he murmured, as he kissed her cheek.

“Tell me how to help you, and I’ll help you,” she whispered, remembering that was exactly what he said to her that night by the ruins. Bellamy let out a moan, as she bit his neck, just below his jaw.

“Help me take these off,” he whispered, as his fingers went up her skirt to tug on her panties. She pulled off him for a moment, to take her underwear off. She heard him start to undo his pants, as she went back to straddling his lap. She went ahead and pulled down the straps of her dress, so that he could pull it down easily. She let her hands slide up and down his thighs, as he continued to undo his pants.

“Come here,” he ordered, and Clarke crashed her lips into his. He moaned into her mouth, as he began tugging down her dress, exposing her breasts. She ran her fingers through his curls, which were soaking wet from the rain. She felt him shiver a bit, before he pushed her back, kissing down her neck, and onto her chest.

“I wish I could see you, princess,” he whispered against her skin, and Clarke let out a soft moan. “I know you look so beautiful right now,” he continued, before running his tongue across her nipple. Now, it was Clarke’s turn to start shivering. Both of his hands started scratching up her back, as he pulled her chest closer to his mouth. She gripped onto his hair, pulling it slightly.

“I need you,” she whimpered, as his hand moved up to grab onto the back of her neck. He moaned, as he tilted his hips up. Clarke felt the head of his cock graze her slit, and she needed more. His other hand slid down to her hip, gripping a little too tight.

She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his, a bit out of breath. She threw her arms around his neck, as Bellamy kissed her jawline. Clarke swears she could feel him smirking against her skin.

“Hold on tight,” he whispered, before flipping Clarke onto her back. He immediately pressed into her, not even giving her a moment to catch her breath.

She let out a yelp, throwing her head back. Bellamy slowly pressed himself all the way inside of her, before leaning down and returning to her breasts. He pressed a few small kisses right onto her nipple, as he thrust slowly into her. She moaned, wondering if this could possibly be the same guy who fucked her against the tree. She didn’t know Bellamy to be this gentle, except when he was trying to take care of her. She kept trying to grind herself harder onto him, but he kept holding her hips in place to slow her down.

He wasn’t fucking her. This was something else completely.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, as he kissed up to her neck.

“You can’t even see me,” Clarke said, rolling her eyes, as he gently bit at her jawline.

“Don’t have to,” he murmured against her lips, before pressing a long, wet kiss to her lips. She opened her mouth, eagerly meeting his tongue in her mouth.

He started to pick up his pace, as Clarke ran her fingernails up his back. She could feel his muscles flex as he thrust in and out of her, and God, she wished she could see him right now.

Then, she felt his hand cup the side of her face, as he brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. He sucked on her bottom lip, as his thumb stroked her cheek.

He started thrusting harder into her, and she could tell by his breathing that he was starting to get close. His hand left her face, as it slid down her chest and stomach.

Then, he pulled out, and Clarke let out a quiet whimper. He lifted one her legs up, putting it up onto his shoulder, before thrusting back into her, even deeper than before.

Clarke let out a scream, and Bellamy started rubbing her clit with his thumb. Her hands flew to the ground, searching for anything to grip onto, and coming up short.

“Clarke, I can’t last much longer,” he grunted, as he thrust faster and faster into her. His thumb was furiously rubbing her clit, and Clarke knew she wouldn’t last much longer either.

“Come for me,” she ordered, arching her back, as he pounded even harder into her.

“Clarke.”

“I want to feel you come inside me,” she whispered, remembering how good it felt last time.

“Fuck, princess,” he grunted, as he slammed into her. His fingers were still furiously rubbing her clit, and Clarke could feel herself start to reach the edge.

“Please,” she begged.

“Not until you come,” he muttered, but she could tell he was starting to lose control, as his thrusts became more and more erratic. She let out a moan, as her clit continued to throb. “I need my princess to come for me first,” he whispered, and Clarke lost it as soon as he called her his princess.

She threw her head back in a scream as she erupted onto his cock. He kept pumping in and out of her, as her breathing grew heavier.

“Bellamy,” she moaned, as she felt him come undone inside her. He thrust in a few more times, before he collapsed on top of her, moaning as he came.

They laid there for a few moments, catching their breath. Bellamy eventually slid off Clarke, moving beside her, before pulling her into his chest.

She let her head rest on him as she listened to the sound of his heart beating. His hand traced small circles into her shoulder blades, as he occasionally pulled her closer to kiss her forehead.

“We have to go back,” Clarke whispered, and she could feel Bellamy nod in response.

“When there’s a break in the rain, we’ll make a run for it,” he said with some hesitation in his voice.

“It’ll be okay,” she tried to reassure, and Bellamy pulled her hand up for him to kiss her fingers.

“You don’t know that.” Clarke blinked a few times, suddenly reminded of how uncertain everything on this island was. She had always known that times were dire. But, she didn’t realize just how in danger they all were until she was holding her dead friend in her arms. She really didn’t know if everything was going to be okay.

“You can’t keep things from me anymore,” she whispered, furrowing her eyebrows.

“I know.”

“Okay,” she said, as she leaned back down onto his chest. He tilted her head up, placing a brief kiss onto her lips, before snuggling back into her. She closed her eyes, and let herself enjoy this moment. She really didn’t know how many of these moments she had left, especially on this island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is where I warn you about the next update. There's going to be another major character death, on top of literally everything else hitting the fan. It's just gonna be all angst, dude. BUT, after that, no one is gonna die for a while. And my favorite son is going to show up again.


	11. I Started the Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this one took longer than I expected to get up. But, a lot goes down here and I needed to make sure I got it all right. And, I didn't want to split this into two chapters.
> 
> Anyways, I warned you guys last update that there's another death this chapter, but it'll be the last one for a while. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I'm so thankful for all your feedback so far!

They walked back to the larger cave in silence, once the rain calmed down a bit. It was drizzling, but Clarke was just thankful to be able to see clearer.

As they approached the cave, everyone inside of it went silent, staring at Clarke and Bellamy as they tiptoed their way back in.

Then, Octavia jumped up to throw her arms around Bellamy, who gripped her tightly. Clarke let out a breath. At least she didn’t seem too pissed at him anymore.

“Let’s get you two closer to the fire. You need to warm up,” Lincoln said, putting a protective arm around Clarke’s waist. She shot him a confused look, but he kept his eyes facing forward as he led her to sit down with him and Monty. She glanced back at Bellamy, who was being pulled aside by Miller and Octavia, and clenching his jaw.

“What did I miss?” Clarke whispered, and Lincoln just shook his head.

“I can’t tell you right now. I will, though,” he muttered, as he put a blanket around Clarke’s shaking shoulders. He sat down next to Monty, who immediately started whispering into his ear. Clarke raised an eyebrow. Something happened in the few hours that she and Bellamy had been gone.

She glanced back at Bellamy, who wouldn’t even look back at her.

“You sure it’ll pass by then?” she heard Lincoln whisper, and Monty slowly shook his head.

“Let’s not make that public knowledge, though. We need to keep this quiet if it’s going to work,” Monty said in response. Clarke’s stomach dropped. Something really horrible had to have happened while they were gone, because everyone was acting weird and paranoid.

She glanced around the room, noticing the stern faces of Miller and Octavia. Raven looked worried, but Clarke didn’t really have a good understanding of why she would be so worried. Everyone was safely in the cave. They were fine, for now.

Wait, was everyone safely in the cave? Clarke looked around, doing a count of everyone she saw. Each time she counted, she only got eight people… when she should have gotten ten.

“Where are Wick and Finn?” Clarke asked, and everyone else started glancing around the room, not making eye contact with Clarke. She looked over at Lincoln, who cleared his throat, looking down at the ground.

“Finn threw a temper tantrum and took off. Wick followed after him,” Miller said, with an annoyed tone to his voice. Clarke glanced over at Raven, who was just shaking her head.

“Temper tantrum?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Things were said. People got angry. He just needs a few minutes to cool off,” Monty said, leaning back in his seat. Clarke swallowed, nodding slightly.

“How long has he been gone?” Bellamy asked, crossing his arms.

“Not long. He should be back soon enough,” Octavia said, distantly.

“It’s not safe for Wick and Finn to be out there in this storm,” Clarke said, and Lincoln let out a groan.

“Clarke, we’re on a pretty elevated part of the island, so it’s not like a flood is going to kill them. Lightning hasn’t struck in a few hours. And they’re both smart. They’ll be fine,” Miller reassured, a bit condescending, and Clarke took a breath.

Slowly, conversation started up again amongst everyone, but Clarke couldn’t help but stare at the cave entrance, waiting for them to come back. Bellamy kept shooting her worried glances, as he tried to listen to whatever Octavia and Miller were telling him.

Then, Jasper worked his way over to sit right next to Clarke.

“We need to talk,” he whispered, glancing over his shoulder.

“Yeah, what the fuck is going on?” Clarke snapped, and Jasper shushed her.

“We’re leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow,” Jasper said, before Monty and Lincoln leaned in.

“Okay, why are we whispering about this?” Clarke said, narrowing her eyes at Lincoln.

“Because it’s just us that are leaving, Clarke,” Lincoln said, voice low.

“What?” she almost yelled, before Monty put his hand over her mouth. She swatted it away.

“We have to get away from them. The more time we’re with them, the more danger we’re in,” Lincoln said, and Jasper started nodding.

“Monty, these guys are your friends,” Clarke whispered, and Monty pressed his lips together, looking down at the ground.

“This was his idea,” Lincoln said, and Monty let out a sigh.

“I’m not coming with you. This is a stupid idea,” she muttered, sitting up straight.

“Think about it. That Murphy guy is gonna come back for them. We don’t want to be here when he does,” Jasper said, and Lincoln started nodding along. Clarke glanced back over at Bellamy, who was gripping onto his thigh a little too tightly as he listened to Miller talk.

“We’re safer in big numbers,” Clarke said, shaking her head.

“Not with them, we’re not,” Monty said solemnly. And Clarke just wanted to shake him. She wanted to shake all of them. Yes, things were horrible at camp, what with Wells dying and everyone lying to each other. But, leaving wasn’t really an option. At least, not a smart one. The three of them won’t make it long on their own.

“You’re not seriously going to leave Raven,” she said to Lincoln, who immediately swallowed.

“I asked her to come with us. She won’t. That’s her choice,” Lincoln said, and Clarke suddenly had the urge to slap him right across the face.

“You can’t just make a rash decision like this because you’re pissed off. You need to think this through. Don’t do something you’re going to regret,” Clarke warned, narrowing her eyes at Lincoln especially.

She was sick of everyone in this fucking cave. Lincoln, Monty, and Jasper were plotting to abandon ship, so to speak. Miller, Octavia, and Bellamy were clearly up to something. Everyone seemed to be keeping something from Clarke. And whatever it was, it was bad enough for fucking Finn to take off in the middle of a storm. And then, no one but Wick went after him.

Clarke got up and started moving toward the cave entrance, throwing the blanket onto the ground.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Octavia yelled.

“Clarke!” she heard Lincoln yell.

She snapped her head around, looking at all the confused faces of her fellow castaways. “I’m going to go see if Wick and Finn are still alive. If any of you give a shit, you can join me,” she growled, before turning around and walking into the drizzling rain.

She started walking toward where she and Bellamy hid, since Finn was with Bellamy while they were searching. He probably found similar stuff and would hide in similar places.

“Clarke!” she heard Bellamy yell as he jogged up to meet her. “Get back in that cave, right now,” he ordered, pulling Clarke’s arm.

“We have two of our people out here. We need to look for them.”

“They knew what they were getting into when they left. They’re not your responsibility,” he pleaded, pulling Clarke back.

“I looked for you. I’m looking for them,” she muttered, as she brushed past him. “Wick! Finn!”

“Come on,” Bellamy groaned, as he powerwalked ahead of her. “He was scoping out something over here the other day,” he said, sounding incredibly frustrated.

 

They continued searching for half an hour, occasionally yelling out their names in hopes that they would hear them. They climbed uphill, after searching the entire area that Bellamy and Finn had scoped out earlier that week, thinking that that’s where Finn would probably go during the storm.

“Finn!” Clarke yelled, sighing immediately after, knowing there would be no response.

“Clarke?” she heard a voice that was definitely not Finn’s yell back.

“Wick, is that you?” Bellamy shouted, as he pulled Clarke in that direction.

“Guys, hurry!” he yelled back, and that was definitely Wick. They jogged over, and found Wick wrapping a piece of fabric around Finn’s leg. Clarke immediately kneeled beside him to get a better look.

“Snake bite,” Finn muttered, and Clarke could tell by the strain on his voice that he was in a lot of pain.

“What did this snake look like?” Bellamy asked, kneeling by Finn’s feet. Clarke pulled off the fabric Wick just wrapped around his leg to get a better look at the bite.

“It was big, dark. I don’t know,” Finn said weakly, and Clarke wasn’t exactly happy about how the bite looked.

“You don’t know?” Clarke snapped, as she leaned in to get a better look.

“It was too dark to see its color, Clarke. Kind of a triangle shaped head. Really big,” Wick said frantically. Clarke took a deep breath.

“Finn, I need you to take a deep breath for me,” she explained, and Finn’s eyebrow raised in concern.

“Clarke, now is not the time to tell me to calm down,” he growled.

“I’m trying to keep the venom from spreading,” she said in the most soothing voice possible, as she kept her eyes on the wound. She could feel Finn’s body tense up. “I don’t know if it was venomous. This is just a precaution,” she explained, hoping that would calm him down. Bellamy took over trying to keep Finn calm, telling him when to breathe in and breathe out.

“Maybe we should get him to lay down,” Wick suggested.

“No, keep him upright,” she snapped, and Wick nodded. She started listening to Bellamy give Finn instructions on calming down, hoping it would start to work on her. She didn’t know what to do. If she was in a hospital or had literally anything from her medicine cabinet, she could help him. But, they were far away from any supplies they had brought, and even then, those supplies wouldn’t help them at all if the snake that bit him was venomous. The only option was to suck out the venom, which was a very dangerous choice.

“Clarke,” Bellamy said, voice warning.

“Don’t distract her,” Wick snapped.

“If you are thinking about sucking out the venom, stop,” he growled, and Finn’s head snapped up.

“We don’t even know if it was venomous,” Finn snapped, and Clarke shook her head. She didn’t know for sure, but her gut was telling her it was.

“You said the head was kind of like a triangle? Not arrow shaped at all?” she asked Wick, and he nodded. She swallowed, before making eye contact with Finn. His eyes immediately faded from panic to sadness as he read her thoughts.

“You can’t suck out the venom. There’s too high of a chance you’ll accidentally swallow it, and then you die too,” Bellamy snapped, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. They were running out of time and a decision had to be made.

Then, they heard something rustle behind them. Finn’s eyes widened, as Clarke looked to where he was looking.

“Don’t move,” Bellamy whispered, grabbing onto Clarke’s arm. His other hand reached for his holster, but his gun wasn’t there. His eyes widened, as he looked back up at the creature in front of them.

There was a massive, dark colored animal slowly stalking its way toward them. It was larger than Clarke was, almost feline in the way it moved.

“We need to run,” Wick whispered.

“Finn can’t run,” Clarke reminded him, as she leaned toward slowly to get into a position where she could get up and run if she had to.

“Wick, we’re going to run and distract this thing. Clarke, once it follows us, take Finn and make it back to the cave as fast as you can,” Bellamy whispered.

“This won’t work,” she whispered, before Wick and Bellamy nodded at each other before running in opposite directions. The creature immediately followed after Wick, and Clarke jumped up, and reached a hand out for Finn.

They started slowly running, careful not to make too much noise as they slipped through the trees. Clarke wasn’t entirely sure of where she was going, having lost track of where exactly they were. The rain was slowing down, barely even a drizzle, but being able to see clearly didn’t mean much when Clarke had no idea where she was in relation to the cave.

“This way,” Finn, whispered, turning her to the right. They continued running, but it was clear that Finn couldn’t keep this up for much longer. She was starting to recognize where they were, realizing that it wouldn’t be much farther until they got close to the caves.

They stopped for a moment, so Finn could catch his breath, as he gripped his leg in pain.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, as she stroked his back.

“Clarke, I can’t go much farther,” he muttered.

“You’re gonna be okay. We’re going to get back to the caves and take care of you. We’ve just got to power through until then,” she whispered, nodding as she did, hoping this would at least convince him that everything was going to be okay.

“Where’s Wick?” she heard Bellamy ask from behind her, as he jogged up, slightly out of breath.

Clarke glanced around, seeing no sign of him anywhere.

“Probably still running,” she whispered, as Bellamy looked Finn up and down with concern. Finn looked so pale and weak. They needed to get him back as soon as possible.

“We need to get him back,” Bellamy said.

“I can’t run anymore,” Finn groaned, and Bellamy threw his arm around his shoulder. Clarke joined in on the other side, as they both helped him walk as quickly as they could manage.

Then, Clarke heard an all too familiar sound. The growl of that creature they were running from.

“We need to run,” Bellamy whispered, and Finn’s body tensed up. Clarke glanced at Bellamy, who had those wheels in his head turning again.

“Both of you go, now,” Finn ordered.

“Finn, we’re not---“ Clarke started.

“I won’t make it back. Just go,” he whispered, interrupting her. Clarke glanced at Bellamy, who was clearly weighing his options. She shook her head. Finn turned his head toward Bellamy, as he took his arms off both of their shoulders. “Take her, and go,” he commanded in the most threatening tone, before limply running back toward the trees. The dark, feline-esque creature turned its head in Finn’s direction, as Bellamy pushed Clarke in the opposite direction. He gripped onto her wrist, dragging her forward against her will.

“Bellamy, we can’t,” she shouted, as he yanked her harder. She turned her head forward as her legs struggled to keep up with Bellamy.

Then, she heard the blood curdling sound of Finn’s screams.

 

They didn’t make it back to the cave before the storm picked up again. Bellamy pulled her into a similar cave as the last one, this one smaller, but with a larger opening so more light came in.

“Clarke,” he whispered, once they caught their breath.

“Don’t.”

“It had to be done,” he said, and Clarke wanted to bang her head into the cave wall. This wasn’t like when Wells died. When he died, all Clarke felt was shock and sadness and guilt. She was consumed by it, unable to focus on anything else. But now, with Finn, Clarke didn’t know what to feel.

“We could have found a way,” she said, even though she knew it wasn’t true. There wasn’t another way out of that situation that didn’t involve someone getting killed.

“He was already dead, Clarke,” he said, stepping toward her, cupping Clarke’s cheek.

“No, he wasn’t,” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Yes, he was. I saw it on your face. You knew he wouldn’t have made it after that bite.” Clarke blinked a few times before swallowing.

“I’m a good doctor. I could have---“

“What? Magically obtain the medical equipment you would have needed to save him? Broken bones are one thing, Clarke. But, you weren’t going to be able to save him,” he spat, and Clarke wanted to slap him right across the face. Instead, she pulled out of his grip to pace over to the other side of the cave.

“People die, Clarke,” he continued, with a scowl on his face. Clarke shook her head, trying to keep any tears from falling. She was done crying. There was no time for tears on this fucking island.

“Don’t you think I know that? I’ve now lost two people on this horrible island,” she spat, and Bellamy crossed over to her.

“And you’re allowed to be sad about that,” he said, and Clarke really didn’t like how cool and distant he was sounding.

“I’m not sad. I’m pissed!” she yelled, stepping away from him.

“Clarke.”

“I should be still pissed off at Finn for ripping my heart out and then drinking about it with Wells at some sleazy bar right now. But, Wells got shot and now Finn is also dead! All because we wrecked onto this fucking island!” she yelled, restraining herself from actually punching the cave wall.

“Clarke, please take a breath.”

“I will not fucking take a breath! We are all going to die on this damn island!”

“Clarke!” he yelled, gripping both of her arms. “The rain is slowing down. We can head back,” he said, pulling Clarke by the arm like he didn’t just listen to what she said. She stormed ahead of him as they walked back, not saying a word to him.

She had to keep reminding herself that none of this was his fault. She was pissed off at the world, not him. Bellamy had been one of the few things keeping her sane since Wells died. She needed to remember that, even though every bone in her body wanted to scream at anyone near her.

 

When they walked back to the cave, the first face they saw was Wick’s, as his optimistic smile faded almost immediately. She looked around at her fellow castaways, as the same realizations took over their faces. Raven immediately buried her face into her blanket and started screaming.

She and Bellamy took their spots again, as everyone kept their eyes fixed on the fire.

“How did it happen?” Raven eventually asked, and Clarke swallowed, looking up at Bellamy.

“I told them about the snake bite already,” Wick said, and Bellamy nodded solemnly.

“He couldn’t keep going. Clarke and I did our best to get him back here, but when it came back and found us…”

“You left him behind?” Raven snapped, and Lincoln immediately grabbed her wrist.

“He asked us to,” Bellamy said timidly, and Miller started patting his back reassuringly.

“You didn’t have to listen!” Raven yelled, starting to get up before Lincoln pulled her back down.

“He was going to die anyways,” Clarke chimed in, a tear falling from her eye as she said it.

“You don’t know that!” Raven yelled, before Wick went over to sit next to her, grabbing her other hand.

“She’s a doctor, Raven. She would know that,” Jasper interjected, and Raven shot him a dirty look. Clarke ducked her head, forcing herself to take a breath. Monty started patting her shoulders.

“Why didn’t Bellamy just shoot it?” Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow. Clarke looked over at Bellamy, who clenched his jaw in anger.

“My gun was missing from my holster,” he growled, and Clarke could feel the entire group tense up. “Does anyone know how that happened?” Clarke glanced around at the pale faces of her castaways. No one was going to admit to taking his gun, not when admitting that would also admit some responsibility for Finn’s death.

“Is anyone going to own up to it?” Miller demanded, crossing his arms. Clarke didn’t like how this conversation was turning.

“Let’s stay calm. We don’t need to have another fight like we had earlier,” she reminded them, earning a few nods from the group.

“No, we can’t just ignore the fact that someone stole his gun,” Octavia jumped in, and Clarke threw her head back in frustration.

“Why not? We ignored that someone started that fire, and none of you seemed to have had a problem with that,” Raven snapped, gesturing at Miller, Octavia, and Bellamy.

“Raven, that’s enough!” Bellamy yelled, and Clarke saw Lincoln give Raven a strange look.

“No, I get that we all decided not to talk about this so that we don’t have a major blow up while we’re all stuck in here. But, we’re already all yelling at each other, so what’s the fucking point?” she yelled, standing up.

Clarke glanced around, noticing that Jasper was giving her a warning look. Clarke didn’t understand. She didn’t remember them agreeing not to talk about the fire. She wasn’t there for that conversation.

“Raven,” Lincoln warned.

“What is going on?” Clarke asked calmly, and the entire group went silent.

Then, Bellamy stood up abruptly. Clarke glanced up at him with wide eyes, and he clenched his jaw, before gesturing with his head for her to follow. She looked back at Lincoln, who was pressing his lips together.

She followed Bellamy over to the entrance of the cave, which was about as far away from the group they could get without being out in the storm.

“Clarke,” he whispered, with a sad look on his face.

“Who started that fire, Bellamy?” she asked, fearing what his answer might be. Whatever it was, it was enough that group thought it would cause a huge explosion.

“I started the fire,” he blurted out, with sad, dark eyes. And Clarke wanted to scream.

She stood there, in silence, as he studied her face. She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, loosening her hands from the fists she was forming.

Bellamy started the fire. Their captain burned down their ship. Bellamy was the reason they had to get on those lifeboats. Bellamy was the reason they all got ripped apart by the storm. He was the reason they were shipwrecked. He was the reason that Wells’ family would never see him again. He was the reason Finn was gone.

She opened her eyes, glancing over at the other castaways who were paying close attention to how she reacted. She wasn’t going to scream, not in front of them at least.

But, they all knew. They all found out today and didn’t tell her. They didn’t tell her that this person she had depended on, that she trusted, was the reason she might die on this island.

She couldn’t spend another second with these people. So, Clarke ran right out of that cave for the third time that day.

 

“Clarke!” she heard him yell again, but she kept her mouth shut, not wanting to give away where she was.

“You need to come back to where it’s safe!” he continued to yell, as Clarke heard him get closer and closer to her.

“Let me at least explain!”

“No!” she yelled involuntarily, and she immediately heard him running toward her. She let out a sigh, tired of running. She just wanted him to disappear.

“Clarke, you need to come back inside,” Bellamy said, slightly out of breath as he found her behind the tree.

“Get the fuck away from me,” she spat, pushing his chest backwards. He grabbed onto her wrists. “Let me go!” she yelled.

“I wanted to tell you,” he said, ignoring her attempts to break away from him.

“Was that before or after you decided to fuck me?” His face went dark as soon as those words came out, as he pressed his lips tightly together.

“Clarke.”

“You lied to me!”

“You don’t understand. I had to!”

“Let go of me,” she snapped.

“Not until you come back to camp and listen to me,” he said, with his teeth gritted.

Clarke looked around, and took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to leave her alone until she came back. That much was clear. He had an uncanny ability to find her. She couldn’t just get away from him now.

“I’ll go back, but you will not say a fucking word to me,” she spat, as she ripped her wrist from his hand, and stormed past him.

 

The rest of her castaways were getting ready to fall asleep when she and Bellamy got back. She volunteered to take first watch, as Bellamy gave her a concerned glance. She narrowed her eyes back at him, trying to remind him that he wasn’t to speak to her anymore. She didn’t want to hear a single word out of his lying mouth.

She settled in as everyone drifted off. Bellamy was the last to give into sleep.

She waited until the rain started to slow down, before she crept over to grab the bag that Lincoln and Monty had prepared for their exit in the morning. She picked it up, before quietly leaving the cave.

As she walked away, she wondered if she was making the right decision. Her chances of survival were lower without the group. She could have waited until Lincoln, Monty, and Jasper snuck out to leave with them. But, she didn’t want to be around any of these people. She didn’t know them, not really. The only two people she really knew were dead. Lincoln had become her ally out of necessity, and then, when he and everyone else learned who caused all of this chaos, he kept his mouth shut.

She shook her head, as the cave was no longer in sight. Her chances of survival were low, but she just didn’t care anymore. Being with the group didn’t save Wells and it didn’t save Finn.

And Clarke couldn’t trust anyone anymore. She cut through a few of the trees, as she carefully stepped around twigs on the ground.

She thought she could trust Bellamy. She didn’t know why. It didn’t make sense. She knew he was lying to her. She should have known there was a horrible reason behind his lies.

But, she ignored those instincts because she wanted him. She liked him. She liked how he made her feel, and felt safe when he was nearby.

Now, she wanted to throw up.

She heard a twig snap behind her, and she snapped her head around. She didn’t see anyone or anything, so she kept walking. But, she couldn’t help but notice a few rustlings that were happening more frequently as she walked. She took a deep breath, fighting back the urge to sprint back to the cave.

Then, something grabbed her.

She started to scream, before something covered her mouth as it pulled her in, gripping her by the stomach.

“Don’t make too much noise,” the man whispered, and Clarke sucked in a breath. She turned her head around to barely make out a man with long dark hair and a beard grabbing onto her. He smirked as he lifted his hand off her mouth.

“Let go of me,” Clarke warned.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you. It’s dangerous to be out here by yourself, Clarke,” the man said, and Clarke blinked a few times, pretty sure she had not introduced herself.

“I didn’t tell you my name,” she snapped, and he started chuckling.

“We met on the boat,” he said with a smirk, and suddenly he was starting to look familiar.

“Roan,” she said, and he nodded, before grabbing her arm and tugging.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she muttered, and he let go of her arm, causing Clarke to fall backward a bit.

“Fine, stay out here. What do I care if you die out here?” he muttered, as he walked away. Clarke was about to open her mouth in protest, when he turned back around. “Or, you can come with me and have a higher chance of making it through the night,” he suggested, and Clarke started weighing her options.

On one hand, she did not know this guy. He could be dangerous. There had to be a reason Bellamy was avoiding him or that Jasper thought he was shady.

On the other hand, to her, everyone on this island was someone she didn’t know. They were all dangerous. And if he was going to kill her, he could have done it by now.

She started following him, and Roan chuckled to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where I remind you that Bellarke is endgame and our babies are going to be just fine. Eventually.


	12. We Might Be Next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me longer than expected to get this one up... but this chapter kind of got away from me. I hope that for those of you who have been waiting eagerly for Roan to show up that this will live up to the hype. 
> 
> Anyways, next update will start to clear up what's been going on with the other survivors of the shipwreck, and bring in some characters we haven't seen in a while.
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback! I obsessively check my inbox to see if anyone has commented because it's honestly my favorite part writing these updates. Let me know what you guys think of this one!

Clarke walked with Roan in silence for hours, as he led her in a direction that she had yet to explore. They had settled so quickly at the lake, Clarke had begun to forget there was whole island that she knew almost nothing about.

They stopped for a while near some ruins that reminded Clarke of the ones she camped out by during the first few days on the island. These were much more broken down than the other one, but it was a large enough clearing for the two of them to sleep comfortably for a few hours.

Roan set up the fire without asking Clarke to help, and she immediately started sifting through the bag she stole. The guys had packed some fruit in there, along with a blanket, and a couple pieces of loose fabric to use for bandages. And then, Clarke saw it: Bellamy’s gun. She sucked in a breath, trying to figure out which one of them had the balls to steal it. She wanted to rule Jasper out… but that boy was just dumb enough to try it anyway.

She accidentally let out a chuckle, and Roan snapped his head up to look at her.

“Sorry, just thought of something funny,” Clarke said, shaking her head as she repacked the bag. Now that she thought about it, it seemed like something Monty would want to do, since he would argue they would need some kind of protection for when they ran. But, he wouldn’t be able to be sneaky about it with his hurt leg. So, Lincoln probably did the deed.

“I’m amazed you can laugh after all this shit,” he muttered, focusing back on the fire.

“Have to laugh to keep from crying, I guess,” she whispered, tucking her bag behind her.

Roan started poking around the fire with a skinny stick, and Clarke wondered if now was the right time to start asking him some questions. She was now lost in this jungle with this stranger, without a clue on how she would get back to her group. Not that she wanted to. But, it would be comforting to know that she could, if she absolutely had to.

“Why were you out here all by yourself?” Clarke asked, wondering what happened to the rest of the people on his lifeboat.

“I wasn’t by myself when I started out,” he muttered, and Clarke felt a familiar chill go up her spine.

“What happened?”

“During the storm, we were trying to get to shelter. We started climbing on these rocks and she slipped. Dead as soon as she hit the ground,” he said, face completely cold. Clarke nodded, not entirely sure what to say to something like that. “I didn’t know her well. We just partnered up to look for things we could salvage,” he said, and Clarke nodded again. He didn’t seem too broken up about her death, whoever she was. Clarke figured it must be easier when he didn’t really know the person who died.

Clarke leaned forward, hoping the warmth of the fire would be enough to warm her back up, since she had been shivering for hours.

“Now, you have to tell me why you were out by yourself,” Roan said, eyebrow raised in her direction. Clarke swallowed, not entirely sure how to answer that question.

She didn’t really know why she was out there all alone. She left because she was angry. Because she didn’t trust anyone anymore. But, she could have turned around and gone back. It was the logical thing to do. But, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Were things not working out for your little group of castaways?” Roan asked with a teasing smile. Clarke’s head snapped up.

“My little group of castaways? You’ve seen us?” she asked, shaking her head. She had never seen Roan on the island before this night. How the hell did he know about the group she was with?

“Trust me, we’ve been keeping tabs on you guys,” he said vaguely, and Clarke felt her stomach drop.

“Who is ‘we?’” she demanded, and he let out a chuckle.

“Just the rest of my lifeboat, or at least those of us that are still alive,” he said, and Clarke only had more questions. She opened her mouth to speak, when Roan started talking again. “Your little group did seem to have it together for a while, though,” he said with a smirk.

“You knew about us. Why didn’t you approach us? We could have all joined up together,” Clarke said, shaking her head.

“Let’s just say that there are people in that group I’d rather stay away from,” he said, redirecting his attention back to the fire.

“You mean, Bellamy?” she asked, remembering that he had been weird when Roan was mentioned by Ontari. Roan leaned back and looked at Clarke, narrowing his eyes with a small smirk he was failing at hiding.

“You’re smarter than you look.”

“What did he do to you?” Clarke had to ask, leaning in closer. Roan looked up, pursing his lips as he thought about how to respond.

“What did he do to you?” he mirrored, flexing his arms above his head in a yawn. Clarke swallowed, not really wanting to answer that question.

“What makes you think that he did something to me?” she said, crossing her arms.

Roan smirked, as he looked Clarke up and down slowly. Clarke could feel the heat rising to her cheeks as she awaited his response. “Let’s just say Captain Blake has a type. And, a smart girl like you wouldn’t leave the safety of a large group unless there was a damn good reason,” he said with a small grin, and Clarke groaned, turning around to dig her blanket out of her bag.

“I’m getting some sleep,” she muttered, as she got in a more comfortable position. Roan started chuckling as he did the same, and Clarke wanted to smother him in his sleep.

Was she that transparent?

And it wasn’t just Bellamy that drove her to leave. It was everything. In the past few hours, Clarke had played it over and over in her head about how everything spun out of control. And everything seemed so clear to her now.

Finn died because he was bitten by a snake, and that kept him from being able to run from whatever that thing was. The only reason he was in the position to be bitten by a snake is because he found out about Bellamy starting the fire and got angry and left. This could have been avoided if everyone had just been honest about what happened on the ship. But, no. Everyone kept to themselves, keeping secrets and acting suspicious.

But, Finn wouldn’t have had to run from that creature if Bellamy had just shot the damn thing. But, Bellamy didn’t have his gun, because Lincoln, Monty, and Jasper were pissed about how much everyone else had been lying to them, and were planning an escape, and stole his gun.

Not all of that was Bellamy’s fault, even if most of it could have been prevented by him being honest. Finn should have controlled himself better when he got angry. He was a grown fucking man. He should know better than to run off in the middle of a storm just because he was pissed. Monty should have told everyone what he knew about the fire immediately. Miller shouldn’t have helped Bellamy lie. Lincoln shouldn’t have confronted Bellamy during that storm.

And Clarke shouldn’t have been surprised when she found out Bellamy started the fire. The signs were there. She knew he was a liar. But, she let her damn feelings get in the way of seeing right through the deception.

She wanted to believe that he was just being paranoid with his lying. Not that the lies and deceptions were covering up a horrible secret.

She closed her tired eyes, hoping to get just a few hours of sleep, so that she could continue to get the hell away from all of them.

 

“Where are we even going?” Clarke asked, as they continued their uphill hike.

“To my camp,” he said vaguely, and Clarke let out another groan.

“Want to be more specific?” Roan kept his eyes forward, as the corners of his mouth turned up a bit.

“I found you close to the center of the island. Your camp was toward the west, mine is toward the east,” he explained blankly, and Clarke only had more questions.

“But, where did you make camp? Did you find a safe clearing or is it near a water source?”

Roan spun his head around, shooting Clarke an annoyed stare. “I assure you, we found a safe place to set up shop. Stop overthinking this,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“And who all is at your camp?” Roan clenched his jaw, as it was becoming very apparent that Clarke was annoying him.

“The rest of my lifeboat. I ended up with a lot of the boat’s staff. My would-be ex-wife Echo as well,” he explained, as Clarke tried to understand why anyone who worked on that ship wouldn’t want to find their fellow shipmates. She knew based on what Miller had said that some people weren’t happy with how Bellamy was running things… but the people at Roan’s camp clearly knew that Miller and Bellamy and Octavia were all still out there. Not all of them could be fed up with him, could they? But, then Clarke remembered that Miller and Bellamy didn’t want to look for them either.

“And how long of a hike is it to the other side of the island?” she asked, as Roan pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, it’s going to take us another day, at least.”

Clarke let out a sigh, as she decided to ease up on the questions for a while. He was clearly getting tired of her constant questions, and she had at least another day to get more information out of him.

She was still amazed at how quickly they were moving through the jungle, hardly stopping for breaks. It might just be because he clearly knew his way around the island. Or, more likely, it had more to do with the fact that it had been a while since she went on one of these trips with someone who wasn’t injured.

“A few days ago, there were eleven of you,” Roan said abruptly, causing Clarke to flinch.

“What?”

“I counted eleven people in your little survival group. Then, at the cave, I counted nine.”

“Well, it’s eight now that I’m gone,” Clarke muttered, hoping he would drop it.

“Did the other two leave?”

“No, they’re both dead,” she snapped, keeping her eyes fixed forward. Roan stopped walking, with a strange look dancing across his face. Clarke raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“Who are your dead?” he asked, swallowing slightly.

“Finn and Wells,” she said, and recognition flashed across his face.

“Finn Collins?” he said, face unreadable. Clarke nodded. He pressed his lips together, before doing a slight nod of his own. “Raven must have been devastated,” he muttered, before continuing to walk.

“We all were.”

“How did he and that other guy die?” he asked, sounding almost bored now, which pissed Clarke off.

“Finn was torn apart by some cat-like animal. Wells was shot.”

“Shot?” he snapped, whipping his head around to face Clarke. She stopped walking, as his glare momentarily paralyzed her.

“Yes. Someone murdered him,” she spat, getting a little bit angry.

“Do you know who it was?” he asked, wincing a bit. Clarke was confused by his reaction. This guy didn’t even know Wells. But, maybe he was less aware of how dangerous some of the people on this island were than she was.

“There was this guy on the staff named Murphy. That’s who shot him,” she said slowly, watching recognition graze his eyes as she spoke. He swallowed, nodding a little bit.

“Was he alone?”

“No,” Clarke said, before Roan snapped and punched a tree. “What the fuck are you doing?” she yelled, as she went to grab his fist. He winced in pain as she checked for any actual damage to his hand.

“Murphy is one of the people I’ve set up camp with,” he growled. “And fucking Echo was with him.”

Clarke let go of his hand, stepping back. “The guy who killed Wells. You’re with him?” she said, gritting her teeth. Roan threw his bag onto the ground and grabbed Clarke by the shoulders. She immediately tried to pull away, but he was too strong for it to work.

“I grouped up with him to try and stay alive. Just like you did with the Blakes,” he growled, and Clarke felt like she was going to throw up.

“I’m not going back to your camp,” she growled, and his grip tightened on her shoulders.

“Don’t be stupid, Clarke,” he snapped.

“Wells was my best friend!”

“I don’t care!” he yelled, and Clarke flinched. “People die, Clarke. I knew Murphy was up to something. And of course, Echo is fucking in on it,” he muttered, as he let go of Clarke. She gave him a once-over, noticing how tense and scary he looked all of the sudden.

“I’m not going with you,” she barely got out of her mouth, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes, you are,” he ordered, snapping his head back around to face her. “You’re not stupid. I have a feeling your dead didn’t die in a huge group. They died in small numbers. You won’t make it out here without being around other people.”

“You’re camped out with murderers,” she snapped.

“So were you!” he yelled, and Clarke started shaking her head. Roan let out a groan. “Or do you somehow still classify Captain Blake as a good guy after he set fire to that damn ship? Every life lost on this island is on him,” he snapped, and Clarke flinched.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t had a similar realization… it’s just that she hadn’t ever phrased it just like that. Everything bad that happened to them was because he started that fire. But, Wells was shot by Murphy. Bellamy didn’t make Murphy do that. And Bellamy did what he could for Finn. He wasn’t a murderer. But, she kept her mouth shut since Roan was clearly pissed off.

“How did you know he started the fire?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I was there when it happened,” he said with a growl in his voice. Clarke blinked a few times, confused by the words flowing out of his mouth. Maybe that was why Bellamy didn’t want to find Roan.

“Explain,” she demanded.

“No,” he snapped, before grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward.

“I’m not coming back with you!” she yelled, and Roan shoved her against a tree, keeping his face just inches away from hers. Clarke pulled her head back as far as she could, eyes wide with fear.

“Yes, you are. And you’re going to keep your mouth shut about Murphy. Don’t you want to know why he killed your friend?” Clarke swallowed before nodding. Roan smirked slightly. “Then, you’re going to come back with me to camp. You are going to act grateful that we are taking you in,” he ordered, punctuating each individual word with his threatening tone. “You will play dumb and act like you know nothing about what went on when the ship burned. You will pretend you don’t know who shot Wells.”

Clarke blinked a few times, but didn’t dare say anything.

“You won’t learn anything if you confront him. All you’ll get is shot. Play dumb and keep your head down. And we’ll get answers,” he muttered, before letting go of her and walking away.

Clarke sucked in a breath, trying to get her head on straight after that.

“Wait, why do you want answers?” she asked, not sure what he could get out of this. He turned back around, giving Clarke a once-over.

“We have a murderer on this island. I’d like to know what his endgame is. And we’ve got to stay on his good side, or else we might be next,” he said with a dark smile, and Clarke felt like she was going to faint.

 

They didn’t speak the rest of the day, unless it was to ask about taking a break or an occasional observation. Which Clarke was fine with. She felt uneasy about going straight to where Murphy was and pretending she knew nothing about what kind of a person he was.

She also felt nervous about Roan. Similar to how she felt around Bellamy those first few days. She wasn’t sure she could trust him. Clearly, there was more to his story that Clarke didn’t know… since he was apparently there when the fire started and Ontari was trying to find him. But, Clarke remembered that if Roan was going to hurt her, he would have done it already. He didn’t have to let her join him on this walk. And it was clear that every decision Roan made was one of survival. He seemed to recognize that certain issues needed to be brushed aside so that he could keep on living. He had no reason to hurt Clarke.

They set up camp by some trees near a beach. Apparently, the rest of his group didn’t move far from the shore they washed up on, and she and Roan were going to make the rest of the journey by following the shoreline. Clarke took the initiative to start the fire, it only to prove that she could be useful. So far, Roan had been doing all of the heavy lifting: starting the fires, finding food, finding good places to rest, etc.

Roan got settled in and watched Clarke with interest as she put a few more logs onto the fire.

“You’ve been quiet for too long,” he whispered, and Clarke jumped, not expecting him to say anything else to her.

“Maybe I’m just tired,” she said, blowing him off.

“No, you’ve been thinking. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he asked with a smirk, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Nothing. Just wondering why you were there when the fire started,” she said, and Roan let out a chuckle.

“I had something to discuss with our dear friend, Captain Blake,” he said, clearly not about to elaborate on that. Clarke groaned, and he started chuckling again.

“You’re never going to give me a straight forward answer on anything,” she mumbled, as he scooched closer to where she was sitting.

“Ask me about literally anything else. I can be very straight forward.”

“What happened with your wife?” Clarke asked, wondering how after all the time he spent with the woman, he wasn’t even with her on this island. She was off with Murphy of all people. Something messed up had to be going on there.

“Well, I never loved her. She never loved me either. Married her because it was what my family expected of me. It was a, uh, useful little alliance,” he said, staring intensely at Clarke as he said it. Clarke blinked a few times, shocked by how much he just blurted out. “I told you I can be straight forward.”

“Why would your family expect you to marry her? That sounds like some mafia shit to me,” Clarke joked, and Roan raised an eyebrow at her, not saying anything. Clarke’s eyes widened, and he just started chuckling.

“Mafia is such an archaic word for it,” he said dismissively, and Clarke’s stomach dropped.

“Roan.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I assure you I am not some mobster. I have nothing to do with my family’s inner workings,” he said with a smile, and for some reason, Clarke believed he was telling the truth.

Clarke leaned back against a rock, studying Roan’s face, as he seemed to be doing the same thing to her. Who the hell were these people she was stuck on this island with? She didn’t know what the fuck was going on with the crew and this Pike guy. And now, Roan comes from some shady organized crime family.

“Now, it’s my turn to ask you a question,” he said with a teasing tone in his voice.

“Fire away. I have nothing to hide,” she muttered.

“Why Captain Blake?”

“What?” Clarke was furrowing her eyebrows, trying to understand the question.

“Why of all the men on the island, did you start screwing him?” Clarke’s jaw dropped slightly, as Roan smirked beside her.

“I’m not answering that question.”

“I answered your question. And I understand why he went for you,” Roan said, looking Clarke up and down. Suddenly, the heat went up to her cheeks. “He just doesn’t strike me as your type.”

“You just met me. What could you possibly think is my type?”

“Potentially me,” he smirked. He leaned back again, smiling cockily, and Clarke felt her breathing start to get shallow. She swallowed, as she glanced at him again.

“That’s arrogant of you to think,” she snapped, and he leaned into her, putting his hand on her thigh.

“You didn’t correct me,” he whispered, before Clarke slapped his hand away. She stood up, taking a few steps away from him. Her face was bright red, as she struggled with what she should do. On one hand, she didn’t know or necessarily trust this guy. On the other hand, she liked how his hand felt on her leg. She shook her head, trying to get that thought out of her head. She shouldn’t want this.

“I apologize, Clarke,” he said, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. “I don’t mean to scare you off. I know you’re still recovering from heartbreak over our dear captain,” he said, smirking. And Clarke sort of wanted to slap him.

“That’s not what this is,” she snapped, and he nodded.

“Well, then good. Because I was going to say that the two of us have been through a lot since crashing on this damn island. A lot of tension there,” he said, eyeing Clarke up and down. Her heart started pounding as he spoke. “I think we deserve to relieve some of that tension.”

“Roan,” Clarke said, a little breathlessly. She couldn’t believe what this man was saying to her. And, moreover, she couldn’t believe she was liking what he was saying.

Roan shrugged his shoulders as the corner of his mouth started to turn up. “All I’m offering is to make you feel good, Clarke. Tell me to drop it, and I’ll never bring it up again.”

Clarke pressed her legs together as he talked, trying to ignore how turned on she was getting listening to him speak. His voice was so low and gravelly, and her mind wondered what it would sound like if he moaned her name. She shouldn’t want this. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been touched in a while. And she was tired. She should be resting, not considering whether or not to screw this stranger by the fire.

But, he was right. They had been through a lot. Clarke had been in a lot of pain after losing Wells and Finn, leaving the group, finding out that Bellamy wasn’t who she thought he was… It sounded really nice having someone offer to make her feel good.

“If I said yes, what would you say?” Clarke blurted out before she could stop herself. Suddenly, the teasing look on Roan’s face dropped, as if he didn’t think she would actually consider it. And that look was replaced by one of pure lust, which gave Clarke thrills.

He kept quiet for a moment, clearly thinking about what to say. Clarke sucked in a breath, wondering if she should back out of this immediately.

“I’d tell you to take off your dress,” he ordered, and Clarke could already feel her nipples hardening. She didn’t hesitate before reaching behind her and unzipping the back of her dress. Roan stood up, slowly walking over to her. Clarke smirked at him, letting the dress fall to her feet. She didn’t move to unhook her bra or take off her underwear, but that didn’t stop him from letting his eyes linger on her breasts.

“Take off your shirt,” Clarke ordered, which snapped Roan out of his breast-induced trance. He met her eyes, as he started unbuttoning and biting his lower lip. She watched with interest as he slowly revealed his muscled chest to her. She let her glance fall down his chest to ogle his abs, before letting her eyes drop to his pants. Without her having to say anything, he started to unbuckle his belt.

She met his eyes again, which looked back at her so intensely it was almost scary. Not breaking eye contact, she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the ground, too. Roan let out an involuntary moan as his eyes dropped back to her breasts. He just finished unzipping his pants, when Clarke closed the distance between them, letting her hand slide down his abs to gently graze his hardening cock over his boxers. Roan looked down at her with such a predatory gaze that Clarke could feel her arousal coming on.

“I want you on your back,” he growled, and Clarke looked up at him with the most innocent eyes she could muster. He grabbed her hand that was tracing the outline of his cock, and leaned in closer to her face. “Lie down on your back, so I can taste you,” he whispered, and Clarke felt chills go up her back. She turned around, pulling the blanket out of her bag and lying it down on the ground. She lied down on her back, glancing up at Roan who was pulling his shoes and pants off, not taking his eyes off Clarke.

He finally got down on the ground, yanking Clarke’s panties off quickly, before settling down between her legs. He stared at her pussy for a few moments, as his hands went up and down her thighs.

“I thought you wanted to taste me,” Clarke teased, and his grip on her thighs tightened.

His eyes shot up to give Clarke a glare, as one of his hands started moving up her thigh. Then, he ran his tongue along her slit, causing Clarke to throw her head back. His hand slid up her waist, settling on her breast, as the other started spreading apart her folds. He gave her breast a tight squeeze, before his tongue started tracing her throbbing clit. She could feel his beard tickling her as his tongue travelled all around her clit.

“Roan,” she moaned, and she could feel him smiling against her skin.

“You’re delicious,” he whispered, before moving back to her clit. Clarke gripped the blanket as his hand tweaked her nipple and he sucked onto her clit.

Clarke forced herself to relax one of her hands, as she reached down to grab onto his hair. He moaned against her clit, as she gripped even tighter, pushing him closer to where she really wants him. His eyes glance up at her, as he pulls away slightly, wiping his mouth a bit. Then, he smirked, before thrusting his tongue deep into her.

“Yes, Roan,” she whimpered, bucking her hips. His hand left her breast as he slid it under her ass, angling her pussy closer to his face. His other hand started rubbing her clit, as his tongue continued to thrust in and out of her.

Clarke let her other hand start rubbing her nipple, unable to think about anything other than the grunts Roan was making as he thrust his tongue into her.

She started moaning louder and louder, as she got closer and closer to reaching her peak. He stopped thrusting his tongue inside of her, and replaced it with two of his fingers, causing Clarke to scream out involuntarily. His other hand reached up to cover her mouth, as he slowly made his way up her chest. His fingers were still pumping in and out of her furiously, as he kissed his way up her stomach and in between her breasts. Clarke licked the hand that was covering her mouth, and Roan let out another involuntary moan.

He settled onto one of her breasts, biting and sucking around her nipple.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he moaned, after licking a circle around her nipple. Clarke threw her head back, focusing on the dirty things he was telling her and how his rough fingers felt inside of her, and let the wave of pleasure overtake her. She started to scream, even though it was muffled by Roan’s hand, as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of her through her orgasm. Once she caught her breath, Roan started to sit up.

“Hands and knees, Clarke,” he ordered, and she rolled over immediately, presenting her ass to his appreciative gaze as she got up onto her elbows. “What a good girl,” he whispered, as his fingers traced down her back toward her ass, and Clarke felt her clit twitch at those words.

Roan took over his boxers, before he started stroking himself a few times. Clarke looked back to see his huge cock start to enter her, and she took a deep breath to prepare herself.

He sunk himself into her, not as gently as Bellamy did, but Clarke was still ready for him. She let out a yelp as he got all the way inside of her, as his hand immediately gripped her mouth again.

“Is that what you needed, baby?” he whispered right into her ear, as his other hand gripped onto her hip. Clarke nodded, as his tongue traced around her ear. He started thrusting in and out of her slowly, and she couldn’t help but whimper. “You’re so tight around me, Clarke,” he kept whispering, as his hand slipped down her face to rest on her throat.

“Is this what you’ve been wanting?” Clarke whispered, and Roan let out an involuntary grunt right into her ear.

“You’re going to make me feel so good,” he murmured, before kissing down her throat.

His hand travelled down her neck and settled on one of her breasts, gripping it so tightly that Clarke thought it would bruise. Not that she minded, since it oddly felt really good.

He started to pick up the pace as he thrust deeper and deeper into her. Clarke was having a hard time keeping herself up on her elbows, feeling like she could just collapse from too much pleasure.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you all day,” he kept whispering, and Clarke wondered if she could come just from his dirty talk alone.

“Yeah? Tell me more,” she moaned, as he rammed his cock back into her.

“I liked the way you snapped at me. So angry and sexy. It’s so hot how feisty you are,” he murmured, before biting gently on the lobe of her ear.

He reached a hand down and started rubbing her clit slowly. It was still sensitive from her last orgasm, and Clarke felt like she could come again at any second.

“And I’ve been craving those breasts of yours all day,” he kept going, and Clarke really thought she was going to lose it.

“Roan,” she moaned, and he immediately started rubbing her clit faster.

“So big and perky and just begging to be sucked on,” he continued, pressing wet, biting kisses down her neck.

She let out an even louder moan, as he sped up his thrusts.

“And you tasted so good,” he said, and Clarke lost in, letting her orgasm erupt, as her pussy clenched down on his cock.

“Fuck,” Roan grunted, as Clarke felt him start to tense up around her. He bit down on her shoulder, and Clarke could feel him come undone inside of her, as she rode out her orgasm.

He let out a few feral moans as he finished inside of her, and Clarke gripped the blanket, trying to keep herself up on her elbows for just a few more seconds.

Eventually, he pulled out of her, and Clarke collapsed onto the blanket, completely spent.

As she caught her breath, she realized that for a few moments there, she had forgotten all about leaving her fellow castaways yesterday, and how guilty she was feeling about not saying goodbye. She forgot about how sad and angry she had been.

And as Roan started rubbing her back, Clarke realized how nice it was to forget all of it.


	13. I'll Save Bellamy for Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Another chapter up. 
> 
> This one gets about as violent as I'll ever get in the end. Also, another character death. I know I told you guys there wouldn't be one for a while... but I forgot about this one and I'm not sure many of you will be upset about it anyways. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you guys think! We've got a bellarke reunion around the corner, I promise. Thanks for all the love!

Their camp was way more permanent than hers had been. They had built small platforms into the trees, almost like treehouses… which Clarke had to admit was smart. It kept them off the ground and out of sight during the night. And, if any animal or dangerous person on the island came by, they could just climb up and hide.

Although, Clarke couldn’t imagine another person being as dangerous as Murphy… Maybe Ontari, but no one had seen or heard from her since that day she attacked Clarke.

When they arrived, there was only one person at camp, which struck Clarke as odd. She figured that they wouldn’t want people being out by themselves, even at camp, just like her camp had done. Perhaps they didn’t have as many incidents on this side of the island.

“Where the fuck have you been?” a blonde girl with a long braid screamed, poking Roan’s chest. He let out a chuckle, before swatting her hand away.

“Clarke, this is Harper. Harper, meet Clarke. I rescued her from the other side of the island,” he said, and Clarke clenched her hand in a fist.

“Hi, Clarke,” Harper said, but Clarke wasn’t focused on her at the moment.

“Rescued? You did not rescue me!” she snapped, and Roan shook his head.

“Anyways,” he continued, not even looking at Clarke. “She’s a doctor and can be useful. So, she’s with us now,” he declared, and Clarke was still seething with anger. He did not rescue her. He found her in the woods. She was perfectly fine on her own.

“What happened to Monroe?” Harper asked, eyes wide, and Roan pressed his lips together, looking down at the ground. Realization struck Harper’s face as she nodded slowly. Clarke sucked in a breath, having a pretty good idea what Harper could be feeling right now.

“Where are the others?” Roan asked, and Harper let out a groan.

“Murphy and Echo went hunting. Dax decided to tag along,” she said with a shrug, before turning around and taking a seat on the ground. Roan shot Clarke a look, as if to gage if she was going to be cool about all of this. She forced herself to take a deep breath, reminding herself that this is what she agreed to. Something about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, or something like that. Although, it wasn’t like Clarke had any friends left on this island anyways.

“So, Harper, did you work on the boat?” Clarke asked, just making casual conversation as she plopped down right next to her. Roan narrowed his eyes at her, but it wasn’t like Clarke was going to interrogate this poor girl. She just needed to know who she was agreeing to live with.

“Yeah, I was a waitress on board.”

“Oh, so you worked with Octavia?” Clarke followed up with a smile, and Harper’s eyes lit up.

“You know Octavia? Is she here?” she asked excitedly, and Roan leaned back against a tree, watching the conversation with interest.

“Yeah, she is. Alive and well on the other side of the island,” Clarke answered, and Harper let out a sigh of relief. They must have been friends. Which means that she probably knew something.

“Wait, were you camped out with all of them?” Harper asked, and Clarke’s eyes flickered to Roan, who was now leaning forward with interest.

“Yeah, I was over there with them before I decided to come over here with Roan,” she answered carefully, dreading the inevitable follow up question.

“Why did you leave?”

Clarke looked back at Roan, who had a smirk on his face. Clarke didn’t know how she was supposed to answer that question, considering she didn’t know this girl or what she knew about all the danger on the island.

“She found out about Captain Blake setting fire to our beloved ship,” Roan stepped in, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief.

“I still don’t believe he did it, though,” Harper replied, shaking her head. Clarke looked over at Roan, who had literally told her the night before that he had been there when the fire started. There’s no reason he wouldn’t have told that to Harper as well, considering he had been around her longer. Roan started rolling his eyes.

“I’ve told you over and over that I saw it all happen,” Roan groaned, and Harper gave Clarke a skeptical look.

“Bellamy told me himself that he started the fire, Harper,” Clarke said, and a grave expression took over her face.

“If that’s true, does that mean that the other stuff you and Murphy told us was also true?” she asked, and Clarke could see the poor girl tense up all over. Clarke started patting her back, hoping to soothe her in some way. She looked over at Roan, who was pinching the bridge of his nose. Clarke had no idea what Harper was talking about… but, she was scared to ask. She agreed to keep her head down, not to ask too many questions… to see what she could learn that way.

“Oh look, we got another blonde,” Clarke heard someone behind them say. She snapped her head around to see three people marching up toward her.

“Hopefully this one will be more helpful than our first one,” one of the guys said, before throwing his bag onto the ground. Harper’s head snapped up.

“Murphy, leave me the fuck alone,” she spat, and Clarke looked up to get a good look at Murphy. His hair was an absolute mess. He had a few bruises up and down both of his arms. He simultaneously looked like he just got done fighting someone MMA style while still seeming bored with everything going on around him.

“Oh, this one is the doctor girl we met,” the woman said, pointing at Clarke.

“Clarke, meet my horrible other half, Echo,” Roan growled, and Clarke gave the woman a once-over. She was more put together than Murphy or the other guy was, but had the same aura of bored as Murphy. She sucked in a breath, as she looked at the two people who killed Wells for the first time.

“Ex other half,” she snapped, before grabbing the apple out of Murphy’s hand.

“Still married until the divorce is finalized… or until you drop dead,” Roan snapped, before standing up abruptly. Clarke frantically made eye contact with him, pleading with him to not leave her alone with these people. He just groaned before taking off toward the beach.

“Oh, and Clarke, this is Dax,” Harper said, gesturing to the other member of their group, who was eyeing Clarke with mild interest.

“Nice to meet you all,” Clarke said, and Murphy let out a cackle.

“Did you guys bring back any food?” Harper asked, walking over to their bags.

“Brought back some berries we found. But, all the animals were really skittish today,” Dax said. Harper nodded, before getting up to follow after Roan.

And Clarke found herself alone with the two people who killed her best friend and that Dax guy, who seemed pretty shady to her as well.

“So, Clarke, where have you been this whole time we’ve been shipwrecked?” Murphy asked, leaning his elbows onto his thighs.

“Other side of the island,” she answered quickly, which clearly caught Echo’s attention since she raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, so you must have been with the Blakes and Miller and all those other people,” Murphy continued, and Clarke nodded, hoping he wouldn’t read too much into it.

“Yeah, I left them a while ago. And then I ran into Roan after that storm,” she answered, trying to make it sound like she wasn’t with them for long. She didn’t need Echo and Murphy realizing that she knew about them.

“And what sparked that decision to leave that group?” Echo asked skeptically, and Clarke swallowed, feeling nervous by their little interrogation of her. She needed to respond just like Roan did if this was going to work.

“Found out about how the fire started,” Clarke replied as calmly as she could. And clearly, she passed their little test, because Murphy leaned back and rolled his eyes in frustration, as Echo shook her head. Dax seemed unmoved by what she said, but he didn’t really respond anything it seemed, so she let it go.

“I’ve known Bellamy for a long time. I used to be his first mate before he replaced me with Miller. But, I still can’t believe he would do something so reckless and endanger all of our lives,” Murphy said with a straight face, as Clarke processed this. Bellamy had never said anything about being close with Murphy before.

“Yeah, I still can’t understand why he would do it,” Clarke said, shaking her head. She wasn’t lying. It still didn’t make sense to her. In retrospect, she probably should have at least listened to his explanation. It was probably a lie, but then she would have something to work with.

Then, she noticed a strange look that Murphy and Echo exchanged. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity, wondering if Roan’s dumb plan was actually working. Murphy stood up to sit right next to Clarke, his leg just a little too close to hers. If he had noticed the terrified look quickly jump across her face, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“What do you know about a man named Pike?” he whispered, as soon as Echo and Dax started unpacking the food they brought.

“Just that he was some guy you all worked for but don’t work for anymore,” she said, knowing that was technically the truth. Any other conclusion she made about Pike were just guesses she had thrown together based on how shady everyone was about talking about him.

“Some of us still work for Pike,” he said dismissively, and Clarke felt a chill travel up her spine. He meant that he still worked for this Pike person. “Anyways, we all worked for him for years. Then, one day, out of the blue, Bellamy decided he didn’t want to anymore and convinced the whole crew to stop as well,” he said, and Clarke was terrified to interrupt him with questions. “So, slowly, everyone stopped following Pike’s orders.”

“What kind of orders?” Clarke asked, before she could stop herself. Murphy smirked, leaning back against the rock.

“We would move some of his, uh, product through the docks,” he said with a teasing glint in his eye, and Clarke started to wonder why he was admitting to all of this to a stranger. “Harper could tell you. It was all going super well and no one was onto us,” he continued, and Clarke sucked in a breath, having a hard time imagining that girl participating in the shipment and delivery of drugs.

“Anyways, Pike had one last order for us, but Bellamy didn’t have the stomach for it. So, instead of actually finishing his last job and being done with Pike for good, he set the ship on fire, like a fucking coward,” Murphy muttered, and Clarke couldn’t believe how much hatred came out of his mouth as he said the word “coward.”

This wasn’t the first Clarke had heard of this final order. She vaguely remembered hearing Monty and Bellamy argue about it. And she remembered Bellamy saying that there was something he just couldn’t go through with. And Clarke desperately needed to know what that was.

God, she should have just listened to Bellamy when he said he wanted to explain. Maybe he was finally being serious about telling her the damn truth. He did admit to starting the fire, even though that was because he feared someone else would tell her first. But, he might have told her what horrible task Pike ordered him to fulfill… and maybe whatever it was could actually be worse than setting fire to the ship. That was a big maybe. But, a small part of Clarke wanted him to have made the right choice. The same part of her that kept accidentally looking for him as she glanced around camp and momentarily thought it was Bellamy lying next to her when she woke up that morning.

Clarke nodded at Murphy, who kept muttering about things Bellamy did that pissed him off, but she started to tune him out. She really wanted to ask what the final job was… but she remembered that Roan had warned her about keeping her head down. And she wasn’t about to ask the guy who murdered Wells without even knowing him any more questions.

 

She found Roan sitting out on the sand, staring at the ocean. She didn’t pass Harper on her walk over, but figured she was off taking care of something else. Clarke sat down next to him, not that Roan acknowledged her presence.

It was like last night never happened… which, to be honest, was probably how it should be. Clarke didn’t trust Roan. She wasn’t even sure she liked him, considering how vague and distant he was. And she wasn’t about to make the same mistake she made with Bellamy all over again.

“Had an interesting conversation with Murphy,” Clarke finally said, staring out into the water. Their beach had about as much debris wash up on shore as the one that she and Lincoln washed up on.

“Please tell me you kept your dumb mouth shut,” he muttered, and Clarke wanted to slap him.

“I let him do most of the talking,” she muttered before looking over at him. “You don’t have to be a total dick to me, you know.” Roan started smirking.

“Just reminding you not to be stupid, Clarke.”

“What do you know about Pike?” she asked, and Roan’s head snapped around.

“Enough to know that you shouldn’t be having this conversation with anyone,” he said with a threatening tone.

“So, you know a lot about that situation. I bet you even know what his last order was,” she said, as Roan frantically glanced over his shoulder.

“I warned you to keep your mouth shut,” he whispered, gripping Clarke’s forearm tightly.

“So,” Clarke started with a smirk. “You do know, then.”

“Clarke.”

“Tell me,” she growled, letting her nails scrape his arm as she gripped it.

“No,” he snapped.

“You have to tell me.”

“Give me one good reason to trust you with this,” he growled, as he stood up. Clarke quickly followed, grabbing onto his arm. He turned around quickly, thrusting his arm away from Clarke’s grasp, before grabbing her by both of her arms, and suddenly Clarke was paralyzed with fear. She knew Roan could be dangerous, but she didn’t realize just how dangerous until he grabbed her just then. She looked into his eyes and knew he could and would snap on her if he needed to.

“Octavia said Murphy was going to kill her if Bellamy didn’t go through with the order,” Clarke whispered, as Roan processed what she said.

“But, he killed Wells instead,” he said, raising an eyebrow, but not letting her go.

“Maybe it was a warning. So that Bellamy would actually follow through on the order,” Clarke stammered out, and Roan let go of her, pinching the bridge of his nose and groaning in frustration.

“Roan,” she whispered, as she slowly moved toward him. He glanced down at her, jaw tight, with a strained look in his eyes.

“The order was to get certain information out of me, and then to kill me,” he said sternly, his forehead tense, and Clarke felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest.

“What?” she asked a little too loudly, before Roan rushed over to put a hand over her mouth.

“Bellamy told me, you know, before he started the fire. Pike wanted a few locations and names out of me, and the opportunity to get me away from my family presented itself when I got on that damn boat,” he explained, furrowing his eyebrows at Clarke. He slowly lifted his hand off her mouth.

Clarke pressed her lips together, processing what Roan just said. Pike wanted information from Roan, probably because of his shady family business. Clarke didn’t care what Roan said, he seemed like a fucking mobster to her. And Bellamy was supposed to get it out of him… and then kill him. Clarke shook her head, not being able to fathom him actually killing anyone. Bellamy might have lied to her and done some shady stuff in the past, but he wasn’t a monster. He couldn’t do that.

And then Clarke remembered, he didn’t kill Roan. He started the fire instead, to avoid actually following the order.

Clarke tried to imagine herself in Bellamy’s shoes, as he was probably terrified of Murphy following through and killing Octavia if Bellamy didn’t obey the order. He was looking for a way out. He probably didn’t think far enough ahead to check and see if there was a storm. He probably thought that everyone would evacuate the boat safely and get onto the lifeboats, which actually did work out. He didn’t know that the storm would hit before help would arrive. He probably saw this plan as a way to buy time so that he didn’t have to kill a man.

Clarke tried not to let the tears form in her eyes as she processed this. Bellamy was trying to do the right thing.

Then, she realized something. “Why wouldn’t Murphy just try to get the information out of you himself? And then kill you? Why hang around you at camp?” Clarke asked, as confusion took over Roan’s face.

“There has to be more to it, then,” he muttered, before pulling Clarke by the wrist up the beach and back toward camp.

“What are you doing?”

Roan turned around, and gripped Clarke’s chin abruptly, with a dark look in his eyes. “Can I trust you to keep your cool for just a little while longer?” he growled, and Clarke frantically nodded in response. “Then, let’s get a good night’s sleep.”

 

Clarke swears she heard Finn screaming in pain. It pierced her ears and all she wanted to do was run back and save him.

Then, she woke up, hyperventilating. It was a nightmare. Finn wasn’t still alive. She took a deep breath, glancing over at Harper, who was still fast asleep.

Despite Roan’s urgings for her to stay near him, Clarke opted to crash with Harper on her little platform in the tree. She didn’t really want to be around Roan at the moment, with how threatening and scary he acted on the beach. No one seemed to keep watch at this camp, which Clarke found odd. But, to be fair, the main reason they kept watch at her camp was to watch out for Murphy.

She peered down to see that the fire had finally gone out. She looked around, seeing a few sleeping bodies perched in the trees around her. She let out a sigh, as she remembered that she was now stuck at a camp where she could trust no one.

As furious as she was with her fellow castaways a few days ago, it was nothing like this. She was pissed at them and thought she couldn’t trust them.

But, these people… trusting them could cost Clarke her life. She knows Murphy and Echo are murderers. Roan has been getting aggressive and hostile… not to mention that he had been keeping things from her. She didn’t know much about Dax… except that his presence made her uncomfortable. The only person she could ever trust to have her back was possibly Harper… and that’s only based on the fact that she seemed nice.

Murphy was up to something, and Echo and Dax were clearly following his lead for some reason. And as much as Clarke wanted to know what that something was, she also had a strong feeling that he would kill her the second she knew what was going on.

She decided to climb down the tree to stretch her legs a bit, to walk around and clear her head. None of them seemed too worried about going off by themselves, so Clarke figured there must not be too much to worry about on this side of the island.

As Clarke walked slowly toward the beach, she started wondering about Roan. He clearly knew that Bellamy didn’t want to kill him. So, why did he insist on partnering up with these dangerous people instead of joining Bellamy’s group? It didn’t make sense to Clarke. There was something he wasn’t telling her.

She reached the beach and sighed, watching the dark waves crash violently into the shore.

“For a doctor, you’re not all that bright, are you?” she heard a woman’s voice say, before turning around to see Echo leaning against a tree.

“Hi, Echo,” Clarke said hesitantly, and Echo started marching over toward her.

“Let’s drop the nice act. What are you and Roan up to?” she snapped, and Clarke’s stomach dropped.

“I don’t know what you’re---“

“Don’t be stupid. He brought you back here for a reason and I want to know what it is,” she said with a threatening tone. Clarke honestly didn’t know what reason he would bring her back with him other than him finding safety in numbers and not wanting to walk back alone. She was a doctor, of course, which he would deem as useful. But, Clarke didn’t think there was any deeper reasoning behind that.

“I think he just brought me back to be helpful. I don’t know,” Clarke said, before Echo slapped her right across the face. Clarke brought her hand to her face, rubbing where her cheek stung from the quick slap. “What the fuck?” she muttered, as Echo crossed her arms.

“Why the fuck did you come here? What are you trying to pull?” she growled, and Clarke’s eyes widened. She thought she had been careful in her glances and facial expressions, to make it seem like she knew nothing. But, maybe Echo had been studying her more closely than she thought.

“I honestly am just looking to survive,” Clarke spat out, before Echo threw her arm around Clarke’s neck, tightening her grip. Clarke could hardly breathe, as Echo’s arm snaked around her.

“I’ve been watching your camp,” she growled in her ear, and Clarke threw her elbow into her stomach, knocking her backwards. Clarke started to run back toward camp, when Echo tackled her from behind, pinning her to the ground. “Bet you were super pissed when your little friend died,” she said, and realization struck Clarke. Echo thought Clarke was there for revenge.

She struggled to get her wrists back from Echo, who only pressed her harder into the ground. This girl was much stronger than Clarke was, and Clarke had the sudden feeling that she was going to be murdered right here on this beach. 

“Did any of your friends tell you that he called out for you while he ran from us?” she growled, as she gripped Clarke’s wrists with one hand, and pressed her other arm back onto Clarke’s throat.

“Stop,” Clarke begged, barely even getting out any noise from her throat. Echo fucking smirked.

“You’re putting up more of a fight than he did,” she said with a creepy smile, as Clarke tried to use her legs to kick her off. “Don’t worry. You’ll join him soon,” she threatened, as Clarke tried to free her wrists. Then, Echo put more pressure on her neck.

Clarke freed one of her wrists and punched Echo as hard as she could, which really wasn’t as hard as it needed to be, since Echo seemed unfazed. She took her arm off her neck to try and wrangle Clarke’s other arm down, but couldn’t catch her hand before Clarke shoved Echo off of her.

Once Clarke was out from under Echo, she tried to get back up, but she was too winded to do it quickly. Echo grabbed onto her leg and pulled her back down onto the ground.

“Let go of me!” Clarke screamed, as Echo wrestled her back down.

“First, I’ll kill you, then Murphy, then Roan,” she whispered, as her hand wrapped around Clarke’s throat.

“Please,” Clarke begged, as she felt the air struggle to make it to her lungs.

“Then, I’ll find your friends,” she continued with a smile, as she tried to grab Clarke’s arms. “And I’ll save Bellamy for last,” she said, smirking, and Clarke could feel her grip tightening and tightening.

Clarke shoved against her again, this time enough to rip Echo’s hand off of her throat. Clarke took the opportunity to knee Echo in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her.

Clarke crawled over toward Echo, gripping her neck in her hands, and slamming her head into one of the rocks on the beach. Echo’s face was writhing in pain, but Clarke couldn’t bring herself to stop. She repeatedly thrust Echo’s head into the rock, not noticing the blood spilling out over the rock and onto the sand.

Clarke’s hands were shaking, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. She kept impaling Echo’s skull with that rock, until she was certain there was no way she could be alive.

Clarke didn’t know how long she had been doing this to Echo when she finally stopped and looked down at the blood running down her fingers. Her shaking hand moved forward to take Echo’s pulse… but there was no pulse left in her.

Clarke pulled back, squirming away from Echo’s lifeless body. Tears started streaming down her face as she hyperventilated.

Clarke Griffin just killed someone. And she wasn’t sure if she could live with herself, knowing that she bashed someone’s head into a rock repeatedly until they died.


	14. I Estimated You Correctly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you guys don't totally hate me for what I did to Echo...
> 
> Anyways, got another update for you guys, and should have another one up tomorrow. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much for all the feedback! It means the world to me.

Clarke couldn’t stop shaking. There was so much blood on her hands and she felt sick. She needed to throw up or pass out or something.

She glanced back over at Echo, who was still lying against the rock. Clarke needed to run, to get as far away from this before everyone woke up and saw what she did.

But, Clarke couldn’t get her legs to move. She scooted a few inches away from Echo, hoping that maybe some distance from this would help her start to calm down.

She placed her head between her knees, and watched her tears fall down into the sand. Clarke Griffin was now a murderer.

It was self-defense, she kept reassuring herself as she hyperventilated. Echo attacked her first. Echo was going to kill her. Clarke would never be able to get away from Echo. Killing her was the only choice if Clarke wanted to live.

She sat back up, looking at Echo again. Echo wasn’t just going to kill Clarke… that much was clear. Clarke remembered Echo spewing out a series of threats toward several people as she tried to strangle Clarke. It had to be done, Clarke kept telling herself.

But, Clarke couldn’t let the guilt escape her chest. Her heart physically ached every time she glanced over at Echo’s lifeless body.

“I’m so sorry,” Clarke said, shaking her head and wiping the tears from her face.

“I’m not,” she heard a voice say behind her, and she quickly turned to see Roan and Harper standing under the trees, arms crossed and looking at her with strange expressions on their faces. Roan stepped forward, marching onto the sand and reaching his hand out to Clarke. She took his hand and he pulled her up. Roan looked down at Echo, with his jaw clenched, before turning back around.

“I don’t understand,” Clarke muttered, and Roan turned back to face her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“She attacked you first, correct?” Clarke nodded, glancing back at Echo. “Then, you had no choice,” he said, before letting go of Clarke’s shoulders.

“Sterling wasn’t so lucky,” Harper said, and Clarke’s stomach dropped. Echo had attacked people in their camp before… they weren’t shocked by any of this. She had a feeling that Harper wasn’t a big fan of Echo’s… but Roan was married to her. She expected some kind of angry reaction from them.

“Alright, we need to leave now if we want to cross the stream by day break,” Roan said blankly, picking up Clarke’s bag and throwing it to her. Clarke caught it, struggling to figure out what was going on.

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“We’re leaving camp. Once Dax and Murphy find Echo, they’re going to hunt you down,” Harper explained, stepping toward Clarke to pat her shoulder reassuringly, but Clarke immediately flinched. Of course, Murphy would want some kind of vengeance for this, Clarke realized. She literally killed one of the people he was working with.

Wait… when Echo was spewing off threats, Clarke vaguely remembered that Murphy was on her list of people she was going to kill. That made no sense, Clarke thought, shaking her head. They were working together. Why would Echo want him also dead? Maybe Clarke misheard her. She was in shock. She probably wasn’t remembering that night correctly.

“Yeah, I know. But, why are you two leaving?” Clarke asked, and Roan and Harper exchanged a grave look.

“Stop asking questions. Let’s just go,” Roan ordered, turning around. Harper followed quickly after him. Clarke looked down at Echo again, shaking her head. Nothing made sense on this island.

She threw the bag over her shoulder and followed.

 

They were making good time. They made no stops that morning, as they tried to put as much distance as they possibly could between them and Murphy. No one spoke much, which was probably for the best. Clarke didn’t know what to say. Her thoughts were consumed with what happened with Echo on the beach or how Murphy was most definitely plotting her murder at the moment.

Her stomach dropped at that thought. She glanced over at Roan, who looked completely unmoved by what had happened. He should be angry with Clarke. He should be feeling something. But, he didn’t say or show anything.

Harper, on the other hand, looked consumed with sadness. Clarke didn’t get the feeling that she was sad that Echo was dead. Harper seemed to genuinely dislike her and seemed unfazed by the realization that Echo attacked Clarke. Maybe it was just that Harper was sad about leaving her camp. It was probably the closest thing she had to a home on this island.

By mid-afternoon, they agreed to all take a break and get some rest. All three of them got comfortable, and before Clarke knew it, she had drifted off to sleep.

 

_“Clarke, I insist,” Wells said with a smile, and Clarke shook her head._

_“No, honestly I can just go alone. I will be fine,” she repeated, even if she didn’t believe it. Wells put his coffee down to glare at her._

_“Maybe I want to go for me. I’m running out of material for making fun of Finn. I need some new stuff to make fun of him for,” Wells joked, and Clarke burst out laughing._

_“Okay, fine. You can come. But, I’m warning you, it’s gonna be a disaster,” Clarke joked, with a bit of a forced smile. Then, Wells grabbed his chest right above his heart like he was in pain. “Wells?” Clarke said, before rushing over to him. “Wells!” She pulled his hand off of his chest to see a wound that looked like someone had just shot him._

Clarke jerked up, hyperventilating as she woke up. She glanced around, noting Harper asleep next to her, and Roan propped up against a tree staring off in the distance. It was just a dream. Wells wasn’t here.

She forced herself to take a deep breath. Roan turned his head to look at her, tilting it slightly in confusion.

Clarke got up and sat right next to him.

“How are you so put together?” Clarke asked, and Roan threw his head back against the tree.

“Are you referring to how little I reacted when you killed Echo?” he asked flippantly, and Clarke nodded. “Let’s just say I’ve known a lot of people who have been killed, Clarke. After a while, you go numb to it,” he muttered, and Clarke got chills. Something about how cool he was about everything that happened that day made her incredibly uncomfortable.

“But, you were married to her. Do you really not feel anything?”

“Let me tell you a bit about Echo, and then maybe your little guilt problem will disappear,” he said dismissively. “Her family has been under my family’s protection for years. Her father is one of my mother’s favorite hitmen. They’ve been trying to move up the ladder for generations,” he said, and Clarke nodded along as if any of this made sense to her. “Marrying me made that easier for them. But, if we were to divorce, everything she worked for would be gone.”

“I don’t understand.”

“If somehow, I died unexpectedly while we were married, she would still be in the family. Once I filed for divorce, I was worth more to her dead than alive. And trust me, she would not hesitate to kill me,” he said with a coldness that terrified Clarke.

“Then, why didn’t she kill you already?”

“Don’t know. She may have needed something from me first. Possibly, what Pike wanted,” he said, pressing his lips together. “So, Clarke, I am not upset that you killed her. I’m only upset you beat me to it,” he continued, before standing up and walking over to wake up Harper.

Clarke shuddered as she watched Roan talk to Harper like nothing just happened.

 

Despite Clarke’s constant asking, Roan neglected to tell her where exactly they were going. Clarke knew they were moving toward the center of the island, just from what bits and pieces she recognized from her first trip with him. But, she wasn’t sure what the specific destination was, or if there even was one.

Roan was walking ahead of her, while Harper continued to stay in step with Clarke.

“Are you feeling okay?” Harper asked, and Clarke shot a confused glance at her. Harper gestured to Clarke’s neck. “I can see the bruises start to form,” she explained, and Clarke nodded her head, not knowing how she could forget that she was almost strangled to death last night.

“Honestly, that’s the least of my concerns,” Clarke said, and Harper glanced forward at Roan.

“He’s not angry. Honestly, I think he’s relieved. Every time she was around, he would get super tense,” Harper tried to reassure her, and Clarke just shook her head. “I know you feel guilty, but you had to do it. Plus, I think everyone on this island is safer without her around.”

“Why did you and Roan stay with her so long then?”

“There used to be more of us. And no one else wanted to leave, since they thought we were all safer in big numbers. I tried to leave once, but Dax found me and brought be back, saying that I must have gotten lost or something.”

“What is Dax’s deal?”

Harper pressed her lips together, looking down at the ground. “He worked on the boat with us. He never talks much. I don’t know him well. But, I always got a bad vibe from him,” she explained.

Then, we heard something rustle in the trees, and Harper grabbed Clarke’s arm. Roan pulled out a gun, ready to fire.

They stood there, completely still for a few moments, but nothing happened.

Harper let out a sigh, and Roan lowered his arm. Clarke glanced over at Roan, narrowing her eyes.

“When did you take that gun out of my bag?” she snapped, and Roan started chuckling.

“That night you and I… got to know each other better,” he said with a smirk, and Clarke started clenching her hands into fists by her side.

“You two, what?” Harper snapped, and Roan put up a hand to silence her.

“What? You didn’t trust me, so you stole the gun from my bag?”

“For all I knew, you were going to kill me in my sleep,” he shrugged, still smirking.

“You are seriously overestimating me,” Clarke muttered, as she went to grab the gun out of his hand. He pulled his arm away, lifting it just high enough so that Clarke couldn’t reach.

“You murdered Echo with your bare hands, Clarke. I think I estimated you correctly,” he said, before nudging her backwards with his other hand. That one felt like a punch to the gut. Clarke wasn’t the kind of person who would kill someone if she had a choice, and he knew that.

“Roan,” Harper snapped, and he let out a groan. “If she wanted to kill you, she would have done it by now. She’s had plenty of opportunities. Give her back the damn gun.”

Clarke held out her hand, and now, it was her turn to smirk. He looked like a child being forced to share his toy with his younger sibling as he begrudgingly put it back in Clarke’s hand.

“Here,” he muttered, before turning around abruptly in his little temper tantrum. Harper shot her a glare, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“So, you two…” Harper started, and Clarke let out a groan.

“Once. Just once,” Clarke cut her off.

“Okay,” Harper said with a shrug.

“Are you two done gossiping?” Roan shouted from ahead of them.

“Depends. Are you done being a dick?” Clarke snapped, and he just laughed in response.

 

That night, Clarke couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Echo strangling her. She could still feel her hands choking the life out of Clarke.

When she closed her eyes, she couldn’t breathe.

So, she agreed to take first watch. Harper and Roan seemed to be sleeping peacefully, which Clarke supposes she should be grateful for. At least someone could sleep.

There was too much going on in Clarke’s head. She had no idea what Echo was up to or even why Echo attacked her last night. None of it made sense… and she wishes she could say that what Roan told her helped. But, it only gave her more questions.

She didn’t know what to make of Roan anymore. On one hand, she was thankful that he found her when he did that first night. And, as much as she hated to admit it, it felt incredible to be with him. She managed to forget all the shit that went down on the other side of the island for just a little while.

On the other hand, he was definitely keeping something from her. The more he answered her questions, the more questions she came up with. There was something dark and shady about him that made her feel uneasy.

And, he hadn’t shown the slightest bit of interest in her since that night they slept together. Maybe he just needed to get whatever it was out of his system. Clarke questioned how much any sort of connection really mattered on this island, where they could all die at any given moment. She thought that Bellamy wanted her, that maybe he cared about her. And a small part of her was still hoping that was true. But, he lied to her like it was nothing. If he truly cared about her, he wouldn’t have been able to do that so easily.

Maybe a part of Bellamy did care about her… but she couldn’t imagine that she had even crossed his mind much since she left. There was too much going on over there. He was probably too busy surviving to be wasting his thoughts on someone that ran away from him.

And Clarke should probably learn something from that. Maybe if she had been able to separate her feelings from the situation, she would have stayed. If she could have ignored how personally betrayed she felt, she could have continued to be safe with those castaways… ones that she trusted way more than the ones she has found herself with.

Then, Clarke heard something hit a branch, and immediately cocked the gun, using her other hand to wake up Roan. He looked up at her with a confused expression, but Clarke just placed her finger over her mouth before gesturing with her eyes over to the trees.

Roan woke up Harper, as Clarke slowly got to her feet. Then, they heard the noise again.

“It’s not an animal,” Roan whispered into her ear, and Clarke felt an icy chill take over her body. She listened closer, as she recognized the sound of footsteps… several footsteps.

Harper started standing up, reaching into her pocket to pull out a knife. Clarke swallowed, as Roan stepped in front of her.

“Murphy, we know you’re out there!” he yelled, giving Clarke a look that said to be ready to shoot. She nodded, as Harper stepped closer to her.

“Murphy isn’t with us!” she heard a girl shout, and Harper’s eyes widened.

“Octavia?” she yelled.

“Harper, is that you?” she shouted back, and Clarke lowered the gun. Roan still remained tense. They heard some whispering behind the trees, that sounded like an argument. Then, Clarke’s stomach dropped as she made a realization. Bellamy was probably with her.

“Octavia, I’ve lowered my gun. You can come out now!” Clarke shouted.

“Clarke?” she heard a man that wasn’t Bellamy yell. Roan shot her a warning look, which Clarke ignored. He was being paranoid for no reason.

Then, Octavia busted through a bush, smiling ear to ear as she saw Clarke. Harper rushed over to pull her in a hug. Lincoln came out next, and immediately ran up to grab Clarke. He held her so tightly, as if she was an old friend he hadn’t seen in years. Although, it felt like it had been years.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he whispered, as he gripped her even tighter. Clarke felt tears start to drip down from her eyes, as Octavia parted from Harper to grip onto Lincoln and Clarke’s hug.

Clarke let out a nervous laugh as she was sandwiched between these two. She never thought she would see them again.

Then, Bellamy emerged from the bush, and his eyes immediately grew wide as he looked at Clarke. His mouth opened slightly, and Clarke couldn’t believe just how pale he looked. It was like he had just seen a ghost. Clarke gave him an acknowledging nod, since it was clear that Lincoln and Octavia weren’t letting go of her any time soon.

Roan cleared his throat, which took Bellamy’s attention off Clarke.

“Roan,” he said, and Clarke could see Roan tense up, even in the dark.

“Captain Blake,” he said, with almost a threatening undertone.

 

Roan didn’t say anything as they all caught up, which Clarke was kind of grateful for. It was clear that he wasn’t happy to be near Bellamy, and it seemed that the feeling was mutual. But, that was a problem for tomorrow. Right now, all Clarke cared about was hearing how her fellow castaways were doing.

“It’s actually closer to water than the old spot, and has some more coverage for when a storm comes in,” Lincoln explained, and Clarke nodded excitedly. They had just finished describing what all had happened in Clarke’s absence. Apparently, Lincoln, Monty, and Jasper never ended up running, probably because Clarke had stolen the supplies they had prepared for that journey. Raven had found a broken radio washed up with other debris from the ship, and she and Wick had been working on getting it working again. She sent Lincoln, Octavia, and Bellamy to some of the other beaches on the island to try to locate any useful equipment that might have survived the wreck so that she could get the radio working again. They had found some stuff, but not as much as they had hoped for, and were on their way back.

Now, Lincoln was describing their new set up, which impressed Clarke tremendously. Octavia occasionally jumped in to add a detail or two, but mostly it was Lincoln talking, and he seemed so happy to see Clarke. He was literally smiling the whole time he was talking, which made Clarke feel so guilty for leaving. She should have given them all the benefit of the doubt. She acted when she was angry.

She never should have left.

“How is Monty’s ankle doing?” she asked, curious about how he was doing.

“So much better. He’s been doing those exercises you taught him,” Octavia answered.

“Jasper on the other hand keeps being stupid, so his arm is about the same as when you last saw him,” Lincoln said, and Clarke noticed that his hand was intertwined with Octavia’s. It looked like they had worked out some of their issues.

“And Raven?”

“If you were so worried about all these people, you probably shouldn’t have left them, Clarke,” Roan snapped all of the sudden. Clarke’s eyes widened, as she studied his face. It was still as stone cold as always, with a minor scowl that only someone who knew him better could recognize.

“Excuse me?” Clarke growled, clenching her fists. Lincoln reached over to pat her shoulder, as a reminder that she needed to keep her cool.

“Hey, it’s okay that she left. We get it. Things were said. Emotions were running high. She lost two of her closest friends within two days. We’re not mad at her for leaving,” Octavia jumped in to defend Clarke. Clarke raised an eyebrow at Roan, who was pursing his lips, studying her. What was going on with him? Earlier today, he was so distant and cold and unfeeling. Now, it was clear that he was pissed about something… and it couldn’t just be that Bellamy was now here.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered to Octavia, before turning her head back to look at Roan. She accidentally made eye contact with Bellamy as she went to glare at Roan, and, God, Bellamy looked so tired. She didn’t know what had happened to him while she was gone… but it was clear that things were not as easy as Lincoln had described.

“So, are we all good to get moving at sunrise?” Harper asked, trying to change the subject, and Clarke saw Roan’s jaw tick. _Oh._

Clarke was starting to understand why Roan was so pissed off.

“Yeah, that works,” Octavia said, as she leaned back into Lincoln.

Roan didn’t want to go with them.

“Hey, Roan, will you help me go get some more firewood?” Clarke asked, as she stood up.

“I’m sure Bellamy wouldn’t mind helping you,” he said dismissively, and Clarke walked over to him, shooting him the harshest glare she could muster once her face was blocked from everyone else’s view. “Fine,” he growled, as he started to stand up.

She could feel Bellamy’s eyes staring at her, but she didn’t turn around. She just led Roan back into the trees, walking far enough so that they could talk without being overheard.

“You left your gun back there, right?” he asked, and Clarke glared at him. “What? I can’t really trust you these days.”

“Shut up,” she snapped.

“You’re right. You don’t even need a gun to kill me, do you?” he said with a smirk, and Clarke shoved him in the chest.

“If you have something to say to me, then just fucking say it!” she yelled, as Roan grabbed her wrist tightly.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, Clarke. I’m fine,” he said, as he gritted his teeth.

“You’re pissed that Harper is going back with them, aren’t you?”

“She can leave if she wants to,” he muttered. “It’s you I’m pissed at.”

“What the hell did I do?”

“You’re going back to them. I saw how relieved you looked when Bellamy showed up. You’re going back to their fucking camp,” he growled.

“It’s a smart move. It’s not like you can’t join us,” she said, trying to stay calm, as Roan stepped closer to her. Clarke instinctively kept stepping back, until her back was a tree.

“You had no problem leaving all of them behind. Why the change of heart?” he growled, as he pressed his arm against the tree above Clarke’s head.

“I was wrong to leave them behind.”

“You regret coming with me,” he said, leaning forward, and soon his entire body was pressed up against hers.

“No, I don’t.”

Roan crashed his lips into Clarke’s, catching her by complete surprise. The kiss was rushed and aggressive. She was overwhelmed by how simultaneously excited and terrified she was, and she shoved him off of her.

“Clarke,” he started, before Clarke stuck a hand up to signal it was time for him to shut up.

“You can’t just do that,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“What am I doing?” he asked defensively.

“You can’t just screw me one day, and then treat me indifferently afterwards. And then, when you think I’m going to leave you, you pull me back in again. That’s fucked up,” she said, sinking to the ground, resting her hands on top of her head.

“That’s not what’s going on here,” he said, still defensive.

“Or is it because Bellamy is here? Is that the only reason you want to pull me back in?” Roan clenched his jaw, as Clarke stood back up, ready to go back to camp. He grabbed her by the wrist.

“Don’t accuse me of being jealous,” he snapped.

“Then stop acting like it,” she growled, ripping her wrist out of his grasp.

“It’s hard when I saw the way you looked at him,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“Roan, it’s not like---“

“I never stood a chance, did I? You were already his,” he said, with a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m not his. I’m not anyone’s,” Clarke said, walking back over to him, putting her hand on his arm reassuringly.

“Yes, you are,” Roan said, shaking his head as he pulled away from Clarke. “I’ll go with you to their camp. I might not stay.”

“Roan, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. If Bellamy tries to kill me, I will kill him first. Understood?” he said, before storming back to camp. Clarke let her jaw drop slightly, not entirely sure of what just happened.

 

By the time Clarke came back with firewood, almost everyone was asleep. She gently put a few more logs onto the fire, as she surveyed around her. Roan was asleep, propped up against a tree. Lincoln was curled up on his side, and Harper was on her back with her arm covering her eyes. She glanced over at Bellamy, who was fast asleep, snoring slightly. She let a small smile onto her lips, before she remembered that they had things they needed to discuss.

She needed to clear the air about what pushed her to leave and ask him about Pike’s last order. She thought about what Roan said, but she wasn’t sure he even knew what he was talking about. Of course, Clarke looked relieved to see Bellamy. She would be relieved to see anyone that wasn’t Murphy or Dax. For all she knew, all of her friends could have been dead. Seeing them again was a huge relief. That’s all it was between her and Bellamy now. She was sure of it.

“I took first watch,” Octavia explained, snapping Clarke out of whatever she was just thinking.

“I’ll keep you company for a bit,” Clarke said, moving over to sit next to her. “I don’t sleep much these days, anyways.”

“There’s a lot of that going around,” Octavia said, before letting out a sigh. “That one over there,” she said, pointing to where Bellamy was fast asleep, “this is the first time he’s slept in days.”

Clarke nodded in acknowledgement, not liking that her suspicions were probably true. Things weren’t going as smoothly as Lincoln let her believe.

“Well, he’ll get a good night’s sleep then,” Clarke said, looking down at the ground.

They sat in silence for a few moments, as Clarke wondered what all she should tell Octavia about the past few days. It really hadn’t been that long since she last saw her… but, so much had happened. She hadn’t discussed with Roan what all they should say to the group while they were having their little talk in the woods. She felt like she owed it to him to get his opinion on it first.

“We all thought you were dead,” Octavia suddenly said, causing Clarke to jump.

“What? Why?” Clarke asked a little too loudly, before Octavia shushed her. Right, everyone was still asleep.

“Bellamy and Miller found a body near the cave. The girl had clearly been attacked by some animal. She had blonde hair like yours,” Octavia explained, and Clarke got chills. “We couldn’t make out her face. But, the timing made us think it was you.”

“Octavia, I---“

“Please don’t leave us again,” Octavia begged, tears starting to form in her eyes. Clarke put an arm around her, pulling her in for a hug.

“It’ll take more than some animal to kill me,” Clarke reassured, resting her head on top of Octavia’s.

“He wouldn’t speak,” Octavia whispered, and Clarke jerked her head up.

“Who?”

“Bellamy. He wouldn’t speak after he found that body. Miller had to tell us what they found. It took two days for me to get him to talk,” Octavia said, eyes wide. Clarke swallowed, looking over at the sleeping Bellamy, who looked so at peace in this moment.

“But, he’s better now, right?” Clarke asked, turning her head back to Octavia. She nodded sadly. “Wait, what were he and Miller doing out by themselves when they found the body?”

Octavia sat up, leaning back into the tree. “Looking for you.”

Clarke swallowed, nodding. She tried not to let the guilt overtake her, as she thought about Bellamy going out to look for her and finding a body eerily similar to hers. He had no way of knowing that it wasn’t her, since she was long gone by then. She imagined what kind of guilt he felt when he thought he found Clarke dead. He might have blamed himself for Clarke running off… which means he probably blamed himself when he found the body.

The sadness in his eyes made so much sense now. He looked at her like he had seen a ghost… because in a lot of ways he did.

“I’m sorry, Octavia. I shouldn’t have run,” Clarke whispered, and Octavia nodded.

“But, you needed to. Trust me, I get it,” she whispered back. Clarke leaned her head onto Octavia’s shoulder, closing her eyes.

“I won’t leave again,” Clarke whispered, before drifting off to sleep.


	15. Surprise, I'm Not Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of angst in this chapter. Some Bellarke feels. Some Roarke angst. 
> 
> Anyways, I made a timeline last night because I realized that even I was having a hard time keeping up with how much time had passed since they got on the island. FYI, we're on day 23 on the island. So, I'm gonna share the little timeline with you guys since I think it'll help clear up some confusion about what all happened and when:
> 
> day 1: the ship fire/storm/ lifeboat fiasco  
> day 2: everyone washes up on shore/Murphy attacks Miller  
> day 3: Miller shows up/Bellarke smutty times/Echo attacks Sterling  
> day 4: main camp finds lake  
> day 5: Monty shows up/more Bellarke smutty times  
> day 6: Ontari attacks Clarke/Linctavia becomes a thing/Clarke gets concussion  
> day 7: Wells, Raven, and Wick join main camp  
> day 8: Miller, Monty, Bellamy, and Clarke make it back to main camp  
> time jump: three days  
> day 11: Raven is about 10 weeks pregnant/Bellarke sexy times  
> time jump: five days  
> day 16: they make a plan to prep for the storm  
> day 17: Raven confronts Clarke about Finn/Bellamy finds cave/Murphy and Echo kill Wells  
> time jump: two days  
> day 19: Raven is now 11 weeks pregnant/main camp moves to cave/Bellarke sexy times part two/Finn dies/Lincoln steals gun/Monroe dies/Clarke runs away with Roan  
> day 20: Roarke sexy times/Bellamy and Miller find a body (it's Bree's btw)/Roan steals Clarke's gun/main camp moves from the cave/Raven finds radio  
> day 21: Roarke hike to Roan's camp/Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln leave main camp to find parts for radio/Echo attacks Clarke/Clarke kills Echo  
> day 22: Harper, Roan, and Clarke leave Roan's camp/Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln join Harper, Roan, and Clarke/Roarke fight
> 
> Anyways, I hope that's helpful for you guys. I know a lot of stuff has gone on in this fic, and a lot of it gets confusing when you realize how many things are happening in the background. 
> 
> So, let me know what you guys think about this update! Love ya'll!

She heard it again. She heard Finn screaming.

Clarke jerked up, catching her breath. She was dreaming, that’s what it was. She didn’t hear Finn screaming. She couldn’t hear Finn screaming. He was dead, she reminded herself over and over.

She blinked a few times, looking around her. She was momentarily surprised when she saw Octavia lying beside her, until she remembered the events of last night.

Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath. Everything was fine. She just had another bad dream. It happens.

Lincoln was also still asleep, but Roan and Bellamy were noticeably absent. Clarke glanced over at Harper who was packing up her bag and raised an eyebrow.

“They went that way,” Harper whispered, gesturing her head to the left. Clarke let out a sigh and got up to see what they were up to.

“They need to wake up if we’re gonna get going,” Clarke whispered back, and Harper let out a groan. Clarke stepped carefully around the trees, trying not to make too much noise. If there’s one thing she remembered from her time with them at camp, it’s that Octavia isn’t pleasant when she gets woken up by loud noises.

Once she heard voices talking, Clarke stopped moving.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Roan snapped, and Clarke peered around the tree to see both of them glaring at each other with arms crossed.

“I’m not going to pull anything. My only goal is to get us all off this damn island,” Bellamy growled. “Now, you on the other hand…”

“You can trust me. Clarke does,” he said with a smirk, and Clarke could feel her chest start to tighten. She needed to put a stop to this conversation. She stepped out from behind the tree.

“Alright, are you two ready to go?” she asked with a forced smile, and both of them whipped their heads in her direction, looking surprised.

“I’ve been ready to go,” Bellamy said, looking right at Roan with a challenging face.

“I was just looking for some breakfast for us. Bellamy was kind enough to help me,” Roan said, with a forced smile of his own.

“Are you two going to be able to make it back to camp without trying to kill each other?” Clarke asked, crossing her arms.

“Excuse me?” Bellamy said, raising an eyebrow at Clarke.

“She knows about Pike’s order, dumbass,” Roan muttered, and Bellamy’s eyes widened. Clarke pressed her lips together. “I’m not going to kill him. You took my gun, remember?”

“The gun you took from me?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

“How did you get a gun?” Bellamy asked, tilting his head in confusion. Then, realization struck his face. “Clarke, was it you that stole my gun?”

“Technically, Lincoln stole it. And I just stole his bag, not knowing the gun was in there,” Clarke explained, shrugging her shoulders. Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a groan.

“That son of a bitch,” he muttered, and Roan picked his bag off the ground. “Can I at least have my gun back now?” he asked, reaching his hand out. Clarke reached in her pocket to pull it out.

“No, you’re not giving him a gun,” Roan interrupted, grabbing Clarke’s arm. She glanced down at where his hand touched her arm, and then glared at him, as if to warn him about touching her. He took a step back, letting go of her arm immediately.

“It’s his gun,” Clarke explained.

“I don’t trust him to have a gun,” Roan snapped, pointing at Bellamy, who looked beyond over this argument.

“It’s my fucking gun!” Bellamy growled, and Clarke shot him a warning look. He immediately looked down at the ground.

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to hand this gun over to you instead,” Clarke said to Roan.

“You can trust me with it,” Roan said, and Clarke raised an eyebrow. He pressed his lips together.

“Alright, it’s settled. I’m holding onto the gun,” Clarke declared, and Bellamy threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

“I don’t trust you with a gun either, Clarke,” Roan groaned.

“You shouldn’t,” she said with a smirk before turning around. She started marching back to the rest of the group, but didn’t hear either of them follow behind her. “Get your asses back to camp in five or we’re leaving without you,” she yelled, before hearing both of them groan in the distance.

 

The hike was relatively quiet. They walked in pairs, with Bellamy and Octavia leading the way. Roan and Harper were right behind them, and occasionally Clarke could hear petty arguments between him and Bellamy break out, which was frustrating her to no end. She stayed in the back with Lincoln, who she was so relieved to be reunited with.

They mostly walked in silence. Occasionally Clarke would ask about another castaway and he would throw in some anecdote about them.

“Are you going to tell me how you spent the last three days?” Lincoln finally asked, slowing his steps down so that the rest of the group couldn’t hear them.

“There’s not much to say. I ran into Roan the night I ran, travelled with him for two days and went to his camp. Then, we left and ran into you guys,” Clarke said, knowing that didn’t even begin to answer the millions of questions Lincoln must have had.

“You left out the explanation for why you look like you’ve been strangled or why Roan is acting like a jealous boyfriend around you,” Lincoln whispered, catching Clarke off guard.

“Lincoln,” she started, shaking her head.

“Explain.”

“In a moment of weakness, I may have had an, uh, interaction with Roan. But, it was once and none of your business,” Clarke muttered. “And, I was strangled.” Lincoln threw his head back in frustration.

“I’m going to need more than that. You can’t just say you were strangled and then not follow up on it,” he snapped, and Clarke slowed her movements even more.

“Echo attacked me when I was alone. I’m fine now,” Clarke explained.

“But, why?”

“Don’t know. Still trying to figure that out,” Clarke whispered.

“Also, fucking Roan was a stupid move, by the way,” Lincoln whispered, and Clarke let out a groan.

“We both agreed it was just something to get our minds off the horrible shit going on here,” Clarke explained.

“And I’m sure it was a decision you made when you thought you’d never see Bellamy again,” Lincoln whispered, gesturing his head forward as he spoke. “But, things have changed and now you’re going to have to deal with that,” Lincoln pointed out, and Clarke let out a sigh. He was right. He was so right.

“Trust me, I’m aware,” she groaned, as they started speeding up their pace to catch up with everyone else.

“Gotta look out for you,” Lincoln said with a small smirk, and Clarke shook her head. God, she missed him.

 

When they got to camp, Jasper literally screamed when he saw Clarke. She flinched, startled by the sudden noise, but was quickly tackled into a hug.

“Harper!” she heard Monty scream, before running over to put his arms around Harper. Clarke smiled at the little reunion. Then, Raven came running toward Clarke, pushing Jasper aside so she could hug her.

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” Raven whispered, and Clarke nodded, trying not to tear up. “Roan?” she heard Raven say, before pulling away from Clarke. She forgot that the two of them knew each other. Then, Clarke saw Miller jog up, looking pale as soon as he saw Clarke. It was just like when Bellamy saw her. She imagined it was because they were the two to find that body. It must have been startling for them to see her again.

“Surprise, I’m not dead,” Clarke tried to joke, before Miller ran up and pulled her in for a hug.

Eventually, everyone dispersed. Octavia and Lincoln went with Raven, carrying everything they salvaged. Roan and Harper moved to get settled in, humoring Jasper in all of his babbling. Clarke had to smile at that.

Then, Clarke saw Bellamy start to walk back toward the jungle. “Hey, where are you going?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Just getting some more firewood,” he said dismissively, not even looking back up at her.

“Oh, I’ll come with you,” Clarke said, dropping her bag to the ground. Bellamy snapped up and looked at her with a strange expression on his face.

“No, I’ve got this,” he snapped, and Clarke stepped back.

“Bellamy…”

“You really should rest,” he said, before turning back around and walking between the trees. Clarke looked around to see Miller shaking his head before taking off after him.

 

“It’s getting there. We just need to tinker with it a bit more,” Wick explained, before biting into an apple. Raven nodded in response, but Clarke was concerned by how tired she looked. She made a mental note to have a checkup with her in the morning.

“We’re still pretty thrilled with our progress. Especially since operation boat has been kind of a bust,” Raven said, looking directly at Monty who wasn’t even paying attention. He was deep in conversation with Harper about something, and Clarke was struck by how happy they both looked. Clarke kept feeling guilty for running away from these people… but if she hadn’t, Harper would still be stuck on the other side of the island. So, at least one good thing came out of this.

Clarke glanced over at Roan, who was sitting beside Raven, staring directly into the fire. She let out a sigh. Him being here might not be the best idea, considering how intensely he and Bellamy had been going at it all day. Clarke wished there was a way she could put a stop to their fighting, but she couldn’t even begin to think of a way to do that.

“Operation boat isn’t a bust. It’s just gonna take a long ass time,” Miller explained, leaning forward. “It was smarter to put our energy into the radio first, right Bellamy?” he asked, nudging Bellamy who clearly had not been paying attention.

“Yeah, sure,” he grumbled.

“This was your damn idea,” Miller groaned, before punching him in the arm.

“Sorry. Just tired. I’m going to bed early,” he mumbled, standing up to walk away. Clarke started to stand up to go after him, but Octavia grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back down. Clarke shot her a confused look.

“Give him some space. He’s in one of those moods,” Octavia warned, and Clarke sat back down, nodding. Then, she caught Roan shooting her a glare that was almost judgmental. Clarke glared back, refusing to give into whatever temper tantrum he wanted to throw. He had been acting ridiculous all day, and she was fucking tired of it.

 

Roan dragged her out on a walk once Jasper and Raven got into one of their playful arguments, and everyone seemed to be distracted with it. He made sure to take her far enough from camp so that no one could hear, which Clarke now understood was code for he wanted to yell at her.

“This better be good,” Clarke snapped, and Roan immediately let out a groan.

“I’m leaving and I suggest you do the same,” he muttered.

“Have you fucking lost your mind? You really want to be out there all alone with Murphy hunting you down?”

“It’s a better plan than waiting on Blake to kill me in my sleep,” he growled, and Clarke flinched. He spoke with so much hatred in his voice, and it really scared Clarke.

“He’s not going to kill you in your sleep,” she sighed, throwing her head back in frustration.

“Yes, he will. Pike’s orders were very clear.” Clarke shook her head. Roan was getting paranoid.

“If he were going to follow Pike’s orders, he would have killed you on the boat and none of us would gotten shipwrecked onto this fucking island,” Clarke snapped, surprised at how much she raised her voice.

“Clarke, what do you think is going to happen when we find a way off this island? He can’t go back if he hasn’t fulfilled the order, or Pike will kill him and Octavia,” he said in frustration, running his fingers through his hair. Clarke felt her entire body go cold as he said that. It hadn’t even occurred to her.

She started pacing, shaking her head. Bellamy won’t kill Roan, she was sure of it. He was willing to set his ship on fire to avoid becoming a murderer… he would find another way.

“He won’t kill you,” Clarke reassured, walking over to put her hand on Roan’s shoulder. He swatted her hand away, rolling his eyes.

“You’re delusional,” he growled, and suddenly Clarke was filled with anger.

“Trust me,” she said calmly, trying to keep her emotions under control.

“I don’t trust you. Not when you’re being like this,” he muttered, gesturing in her direction.

“Being like what?” she snapped, crossing her arms.

“You are so quick to defend him. Even when he has kept things from you,” he continued, his eyes piercing into Clarke’s, tenser than she had ever seen him.

“So have you,” Clarke snapped, stepping toward him.

“Excuse me?”

“Let’s see,” she started, slowly taking steps toward him as she listed off incidents. “I know that you know more about what Echo was up to, and refuse to tell me. You didn’t tell me about Bellamy being ordered to kill you until it suited you. You still haven’t really explained what happened when the fire started, despite you telling me repeatedly that you were there.”

“Clarke, stop.”

“I am not fucking done!” she screamed, causing him to flinch. “There’s the whole issue of your shady family business that has something to do with why you were ordered to be killed, but you’ve yet to share any more on that subject. I’m also pretty sure you lied to me about what Pike wanted from you.”

Roan stood there in silence, pressing his lips together as he studied Clarke. She let out a few breaths, trying to get herself back under control.

“So, you’re not coming with me, then?” he asked coldly, raising an eyebrow. Clarke let out a huff, secretly wanting to punch him right in the face. He wasn’t even going to acknowledge all the legitimate issues she just brought up.

“I’m safer here. And so are you.” She stood firmly, crossing her arms as she studied him as well.

“Well, I guess I have my answer. On that and on the two of us,” he said, gesturing between him and Clarke.

“That’s not what this is,” Clarke snapped, and Roan let out a cool chuckle.

“Yes, it is. You have this unwavering faith in him that you don’t have in me. I saw how you tried to run after him. I see the sad glances you shoot in his direction. I’m not blind, Clarke. So, I’m leaving,” he said blankly, almost unfeeling as he spoke.

“He won’t hurt you, I promise. I know you want to leave, but I hope you stay,” Clarke whispered, before turning around to walk back to camp.

She let a few tears drop as she walked back, but got her face under control by the time she reached the fire. The group had moved on to talk about Murphy, which Clarke wasn’t too pleased to hear about.

“I think we should have two people keeping watch at the same time,” Octavia suggested, earning a few grunts of approval. Clarke glanced around. Bellamy didn’t come back. She let out a sigh.

“It’s not like Murphy is going to show up and shoot up the place,” Harper explained, earning an immediate eye roll from Octavia.

“He killed Wells. He could just as easily show up to kill all of us,” Octavia explained, with a grave expression on her face.

“No, I mean he can’t,” Harper said, before reaching into her pocket. Then, she dropped a handful of bullets onto the ground. “This was all he had left,” she said with a smile.

“When the fuck did you steal all of those?” Clarke asked, and Harper started grinning wider.

“Oh, I’ve been slowly stealing them from him for a while now. But, after Roan told me about Wells, I took the rest that night.”

Clarke leaned back, shaking her head and smiling. That was pretty fucking clever of her. Then, she saw Roan stride back into camp and sit back down next to Raven. He shot Clarke a pointed look, before entering the conversation. Clarke couldn’t help but smile. It worked. He stayed. At least, for now.

 

Clarke woke up shaking, trying to calm herself down from another nightmare. This one just had Echo attacking her again, and Clarke swore she could feel her hands grip around her throat. And then, everything turned red with blood.

As Clarke sat up, she found herself searching her hands to see if there was still blood there. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw there was no actual blood. She reached her hands up to wipe her tears off her face, as she glanced around. Everyone was asleep. Clarke had no idea who was supposed to be on watch, because whoever it was clearly passed out from exhaustion.

She looked over to see Roan fast asleep, and she let out another sigh of relief. He didn’t run away in the middle of the night.

She went to stand up, hearing her knees pop as she stood. Once she was all the way up and walking over toward the trees, she realized just how exhausted her body was. Everything on her ached from constantly being on the move. God, she needed a good night’s sleep. Too bad her nightmares wouldn’t let her have even that.

She crept quietly toward the lake, wanting a few minutes of alone time. She knew that she really shouldn’t go off on her own, but at least she was armed this time. And, she was worried she was going to cry again, and didn’t need to wake up her fellow castaways with her tears.

When she got to the lake, she suddenly felt a beam of nostalgia hit her all at once. It had only been days since she had been here last… but it seemed like another lifetime ago. She had missed this place. She had forgotten just how beautiful the lake was.

She walked over to the grassy part and laid down, looking up at the stars. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

“No one goes off on their own, princess,” she heard Bellamy growl, and she sat up, smirking over at him. It had been a long time since she’d been called that.

“You always said you could do it because you had a gun. Well, now I have a gun,” she joked, but his face was still severe.

“You mean my gun,” he corrected, sitting down next to her. Clarke pulled it out of her pocket, trying to ignore her still shaking hands, and placed it into his hand.

“Don’t brag about this to Roan. I’m not dealing with one of his temper tantrums,” she muttered, shaking her head. Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her, as he put the gun back in his holster.

“You trust me with this?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Clarke nodded, looking back over at the lake.

“Just don’t kill Roan in his sleep. I promised him you wouldn’t,” she joked, but he didn’t laugh in response.

“I know,” he muttered, and Clarke turned her head back to face him.

“What?”

“I heard you two arguing earlier,” he said, shrugging.

“Bellamy.”

“I’m not going to kill him. I don’t know what I’m going to do when we find a way off the island, but I won’t hurt him,” he said coldly, shaking his head.

“I know,” Clarke reassured, looking up at him, but he kept his eyes fixed on his feet.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered after a few minutes, turning to look back at Clarke. His eyes looked so sad, and Clarke felt her chest start to ache.

“You don’t have to---“

“Yeah, I do. I lied to you. And I drove you away. You could have died,” he said, and she could see the tears start to form in his eyes. Clarke reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, turning around to completely face him.

“No, it’s okay. And nothing happened to me. I’m fine,” she reassured, forcing a smile on her face to try and cheer him up.

His eyes dropped down to look at her neck, and suddenly Clarke was reminded of the dark bruises that were still there. “You’re not fine,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“I am now and that’s what matters,” she said, putting a hand under his chin so that he would look at her eyes, and not her bruises.

“What happened to you?” he asked, shaking his head out of her hand and pulling back slightly.

“Well, after I ran away, I found Roan and hiked with him for two days back to his camp,” she explained, as Bellamy leaned forward to listen. “And Roan and I, uh…”

She stopped, not sure if she had to explain this to Bellamy. She didn’t know what they were. She knew she didn’t owe him an explanation. But, she still felt guilty. Especially knowing that while she was losing herself in a moment of weakness, Bellamy thought she was dead.

“I know,” he interrupted her train of thought, and Clarke looked back at him. He didn’t look angry or upset or sad. Just blank. Clarke felt her stomach drop.

“Anyways,” Clarke said, shaking her head to get her thoughts back in order. “Murphy, Dax, and Echo were also at his camp.”

“I’m sure Murphy had a lot to say about me,” Bellamy interrupted, and Clarke let out an unexpected laugh.

“Yeah, apparently you were a real dick to him,” she said, and Bellamy shook his head.

“I demoted him because he was using my boat as a way to keep dealing,” he muttered, biting his lip slightly.

“Well, that night I went to the beach by myself.” Bellamy let out a groan as he glared at Clarke, and she nodded, knowing exactly what he was thinking. It was stupid of her to go off on her own. It was always stupid of her to do that. “And Echo followed me. She attacked me and tried to strangle me.” Bellamy’s eyes widened as she spoke, and suddenly Clarke remembered how this story ended. She wasn’t sure she could keep telling it. Not to Bellamy.

“How did you get away?” he asked, his hand now resting on Clarke’s arm. She shook her head, feeling the tears start to form in her eyes.

“That doesn’t matter,” she whispered, scooting away from him. Bellamy reached out and grabbed her hand, stroking the top of her hand with his thumb.

“We fought for a while, and she was saying these horrible things to me about Wells and who all she was going to kill next,” Clarke continued, tears now streaming down her face, and Bellamy’s face changed, as if he figured out how the story ended already.

“Clarke,” he whispered, eyes searching her face for answers. She shook her head again, as he reached up to push her hair out of her face. “Talk to me.”

“I killed her,” she blurted out, before burying her face into Bellamy’s chest. She could feel his arms wrap around her back, as she heaved into his torn shirt. “She kept listing off who she was going to kill after me,” she muttered into his shirt, as his hand stroked up and down her spine. “She said she was saving you for last,” she kept going, not even sure if she was making sense anymore. “So, I slammed her head into a rock repeatedly until I realized she wasn’t fighting back anymore. She was dead. I killed her.”

Bellamy gripped her even tighter, and she could feel him kissing the top of her hair. Clarke was shaking all over as she soaked his shirt with her tears.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, resting his head on hers. Clarke pulled back, wiping her tears off her face.

“It’s not okay. I murdered someone!” she snapped, and Bellamy starting using his thumbs to get the tears she missed.

“Someone who was going to murder you. You didn’t have a choice, Clarke.”

“I’m not that kind of person. I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to be helping people live,” she whispered, and Bellamy reached down to take her hand in his.

“And Echo probably would have made good on her threats to kill everyone else. You saved a lot more than yourself,” he reassured, and Clarke rested her forehead on his shoulder. He readjusted himself so that he was lying down, and pulled Clarke down to rest her head on his chest. He snaked his arm around her, pulling her close to him, as Clarke buried her face into his neck.

God, she missed how he smelled or how it felt to be pressed closely to him like this. His hand stroked up and down the arm that Clarke rested on his chest, as she continued to cry.

She was so confused. How could he possibly still want to be around her after what she confessed to him? He should be trying to get as far away from her as possible. Especially with how cold he had been to her since first finding her yesterday… although she was willing to chalk that up to him being in shock about seeing her again.

She let her tears dry out, finally wiping the last of it from her cheeks. Bellamy tilted his head up to look at her with concern in his eyes. Clarke forced a smile as she slid away from him. She was still lying down, but now it was right next to him. He did his job of comforting her, even though he didn’t have to. She wasn’t going to overstay her welcome.

Bellamy turned on his side with a strange face, looking back at Clarke. She let out a sigh.

“Thank you,” she whispered, as Bellamy pressed his lips together.

“I thought you were dead, Clarke,” he said, before swallowing.

“Bellamy,” she started, shaking her head.

“I saw a lifeless body within hours of when you ran away that looked just like you,” he said, as the tears started streaming down his face. Clarke scooted back over toward him, taking his face in her hand.

“I’m not going to run away again, I promise,” she said, and Bellamy swallowed again.

“It’s okay if you do. Just take me with you next time,” he said, catching Clarke off guard.

“What are you saying?” she asked, confused as to what he was saying.

His hand reached over and rested on her waist, as he pressed his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes before saying, “I’ll go anywhere with you. Just please don’t leave me,” he begged, and Clarke crashed her lips into his, throwing her arm around his neck to pull him in tight.

The kiss was too urgent and messy, as she was probably bruising his lips. There was too much teeth and they were pressed too tightly together that it really couldn’t be that enjoyable. But, Clarke’s heart was pounding, and Bellamy was gripping her around her back even tighter.

She pulled her lips away, still keeping her face close to his. “Okay,” she whispered against his lips, and he let out a weak smile.

He laid back down onto his back, before pulling Clarke back into him. She tilted her head up to kiss him again, this time slower and more deliberate. She sucked on his bottom lip slowly, as she felt his fingers start running through her hair. She sighed against his mouth, before pressing against his lips even harder. He slowly opened his mouth, letting his tongue trace her bottom lip. She let out a small moan into his mouth, and she could feel the corners of his mouth start to turn upwards.

She opened her eyes, to see him staring right back at her as he kissed her. He pulled back to kiss her forehead, and Clarke let a small smile take over her face. He smiled back, and Clarke felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest.

She was done running. She didn’t know it until this moment. But, she couldn’t run anymore. Not when she could be here.


	16. Leave You Behind

“I got another fucking splinter!” Jasper shouted, and Clarke let out a groan.

“Get that one out yourself,” she grumbled, since this had become a daily occurrence for him. She heard him let out a small whine, and Clarke started stepping down, careful to get her foot into each of the notches into the tree before moving again. She made the mistake of climbing down too quickly a few days ago when they started this project, and the bruise on her side was still there.

Once she was down, Jasper was making a scrunched up face, and Clarke knew he was going to start whining again.

“Are you two taking another break?” Wick snapped.

“Jasper got another splinter,” Clarke explained, as she looked at his finger.

“Clarke, step away from Jasper. He’s going to figure this out on his own,” Wick ordered, and Clarke let out a laugh before shrugging at Jasper.

“What the hell, Wick?” Jasper shouted, face still scrunched up.

“Clarke didn’t suffer through medical school to help grown men with splinters,” Raven snapped, and Clarke started nodding. She started climbing back up the tree to get back to work.

“I keep getting them, though. It’s not my fault I’m on treehouse duty. The least you guys can do is help me with this work-related injury,” Jasper muttered, and Clarke let out an unexpected laugh. If Roan were here, he would go off on a rant about how these weren’t treehouses. And then Jasper would say they were building places for them all to sleep up in the trees… which was essentially a treehouse. And then Roan would throw a temper tantrum. It was an argument that had happened every single day since they got to work on them five days ago.

“Maybe we should put someone else on this task,” Clarke suggested, once she was safely up on the platform. “Someone with two working arms, perhaps,” she teased, and she could hear Jasper let out a huff down on the ground.

“I fell into a hole, Clarke! It’s not my fault you haven’t fixed my arm yet,” he snapped, and Clarke shook her head. His arm would be fine by now if he had just listened to Clarke in the first place when it came to not overexerting it.

“If you like, I can refer you to another medical professional in the area. Oh, wait,” she joked, and she heard Wick and Raven burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Jasper yelled, and Clarke had to smile to herself. It had been a long time since she heard Raven laugh. Laughter wasn’t easy to come by on this island… and moments like these were the only thing keeping Clarke sane.

“Jasper, why are you down here?” she heard Roan yell, and Clarke had to put down the knife when she keeled over with laughter.

“Baby Jasper got a splinter,” Clarke shouted down, and Roan started groaning. Then, she heard someone climbing up the tree next to her and peered over the platform to see a displeased Roan taking Jasper’s spot.

“We’re falling behind on progress,” he grumbled, as he threw some rope onto the platform.

“We have nothing but time, here,” Clarke reminded him, as she got back to work.

“If we don’t make schedules, nothing will ever get done,” he snapped, before letting out a breath. He forced an awkward smile, which was his way of apologizing without ever having to say it. Clarke shook her head, ignoring his ridiculous attitude.

Roan had been weird the few days at camp… but certainly found his place as their new drill sergeant. He took over securing good shelter, while Miller and Bellamy focused on food and water supply. They all worked pretty well together. Clarke wouldn’t call them friends, though, considering Bellamy and Roan fought over every little thing. But, their camp had never been so efficient.

“So, are you just going to take over for Jasper now?” Clarke joked, and she could hear Roan let out a sigh.

 

Raven and Wick swear the radio was working for half a second, despite no one else witnessing it. They both took off in a huff to get away from all the “skeptics” and work in peace. Octavia and Lincoln took off again, to allegedly go look for food, but Clarke knew better. They did this every day and came back with the same plantains that were on a tree just around the corner an hour later.

Clarke was taking a break, lying out on the grass by the lake, wanting to get a different view than one with passive-aggressive Roan and clumsy Jasper fighting over treehouses. She had her arm over her eyes and just listened to the sound of silence… and a few birds.

“You’re supposed to be working,” she heard a familiar voice say, and she let out a groan.

“So are you,” she muttered, not even moving her arm to look at Bellamy.

“You cannot still be mad at me,” he teased, tapping her foot lightly with his own as he stood over her.

“Yes, I can.”

“It’s been days, princess,” he said, and Clarke could hear him sit down next to me. Clarke leaned over to playfully push him away, and he let out a chuckle.

“You put me on treehouse duty. You don’t get to sit next to me,” she groaned, and Bellamy grabbed her hands, preventing her from pushing him anymore.

“They’re not treehouses,” he corrected her with a smirk, and Clarke let out a huge groan. “And someone had to help build them.” She knew exactly why he had put her on treehouse duty. He wanted her staying at camp, just like with Octavia. The two of them were put into the same group as the injured Jasper and Monty, along with Raven because she was pregnant. And it was driving Clarke insane. She wasn’t injured and has proven that she’s pretty competent when it comes to survival on this island. She has just as much of a right to go off and help with food or salvaging as anyone else.

“Oh, by the way, Octavia went off with Lincoln again,” Clarke said with a smile, and Bellamy threw his head back in a groan.

“They’re not even being subtle,” he muttered, and Clarke couldn’t help but giggle.

“Just letting you know that your dumb plan to keep us at camp isn’t working,” she pointed out, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“That’s not my plan,” he said defensively, but Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Well, good. Because if it were your plan, it would be failing. Octavia is off in the jungle and I’m by the lake.” Bellamy let out a huff, because it totally was his plan and Clarke was right about it failing.

“But, it’s not wrong of me to want the two of you to be safely at camp in larger numbers,” Bellamy said, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“We’ve survived this long…”

“Clarke,” he said seriously, forcing Clarke to glance back at him. “Murphy has already threatened my sister. And I can imagine he has a problem with you now, too, after the Echo incident,” he said with concern in his eyes. She let out a sigh, nodding slightly. She knew he was right. But, it was killing her to be so cooped up at camp. She sat up, pulling her hair all onto one shoulder. He sat up with her, sneaking an arm around her waist. She let her head fall onto his shoulder.

“Still mad about treehouse duty, though,” she joked, and Bellamy shook his head, before leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

“I’ll make it up to you. You can move into my treehouse,” he joked. Clarke looked up at him, narrowing her eyes at him.

“First of all, you don’t have a treehouse yet since Jasper keeps slowing us down with splinters,” she said, and Bellamy started chuckling. “Second of all, Captain Blake, that’s a little forward of you. We haven’t even been on a date yet,” she teased, before moving to stand up. Bellamy tugged her back down by her hand, and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“We’ve been on the deserted island equivalent of a date,” he whispered into her ear, causing her to get goosebumps. He had pulled her back into his chest and was peppering kisses all over her cheek and around her ear.

“Pretty sure that was just you following me, and then yelling at me, and then having sex with me,” Clarke teased, as Bellamy pulled back to give her a glare.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that wasn’t the best first date of your life,” he said sternly, and Clarke had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. She tried to keep her face neutral, but she could tell that she was failing. Bellamy pressed his lips against hers, before pushing her backwards so that she was on her back. She let out a small giggle against his lips, as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Bellamy, you better not be getting her pregnant. I’m not taking care of that baby!” she heard Miller yell, and they both sat upright to glance at him. He was chuckling as he walked by them toward camp.

“You are literally the last person I’d trust with our hypothetical baby,” Bellamy snapped, and Clarke buried her face into his shoulder.

“Name one other person on this island you would trust your baby with,” Miller responded, with a joking tone to his voice. Clarke glanced up at Bellamy, seeing that he was clearly thinking through this. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“Alright, well I’m gonna leave you two to figure out what to do with my imaginary baby. I’m on treehouse duty,” she muttered, shooting a glare back at Bellamy, who was clearly trying to think through who on the island he’d trust with a baby. She let out a groan as she marched back toward camp.

 

“I swear to God we heard something,” Raven said excitedly, as the rest of the group tried not to get their hopes up. Raven and Wick had been so optimistic about getting the radio to work again… but there hadn’t been any real results yet.

“It was mostly static,” Wick added in, trying to remind Raven that this wasn’t exactly the breakthrough they had all been hoping for. Clarke let out a sigh. She knew that eventually this would probably be what got them off the island… but it was hard to get her hopes up when everything she did every day was to make life more comfortable on the island going forward. It was starting to feel so… permanent.

“Please tell me we’re going to go back to operation boat,” Jasper whispered into Clarke’s ear, and she let out a sigh. It would take them months to get a fucking boat large enough for all them together… and it might not even work. None of them had exactly built something like that before. And all Monty knew was how to design it.

There were so many things that could go wrong with that plan. Clarke had really been banking on the radio working. She glanced around at her fellow castaways. Raven and Wick seemed to be having a pretty serious conversation of their own. Octavia and Lincoln were snuggled up together, talking to Harper. Roan seemed to be telling a funny story to Miller, who was just eating it up, which Clarke had to smile at. Roan really seemed to have relaxed into this group, despite constantly butting heads with Bellamy.

Speaking of Bellamy, Clarke noticed that he wasn’t sitting next to her anymore. She noticed that Monty was also gone.

“They took off toward the lake while you were arguing with Roan about how level you made the platforms,” Jasper said, clearly reading her thoughts. Clarke nodded as she got up to follow after them. It was still pretty light out, so Clarke didn’t feel bad about going out after them. It wasn’t like Murphy was just going to pop out at her in broad daylight.

Once she got back to the lake, she saw Bellamy and Monty sitting there, clearly having a serious discussion. Bellamy was talking, clearly being slow and deliberate with what he was saying, kind of like he did when he would confess things to Clarke. Her stomach dropped. Monty looked distressed, as he kept pressing his lips together and shaking his head slightly.

Then, Monty spotted Clarke, and Bellamy quickly turned his head to look at her. She shot them an apologetic look as she stepped toward them.

“Sorry, it’s just that it’s going to be dark soon,” she reminded them, and Monty went to stand up.

“No, it’s okay. We were pretty much done anyways,” Monty said with a forced smile, and Clarke glanced back at Bellamy whose brows were furrowed. Clarke swallowed, as Monty mumbled his goodbyes and took off.

Clarke reached out her hand to help Bellamy stand up, but he didn’t take it. He just glanced back up at her with a strange expression on his face.

“Alright, talk,” Clarke ordered, as she gave in and sat down next to him. Bellamy let out a sigh, and Clarke could recognize that he didn’t really want to tell her.

“We were talking about what we would do if we found a way off the island,” he whispered, and Clarke let out a sigh of her own. She didn’t like thinking about this, and had successfully avoided it for days. “It’s not just me and Octavia who Pike could take this out on,” he explained, and Clarke realized he was talking about the whole crew.

“What was your original plan? You know, before we all got stranded on an island,” she asked, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“I was going to try and convince Roan to talk to me, and then hide him on the ship. I could have just told Pike I dumped his body in the ocean, and instead helped Roan start a new life when we got back to land,” Bellamy said, and Clarke had to admit it was a pretty decent plan to get him out of a tough situation.

“He wouldn’t go for it?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t get to try it. At last minute, Pike insisted on Murphy being a witness so that I didn’t try something stupid,” he muttered, shaking his head. Clarke swallowed. “So, I made Murphy stand outside as I ‘interrogated’ Roan, claiming that Roan refused to talk if Murphy was around. Then, I started the fire to create enough confusion so I could get Roan onto the lifeboat, and far away from Murphy.”

Clarke didn’t say anything. She just rubbed his back, hoping to reassure him. She had no ideas. Clarke wanted to get off this island more than anything… but she also wanted Bellamy and everyone else to be safe once they got back.

“Clarke,” he whispered, after a few minutes of silence. She glanced back up at him, and he had such a sad expression on his face. He hadn’t looked like this in days, not since her first day back at the camp. They had been fine, happy even. And all she wanted was to make this face go away.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, leaning forward. Bellamy cleared his throat and moved to stand up.

“Nothing, we should be getting back to camp,” he muttered, offering his hand to help her up. She grabbed it, standing up and searching his face for an explanation for why he quickly shifted.

“Bellamy,” she said, grabbing his hand as he pulled her toward the trees.

“We need to hurry. It’s getting dark,” he said, completely ignoring her concerns.

“Bellamy!” she shouted, freeing her hand from his. She stopped, causing Bellamy to turn back around to look at her. “Talk to me,” she begged, and the most painful look flashed in his eyes. She swallowed, as he moved to lean against a tree.

“Clarke, eventually we are going to have the opportunity to leave this island,” he started, and Clarke walked over to him, grabbing onto his hand. “The crew won’t be leaving with you,” he said, looking Clarke directly in the eye. She felt her stomach drop at those words.

“No, you guys can’t just stay here,” Clarke said, shaking her head.

“It’s the only way to keep us all safe. Pike will kill us when we get back. All of us,” he said, eyes wide. Clarke swallowed, still shaking her head. Bellamy ran his fingers through her hair, before tilting her head up to look at him.

“No, I don’t accept that. There’s another way out of this,” Clarke said, feeling the tears pool in her eyes. Bellamy let out a sigh, pulling Clarke into his chest.

“We’ve all talked about it. He’ll think that none of us survived and move on. Every single crew member agreed to this plan, Clarke,” he whispered, before kissing her forehead.

“Then, I’ll stay here too,” Clarke said, looking up at him. He closed his eyes in frustration, his nose scrunching up slightly.

“No, you have to go back with everyone else,” he said, looking back at Clarke finally.

“I’m not just going to leave you here,” she snapped, as he brushed the hair out of her face.

“Yes, you are. You’re going home and getting back to your real life,” he said, eyes wide. Clarke pulled back, pissed. How could he possibly think she could go back to her normal life after all of this? She couldn’t just go on living her life, knowing that she left him behind on this island. Knowing that Octavia and Lincoln might not ever see each other again. Not knowing if Miller or Monty or Harper were still alive. She couldn’t have a normal life anymore. And she sure as hell wasn’t going back without Bellamy.

“Clarke!” he called after her, as he jogged up to catch her by the waist.

“Let me go,” she muttered, as she pushed against his chest. He tightened his grip around her, giving her a stern look, as if to remind her that she wasn’t actually strong enough to break free of him.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he whispered, cupping her face with his hand. She was biting her lip, trying not to scream at him.

“Then, don’t try to tell me to leave you behind,” she snapped, going back to pushing on his chest, even if it didn’t do any good. He pressed his lips together, as he held her there, wincing slightly each time she pushed onto him.

Then, he walked her backwards, pushing her against a tree. She glanced up at him as he towered over her, pressing his whole weight into her to trap her.

“Let’s not fight, Clarke,” he whispered, while his eyes searched her face, with an almost desperate expression.

“I don’t want to fight. You’re the one telling me to leave you behind,” she muttered, looking away from him, not sure she could handle the eye contact.

Bellamy stood there for a moment, as he thought carefully about what to say next. Clarke glanced back up at him, and his lips were pressed together, as he was deep in thought. Finally, he snapped out of it and looked back at her.

“Okay,” he whispered, still not moving from where he stood. “You’re right,” he said, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and she let her arms wrap around his neck to pull him back in. He smiled softly, as he kissed her again, this time more greedy.

She opened her mouth, letting him in as he moaned into her mouth. His hands were gripping onto her waist tightly, slowly moving up toward her chest. She sighed into his mouth once his hands found her breasts.

He started kissing away from her mouth, moving toward her cheek and down toward her neck. She let out a small whimper, and could feel him smirk against her neck.

“They’re going to all worry about us if we don’t get back soon,” Clarke whispered, and he glanced up at her.

“They know exactly what we’re doing, princess,” he teased, before biting above her collarbone gently. “If they know what’s good for them, they won’t look for us.”

Clarke ran her fingers through his hair, as his hand travelled back down her body. He stood up straighter, as he looked down to look her in the eye. She shot him a mischievous look as he pulled up her dress and slid his hand into her panties. She leaned into his neck, kissing him just below his jaw. His index finger started tracing up and down her slit, and Clarke bit him just below his ear. He let out a quiet moan, as Clarke spread her legs a bit more.

“Such a good princess,” he whispered, as Clarke wondered when being called that became such a turn on for her. Clarke ran her fingers up and down his arm, as she continued to kiss and bite on his neck. She let her other hand travel down his torso, feeling his muscular chest and abs as she did so. Bellamy started rhythmically rubbing her clit between his fingers. Clarke started sucking on his collarbone, as she began to undo his belt with one hand.

He was letting out these small sighs and moans that were going straight to Clarke’s throbbing clit. After a good deal of fumbling on her part, she got his belt undone and started to undo his pants. When Bellamy opened his mouth to protest, she started sucking on his neck again and he let out a moan. Clarke let her fingers run over his boxers, feeling his cock twitch through the fabric as she did. She smirked to herself, as Bellamy looked down at her, with a hungry look in his eye. Clarke felt herself get goosebumps as he looked at her like this, turned on by how sexy and predatory his eyes were looking. He swallowed, not breaking eye contact with her, as he shoved two fingers inside of her. She let out a yelp, before his other hand grabbed onto her hair, pulling it gently so that she had to look back up at him.

He kept thrusting his rough fingers in and out of her, not breaking eye contact as he did. She tried to regain control of the situation by returning to his cock, but he kept distracting her by rubbing her clit or licking his lips when she would try.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he said, voice low, as he slowed down his thrusts.

“Bellamy,” Clarke whimpered, and he smirked before thrusting his fingers back into her and picking up the pace. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by how much she longed for his fingers inside of her.

“Look at me, baby,” he ordered, tugging her hair again. Her eyes shot open, looking straight to his lips as he bit his lower lip. She glanced back up to his eyes, which were somehow more intense than before. He started thrusting faster and faster, and Clarke could feel herself getting close.

He swallowed, as he probably felt her clenching around his fingers. She gripped onto his shirt, as she fought the urge to throw her head back and close her eyes. He tightened his grip around her hair, as his lips parted slightly.

“Bellamy,” she whispered, and he sped up even more, thrusting his fingers in and out of her frantically.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, as his thumb grazed her clit. She was breathing heavily, as her chest rose and fell quickly. But, her eyes stayed focused on his, even as the overwhelming pleasure erupted through her. “Eyes open, princess,” he reminded as she let out a loud moan. His fingers kept thrusting in and out of her as she rode out her orgasm. He pressed his forehead against hers, as she tried to get her breathing under control.

She continued panting, as he removed his hand from her panties and went to pull them all the way down. She turned her attention to his massive erection, licking her lips involuntarily as she helped him out of his boxers. He pushed her back against the tree hard, placing his palms on her bare ass and lifting her up.

“I need to feel you,” Clarke whispered, and Bellamy let out a quiet moan, before directing his attention to getting himself inside of her. She ran her fingers up and down his chest, still catching her breath slightly. He lined himself up with her slit, and Clarke could feel the head of his cock start to enter her. It didn’t matter how many times they did this. She would fully never get used to how tight she was around his huge cock.

He pressed himself slowly all the way inside of her, as Clarke leaned forward to suck on his neck again. He let out a loud moan once he was fully seated inside of her. He started thrusting slowly, nudging Clarke’s face away from his neck so that he could kiss her.

Clarke panted into his mouth, as his tongue traced her bottom lip. She took both of her hands and gripped both sides of his face, pulling him in closer. He had to break the kiss for a moment as he smiled against her lips, and, God, Clarke could fall in love with that smile.

“You feel so good, Bellamy,” she whispered against his lips, before he crashed his lips back into hers, this time more desperate, more hungry. She ran her fingers through his hair, as he slowed down his thrusts, making sure he snapped harder back into her as he did.

He let his kisses drop down to her jaw, as she leaned her head back. He was more gentle than he normally was when he kissed her there, which made her smirk. She definitely left a few marks on his neck tonight, and he suddenly decides to be a gentleman.

“You must have a thing for fucking me up against trees,” Clarke joked, and he let out a chuckle on her skin.

“I have a thing for being with you. Not my fault we’re always around trees,” he teased, before resuming his neck kissing. Clarke ran her fingers back through his hair, amazed that somehow his curls were still soft after being on this island for so long.

“You’re so good to me,” Clarke whimpered, and Bellamy started picking up the pace, as his lips travelled down to her chest. Clarke pulled down her straps and lowered the top of her dress to give him easier access. He literally moaned when her breasts were finally exposed.

“God, I love these,” he moaned, before running his tongue in between her two breasts. She arched her back, presenting them to him as he feasted on her breasts. He began sucking on one of her nipples, and she let out an involuntary yelp.

His hips continued to snap into her with increased veracity, as she could feel herself start breathing heavily again. Bellamy let out a few low moans and whimpers, as Clarke started grinding herself into him. He lifted his head back up, with eyes looking completely drunk, before leaning forward to kiss Clarke. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him in a little too tight, as she could feel him start to come undone inside of her. His hand travelled down to her clit and started rubbing it, and Clarke could tell he was holding off on finishing as best as he could.

“I need you, Bellamy,” Clarke whispered against his lips, before he kissed her again. She let her thumb stroke his cheek, before he pulled back.

“I need you,” he replied, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. Clarke swallowed, as she felt herself start to erupt again. She wrapped her legs even tighter around him as she curled her toes. Bellamy’s eyes shot open as he began to come undone, moaning as quietly as he could.

Clarke opened her mouth slightly, as she gripped his hair, keeping her eyes on his. Bellamy pressed his lips against hers, letting his tongue immediately find hers.

 

They walked back to camp in relative silence, except for the occasional sigh or sound of Bellamy stopping and kissing Clarke’s forehead. Bellamy let go of her hand as they started to approach camp, and Clarke knew this was mostly for Roan’s benefit.

Once they were about to pass the last trees before hitting the clearing, Bellamy stuck up a hand, signaling for Clarke to stop. She instinctively moved behind him, as he kept a hand on his holster. They slowly stepped into camp, and Clarke saw what startled him. She swallowed, as she glanced around.

Everything was exactly as they left it… with one notable exception.

Dax was there, sitting between Monty and Miller. Bellamy glanced back at Clarke with a confused look on his face, and Clarke’s eyes widened. If Dax was here, Murphy couldn’t be far behind.

“No, guys don’t worry,” Jasper said, and Bellamy let his hand off his holster. Clarke grabbed his arm, trying to get his attention.

“Yeah, just hear him out. He needs our help,” Wick said, and Clarke felt her stomach drop. She glanced over at Roan who was giving her a warning look. Harper had a similar expression on her face. But, everyone else seemed completely at ease with him being there.

“I really didn’t mean to startle you,” Dax said, and Clarke swears everyone could hear her heart pounding itself out of her chest.


	17. Kicking and Screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama. Drama. Angst. Drama. Also, by the end of this chapter, we are now at day 31 on the island, for those of you who wanted to know how long they've been there. 
> 
> I'll probably get another update up by tomorrow. Just so you guys know, I'm only planning on having 20 chapters total, so we are reaching the end. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm loving all the comments. I can't stop checking my account to see what you guys have to say. Let me know what you guys think about this one! This one is, uh, a lot despite being a pretty low word count for me. 
> 
> Ya'll are great. Love you!

“Start talking right now,” Clarke snapped, before Bellamy nudged her. She glanced back up at him, and he was shooting her a warning look.

“Look, I was just sticking with Murphy for survival. I didn’t know about you all until Clarke came to our camp,” Dax explained, and Clarke could see a few people nodding along sympathetically. It was clear that whatever story he had told them was working. Everyone seemed to buy into this without hesitation. “He’s up to something and I really don’t want any part of it,” Dax said, shaking his head.

“We already told him he could stay with us,” Raven said, and Clarke flashed a scared look to Bellamy, who was looking stoic and unmoving. She let out a sigh.

“I know things were bad over there, but I swear I was only following Murphy’s orders. Things aren’t going to be like that anymore,” Dax said to Harper, who looked just as skeptical as Clarke felt.

“Excuse me if I’m not willing to fall for this nonsense,” Roan snapped, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief. Finally, someone was saying what she was thinking. “Harper and I have spent most of our time on this island with Dax. We have reason not to trust him.”

“What can you tell me about what Murphy is up to?” Bellamy asked Dax, walking over to him. Clarke wanted to grab him, to snap him out of this. But, she knew she had already lost him.

“Well, he’s without a functioning gun now. Last I saw him, he was over by the shores of the south side of the island, looking for things he could salvage,” Dax explained, as Bellamy sat down, listening closely.

“You can’t be seriously considering this,” Harper snapped, before Roan lifted up his hand to signal her to stop talking. He glanced over at Clarke and nodded, and she let out a sigh of relief.

“If you’re going to let him stay, at least keep him at camp and have someone monitoring him at all times,” Roan suggested, as he stood up. Bellamy nodded, but was too busy in his conversation with Dax to respond. Dax continued detailing what he and Murphy had been up to since Clarke ran from their camp. Roan glanced up at Clarke again, before gesturing with his head to follow him.

Clarke looked back at Bellamy, who was listening to Dax with interest. The rest of the camp seemed too preoccupied with seeing how Bellamy was responding or getting ready for bed to notice Clarke slip out after Roan.

They walked in silence until they were far enough that no one could hear their whispers. Then, Roan turned around with a grave look on his face.

“We need to get rid of him,” he muttered, and Clarke nodded, swallowing slightly.

“What can we do? He’s already convinced the rest of camp that he’s not the bad guy here,” Clarke replied, shaking her head.

 “Well, we could always leave camp,” he suggested half-heartedly, knowing that Clarke had already made her choice. “You and Bellamy came back too late. The entire camp already decided to hear him out. They don’t trust me and Harper wouldn’t speak up. Maybe, if you had been here,” he muttered, shaking his head. Her stomach dropped, remembering why she wasn’t there when Dax showed up.

“Did you just have me follow you so that you could chew me out about this again?” she snapped, before turning around. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“No. I mean, that wasn’t my plan,” he stammered out, before swallowing. “I really just wanted to warn you about something.” Clarke raised an eyebrow, pretty sure that he had already warned her about how dangerous he was. “There’s another thing I’ve been keeping from you,” he whispered, and Clarke crossed her arms. This was all too common with them, now. He kept waiting until the last possible second to admit to lying to her, and then, expected Clarke to be grateful that he eventually told her the truth.

“Roan.”

“Murphy and Dax weren’t that close. I mean, they worked together on the ship and have known each other for a while, but…” he trailed off, looking down at the ground. “I couldn’t help but notice that back at camp, he would be off talking with Echo more than him.”

“But, Echo and Dax were both working with Murphy. That’s not that weird.”

“They had a common goal… so working together suited them for a while,” he explained, running his hands through his hair, looking frazzled.

“You’re not making sense,” she said, grabbing his hand. He glanced up, pressing his lips together.

“I can’t tell you how I know this, but, trust me, Dax’s loyalties have never been with Murphy,” he said, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

“Why can’t you tell me how you know that?” Clarke snapped, mind racing at the possibilities. It was clear that Roan was hiding more than Clarke could possibly imagine, and it made her suspect the absolute worst possible scenario.

“Clarke,” he started, shooting her a stern look.

“Why? Do you not trust me?” she yelled, before Roan put a hand over her mouth.

“Are you done?” he asked, and she nodded, and he lifted his hand from her mouth. “Alright, let’s get back before everyone notices we left,” he muttered.

“No, you’re telling me how you know that,” she ordered with the most aggressive voice she could muster.

“I can’t tell you,” he groaned, throwing his head back.

“Roan.”

“If I tell you, you go on the list of people who can’t go back home because Pike will kill you,” he said, narrowing his eyes. Clarke swallowed, looking down at the ground.

“Well, go ahead and tell me then,” she whispered, before Roan started stepping back toward her.

“Clarke, look at me,” he ordered, and Clarke glanced back up at him, trying to keep her face neutral. He was studying her face with a scowl on his own. “You can’t possibly want to stay on this island for the rest of your life,” he growled.

Clarke blinked a few times. She should have known she would have to have this conversation with him sooner or later… she just thought it would be later. She didn’t say anything… and it seemed that she wouldn’t have to, as realization danced across Roan’s face.

“You are being stupid,” he snapped, before stepping back, face full of anger. He knew what Clarke was planning… and he knew why. She swallowed. “I will drag you off this island kicking and screaming if I have to,” he growled, and Clarke strode forward, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“No, you won’t,” she snapped. “It’s my choice. And you don’t get a say in it.” She shoved him backwards before striding back into camp, where it was clear that the decision was already made. Dax was staying.

Bellamy was looking at Clarke strangely, which was confusing. But, then she realized that Roan had stepped right beside her. She let out a breath and tried to give Bellamy a reassuring look… but he was already pissed.

 

“Are you going to talk to me?” Clarke whispered, looking at Bellamy who was currently facing away from her. They were up on her platform and it sounded like everyone else was fast asleep.

“Sure, Clarke,” he muttered, not bothering to turn around.

“Bell,” she whispered, reaching over to touch his shoulder, before he turned around to face her.

“What did you want to talk about?” he said, gritting his teeth. Clarke let out a sigh.

“He and I were just talking,” Clarke explained, before looking over her shoulder. Jasper and Monty were fast asleep in the platform next to them, which meant that they could talk freely. “More like arguing, actually.”

“I don’t care,” he snapped, and Clarke let out a groan. Not this shit again, she thought to herself, having flashbacks to when Bellamy “didn’t care” about her interactions with Finn.

“He was telling me that Dax isn’t as close to Murphy as he let us believe,” she explained, hoping that adding substance to the conversation would be enough to convince him that nothing was going on with her and Roan. God, if she wanted to be with Roan, she would be. But, she didn’t, not after all the lies and how cold he had been to her.

She swallowed. That, and the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about Bellamy. She told him this over and over, and he seemed to listen. She knew it looked bad seeing Clarke go off with Roan… but she was only gone for five minutes. But, still. She needed him to trust her more. For fuck’s sake… she was going to stay on this damn island for him.

“Okay, I believe you,” he muttered in a tone that screamed he didn’t. She let out a groan and sat up. She threw the blanket off of her, before moving to climb down the tree. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” he growled, and Clarke’s head snapped up.

“You’re being a passive aggressive ass, so I’m gonna go crash with Raven,” she snapped, before Bellamy grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. She landed back on the wood of the platform with a thud, fairly certain this would add to her bruise collection on her back.

“You’re not leaving my sight,” he ordered, and Clarke let out a huff. He let go of her wrist. She pulled the blankets back onto her, turning her back to him. “Clarke.”

“Just go to sleep,” she muttered, beyond pissed that he wasn’t trusting her around Roan.

“Clarke,” he said again, pulling her onto her back and narrowing his eyes at her. She looked up at him, studying his face. “You’ve run away from camp with him before,” he said accusatorily, and Clarke sat up, feeling all the heat rushing to her face. She had to remind herself that everyone else was trying to sleep to keep from screaming at him.

“First of all,” she started, gripping onto the blanket to try and keep herself calm, “I ran away from camp, and then I ran into Roan. We’ve talked about this. You said you were okay with it.”

“Well, I lied,” he growled, and Clarke clenched her eyes shut out of frustration. “I mean, you slept with him Clarke. So, I’m going to be pissed when I see you two together.” Her eyes flew open.

“Yes, I slept with him. Once. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I had just lost Wells and Finn, everyone was lying to me, you broke my heart…”

“Clarke,” he said, more gently than before.

“And he was there and I just wanted to not think about any of it for a second,” she continued, shaking her head.

“Clarke,” he said again, this time gripping her face and making her look at him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Clarke let out a groan, pulling away to lie back down.

“Nothing is going on with me and him,” she groaned, as Bellamy laid down next to her, leaning over her. He propped himself up on his elbow as he used his hand to guide Clarke to look up at him.

“I know,” he said, closing his eyes. “It’s just that sometimes when these things happen, I need to be reminded that…” he drifted off, shaking his head.

Clarke reached up to touch his hand that was on her cheek. “Bell, what?”

He let out a sigh before opening his eyes again, looking down at Clarke with a strange expression. “That you’re mine,” he whispered, and Clarke gripped onto his hand tighter. He swallowed, looking down at her with vulnerable, pleading eyes. She felt her heart start pounding.

“I am yours,” she whispered back, and she saw a small smile try to fight its way onto his face as he tried to compose himself. He leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips.

“Mine,” he whispered against her lips, as he lowered himself all the way down, letting his hand rest on her waist.

“We still need to talk about Dax,” Clarke reminded, as he groaned into her shoulder.

“Way to ruin a moment,” he grumbled, rolling onto his back. Clarke turned over, holding herself up by her elbows.

“I can’t believe you’re letting him stay at our camp.” Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t understand, Clarke. I’ve known him for years. It’s not like him to join up with Murphy on this. I believe him,” he explained, and Clarke let out a sigh. “It’s not like I’m not going to keep an eye on him. Roan’s idea was good. We will be cautious,” he said, raising his eyebrows at Clarke. She let out a groan, before turning back onto her side, facing away from Bellamy.

“Don’t be like that,” he whispered, as he turned in toward her. His hand rested on her hip, and she could feel him breathing on her neck, as he pressed the rest of himself against her back.

“I don’t trust him,” she reminded him, and he let out a sigh.

“I know, princess, I know,” he whispered into her ear, before kissing her cheek. “Let’s continue this conversation in the morning,” he suggested, and Clarke grunted in acknowledgement. He slid her hair off her shoulder, as he kissed it. “Mine,” he whispered again, and Clarke had to smile at that.

His hand found hers, and they quickly fell asleep.

 

The next day went smoothly. Dax didn’t protest having someone watch him all day, nor did he get worked up when they wouldn’t let him leave camp. Clarke started to wonder if Bellamy was right to let him stay… but she couldn’t ignore the gut feeling she felt when she first saw him.

She tried to ignore the signs that Roan was planning on running, reminding herself that she had no control over what he decided to do. She became concerned when she caught him whispering with Harper multiple times.

The second day he was there ran just as smoothly as his first, as Miller and Bellamy began trusting him with actual tasks around camp.

Clarke tried to confront Roan about his plan to leave, but he blew her off, saying that she was reading into things. Harper became more distant from everyone, even Octavia. And Clarke knew what they were going to do.

On the third day, Clarke woke up, hearing them leave camp. She crawled out of her platform, careful not to wake Bellamy, as she climbed down to stop them.

Once she hit the ground, she couldn’t see them anywhere. Then, she heard a rustling to her left, and she took off after them.

 

She followed their footprints in the dirt, as Clarke thought about what she would say to them.

She understood why they were running away, she really did. But, with Murphy still somewhere on this island, it was too dangerous for the two of them to be off on their own. She still wasn’t willing to say that Dax wasn’t going to hurt them… but, they were still safer with the larger group than they were all alone.

Plus, if Roan and Harper left, they might not be able to find them when they find a way off the island. They might also get left behind.

Clarke shook her head at that thought. She couldn’t let that happen. She knew that Harper agreed to stay behind, but Roan certainly didn’t. It was clear that he was desperate to get back.

Then, with no warning whatsoever, something knocked Clarke to the ground. Her face went straight into the dirt, as she felt a huge weight pinning her down to the ground. She struggled to get up, to roll over, to see what had her, but she couldn’t. Then, she felt the unmistakable chill of a knife being held at her throat.

“Don’t utter a sound,” she heard a familiar voice order, and Clarke’s stomach dropped. She was so stupid to chase after Roan and Harper by herself, unarmed. She fucking knew better. She just wasn’t thinking. All she was thinking about was keeping Roan and Harper safe at camp.

Dax put some cloth in her mouth, before tying it tightly around her head, to muffle any noise she made. He threw her onto her back, before tying her wrists together. She looked up at his eyes, which were viciously focused, and Clarke wanted to go punch Bellamy for convincing her to give this a chance. She was fucking right about Dax.

Then, a chilling thought entered her head. She probably wouldn’t get the chance to punch Bellamy.

She shook that thought out of her head. Dax was muffling her and tying her up. Clearly, he had something else planned, or else he would have killed her already.

He yanked Clarke up to her feet and started pushing her forward. Clarke contemplated kicking him or running quickly away, but those ideas disappeared the second he grabbed onto her arm, holding his knife in the other hand, as a remember that he could stab her at any moment. She gulped, and kept her eyes focused on the ground.

Dax was pulling her in the opposite direction of the footprints, and Clarke wanted to cry. At least if they had kept going that way, they probably would have run into Roan, who would help Clarke get away.

She closed her eyes as she stumbled forward. Bellamy would find her. She had to believe that.

But, he would wake up and see that Roan and Harper ran.

_Oh God, he would think I ran away again._

Dax remained silent as he continued to shove Clarke forward. They walked all day, with very few breaks. Clarke needed water and food desperately. She could feel her body start to give out, but every time she nearly collapsed on herself, Dax let his knife find her neck again.

She wanted to ask him where he was taking her. She feared he was taking her to Murphy, maybe as some kind of vengeance for what she did to Echo.

She could see Murphy sending Dax in to the main camp to gain their trust, just to await an opportunity to pull something like this. It was genius, even though Clarke suspected something similar to this herself. Although, she thought Dax would just kill her and Roan in their sleep.

It was starting to get dark, and Clarke had no sign of what his possible endgame could be. If he wanted to drag her far enough from camp so that no one would hear her scream, he accomplished that hours ago. Maybe he was looking for Murphy.

She had a vague idea of where she was, since it seemed like they were moving toward the center of the island, where the caves were located.

Then, all of the sudden, a dark figure appeared out of the corner of her eye. Dax seemed to see the figure, too, and Clarke felt herself hoping that it was Bellamy.

But, she felt Dax relax, which made the hairs on her arms stand up straight. This was it. She was going to die here.

“I did as you asked,” Dax said coolly, gripping tighter on Clarke’s arm. The figure stepped out from under the trees, and Clarke’s eyes widened.

“I can see that,” Ontari said with a smirk, and Dax immediately shoved Clarke to the ground. She braced herself a bit with her arms, but could feel the shooting pain go up her arm. She knew this was going to be a serious injury, but it wasn’t like she was going to live much longer anyway.

“She wasn’t much trouble,” Dax said, and Clarke let out a huff into the cloth that was still in her mouth.

“You did good,” Ontari said, aiming her gun right at Clarke’s head. Clarke swallowed, looking up at Ontari with desperate eyes.

Her heart was pounding, as she closed her eyes. She thought of Wells, wondering if this was how he felt before he died. She thought about Finn, and if he really was in a better place. She thought about her dead, watching over her, and let out a soft sigh at the realization that she would see them all again soon. Her fight was over.

She buried her face into the dirt, too terrified to watch the gun take her life.

It felt like the world slowed down, as she thought about all the people she was leaving behind. She believed in Raven. Raven would get all of them off the island. They would find a way to get back safely, so that the crew didn’t spend the rest of their lives on this damn island. Roan would help. Lincoln would do whatever it took to get Octavia back to civilization. She trusted them all. They would all take care of each other, she had to believe.

Then, she heard the bone-rattling sound of the gun firing, and her ears started ringing… but the pain never came. She tilted her head up and opened her eyes to see Ontari smiling. Clarke turned her head slightly, not seeing any bullet wounds on her body.

Then, she saw Dax’s body on the ground. She whipped her head back toward Ontari, who had a creepy expression on her face as she looked down at Clarke. She put her gun back in her holster before squatting down in front of Clarke.

Her hand reached out and petted the top of Clarke’s head. Clarke raised an eyebrow, ignoring how badly her entire body was shaking in fear.

“I’m glad Echo didn’t kill you,” she said with an unsettling smile. “I need your help.”


	18. You Found Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of ya'll were freaking out in the comments after the last chapter, so I went ahead and sped up getting this one up. I couldn't resist. I was also hella excited about it and couldn't turn my brain off. So, here we are. Two updates in 24 hours. 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter will clear up what our best friend Ontari has been up to, since pretty much everyone forgot about her. Like I said in response to a comment, everyone was too busy freaking out over Murphy after he killed Wells that they all forgot about Ontari attacking Clarke. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I'm still on track to finish this off at 20 chapters and am going to try my best to stick to that, since I have a bad habit of dragging out endings. 
> 
> Also, this update is another reminder that the least plausible thing I've written in this story is that Clarke is wearing a dress with actual pockets.

“You don’t seem too excited to see me again,” Ontari said, sitting down across from where Clarke was lying on the ground. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, since that was about all she could do with no hands and a muffled mouth.

“Well, I’ve been doing great lately. Thanks for asking,” she joked. Clarke narrowed her eyes, and it was like Ontari just now realized why Clarke wasn’t talking to her. “Let me get that for you,” she said, pulling down the gag.

“You fucking bitch!” Clarke shouted, shocked by how hoarse her voice sounded.

“I think what you mean is ‘thank you, Ontari,’” she teased, crossing her arms as she leaned back. Clarke squirmed to sit up, which was exhausting. She didn’t realize how much she relied on her arms until they were tied up in front of her.

“Why the hell did you just shoot Dax?”

“Oh, did you want him alive or something?” she asked, still smirking. Clarke raised an eyebrow, not even close to being amused by how cavalier Ontari was acting about everything. “How are we supposed to be friends if you won’t even laugh at my jokes, Clarke?”

“I’m not your friend. You had me kidnapped,” Clarke snapped, gesturing with her head to her tied up arms.

“Oh, right. Awkward,” she joked, as she stood up. Then, she helped Clarke stand up before pushing her forward toward the trees. Ontari continued to make uncomfortable jokes as she nudged Clarke forward, but Clarke didn’t respond. Honestly, she didn’t know why Ontari continued to try and make conversation with her. Clearly, she needed Clarke for something. She could just get to the damn point.

Eventually, they stumbled across a clearing where Clarke noticed firewood already set up. So, this was where Ontari was camping out. Ontari shoves Clarke to the ground, before going to set up the fire.

“Honestly, Clarke, it feels like you don’t even want to hang out with me,” she joked again, and Clarke let out a groan. “Hey, cut me some slack. I’ve been lonely.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t try to kill everyone you meet,” Clarke snapped, and Ontari burst out laughing.

“Oooh. Kitty’s got claws,” she joked as she threw some kindling on the fire. “And you murdered my only friend on the island, which was kind of a dick move.”

“Echo?” Ontari nodded, raising an eyebrow at Clarke. Clarke swallowed, making a mental note to add Ontari to the list of people who would want vengeance for Echo’s death. Well, she could just take Dax’s place on the list. She shook her head, reminding herself not to think too much about Dax’s death. She didn’t know him. There had been enough deaths on this island. She didn’t need to get worked up about this one too.

“I mean, she wasn’t a great friend. She totally abandoned me to get closer to Murphy and Dax, but still. And then, I had to settle for Dax.”

“Why the hell did you shoot Dax?” Clarke blurted out before she could stop herself. She really didn’t want to engage much with Ontari, especially since she was literally holding her hostage. But, she couldn’t help but wonder. It just seemed so random and pointless, especially since he was working with her.

“Can’t trust someone that easily bought,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, he’s on the cleanup list,” she said, flippantly, and Clarke’s stomach dropped. She was sitting across from a person who just casually had a list of people she needed to kill to cover up her tracks. God, Clarke was probably going to die soon.

Clarke must have been making a face, because Ontari started smirking at her again. “Don’t you worry. Your friends are safe until they find a way off the island,” she said in a reassuring tone that only served to give Clarke chills.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled, and Ontari rolled her eyes.

“Just doing my job, sweetie. You understand.” Clarke wanted to scream that no, she did not understand. Probably because before this island, Clarke had never encountered another person who had being able to murder someone on their job requirement list.

“What do you want with me? Why kidnap me and have me dragged across the island?” she exasperatedly asked.

“Oh, well you’re helping me finish my job,” she said with a smile. Clarke’s eyes widened, as Ontari shook her head. “You see, I’ve been going about it all wrong. It’s exhausting trying to chase people around this island. Now, I have a way to get them to come directly to me,” she explained as she poked the fire, as Clarke’s stomach dropped. She couldn’t be talking about Bellamy. She knew exactly where to find him. And she could have killed him the last time they crossed paths.

“Roan won’t come after me,” Clarke said, and Ontari smirked. “Look, I know that you’re following through on Pike’s orders…”

“Oh no. I don’t work for Pike,” she said with a laugh, and Clarke narrowed her eyes in confusion.

“You worked on the ship, I thought?” Clarke asked, trying to remember if Bellamy had said anything about Ontari. They had been slowly working through what all he had been keeping from her… but he never said a damn thing about Ontari, she was sure of it.

“For like a week. Remind me to tell Captain Blake that he needs to do better background checks on people,” she smirked. She didn’t like hearing Ontari refer to Bellamy… it made her stomach turn. As if Ontari expected to see him again.

Clarke groaned, as she thrust herself into lying down on her side.

“Want me to tell you a bedtime story?” Ontari joked, and Clarke groaned even louder. “Okay, once upon a time, there was an ungrateful man named Roan.” Clarke sat her head up slightly, and Ontari smirked once she caught Clarke’s attention. “He was born into a very powerful family, yet wanted nothing to do with them. So, he decided to break away from them. He tried to divorce his wife, despite how much his mother urged him not to.”

Clarke nodded along, recognizing this part of the story. Roan had told her about this much and very little else.

“Unfortunately for our Roan, he got dragged into some family drama and found himself talking to a prosecutor, who was looking to make a deal with him. So, Roan went about his life, collecting various pieces of information and passing it on to his new friend. And his mother was not happy.”

“So, she sent you to kill him,” Clarke connected the dots, and Ontari smiled creepily.

“Let me finish my story, Clarke,” she snapped playfully, before leaning back. “His mother was going to take care of him quietly back at home, but he had already left town to go to a little party. And this little party happened to be in the territory of her worst enemy.”

“Pike,” Clarke couldn’t help but add in, and Ontari nodded.

“Pike had heard that Roan had been gathering certain information. And he wanted it for himself. So, Nia, Roan’s mother, sent me and Echo to make sure Roan was dead before he could say anything. Echo, his wife, was supposed to kill him before the party even started, but kept getting separated from him or interrupted. So, I had to take over.”

Clarke blinked a few times, thinking back to that night on the boat. Echo and Roan just seemed like a normal couple who were getting a divorce. She didn’t get any murder-y undertones from their argument. But, she recalls that Echo did threaten to kill Roan when she was strangling Clarke.

“But, I was too late. He was already talking to Bellamy. And then, the ship went up in smoke and priorities shifted.”

“I don’t think Roan told Bellamy anything,” Clarke said, pretty certain that one of them would have told her about that. Maybe not Roan, but Bellamy would.

“I can’t trust your word on that. As far as I know, Roan told him everything.”

Clarke’s stomach started twisting at those words… because she knew what they meant. It meant that Bellamy was on her cleanup list.

“Anyways, I get to this island with three strangers. I go off to search for Roan, but I can’t find him anywhere. And then, I find you and Bellamy. And I probably should have killed him right then… but I really thought he would know where Roan was.”

“He didn’t know,” Clarke corrected, and Ontari let out a groan. Right, Clarke was interrupting again.

“So, you stab my leg, which I’m still pissed about by the way,” she snapped, and Clarke wonders if she has the pocket knife still in her pocket. If she did, she could cut herself free maybe. She wasn’t entirely sure how it would work… but she had seen it in movies before.

“I spend a good deal of time healing from that one. I found a group of people by the beach that I stayed with for a while, until they started getting super suspicious.” Clarke raised an eyebrow. She had suspected there were other people on the island, since occasionally the guys would stumble across a body that they didn’t recognize. She knew for certain that three different lifeboats made it to the island. It wouldn’t be impossible for another one to be there and no one knew about it. It would certainly explain the blonde that Miller and Bellamy found.

“Then, I finally find the spot where Roan had been hiding out, and what did I find?” Clarke swallowed, knowing all too well where she was going with this. “Roan had taken off with you and Echo was lying dead on a beach,” Ontari said, before stabbing her knife into an apple. Then, her face flickered back to that creepy smile.

“That’s when you started working with Dax…” Clarke said, finally putting everything together.

“Actually, Dax had been on it from the beginning. We’ve been paying him for information on Pike for years,” she corrected, and Clarke couldn’t believe how wrong Bellamy had been about Dax all this time. But, that does explain what Roan meant when he talked about Dax being closer to Echo than Murphy. Maybe that was what Roan was keeping from her. That Dax was an informant for his family.

“So, what did this have to do with you kidnapping me?” Clarke asked, shakily. Ontari perked up at that question, putting her knife away.

“Ah, well, I couldn’t notice how reckless Bellamy was last time you were in danger. And, if Dax is telling me the truth, Roan has a bit of a soft spot for you, too.”

Clarke put the pieces together immediately. She was bait.

 

Clarke tried to stay awake all night, hoping to find a moment where Ontari nodded off for her to run. But, every time Ontari started to fall asleep, she woke back up. Eventually, Clarke’s exhaustion took over and she was dead asleep.

Ontari paced around the next day, occasionally throwing her knife into the tree with terrifying accuracy. Clarke watched her, since she literally had nothing else to do. Ontari wasn’t easily distracted and caught Clarke every time she tried to see if she still had the pocket knife in her pocket.

They spent three days like this, and eventually Ontari had to give in and take them to get some water, or else Clarke wasn’t going to make it.

Occasionally, Ontari let a little bit more information slip. Clarke now knew that Bellamy was supposed to get the list of informants from Roan, which he definitely neglected to tell her. She also learned that Ontari was Roan’s cousin.

By the fourth day, Ontari started getting frustrated. She was more violent, since she slapped Clarke across the face when Clarke made a sarcastic comment.

“God, did Dax fucking lie to me?” she yelled at no one, it seemed. Clarke was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. She was so fucking tired. She could tell by the circles under Ontari’s eyes that the exhaustion was starting to get to her too.

“Can’t get good help these days,” Clarke muttered, before earning a quick kick to the stomach. That one fucking hurt. If Clarke wasn’t so worried about dying by bullet, she’d worry Ontari cracked a rib.

“Why haven’t they come after you yet?” she yelled.

“Maybe they can’t find us. We’re not exactly in a recognizable spot,” she muttered, and Ontari whipped back around to give Clarke a glare.

“You stupid bitch,” she growled. “God, I should just fucking shoot you now.” Clarke almost wanted to say yes. To put her out of her damn misery. Clarke didn’t particularly want to live out the rest of her days if they were all going to be filled with her being tied up while a crazy person waved a gun around.

Then, they heard rustling in the trees. Ontari cocked her gun, and Clarke had to smirk that she forgot to put her gag back on. They heard another rustle, this time from the other direction.

“Who is there?” Ontari yelled, whipping her head back and forth in between both directions.

“Probably another snake. Chill,” Clarke groaned, and Ontari started glaring at her.

“I will shoot you,” she growled, with her gun still aimed in the direction of the rustling. Clarke glanced around, and barely saw a head behind a tree. Then, there was more rustling, this time in another direction.

“I fucking dare you,” Clarke spat, before Ontari shot her a wide-eyed warning look, before glancing back at their surroundings.

“I see you, Roan,” Ontari said with a smirk, aiming her gun at him as he stepped forward hands up. Clarke’s eyes widened. Why the fuck was he stepping forward unarmed?

Clarke searched the area, noticing a few more heads start to pop up as Ontari’s attention was directed at Roan.

“Long time, no see,” Roan said with a smug look, and Clarke saw Bellamy move behind a tree. She let out a sigh of relief. She glanced back at Ontari, who was completely focused on Roan at the moment. Clarke started to reach into her pocket to grab the pocket knife.

“What took you so long?” she snapped, clearly not in the mood for banter anymore. It took Clarke a few tries, but she managed to flick the knife open. She placed it in between her thighs, as she rubbed the rope against the sharp edge.

“Ontari, what are you doing? This was a horrible plan,” Roan growled, sounding almost bored. Clarke’s head popped back up, to glare at him. Antagonizing Ontari was a stupid play.

“It got you here, dumbass,” she muttered, as she took her aim with both hands. Then, there was another rustle in the trees, and she turned her head quickly.

Clarke finally cut through the last of the rope, looking up to see Bellamy gesture for her to go behind one of the trees.

“Nia doesn’t give a shit about you. She probably has someone waiting to kill you the second you get back,” Roan said, stepping toward her. Clarke was now shaking with terror, wondering how he could be so calm when someone pointed a gun in his direction.

“She has no reason to kill me. I’ve been loyal to the family. Unlike some people,” she yelled, and Clarke could see that her hands were shaking as she held the gun.

Bellamy was still trying to get Clarke to move away, but Clarke couldn’t move. Not while Ontari had a gun pointed at Roan.

Then, more rustling came from Clarke’s left, and Ontari lowered her gun slightly as she looked over. Clarke used this opportunity to kick the back of Ontari’s legs, knocking her off her feet and onto her back. The gun fell out of her hand as she fell, and Clarke quickly scrambled to grab it before Ontari could.

Ontari kicked and scratched at Clarke, yet couldn’t get to it in time. Clarke pointed it in her direction, backing away quickly so that Ontari couldn’t pull the same thing Clarke just did.

“You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger,” Ontari growled, as Clarke felt Roan step to her side.

“Probably not. But he does,” Clarke smirked, gesturing her head toward Bellamy, who stepped forward, narrowing his eyes at Clarke, but keeping his aim at Ontari. Clarke started to lean a little, feeling a bit light headed, but Roan put his arm around her waist to stabilize her.

“This was not my plan, Clarke,” Bellamy said, clearly pissed that she didn’t do as he asked.

“She made it better,” Clarke heard a voice say to her left that sounded oddly familiar. She turned her head to look at him, only to see Murphy step out behind the tree, gun in his hand. Clarke looked over at Bellamy who shot her an apologetic look.

He knew Murphy was here. No, he came here with Murphy. Clarke swallowed. Clearly, there was a reason it took them so long to get there. And this had to be it.

Then, without warning, Murphy shot Ontari right in the chest, and the ringing sound returned to Clarke’s ears.

“That was also not my plan!” Bellamy yelled, now pointing his gun at Murphy. Murphy rolled his eyes, as he aimed his gun at Clarke.

“What the fuck?” she yelled.

“Don’t worry. He just used his only bullet on Ontari,” Roan groaned, and Murphy pulled the trigger, and nothing came out. He threw the gun on the ground before letting out a grunt.

“Smart call on that one,” Bellamy said, nodding in Roan’s direction. Clarke handed her gun to Roan, as he helped her sit down. “Can you watch this one?” Bellamy asked Roan, as he lowered his gun and walked over to Clarke. Clarke glanced over at Ontari, who was definitely already dead, and let out a sigh. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lincoln and Miller come out of the trees and walk toward Roan. She smiled over at Lincoln, who looked genuinely relieved that she was okay.

Bellamy squatted down in front of Clarke, examining her wrists, which were bright red where the ropes had been tied. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking up at her with a concerned look on his face. Clarke nodded, and the tears immediately came out of her eyes without her consent.

Clarke had been so scared for so long, with no one but Ontari. She was tied up for four days, not knowing if anyone was coming to save her. Bellamy pulled her forward, letting her sob into his chest. She tried to put her arms around him, but her arms were so sore that it was too painful to do so.

Bellamy let one of his hands rest on the small of her back, while the other started stroking her hair. He kissed the top of her head, as she gripped onto the collar of his shirt.

She could hear some heated conversation going on behind her, but she couldn’t focus on that. She was just too grateful that Bellamy found her.

 

Clarke knew she was in bad shape after being held hostage for days… but she didn’t know how bad until she tried to make it back to camp. She kept making the group stop, since she was so dehydrated and malnourished.

They stopped by a stream so Clarke could get something to drink and rest for a bit.

“So, is anyone going to explain how the fuck this happened?” Clarke finally asked, gesturing over to Murphy, who just shrugged in response.

“Okay, maybe we should start from the beginning on this one,” Miller suggested, raising an eyebrow at Bellamy.

“When I woke up, you and Dax were both gone,” he started, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief. At least he didn’t suspect that she ran away with Roan and Harper. “So, we figured out that he had kidnapped you.”

“Although, we still don’t know how you ended up in Ontari’s possession,” Miller pointed out, and Clarke glanced over at Roan, who clearly knew the answer to this. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, as he just shrugged.

“Ontari and Dax were working together. And when he brought me to her, she shot him,” she explained, and Miller and Bellamy exchanged a surprised look.

“Anyways, we took off to find you, when we found Roan and Harper heading back to camp,” Miller continued, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at Roan.

“We were going to leave camp, but had a change of heart and came back,” he said, before pressing his lips together. Clarke had to smirk a bit at that. Her talks with him must have actually worked after all.

“That’s when we realized that we needed to group up make an actual plan,” Bellamy said, getting them back on track.

“Yeah, so we tried searching for you for two days, and no one had any luck. I mean, you two were in a really obscure part of the jungle. It would have taken us another week to find you on our own,” Lincoln jumped in. Clarke glanced over at Murphy, and narrowed her eyes.

“I might have stumbled upon the two of you on my way over to their camp,” Murphy said with another shrug, and Clarke wanted to scream at him for not helping her when he found her. Then, she remembered this was Murphy and his version of help would have probably gotten her killed.

“So, I’m supposed to believe that you just decided to help them out of the goodness of your heart,” she growled, and Bellamy placed a hand on her back, trying to calm her down.

“No, we found him and were going to kill him,” Roan corrected before Murphy could get a word out.

“You were a nice little bargaining chip,” he said with a smirk, and Clarke was thankful that she hurt all over, because otherwise she would have lunged at him right there and then.

“He said he knew where you were, so we made a deal,” Roan said, before gripping a little too tightly around the back of Murphy’s neck.

Clarke looked over at Bellamy, who was just staring at her with a concerned look in his eyes. He had been looking at her like this since he found her.

“Are we all just fine with him now?” she asked him, and he shook his head.

“Let’s just say we have a little arrangement now,” he said before glancing over at Murphy who had a grim expression on his face.

“Arrangement?” she asked, and Roan started smirking.

“I’ll tell you the details once we get you back to camp,” Roan said, before standing up. Clarke let out a sigh. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Bellamy helped her stand up, as she shot him a grateful look.

 

Bellamy had to carry her the last leg of the trip, once it was clear that she was going to faint otherwise.

She must have fallen asleep at some point, because when she opened her eyes, she found herself up in a treehouse next to Bellamy. She blinked her eyes open, only to find him staring at her.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she mumbled as she rubbed her eyes.

“Don’t apologize, you need to get rest. Are you hungry or want water?” he asked, his eyes searching her face for any sign of discomfort. Clarke forced a soft smile.

“I’m okay, just sore,” she whispered, closing her eyes again. She felt Bellamy push her hair out of her face, and, God, it felt nice.

“I was really scared, Clarke,” he whispered suddenly, which caused Clarke’s eyes to pop back open.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. You found me,” she said, reaching up to grab his face with her hand. She winced in pain, as her arm wasn’t used to this range of movement anymore. Bellamy took notice immediately, and moved her arm down, but leaned in closer to Clarke.

“I don’t know if my heart can take it if anything else happens to you,” he said, and Clarke could see the tears start to form in his eyes.

“Hey, nothing else is going to happen to me,” she reassured with a smile, and he forced one back.

He leaned down to kiss her softly, as if he were worried he would break her. But, it was nice, tender and sweet.

“I promise, I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe,” he said into her skin as he kissed her cheek slowly.

“Promise?” she asked teasingly, and he leaned up to raise an eyebrow.

“I promise,” he whispered.

“You know what would keep me safe right now?” she asked, giggling a bit to herself.

“What?”

“If you held me,” she said coyly before busting out the cutest pout she could imagine, and Bellamy started smiling ear to ear. Clarke swears her heart stopped beating the second he started looking at her like that.

“Well, I said whatever it takes,” he teased, as he helped her turn to rest her head on his chest. Both of his arms held her close to his chest, as she listened to his heartbeat. “Better?” he asked, and she nodded, letting her hand slip over waist, pulling herself even closer into him. He let out a small chuckle, and Clarke couldn’t help but grin to herself.

“I missed you so much,” she mumbled, as she closed her eyes.

“I missed you too, princess. I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. It felt so good, but it was lulling her back to sleep.

“You’re so sweet,” she murmured.

“Go to sleep, Clarke,” he whispered, and, God, his voice sounded so sweet and loving and Clarke just wanted to melt into him.

“Don’t know what I’d do without you,” she mumbled, and Bellamy leaned down to kiss her forehead.

She loved listening to his steady heartbeat. It was oddly comforting, like a drum beat that was designed to sooth her.

“You’re starting to sleepily ramble, princess,” he said, but Clarke knew she wasn’t rambling. She just needed to say these things before she fell asleep.

She tried to open her eyes again, but her eyelids were just too heavy. She let out a sigh, finally giving in to her sleepiness.

“Love you,” she murmured, before she finally faded into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally that whole scene with just Clarke and Ontari, I kept hearing Frozone from the Incredibles say "he starts monologuing" over and over.


	19. This Was His Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I really don't want this fic to be over.
> 
> Got another update up and I'm eager to hear your thoughts on it. I'm a little nervous about this one... not sure how some of you are going to take it. 
> 
> Anyways, I love you guys. You've been so great and supportive!

It took Clarke days to start feeling like her normal self again. Luckily, everyone else at camp seemed pretty understanding. Lincoln had been keeping a pretty close eye on Clarke when Bellamy wasn’t around. Not that he had to do that much, since Bellamy was hovering around Clarke near constantly.

She knew he was still freaked out about her being kidnapped. She noticed he was holding her a little bit tighter at night, as if he was scared she would disappear again. When he was near her, he was almost always touching her in some way… whether it was holding her hand, or keeping his hand on her back or shoulder. It was sweet, but Clarke knew this had more to do with him being freaked out than anything else.

Bellamy was currently off with Miller trying to find something for Raven and Wick, which gave Clarke a bit of peace and quiet.

Well, as much peace and quiet she could get while talking to Octavia.

“And then, I told him off right in the middle of the restaurant. I literally brought up every little thing I kept my mouth shut about and his jaw dropped,” Octavia said, tying a knot into the rope. Clarke let out a chuckle.

“And how did Atom take it?” she asked, and Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Like a freaking child. That’s why I had to keep my mouth shut like that all the damn time,” she groaned, and Clarke glanced over at Lincoln who was out of earshot. Octavia followed Clarke’s eyes and then just started grinning. “It’s so different with Lincoln,” she whispered.

“I’m happy for you two,” Clarke said, watching with interest as Roan strode purposefully toward her. She raised an eyebrow.

“Clarke, can I talk to you for a moment?” Roan asked calmly, and Octavia narrowed her eyes at him. Clarke let out a sigh and stood up.

“This better be good,” she groaned, and Roan rolled his eyes, gesturing for Clarke to follow him. Clarke shot Octavia an apologetic look before following him.

“We need to discuss what happens once we got off this island,” Roan whispered, once Lincoln and Octavia were out of earshot.

“I’m not leaving this island. We’ve been over this,” Clarke snapped, and Roan whipped his head around to glare at her.

“We’ll see about that,” he growled, before turning back around and leading Clarke behind a shrub. There, she saw Murphy sitting against a tree, with Monty sitting across from him looking bored and holding a gun. Her eyes shot up to Roan who merely shrugged.

“Oh good, the princess is here,” Murphy muttered, before Roan slapped him on the back of the head.

“What are you guys up to?” she snapped, and Monty let out a sigh.

“Raven got really close to making contact with someone a few hours ago,” Roan explained, as Clarke stepped over to sit next to Monty.

“It’s only a matter of time before Raven figures it out and we all get off the island,” Monty clarified, and Clarke glanced back over at Murphy who gave her a creepy little wave. “We need to all agree on one story to tell about what happened on this island.”

“What are you saying?” Clarke asked slowly, concerned by the smirk growing on Murphy’s face. “And why are you talking to me about this?”

“Because you are going to be the most pissed about the lie we’re going to tell,” Roan snapped, and Clarke’s eyes widened.

“Roan,” she growled.

“Clarke, hear him out,” Monty warned, and Clarke leaned back. She had no intention of hearing him out. But, Monty seemed to know what was going on… and she could trust Monty. He has been nothing but truthful to her since they met. And if he thinks whatever Roan is planning is a good idea, Clarke should probably consider it.

“You see, your buddies and I have made a deal,” Murphy said, before Roan shot him a warning look. Then, Murphy slouched back, looking genuinely terrified of Roan.

“We have a slight problem where half of the people left on this island aren’t leaving it because of Pike,” Roan explained, leaning forward. Clarke raised an eyebrow. There was no way he gave a damn about the people who were staying behind. “And, for my own safety, I’d feel better if Pike was taken care of once we got back,” he continued, and now Clarke could see what he was in this for. Clarke glanced back at Murphy.

“Wait, is he going back or staying here?” she asked, and Roan pressed his lips together.

“It’s not like I want to be on this fucking island. But, I’m as good as dead if I go back,” Murphy grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Which is why we came up with this plan,” Monty said, getting them back on track. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Murphy gets off the island. And between the two of us, we have enough information to bring in Pike,” Roan said, and Clarke’s eyes widened. If Pike went to jail, it would solve everything. The entire crew could leave the island safely. “But, Murphy has a condition if he’s going to turn in Pike.” Clarke glanced back at Monty, who had started staring at the ground. She looked back at Roan who was giving her apologetic eyes.

“You see, I can’t turn in Pike without getting some prison time myself. And, I’d like to reduce just how long I’m sentenced for,” Murphy said, leaning on his knees and narrowing his eyes at Clarke.

“Everyone has to lie and say they don’t know how Wells died,” Monty finally spoke up, and Clarke could feel all the anger rushing to her face.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she yelled, before scrambling to stand up. Roan was quick to stand up as Clarke stomped off.

He followed quickly after her before grabbing her arm and turning her around.

“He is a murderer,” Clarke growled, and Roan narrowed his eyes at her.

“So are you, Clarke,” he snapped, and Clarke slapped him across the face.

“It wasn’t the same and you know it. She attacked me,” she yelled, as Roan rubbed the side of his face. Clarke stormed off, ignoring Roan calling after her. She couldn’t believe he just said that to her. She was shaking her head, as she decided not to go right back to camp. She didn’t want to have this conversation with Lincoln or Octavia, so she turned last minute, walking around the camp.

She found a small clearing not too far from camp, where she lied down in the grass. She closed her eyes, thinking about Wells and what he would tell her to do. He was quite the moralist. She couldn’t see him being okay with letting someone get away with murder, regardless of the potential benefit.

Eventually, Monty found her and sat down next to her.

“Don’t tell me you’re here to convince me to go through with this,” she growled. “Besides, I’m not even going back without Bellamy.”

“So, I’ve heard,” he mumbled.

“And why would Murphy even agree to go to prison? He’s better off staying on the damn island,” she snapped, poking so many holes in this dumb plan.

“He’s got a girlfriend back home. Roan said he would kill her if Murphy didn’t help.” Clarke’s head snapped up to see that Monty was dead serious.

“He wouldn’t.”

“Oh, he would. He wants Pike gone and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.”

Clarke shook her head. She couldn’t imagine Roan doing that… but, before this island, she couldn’t imagine a lot of things. She was shocked to hear that Murphy had a girlfriend that he cared that much about. But, even monsters are loved by someone, she was realizing.

“Clarke, I know you feel like agreeing to this betrays Wells,” Monty said hesitantly. “But, there are five people on this island who can never go home while Pike is still free, myself included,” he continued, gravely. Clarke swallowed.

“This is the only way, isn’t it?” she asked, looking down at the ground.

“Everyone else has already agreed. But, we can’t have you telling the truth about Murphy once you get back in the country. You have to agree, too,” Monty said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“And Murphy will still end up in jail,” Clarke processed.

“Yes, and he’ll probably be offered some kind of deal for bringing in Pike. You won’t get the justice you want for Wells. But, you’ll get Bellamy free of Pike.”

“So, Roan and Murphy will get off the island and take out Pike,” Clarke said, nodding because she knew that she was going to have to agree to this plan. Despite how much she hated it.

“Along with Raven, Wick, Jasper, and Lincoln. And you, if you want to go back sooner. And then, once Pike is behind bars, you guys will come back for us.”

“I’m still staying,” Clarke said, as she stood up. Monty swallowed and nodded.

 

That night, Wick and Raven actually got the radio to work and were in contact long enough to explain their situation to whoever was listening, before it cut back out. Everyone was celebrating around the fire, excited about the plan to get rid of Pike. Clarke didn’t really contribute to conversation, as she just rested her back against Bellamy’s chest, as he wrapped his arms around her.

“You okay?” he whispered, and Clarke nodded. “I know this is hard on you.”

“If it’ll get us all off this island, I’m fine with it,” she muttered, sinking further into him.

“You can go back as soon as someone sends for us. You don’t have to stay here with me,” he whispered, and Clarke turned her head, shooting him a glare.

“I’m staying with you,” she said, almost like it was an order. That’s always been the plan. Clarke was going to stay on the island as long as Bellamy did. She didn’t want to go back to a life that didn’t have him in it. He meant so much to her. She couldn’t imagine a second without him.

“But, you could go back and wait for me. It won’t be that long until Pike is behind bars,” Bellamy said, and Clarke wanted to snap. He had told her that he was fine with her decision before. Why the hell was he being like this now?

“I’m staying,” she snapped, and Bellamy glanced around the fire.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he whispered, pushing Clarke off his chest, as he started to stand up. She shot him a confused look, before ultimately following suit.

“Bell, what is this about?” she asked, as she followed him toward the lake. Bellamy reached backwards to grab Clarke’s hand.

“I’m trying to talk you into getting on the damn rescue boat,” he said, eyes facing forward. Clarke clenched her jaw.

“Pretty sure it’s my decision. And we’ve already talked about this,” Clarke sighed exasperatedly. Finally, the lake was in view, beautiful with the moon reflecting off the water.

Bellamy let go of her hand as he turned around, now placing both of his hands on either side of her face.

“I need you to get on that boat,” he whispered, eyes painfully serious and full of emotion.

“I can’t leave you,” Clarke replied, feeling her own face match his. Bellamy swallowed, as his eyes searched hers. He leaned forward to kiss Clarke’s forehead, and she could feel her heart start to race. His hands dropped from her face, as he found her hand again and pulled her toward the lake. They found a nice spot on the grass, and he pulled her into his chest once they were seated.

“I don’t want to be away from you either,” he whispered, and Clarke glanced up at him to see him looking back down at her. His eyes were so desperate and sad, and Clarke couldn’t help but lean up to kiss him. All she wanted was for him to look happy again, like he did that whole day after she got back to camp. He kept pulling Clarke into shady parts of the jungle to kiss her down her neck with a giddy expression on his face. He had been so happy lately, and it made Clarke want to melt that it was because of her. That he was possibly feeling the same way she was. And all she wanted was to make him that happy again.

“And you’re not going to be,” she reassured, bringing her hand up to run her fingers through his dark curls. He smiled softly, but his eyes looked just as sad.

“What if Roan’s plan doesn’t work and Pike stays free? You could be stuck on this island for the rest of your life, Clarke,” he said, face suddenly very serious.

“I’m okay with that,” she whispered, and Bellamy shut his eyes, looking frustrated.

“I’m not,” he muttered, and Clarke leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Bellamy, I don’t want to fight with you. But, I’m an adult, capable of making my own decisions. And, I’m choosing to stay here,” she whispered into his ear, and she could feel his arms tighten around her waist. Clarke adjusted herself so that she was facing him, as she leaned in and kissed his lips slowly. He pulled her in closer, as Clarke moved to straddle his lap.

She cupped both sides of his face with her hands as she slowly pressed her lips against his. Bellamy let out an involuntary moan into her mouth, as his hands travelled up her back. She let her tongue graze over his bottom lip, before she found his.

They stayed like this for a while, slowly exploring each other’s mouths, as they tried to press themselves as close to each other as possible.

“Clarke,” Bellamy whispered once he pulled away. He brushed the hair in Clarke’s face behind her ear, and she let a small smile take over her lips. “I need to tell you something.”

Clarke’s eyes widened, as she was startled by the sudden seriousness taking over his voice.

“Bell,” she started.

“You just have to know that I---“ he started, before stopping himself and looking down. Clarke ran her hand over his cheek, tracing the freckles with her thumb. “You are just---“

She glanced back at his eyes, that were clearly struggling to find the words for whatever he was trying to tell her.

“Hey, you can talk to me,” she reassured, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. He swallowed, now looking Clarke right in the eye with a look she didn’t quite recognize. Then, his hands travelled up to her face, pulling her into him hard.

His lips crashed into hers so quickly and aggressively, that Clarke quickly forgot the conversation they were just having. He started sucking on her bottom lip, as his hands travelled back down her body to pull her even closer into him.

Then, without warning, he pulled her on top of him as he laid down on his back.

“Bell,” she said, surprised, and he started chuckling, before running his fingers through her hair.

“Have I told you about the first time I saw you?” he asked, with a smile, and Clarke glanced back up at him, narrowing her eyes at him. “You walked onto my boat with Wells, and, God, I lost my train of thought because you were just so beautiful. Octavia was talking to me about something, but I couldn’t pay attention.”

“You are so full of it,” Clarke joked, before Bellamy rolled her onto her back and kissed her hard, fingers tracing her neck.

“You forced yourself to laugh at something someone said, and it nearly broke my heart because you looked so sad. Then, I saw Jasper say something to you and you smiled so brightly. And, God, I wanted to make you smile like that,” he whispered against her cheek, and Clarke felt herself start to smile.

“If I recall, you had a lot of other things you were focused on that night, Captain Blake,” she said teasingly, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“And then,” he said, ignoring her teasing, “I ended up on this island with you and you kept standing up to me. I never would have guessed you would be just as stubborn as me.” He was grinning ear to ear, as Clarke threw her head back in laughter. His lips started kissing her neck slowly, as her fingers clung to his curls. “So stubborn, that you kept leaving camp all on your own,” he whispered into her neck, and Clarke got chills. She pulled his head up to face her, before crashing her lips into his.

Bellamy sat her up, as he started to fumble with the zipper on the back of her dress. Clarke reached behind to help him, smirking as she undid the zipper. Bellamy quickly pulled her dress down and began kissing below her collarbone.

Clarke shimmied her way out of the rest of it, leaving her exposed in just her bra and panties, before pulling Bellamy back down on top of her.

He kissed back up her neck, before stopping at her jawline and tilting his head back to look at Clarke with a serious look on his face.

“I’ve done a lot of bad things, Clarke,” he whispered.

“Bell.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he said, looking Clarke right in the eye.

“Bellamy.” He crashed his lips into hers before she could say anything else.

He finally pulled back, still gripping her face and not moving his more than an inch away from hers. “You are so beautiful and strong. Just sexy and smart. I’ve lost so much sleep thinking about you, Clarke. I…” he said, before stopping abruptly and swallowing.

Clarke blinked a few times, as his eyes stared at her with an intensity she had never seen before. She knew what he was about to say. It was something she had wanted to say herself, but couldn’t bring herself to say it. It seemed Bellamy was struggling with the same thing.

He didn’t have to say it. Clarke knew he loved her. She could see it in his eyes as he looked at her. She could feel it with every soft kiss to her forehead, or gentle touch on her back.

No one had ever looked at her the way Bellamy was looking at her right now. No one had ever touched her like he had. No one had ever made her feel as loved as he did.

So, no, he didn’t have to say it. She knew.

She cupped his face with her hands, before pulling him back to her lips. He moaned into her mouth, as he pulled her up slightly, unhooking her bra. Clarke pulled the bra all the way off, as Bellamy’s hand immediately starting massaging one of her breasts slowly. Clarke let out a small whimper into his mouth.

His lips started travelling down her neck, and she arched her back in anticipation. His lips started slowly pressing wet kisses down one of her breasts, while his hand continued to massage the other one. As his thumb grazed one of her nipples, his tongue traced a circle around the other. Clarke was running her fingers through his hair, letting out her moans without fear of being heard.

“Bellamy,” she whimpered, and she could hear Bellamy smile against her breast, before sucking on her nipple. She gripped his hair even tighter, hearing him moan into her skin. She glanced down at him, noticing how his eyes were focused on hers as sucked on her breast. She bit her lip, before feeling him tightly squeeze her other breast.

He was taking his time with her, gently kissing and feeling her. It wasn’t like before when it all felt so rushed and urgent. No, Bellamy was being deliberate and slow with his movements.

“Bellamy,” she said, and he raised his eyebrows at her. “You have too much on still,” she pointed out with a smirk, and Bellamy immediately sat up, unbuttoning his shirt. Clarke sat up, sucking on his newly exposed collarbone as he undid the rest of his shirt.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” he said, voice low, as he got the rest of his shirt off. Her hands immediately started sliding over his chest as she nodded enthusiastically.

“More,” she whispered, as her hand found his belt. Bellamy let out a grunt before frantically trying to undo his pants, while Clarke’s hands travelled up and down his chest, pressing small kisses all over. “I want to feel every inch of you, Bell,” she whispered into his skin, and he let out another moan.

“Are you trying to kill me, Clarke?” he moaned, as she bit above his collarbone. He fumbled as he pulled his pants off, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile, before running her tongue along his jawline. “That’s it,” he growled, before thrusting Clarke back onto her back, before climbing on top of her. His hands spread Clarke’s legs apart, as he began to thrust his hips into her.

She let out a moan, as she felt his erection through his boxers press against her. All that kept him from being inside of her was thin fabric, and the thought made her so wet.

He pressed his lips into hers, kissing her aggressively. The kiss was so dirty and wet as his tongue danced with hers. One of his hands was pushing Clarke’s hair out of her face, while the other was tracing her hip bone with his thumb, as he continued to dry hump her.

“I want you,” she moaned as he dragged his lips over to her ear.

“Be more specific, princess,” he teased, before running his tongue over her earlobe.

“I want you, now,” she ordered, as she lifted her hips up to thrust back into him. He let out an involuntary grunt, as his hand tightened on her hip bone.

“Tell me exactly what you want, baby,” he moaned, before biting her neck, just below her ear.

“You once said that by the time you were done with me, your name would be the only thing I remember,” she said, smirking. Bellamy’s head popped up to look at her, with a dark, sexy look in his eyes. She got chills remembering that night, when his hands travelled all over her, with his friends just yards away. How he whispered terrible, sexy things into her ear. How she couldn’t sleep that night wondering what he would feel like inside of her.

He immediately started tugging her panties off her, before taking his own boxers off. Clarke stared at his hard cock, swallowing. Bellamy smirked at her when he caught her staring, before crawling back on top of her, with a predatory look on his face. He pressed another kiss to her lips, this one just as wet and dirty as the last, before pulling away.

“I only want to hear you say my name,” he ordered, before spreading her legs even wider.

“Bellamy,” she whimpered, as the head of his cock started pressing into her.

“That’s it, my beautiful girl,” he said, voice low, as his thumb traced over her lips. She opened her mouth for him, taking his thumb in her mouth as she sucked on it. Bellamy let out a grunt, before removing it slowly. Then, he pressed himself all the way into her.

“Bellamy,” she screamed, as he thrust back into her again, this time harder and deeper. His hands gripped her hips, pulling her up to meet him. His eyes were focused on hers, still dark with desire and hunger.

He continued to thrust in and out of her like this, letting out a few moans of his own. Then, he leaned down to kiss Clarke, slowing down his thrusts.

“You feel so good around me, Clarke,” he whispered against her lips, his hands gripping her hair. He slowed his thrusts even more, and Clarke tried to buck her hips to urge him to go faster. “So wet for me already.”

“Bell,” she begged, and he smirked against her skin.

“Such a beautiful, sexy sound. You saying my name like that,” he whispered, before kissing her again, thrusting his tongue into her eager mouth. He sped up his thrusts, as Clarke gripped his ass, urging him to speed up.

He started thrusting deeper and deeper, and Clarke wrapped her legs around him. He bit into her neck hard, and Clarke screamed his name.

“You feel that? How hard you’re making me?” he moaned against her neck, snapping his hips harder into her to accentuate his point. She breathlessly nods, trying to ignore her throbbing clit that was screaming for release.

As if he was reading her mind, his hand travelled down her body and found her clit, and gently grazing it. Clarke gripped his hair, trying to steady yourself.

“My princess wants to come, doesn’t she?” he growled into her ear, and Clarke started nodding furiously. He sped up his thrusts, slamming his hard cock harder and harder into her.

“Bellamy,” she whimpered breathlessly, before it all became too much for her. He continued thrusting in and out of her as he felt her pulse around his cock. “Bellamy, fuck, Bell,” she moaned, arching her back and curling her toes.

“Yeah, come around my cock, beautiful,” he whispered into her ear, and Clarke could tell he was barely hanging on himself.

“Bell,” she moaned, and his lips found hers before she could get his whole name out. He bit onto her bottom lip, before Clarke felt him start to come undone. He grunted into her mouth, gripping her hair even tighter. Clarke let her nails dig into his bag as she pulled him closer to her.

After a few more thrusts, she felt him finish inside of her, as he panted into her mouth.

He stayed inside of her for a few moments, as he pressed his forehead against Clarke’s, eyes closed. They both lied there perfectly still, trying to catch their breath.

Eventually, Bellamy pulled out of her and rolled onto his back, pulling Clarke with him. She put her head on his chest, as he repeatedly kissed her forehead. His fingers were running through her hair, as hers were tracing his muscles.

They didn’t say anything. They didn’t have to.

By the time they got their clothes back on and came back to camp, everyone was dead asleep. Clarke and Bellamy sleepily climbed up into Clarke’s treehouse to do the same.

Bellamy kept sleepily kissing her everywhere, as she snuggled up against him.

“Bell, go to sleep,” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“I will,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to her forehead. She pulled herself closer to him. “God, Clarke, you’re everything,” he whispered, kissing the top of her nose. She scrunched her nose, making him chuckle

She loved the sound of him laughing even more when she could listen to it echo through his chest like this.

 

They woke up to the sound of a ship blowing its horn. Clarke sat up, giving Bellamy a wide-eyed look. Then, they both fumbled out of their blankets and climbed down to the ground.

Everyone else was having a similar reaction, as Raven frantically put her shoes back on.

“That radio thing fucking worked?” Octavia yelled, as she helped Lincoln find his bag.

“I told you we got a hold of someone,” Wick muttered, already ready to go.

Clarke glanced up at Bellamy, noticing that he had been uncharacteristically quiet. “Bell?” she said, and he just shook his head and swallowed.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but he glanced over her shoulder before biting his lip.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, stepping toward him. He looked back at her with a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” he whispered, his eyes all apologetic. Was he apologizing for how they had to stay on the island? Clarke had thought they were past this by now.

Then, Clarke felt something hard hit the back of her head. She fell forward into Bellamy, as he caught her. And slowly, her eyelids started to feel too heavy to keep open with all of the pain echoing through her skull.

She blinked a few times, blurrily making out Bellamy’s face, until she couldn’t keep them open anymore. And before she knew it, everything faded to black.

 

Clarke woke up with a throbbing headache, as she had a hard time seeing clearly. She blinked a few times, noticing her surroundings were far more bright than she remembered. She tried to sit up, but it hurt too much.

“Woah, be careful,” she heard someone say, before they rushed over and helped her lie back down.

“Thank you,” she muttered, still trying to blink herself out of the blurriness. Slowly, the center of her vision started to clear up and the first thing she noticed was that she wasn’t wearing that dress anymore. Her hand patted down her stomach and felt a familiar fabric… the kind that patients wore in the hospital. Her eyes shot up, looking around the room.

She was in a hospital bed, surrounded by a few teddy bears and get well soon cards.

“What happened to me?” she whispered, hoping that whoever helped her earlier was still there.

“Clarke,” a familiar voice said sternly. Clarke’s eyes widened. She remembered that voice.

“Roan?”

This wasn’t right. Clarke shouldn’t be in a hospital. She was just fine only seconds ago. She was on an island and a ship came and Bellamy was there.

“Where’s Bellamy?” she asked frantically, and Roan sat on the side of her bed, taking her hand in his.

“Back on the island, remember?” he said calmly and slowly. “But, some people are going to come in here and ask you some questions. If they ask you about him, you have to say that he’s dead.”

Clarke swallowed.

“I’m supposed to be on the island,” she whispered, shaking her head. “How did I get off the island?” she yelled, squeezing his hand.

“Breathe,” he reminded her, stroking her hand with his thumb. “You got knocked out and I took you to the boat,” he explained, and Clarke slapped his arm.

“I wanted to stay on the island. You took me from there? How could you?”

“Clarke, please listen,” he whispered, sounding so concerned.

“You knocked me out and dragged me onto a ship I didn’t want to get on,” she muttered, repeatedly slapping his chest as the tears came pouring out of her eyes.

“Technically, Murphy knocked you out, but yes.”

“I was supposed to stay with Bellamy,” she whispered, letting her head rest on Roan’s chest as the tears soaked through his clean shirt.

“Clarke, this was his idea.”


	20. Love of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is the last chapter of Wrecked. I'm super emotional about finishing this fic. It's a long chapter, so buckle in guys. 
> 
> This chapter is going to have a lot of time jumps and has a brief epilogue at the end. Enjoy :)

Roan offered to drive Clarke home from the hospital, but she was too pissed to even look at him, let alone be trapped in the same car as him for half an hour. When she got downstairs, everyone was waiting for her in the lobby. It looked as though Raven had also been admitted into the hospital, probably to make sure everything was okay with the baby.

“What do we do now?” Jasper asked, and Clarke swallowed.

“Well, I’m going to stay in town to take care of the Pike situation. Murphy is already at the police station,” Roan explained. Clarke looked over her shoulder. There were a few people with cameras outside the hospital windows, and Clarke felt her stomach turn when she realized they were there for them. Of course, they were. All of them were little miracles and, God, did the media love a good survival story.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this here,” Lincoln suggested.

“I don’t live too far from here… if any of you need a place to stay tonight,” Clarke offered, not expecting anyone to take her up on the offer.

 

Clarke somehow forgot that all of these people, minus Jasper, were on the boat as one of Raven’s guests… which meant that all of them lived hours away in Polis. So, literally everyone crashed in her apartment.

Roan and Lincoln took the other bedroom that Clarke’s roommate used to live in. Wick took the couch. Jasper got the floor. And Raven shared Clarke’s bed.

“What am I supposed to do, Clarke?” Raven whispered in the middle of the night. Clarke was far from asleep. She had too many things going on in her head, worried about Bellamy, while also being pissed at Bellamy. Clarke rolled over to face Raven, and she was struck by how vulnerable Raven looked, even in complete darkness.

“What’s going on, Raven?” Then, Raven burst into tears.

“They told me that in a few weeks, I’ll get to find out the sex of my baby,” she blubbered out, face now buried in the pillow. Clarke leaned over and put her arms around Raven, slightly surprised when Raven leaned into it and snuggled closer to Clarke.

“Hey, that’s a good thing. It’s a miracle that your baby is doing okay after everything we’ve been through,” Clarke whispered, stroking her hair, trying desperately to calm her down.

“But, I’m alone in this,” she whimpered, and Clarke pulled her even closer.

“You’re not alone. You have all of us.”

“Finn was my family.”

“I know, I know,” she whispered, letting Raven heave into her shoulder. “But, Lincoln is also your family. And I’m here. Wick is here, even though he annoys you. We are all here for you, Raven.”

 

When morning came, everyone started mumbling awkward goodbyes as they all exchanged their contact information. Raven and Wick headed off to the airport, and Roan said something about a hotel. Clarke knew Jasper lived somewhere around here.

That just left Lincoln, who stayed behind, not entirely sure about what to do.

“You can stay here for a while longer, if you want,” Clarke suggested, and Lincoln forced a smile.

“I, uh, told the others that I would make sure Roan kept his word,” Lincoln said while nodding, pressing his lips together. Clarke sat down next to him on the couch.

“I’m not sure I want to be in this apartment all by myself, after everything we’ve been through. I could use a roommate,” Clarke said, and Lincoln let out a sigh of relief.

“How is your head doing, by the way?” he asked, and Clarke let out a groan.

“I’m just grateful it’s not another concussion.”

Lincoln swallowed, nodding.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she asked, and Lincoln leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

“I suspected. Bellamy wouldn’t talk to me about something like that, since he probably figured I would tell you.”

“That fucking jerk,” she muttered, and Lincoln raised an eyebrow. “What? He deserves way worse than that after the stunt he pulled.”

“You should have seen it coming. That boy was too in love with you to let you risk your life by staying on that island when you didn’t have to,” he snapped, and Clarke swallowed, looking down at the ground.

 

She and Lincoln didn’t talk much, and it weirdly reminded Clarke of that first day after the ship wrecked. How they worked in silence next to each other, just thankful to not be alone. If Clarke had thought the first few weeks back were hard, she wasn’t prepared for the string of memorials funerals she was about to attend.

The first was a memorial in honor of all of the crew that didn’t make it home safely… which was all of the crew, technically, minus Murphy. All of the survivors were expected to attend to pay respect to all the people that didn’t make it, which made Clarke sick to her stomach. It was hard enough to be surrounded by the faces of people who actually died, like Dax and Ontari, whose deaths she had actually witnessed, and others like Sterling and Monroe that she had never encountered. But, then, she saw the faces of her friends that weren’t actually dead. The first one she saw was Harper, and she nearly spit out her drink when she saw it. It gave her chills, as if this photo was a reminder that Clarke still might never see her again.

She exchanged a grave look with Lincoln, who seemed to have made the same realization. By the time they hit Octavia’s photo, Clarke gripped his hand, studying his face for any sign that he was going to break. Lincoln remained stoic, as he stared at a happy photo of Octavia, furrowing his eyebrows.

“We’re getting her back,” Clarke whispered, before Lincoln shushed her. Then, Clarke saw which photo was last. Lincoln put an arm around her waist as Clarke forced herself to walk up to it. Bellamy wasn’t smiling in the photo, since it was his official captain’s portrait. But, God, he looked so handsome. Clarke had flashbacks to that night on the boat, where he stepped in to get Finn away from her, looking stoic and strong and detached. She never would have imagined that just weeks later she would be holding him in her arms as he sobbed.

Clarke probably stood there too long. But, Lincoln stayed right at her side as they stepped back. She knew that Lincoln’s eyes went back to Octavia’s photo, while Clarke couldn’t remove her eyes from Bellamy’s.

“You two must have known the Blake’s pretty well,” a man said as he stood next to Lincoln. Clarke glanced up, seeing a man, who she had never seen before, look at the two photos.

“As well as you could know someone when you’re trying to survive a shipwreck,” Lincoln snapped quickly, and the man nodded.

“Ah, I knew I recognized you two from the papers,” he said before reaching his hand out to shake Lincoln’s. “My name is Charles Pike.”

Chills went up Clarke’s spine as Lincoln shook his hand. Clarke forced a smile at the man, who turned back to look at the photos.

“You two were lucky. You had a good captain,” he said, before walking away, and Lincoln gripped onto Clarke’s arm, as if he knew that she wanted to lunge at him.

“Play it cool,” he reminded her with a stern look on his face. Clarke forced herself to take a deep breath.

 

The next event was Finn’s funeral, which was just as hard to stomach. Clarke and Lincoln sat on either side of Raven during the eulogies, as she gripped both of their hands tightly. Clarke couldn’t imagine being in Raven’s shoes. It was bad enough that she had a troubled relationship with Finn while she was pregnant. But, now, Finn wasn’t ever going to see his own child. Raven did her best to ignore the pitying looks people gave her after looking down at her swollen belly.

Occasionally, Raven would tell them she was expecting a boy to deflect from the sad looks everyone was giving her.

Clarke also got a lot of suspicious looks during the funeral and the wake, as a lot of Finn’s friends showed up and knew exactly who she was. She could see them whispering as she held Raven’s hand, and could only imagine what they all thought of this screwed up situation.

As Lincoln and Clarke stayed behind to clean up after the wake, Raven was on her laptop, staring intensely at the screen.

“Raven, you doing okay?” he asked.

“Just looking at apartments,” she muttered.

“You have an apartment.”

“No, I’m looking for one in Arkadia. I can’t stay in this town with these people for another fucking second,” she growled, and Clarke and Lincoln exchanged a concerned look.

 

Lincoln and Clarke were helping Raven unpack and get settled in her new apartment when Roan called. When Clarke saw his name on the screen, her heart started to race, as she wondered if Pike was finally arrested.

Her heart sank into her stomach when she realized it was just about another funeral she needed to go to… Echo’s funeral.

Lincoln didn’t join her to go to this funeral. No one did, in fact, except for Roan. Clarke didn’t want to go. She really didn’t know Echo, aside from what she gathered from hearing Roan and Raven talk about her. And Clarke thought it was fucked up of her to go to the funeral of the person she killed.

But, Roan had asked so little of Clarke since they got back from the island. And he sounded desperate on the phone. So, Clarke agreed.

Roan gripped onto her hand tightly during the whole service. A few people spoke, not Roan of course, about Echo’s life and how they would all miss her now that she was gone. An older woman started telling a funny story about her, and then, Roan pointed out that the woman was his mother.

A few people gave Clarke strange looks, as she was in a sea of strangers who all seemed to know each other quite well. But, Roan quickly pointed out that the looks were because they all knew she was one of the survivors.

“Is it ever going to go away?” she asked, as he drove them to the airport the next day.

“Probably not. We all brought the island home with us,” he said blankly, and Clarke let out a sigh.

 

The last funeral was for Wells… and Clarke was starting to feel physically sick from all the grief that came with it.

She stayed at her mother’s house the night before, since she lived right next door to Thelonious. Her mother bought her a new black dress to wear to the funeral, that Clarke sleepily slipped into. She stumbled into the bathroom, struggling to get mascara to stick while her eyelashes were still coated in tears. She braced her hands on the counter, trying to center herself and breathe.

Wells died over a month ago, she reminded herself. She had already processed this. Today was just an opportunity to say goodbye.

All of the survivors came to his funeral, standing in solidarity with Clarke as people kept stopping by to give her their condolences. Everyone in town knew the Jaha’s. They all knew how close Clarke was to Wells. She was practically family.

At the wake, Clarke kept busy, taking dishes and cups back into the kitchen every opportunity she got.

“Clarke, have you tried these lemon squares?” Jasper asked, mouth presumably full with said lemon squares. She shook her head.

“Have you eaten anything today?” Lincoln asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not hungry,” she said, putting a few more cups into the sink.

“Clarke,” Lincoln said, with a serious glint to his voice.

“I told you, my body is having a hard time adjusting to normal food. A lot of it makes me feel sick,” Clarke muttered, as she scrubbed one of the glasses clean.

“Okay, but these lemon squares are worth getting sick over,” Jasper said, mouth sounding even more full than before. Clarke glanced up to look at him, trying not to burst out laughing at the sight of powdered sugar all around his mouth.

 

Clarke collapsed onto the couch once she got home from the wake, but Lincoln just stood there, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t start,” Clarke growled, before burying her face in the pillow.

“You’re going to the doctor tomorrow,” he ordered.

“I’m a fucking doctor. So, believe me when I say that I’m fine,” she muttered. Then, she felt Lincoln nudge her over on the couch.

“The rest of us have been adjusting just fine since getting home. There’s something wrong with you, Clarke. You’re not eating.”

“It’s probably from grief, for fuck’s sake.”

“Clarke,” he said sternly, and Clarke sat up, eyes feeling too heavy to keep open for much longer.

“I’m fine.”

“Stop lying.”

Clarke knew deep down that Lincoln was probably right. Raven was dealing with just as much grief as Clarke was, and she didn’t feel nearly as terrible as Clarke did. And Clarke didn’t react this way when her dad died.

 

It took her another two weeks to give in and go to the doctor. She had gotten worse, feeling nauseous all the time. She kept getting headaches and couldn’t seem to keep down any food.

“How did all my tests work out?” Clarke asked, as Jackson kept his eyes on his notepad. He swallowed, which Clarke didn’t take as a good sign.

“They were all about what we expected, except…” he trailed off, studying Clarke closely. She knew he was only hesitating because they were friends, and this was weird for him. “Um, there was one result that would explain why you’re not feeling well.”

Clarke stayed focused on him, as he pressed his lips together.

 

That night, Clarke crawled into bed with Lincoln and sobbed into his chest.

“I’m going to kill Bellamy when he gets back,” she muttered, and Lincoln patted the top of her head.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. First, he goes behind my back and sends me away. And now…” she stopped herself, not even sure she could get the words out.

“And now you’re having his baby,” he finished for her, as she nodded into his chest.

“And he’s still not here,” she whimpered, gripping onto his shirt.

 

She spent the next month furious. Roan gave up on Clarke answering the phone. She hardly spoke to Lincoln, and when she did, she only spoke about Roan’s progress on Pike or asked about Raven. She spent her time either at work or in her bedroom, as she frantically read as many pregnancy books as she could find.

She put post-it notes on every page where she had a question… which turned out to be on almost every page.

One day, she came home to find Raven sitting at her kitchen table, looking through the book with a smirk.

Before she knew it, Raven talked Clarke into coming to her baby classes with her, where Clarke took over what Finn would have been there to do. The instructor answered most of Clarke’s questions with ease, but that only gave Clarke more questions for later.

“God, you need a drink,” Raven groaned, as Clarke led her to her car.

“Too bad neither of us can have one,” Clarke muttered, and Raven let out an unexpected laugh.

“I’ve got the next best thing.”

This was how Clarke found herself sprawled out on Raven’s bed, shoveling chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream into her mouth.

“This is so much better than sex,” Raven said with a moan, and Clarke burst out laughing.

“Speak for yourself. I’ve had some pretty good sex,” Clarke teased, and Raven wiggled her eyebrows at her.

“Maybe that’s what you’re missing. As soon as Bellamy gets back, I’m gonna tell him you need five orgasms, stat,” Raven joked, and Clarke started laughing with ice cream in her mouth, causing her to get a brain freeze, which only made Raven start laughing.

They calmed down eventually, and Clarke realized this was the first time someone mentioned Bellamy’s name and she didn’t feel angry.

“How are you handling all of this so well?” Clarke blurted out, and Raven rolled back onto her back.

“Oh, it’s a bitch. I cry like all the time.” Clarke nodded, more than aware that’s what she had been spending most of her time doing too. “But, I’ve got one hell of a support system.” Raven glanced up at Clarke with a smile, and Clarke started to put the lids back on the ice cream containers.

“Look at it this way, Clarke. At least you know that eventually your guy is coming back to you. You might be pissed the fuck off at him, but he will be back and he will love you.” Clarke blinked a few times, as if that would somehow keep the tears at bay.

“But, God, am I pissed at him,” Clarke said with a forced laugh, as a few tears betrayed her and ran down her face.

“You should be. Although, be thankful he did what he did. Let me tell you, being pregnant on that island fucking sucks.” Clarke involuntarily snorted, and Raven burst out laughing, as Clarke’s face flushed with embarrassment.

 

Weeks passed before Clarke got an alarming phone call from Murphy, asking for her to visit. She and Lincoln argued for hours about whether or not she should go see him, but Lincoln eventually gave in on the condition that he got to come too. They refrained from telling Roan, who would have just chewed them out for giving him the time of day.

“We have a problem,” Murphy said, not even bothering with the hellos.

“This better be good,” Clarke snapped, and Murphy didn’t even smirk. That’s how she knew this was serious.

“Pike is about to run,” he said, glancing over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening.

“Call Roan right now,” Clarke snapped at Lincoln, who was already getting his phone out to dial, before stepping away from them. “Why didn’t you just call Roan?”

“He stopped answering my calls a long time ago,” Murphy muttered, clearly pissed.

“Can’t really blame him there,” Clarke blurted out, and Murphy narrowed his eyes at her.

“Got something you need to say, Clarke?” he snapped, and Clarke pressed her lips together.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you after what you did to Wells and me.”

“I’ll apologize for Wells. But, from what I can tell,” he said, gesturing to Clarke’s stomach that had just recently began showing, “you should be thanking me for dragging your ass of that island.”

“It was still my choice,” she snapped.

“It was a dumb choice. Roan agreed. And Bellamy agreed before he changed his dumb mind,” he growled, and Clarke raised her eyebrows.

“What did you say about Bellamy?” she asked, leaning forward.

“What? Roan didn’t tell you?” he asked, and Clarke shook her head frantically. “Literally days before we got rescued, the three of us agreed on the damn plan to drag you off the island. Then, after I knock you out, Bellamy changed his mind and said it was wrong to take you like this.”

Clarke swallowed, furrowing her eyebrows. “But, you took me anyways.”

“He was outvoted. And Roan was already hauling you off to the ship.”

“He’s not answering his phone. We need to go, Clarke,” Lincoln said as he stormed back in, grabbing onto Clarke’s wrist.

“Nice visit, guys. I’ll miss you,” Murphy teased as they frantically left the room.

 

Roan wasn’t answering the phone because he was drunk… at two in the afternoon. It took a lot of slapping on Clarke’s part to get him to focus enough to listen.

But, hearing Pike’s name was all it took to sober him up, it seemed. He jumped into action, making phone calls and typing onto his laptop.

It was something else, watching Roan in his element, barking out orders over the phone. After a few hours of waiting around in Roan’s penthouse, he finally got the phone call they had all been waiting for.

The feds found him.

Lincoln rushed off to make phone calls to the rest of the survivors, leaving Clarke to watch Roan make a celebratory drink.

“Want something?” he asked with a teasing glint to his voice. Clarke raised an eyebrow and gesturing to her growing stomach, and he let out a sigh. “How could I forget?”

“You never told me.”

“What?” he asked, sipping into his drink.

“That Bellamy changed his mind.” He swallowed, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Does that even make a difference?”

“To me, it does.” Roan rolled his eyes before putting his glass on the coffee table.

“So, what? You’re less mad at him than me now?”

“Yeah, actually. You still dragged me off to the ship when you knew I wanted to stay.”

“Not my fault you weren’t thinking clearly,” he muttered into his drink. “And it was Bellamy’s idea in the first place. Keep your anger directed at where it belongs,” he growled. Clarke pressed her lips together, narrowing her eyes.

“At least he realized that what he was doing was wrong,” she snapped, even if Bellamy was too late, before standing up and grabbing her keys. “Lincoln, let’s go!” she shouted, as Lincoln started jogging down the stairs, on the phone still.

 

Lincoln and Jasper took turns taking her to her doctor’s appointments. She felt bad dragging Lincoln along when she knew that he was also going to all of Raven’s appointments. And Jasper made them fun. He was like a child, asking the doctors what all of the tools did. His eyes lit up when the baby showed up on the monitor, before he started prattling off a million questions.

But, Lincoln was there when Clarke found out she was having a girl. She started sobbing uncontrollably, as Lincoln held her hand steadily.

“You’re gonna be such a good mom,” he whispered after the doctor left, and Clarke threw herself into his arms, thankful that she had someone like him during all of this.

 

Pike getting arrested was all over the news, as he implicated dozens of people in his crimes. Everyone gathered at Clarke’s apartment the night he got arrested, and everyone but Clarke and Raven ended up completely wasted. Clarke had seen Jasper drunk many times in her life, and Roan had also been drinking a lot lately. But, she had never seen Lincoln drunk.

She started herding him off to bed, as he kept rambling on and on.

“It’s just been so hard, you know,” he mumbled into Clarke’s shoulder as she struggled to keep him upright. Jasper was trying to help on the other side, but he wasn’t much better than Lincoln. “I have two best friends that I love so much.”

“And Raven and I love you,” she reassured, as she finally got him onto his bed. Lincoln reached up and grabbed Clarke’s hand.

“So so much. But you’re both so pregnant and it’s been hard,” he mumbled, throwing himself backward on the bed.

“It’s been hard on us too, trust me.”

“It’s a lot of hormones and crying and yelling at me on the phone to get you more ice cream,” he kept going, and Jasper laid down on the other side of the bed, face down into the pillow. Within seconds, he was out like a light.

“I’ll stop asking you for ice cream if it’s too much,” Clarke teased, and Lincoln threw an arm over his eyes.

“No, I want to get you ice cream. You both deserve so much ice cream. Like all the ice cream,” he mumbled, as Clarke tucked him into bed.

“I love you, Lincoln,” Clarke whispered, noticing the small smile on his face, before she turned around and turned off the light.

Raven was helping Roan up when Clarke came back into the living room.

“You got this?” Clarke asked, and Raven rolled her eyes.

“We got him, Clarke,” Roan said, completely ignoring the conversation Clarke and Raven were having about him. She nodded with a smile.

“Yeah, we got him,” Raven said before pushing Roan out the door.

 

Pike never went to trial. He took a plea deal in order to take capital punishment off the table. When Roan explained this to her, Clarke started panicking, wondering if this meant he would expose Bellamy’s involvement. But, as Roan assured her, Pike removed all evidence that linked Bellamy and the rest of the crew to him, so that when Murphy ultimately killed Bellamy, nothing could trace back to him.

But, when Clarke asked Roan about when they could expect to bring their friends home, he was weirdly evasive.

For some reason, Clarke thought that once Pike was gone, everything would be over. She didn’t realize that Pike wasn’t the only person causing trouble… at least, not until Roan broke it down for her. He made a spreadsheet, listing all the people working just below Pike who were now being brought to court.

“But, once they all get their sentences, we should be good, right?” Lincoln asked, as Clarke squeezed his hand.

“It’s not quite that simple, but basically, yes,” he said as he nodded, and Clarke studied the dates for the trials. It wasn’t that much longer to wait. Sure, Clarke had hoped Bellamy would be back by now. But, she could wait just a bit longer.

“Thank God,” Lincoln said, before standing up and going into the kitchen. Clarke sat back, thinking through just how pregnant she would be when Bellamy finally got back to her.

She glanced up and saw Roan staring at her.

“You’re good at this,” she said, gesturing to the sheets of paper in front of her.

“Typing things on a spreadsheet?” he teased.

“No. Whatever it is that you’ve been doing to take down Pike. You’re good at it,” she said, and he let out a soft smile, looking at the ground.

“I wasn’t exactly raised by good people. And I learned a lot of bad habits from them. But, I also learned how to think like them, which means I know where their weak spots are.”

“Maybe that’s what you should do with your life now,” Clarke said, leaning back.

“I think it is what I’m going to do. It feels good, you know, doing this,” he said, and his smile was contagious.

Clarke heard Lincoln groan from the other room, and then she remembered that she forgot to buy more beer. Well, she didn’t forget. But, she always felt weird when she went grocery shopping picking up beer now that she was showing. She felt like the cashiers would judge the pregnant woman stocking up on Miller Lite.

“I wanted to say that I’m worry,” Roan said, now serious as he leaned over onto his knees.

“Roan…”

“I wanted to. But, Clarke, I’m not going to bullshit you,” he said, and Clarke immediately threw her head back. She really thought she was getting an apology this time. “I’m not sorry that I dragged you back here. You are my closest friend and I’ve needed you. I’m happy that you’re here and you’re safe.”

Clarke let out a sigh. It was hard to be pissed at him when he said stuff like that.

“I am sorry that I went against your wishes. But, I’m not sorry for how that ended up. You’re here, you’re safe, and you’re healthy. Not gonna apologize for that,” he said, before standing up and following Lincoln into the kitchen.

 

It took another month for the trials to all be over. Clarke kept herself busy during that time, focusing on preparing for the baby. First, she moved into a larger apartment, which really meant that she made Roan, Jasper, and Lincoln move her stuff while she pointed where she wanted them. On the weekends, Jasper would come over and help her assemble some new furniture that she got for the baby’s room. Then, on Mondays, Roan would come over and fix the furniture that Jasper tried to assemble.

Clarke painted the walls yellow. She always liked the color yellow and how it reminded her of sunshine. She hadn’t been outside as much since she got back to the city, and she weirdly missed it. She didn’t miss being trapped outside on a deserted island… but she missed how the sun felt when she just lied out on the grass.

She put light pink polka dots all over the walls, and she started to imagine what it would be like to sit in this room when it was finished. To be holding her baby on the rocking chair that Jasper messed up. To have her baby falling asleep to the noise machine she bought, laughing at the irony of the “jungle sounds” option.

She was scared to imagine what Bellamy would think of this room. She knew that he was coming back… but she still didn’t know when.

God, she didn’t know if he would be happy to know she was pregnant. She didn’t even know if he would feel the same way when he got back. Life was different in the real world. And while things weren’t easy on the island, feelings kind of were. He loved her and she loved him and that was all that mattered when it was just the two of them trying to stay alive. But, now there was their baby to think about, and their jobs, and whatever life Bellamy had before the ship caught on fire. And she didn’t know if he would be the same person when he came back. Clarke had changed so much in the 39 days she was on the island. She couldn’t even imagine how much he had changed.

 

Clarke was at Raven’s baby shower when she got the call from Roan. Her heart nearly stopped beating. They were all still alive and back from the island.

Luckily, it was already toward the end of the baby shower, so it didn’t take long for Raven and Clarke to get rid of everyone so that they could go meet everyone else at the police station.

Apparently, the officers had some follow-up questions for all of them regarding how the shipwreck occurred, but Roan reassured Clarke that their answers would match the ones he told Clarke to give months ago.

They sat in the main lobby for what seemed like hours. It was definitely long enough for Jasper to order a pizza and have it delivered. Raven fell asleep in one of the uncomfortable chairs, while Clarke and Lincoln took turns pacing. It was starting to get dark outside, and Clarke was getting anxious. Roan was talking to one of the people at the front desk, and he seemed like he knew them pretty well. Clarke let out a sigh, reminding herself to just be patient. She had waited months for this moment. She could wait a few minutes longer.

Then, Octavia appeared and ran straight to Lincoln, screaming as he picked her up in a hug. Raven woke up, and Jasper helped her stand up. Clarke started walking over to her, taking note that Octavia wasn’t wearing the same thing she wore on the island and looked like she had gotten a shower. Clarke smirked to herself, remembering how amazing those first few showers felt once she first got back.

Once Octavia was done kissing Lincoln all over his face, her eyes locked on Clarke.

“Clarke!” she screamed, before tugging herself out of Lincoln’s grasp and walking over to her.

“I’m so happy to see you,” Clarke said, before Octavia threw her arms around her. Then, Octavia jumped back, looking down at Clarke’s stomach. Her eyes went wide as she looked back at Clarke.

“Oh my God!” she screamed, before throwing her arms back around Clarke.

“Octavia,” Lincoln whispered, putting a hand on her back. Octavia gave his chest a nice thud with the back of her hand.

“You knew and you didn’t tell me,” she snapped, and Lincoln let out an exasperated sigh.

“I literally just saw you again for the first time in months. When would I have told you?” he groaned, but Octavia wasn’t listening. She was too busy feeling Clarke’s stomach, and Clarke could feel the excitement radiating off her. She only hoped her brother had the same reaction.

Monty came in and was quickly enveloped in a serious conversation with Jasper and Roan. Harper followed after, heading straight for Raven. Clarke would have gone to talk to them, but Octavia wouldn’t leave her side as she pestered her with questions.

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” she asked, as Lincoln gave Clarke an apologetic look.

“I’d like to tell Bellamy first, if you’re okay with that,” Clarke said hesitantly, and Octavia just grinned back at Lincoln.

“I’m gonna be an aunt,” she whispered excitedly to Lincoln, and Clarke let out a sigh, shaking her head and smiling. Then, Clarke noticed that Octavia hadn’t turned back around to look at her. Clarke followed her gaze, seeing Bellamy staring right at her. Clarke swallowed as she took the sight of him in.

He looked about the same, only with longer hair and more stubble. He was smiling, but his eyes looked like they were going to start flowing with tears. Clarke started moving toward him, pushing past Octavia and Lincoln. Bellamy strode to her quickly, and Clarke felt like her heart was melting.

He didn’t hesitate to crash his lips into hers, cupping her face as she moaned into his mouth. Her hands ran through his hair, pulling him down to her, as his lips bruised hers.

He pulled back just a bit, his lips less than an inch away from hers. “I love you. I’m so sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I love you. I love you,” he whispered, almost pleading as he said it, before pressing his lips back into hers.

It was her turn to pull back. “I love you too,” she whispered, and a smirk crossed his face.

“I know. You told me.”

Clarke pulled back, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. She never told him. She made a point to never tell him. It wasn’t the right time and she was waiting for him to say it first.

“It might have been while you were delirious and half asleep,” he said with a shrug, and Clarke pressed her lips together, trying to suppress a smile.

“He freaking out yet?” she heard Raven say, and Bellamy’s head popped up to look at her.

“Why would I be freaking out?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her. Then, Octavia let out a squeak, before sinking back into Lincoln’s arms like nothing just happened. Clarke shot her a warning look.

“Holy shit,” Miller blurted out as he walked into the lobby, staring at Clarke. Bellamy glanced back at Miller, before following his gaze to Clarke’s stomach. He stared for a moment, face still confused. And then, realization crossed his face and his eyes flickered back up to Clarke’s.

Clarke held her breath, waiting to see how he would respond. Then, he lunged forward and crashed his lips back onto Clarke’s, cupping her face even tighter than he did before.

“We better get out of here before they start banging,” she heard Jasper joke, followed by laughter from everyone, but Clarke didn’t care. She stayed right there with Bellamy, tearing up as he kept kissing her like he hadn’t seen her in years.

 

“You’re mad at me,” Bellamy said as soon as Clarke shut the bedroom doors behind them.

“I haven’t even said anything,” she said, glancing over at Bellamy who was sitting at the edge of her bed. They had said their goodnights to Octavia and Lincoln after going over every single detail of the baby’s room with Octavia. It was so sweet that she was so excited. Bellamy didn’t say anything, but Clarke could tell he was excited too. It was that small smile that was tugging at his lips as he glanced around the room. Clarke could tell he was doing the same thing she was… trying to imagine what it would be like when the baby was actually in the room.

“I know you. I know that you’re still pissed about how you got off the island,” he said sternly, raising an eyebrow at Clarke. She swallowed. This was a fight they needed to have, but, God, Clarke didn’t want to have it now. She just got him back and he was so happy and she just wanted to hold him for a while.

“Bell.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes pleading as he took Clarke’s hands in his. She felt a chill go up her arms as he touched her, and Clarke couldn’t believe just how much she had been aching to feel him again. “It was a decision I made right after the Ontari incident. I was scared and I loved you and just wanted you to get home and be safe,” he continued, and Clarke could already feel herself starting to break. “I didn’t listen to you and what you wanted. I was wrong. I was so wrong,” he said, and the tears started pouring out of Clarke’s face. He stood up quickly, pulling Clarke’s face into his chest as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“I know you changed your mind,” she whispered as his hands ran through her hair. God, she missed how that felt.

“Too late, and it doesn’t change what I did,” he said, and Clarke could hear his voice echoing through his chest. She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of his heart beating. How could she forget how beautiful that sound was?

He held her there for a moment longer, as Clarke thought about what happened all those months ago. God, she was so angry at first. And then she had to go to her friends’ funerals and then she found out about the baby. And the whole time, she didn’t know how Bellamy was or when she would see him again and it made her sick. She sobbed as she picked out baby furniture because she had no idea of knowing if Bellamy would be back before the baby was born. She couldn’t sleep at night because all she thought about was how much she missed being in his arms.

And, after everything, she should still be pissed at him. He had no right to make that decision for her.

But, she was tired of being angry at him. She just wanted him back. All of him.

“Clarke,” he whispered into her ear, and Clarke wiped away the last of her tears.

“Are you happy?” she asked, glancing up at him. His hand cupped her face, while the other wiped her hair out of her face. His eyes were narrowed in on hers, studying her.

“Happy doesn’t even describe what I’m feeling, princess,” he said, his eyes beaming with love as he looked back at her.

“I know the baby was a surprise,” she whispered, and Bellamy pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then, he rested his forehead against hers, smiling ear-to-ear.

“The greatest surprise,” he whispered, and Clarke stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips, before his hand gripped her face again and kissed her again, this time more aggressive and hungry.

“I love you,” he said, before sliding his hand down her arm and taking her hand in his. Then, he pressed a kiss to the top of her hand, before peppering more kisses all over her fingers.

“Bellamy,” she whispered, and he raised his eyebrow, not ceasing his kisses to her hand. She put her other hand on his chest and pushed him back slightly, so the back of his legs hit the bed, forcing him to sit down.

He glanced up at Clarke, pulling her toward him as she stood between his legs. He let go of her hand to put his hands on her belly, glancing down to focus on it. He looked so focused, so intense as his hands ran along her swollen stomach. Then, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her stomach.

“And I love you,” he whispered, before pressing another kiss to her belly. Clarke couldn’t resist running her hands through his long curls as he did this, overwhelmed by her urge to crash her lips into his.

“Bell,” she whispered, and his eyes slowly traced up her body to meet hers. His eyes were so wide and full of tenderness that Clarke wanted to melt into him.

“What do you need, princess?” he asked, without even the hint of a smirk, just eagerness. Clarke bit her lip, a bit overwhelmed by the way he was looking at her. He stood up, moving behind her, as he pulled her into him by her hips. He slid her hair onto one shoulder, as he slowly kissed the other side of her neck. Clarke leaned back into him as she let out a small sigh.

He pressed small, wet kisses up her neck, before peppering them all over her jawline.

“You’ve never looked so beautiful,” he whispered into her neck, and Clarke gripped onto his thigh, caught off guard by how overwhelming that just felt.

“Bellamy,” she said, turning her head slightly to look at him. He glanced up immediately, his dark eyes locking in with hers. “Make love to me,” she begged, and he turned her around quickly, gripping her face with both hands and pressing his mouth against hers.

He moaned into her mouth, as her fingers raked up his back. His hands left her face, as he tried to locate the zipper on the back of her dress. She reached back, her fingers meeting his, as she helped him. He pulled away from the kiss as her dress slipped to the floor. She watched him closely as his jaw dropped slightly, as he took in the sight of her. Clarke swallowed, remembering that this was the first time in months that anyone had seen her this undressed. And, this was Bellamy’s first time really seeing how far along she was.

His hand slid over her stomach, and Clarke watched him as he looked with awe and wonder. He swallowed, before looking back up at Clarke, putting his hand behind her head, as he slowly leaned in to kiss her.

He started pushing her backwards, leading her to sit down on the bed. Clarke complied, glancing up at Bellamy once she was seated. Her hands slid up his chest, tugging on his shirt. Bellamy smirked, before pulling it off the top of his head, and now it was Clarke’s turn for her jaw to drop.

She really didn’t appreciate how beautiful he was on the island. There were too many distractions and thoughts that overwhelmed her when she was with him. But, now, she had the rest of her life to touch and kiss and study the sexy muscles on his torso. She glanced up at his eyes again, with the most innocent look on her face that she could muster, before letting her hands travel down his thighs.

Bellamy let out a quiet grunt, before he began to undo his pants.

“I want you to lie down for me, baby,” he said as he unzipped his pants. Clarke scooted back on the bed, not taking her eyes off him, and rested her head on top of the pillows.

He stepped out of his pants, eyes raking up and down Clarke’s body, sending a wave of pleasure straight to her clit. Then, without warning, he crawled onto the bed, nudging Clarke’s legs apart.

He settled down between her legs, his lips pressing small kisses to the outside of her panties.

“So wet already, princess. I bet you missed me,” he teased, running his tongue along the fabric.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” Clarke replied, and Bellamy pressed a long kiss to her inner thigh in response.

“I missed you too. Couldn’t fall asleep without thinking about you first,” he whispered, as he pulled her panties down her legs. “And you kept finding me in my dreams,” he continued, as he threw them onto the ground by her dress. He lowered his head, pressing one long, wet kiss to her slit.

Clarke arched her back, as Bellamy’s hand travelled up to her side, letting his thumb trace over her stomach.

His other hand was opening up her folds, as he pressed more slow kisses into her, so sweet and gentle. She let her fingers find his hair again, loving the feeling of his curls between her fingers. When he got to her clit, he pressed one long, wet kiss to it, before licking it gently, teasing Clarke.

“Bellamy,” she moaned after he kept this up for a few minutes. He chuckled against her swollen clit, before running his tongue along her slit, causing Clarke to grip onto the sheets to keep herself stable. Then, without warning, he thrust his tongue deep inside of her.

She let out a guttural moan, which inspired Bellamy to let out a moan of his own. She felt his moan against her clit, making her toes curl with anticipation. Clarke knew her moaning turned him on, so she started moaning louder, trying to force a few involuntary moans out of him.

Clarke propped herself up onto her elbows so she could watch him as his head bobbed slightly, thrusting his tongue in and out of her.

“Bellamy,” she moaned again, particularly aroused by the sight of him humping the mattress as he tried to cope with his own arousal.

His eyes flickered up, briefly meeting hers as he pressed kisses to her lower lips. Then, a devious look took over his dark eyes, and before Clarke knew it, she had thrown her head back as he sucked harder and harder on her clit, not letting her go, until she was coming more violently than she could have imagined. She screamed out his name, as she gripped his hair tightly.

Her legs were still shaking as he sat up and crawled over her body, pressing kisses up her stomach and across her chest as he did. Then, he pressed a chaste little kiss onto her lips, as she tried to catch her breath. Clarke gently pushed against his chest, nudging him to sit down next to her.

He complied, eyeing Clarke carefully, as she crawled on top of him, straddling his lap as she lowered herself onto his hard cock.

She closed her eyes tight as she lowered herself down, forgetting just how good it felt when he stretched her out like this.

“Oh, God, you feel so good around me, Clarke,” he moaned, as his hands tangled themselves in her hair. Clarke swallowed, as she began to ride him slowly.

His hands lowered to find her ass, helping her thrust herself up and down on his throbbing cock. Her belly was the only thing keeping her from pressing her chest against his, but he soon leaned over and pressed small, gentle kisses to her upper chest. Clarke swallowed, thankful that he didn’t venture lower, since her breasts had been so tender since she found out she was pregnant.

Once Clarke started picking up the pace, Bellamy’s hands went back into her hair, gripping her so that he could pull her forward and kiss her sweetly.

“Love of my life,” he whispered against her lips breathlessly, and Clarke gripped tightly onto his cheek before crashing her mouth into his, grinding herself harder and harder onto his cock.

She whimpered into his mouth, feeling herself start to reach her peak again. Bellamy smirked, probably feeling her clench around his cock. He thrust up into her, grunting into her mouth as he did.

Within seconds, Clarke was lost, clenching her eyes shut as the overwhelming pleasure crashed over her. Her head fell into Bellamy’s shoulder, as she moaned out in pleasure, pulsating around his cock.

After a few more thrusts, Bellamy followed after her, kissing Clarke hard and fast as she felt him come undone inside of her.

“Love of your life, huh?” Clarke teased after a few minutes when she was curled up on his side. His hand was absentmindedly stroking up and down her stomach, as he repeatedly kissed her forehead.

He smiled, looking down at Clarke. “Love of my life,” he said, face gravely serious.

She smiled softly, letting her head rest back on his chest. “I knew when I saw you again. Back on the island, I mean. When I thought you were dead,” he whispered. Clarke lifted her head up, tilting it in confusion. “I was walking with Octavia and Lincoln and I swore I heard your voice. And my heart stopped. Then, I heard it again when you yelled to Octavia. And soon, I saw you. And my heart stopped being shattered in that very moment.” Clarke blinked a few times, as Bellamy looked at her with so much love in his eyes.

“I love you,” she said with a huge smile on her face.

“I know,” he teased, kissing her forehead again.

 

_One Year Later_

“Princess, you fell asleep again,” she heard Bellamy whisper as she sat back up. She glanced around. The party was still going on around them, not that she would call this a party. Roan classified it as a party, but unfortunately, a good fraction of his guests were too tired to actually do anything besides sit on the couch.

Clarke and Bellamy fell into this category, since Julia had been up half the night and seemed hellbent on making sure that no one else in the apartment got any sleep.

Clarke leaned back into Bellamy’s chest, careful not to disturb Julia… who of course, chose this moment to actually sleep peacefully.

“Miller has literally fallen asleep three times since getting here. I’m not even the worst one here,” she snapped, and Bellamy burst out laughing. Miller had taken on a job in the local police station and had been on night shift the night before.

“On a scale of one to ten, how pissed is Roan that half his party keeps going unconscious?” Bellamy whispered into her ear, causing her to giggle.

“Ten, you ass,” Roan snapped, putting another beer in Bellamy’s hand as he walked past them.

“Hey, watch the language. There are children here,” Bellamy snapped, gesturing to Julia.

“One child. Raven left hers at home,” Roan said with a scowl. Clarke had to giggle at that one. Roan had been very clear that he wasn’t a big fan of children… but, God, he had the biggest soft spot for Raven’s baby, Noah. It started when Clarke dragged Roan’s ass to the hospital to see Raven and the new baby, and Raven bullied him into holding Noah when he was crying. Then, Noah stopped crying once he was in Roan’s arms. Raven claims it was just that the baby was finally tired of crying… but, it kept happening. Noah calmed down immediately whenever Roan was holding him.

“Aww, you miss your best friend, Noah?” Raven teased.

“That little punk? Nah, he’s always getting into trouble,” he said, not that anyone believed a word he was saying. He frequently offered to watch Noah, even took him to work with him once when his daycare was out for the day.

“So, you don’t want to see the Halloween costume I got for him?” Raven said, raising an eyebrow. Roan swallowed, before reaching out his hand for her phone. The adorable expression on his face once he saw the picture was priceless.

“Hey, has Octavia checked in yet?” Clarke whispered to Bellamy, who used his free arm to check his phone.

“Yeah, their flight just landed,” he replied, showing Clarke a photo Octavia sent of her and Lincoln in their seats kissing as she held her ring up. Then, Wick walked into the room.

“Hey, Raven, I have a work emergency. Do you think you could drive me home now?” he said, putting on his jacket. Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a skeptical glance.

“Oh, uh, yeah, let me just go get my keys,” she fumbled, trying almost too hard to seem surprised by his question. Roan looked down at the ground, trying to hold in a smirk. Even Monty and Harper noticed what was going on, and they had spent all evening whispering off in the corner.

And as soon as Raven and Wick were out the door, Jasper drunkenly said, “Can we just tell them that we all know they’re fucking, already? This is getting old as hell.”

Clarke snorted accidentally, which made Bellamy burst out laughing.

 

When they got home, they both walked on tiptoes as they tried to get Julia into her crib without waking her. Clarke couldn’t help but pet her hair once she was lying down, amused by how her little curls were starting to come in. Julia definitely inherited Bellamy’s hair, which Clarke was more than fine with.

Bellamy’s arms snaked around her as he kissed her cheek.

“How funny would it be if she grew up to be a zoologist who focused on tropical rainforest animals?” Bellamy whispered into her ear, and Clarke had to stifle her laugh so that she wouldn’t wake her.

She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of Julia’s room before he said something else that would make her laugh.

“Or what if she became one of those environmentalists who are all about saving the trees?” he said with a chuckle.

“Well, if that happens, we can never tell her that she was likely conceived against a tree,” Clarke joked, and Bellamy buried his face into her neck to muffle the laughter.

“I think we’re delirious,” he whispered, as Clarke stifled a yawn.

Clarke dragged him back into their room, where she threw on one of his t-shirts and he moved the baby monitor onto his nightstand. She plopped down onto the bed, as Bellamy slid his shirt off. Then, she curled up on her side and closed her eyes.

The last thing she felt before she fell asleep was Bellamy pressing himself against her, holding her hand in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So THANK YOU all for all the love and support I've gotten while writing this fic. This has been a super hard fic for me to write, since I'm not really used to writing this level of angst and tend to stick to quirky little slow burns. I've been really excited to write each chapter... so excited that I've been cranking out chapters like a mad woman.
> 
> Anyways, thank you all again. Life has been rough for me lately, so it's nice to get some positive feedback from you guys. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. 
> 
> I should get some oneshots out in a little while, so keep an eye out.
> 
> And, as always, if you want to holler at me on tumblr, I'm asroarke there, too.


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